


I Don't Want To Wait

by charincharge



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:00:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 157,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charincharge/pseuds/charincharge
Summary: Aelin decided that this was the year she was finally going to kiss her best friend. She just hoped it wouldn’t ruin everything. (High School Best Friend AU)
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien & Rowan Whitethorn
Comments: 224
Kudos: 351





	1. Chapter 1

Aelin awoke with something, actually, more like some _one_ poking her ear. Her eyes were still closed as she swatted away the offending finger.

“Five more minutes,” she mumbled. She heard the deep vibration of his fully changed voice chuckling from beside her as he renewed his efforts, poking her ear, her cheek, her chin – anywhere to annoy the crap out of her. “I’m serious, Buzzard, fuck off.”

She cracked an eye open, and sure enough, her best friend crouched beside her bed, wearing a satisfied smirk across his stupid beautiful face. Aelin’s heart fluttered, as it always did when he was this close to her, but she shoved her stupid unrequited feelings aside and finally opened both her eyes. His grin widened as he tackled her with a giant hug.

Aelin’s arms went around his wide shoulders and returned the hug weakly, still not fully awake. And still not entirely convinced she wasn’t dreaming. She rested her chin on his shoulder and inhaled, breathing in the comforting scent of his pine shampoo.

“Happy Birthday, Ace,” he whispered.

“Sweet sixteen,” Aelin said, finally pushing herself up to sitting. She pulled her long blonde hair into a messy bun on top of her head and relaxed against her headboard.

Rowan tugged at the sleeve of her sleep shirt. “Is that my shirt?” he asked. Aelin looked down at the Orynth High gym shirt she’d stolen from him months ago.

“No?” Aelin lied, and he let out another low laugh.

“I’ve been looking for that. I went out and got a new one, you know. I thought I lost it forever.”

Aelin smiled. “You did.”

Rowan glared, but there was no real ire behind it. Aelin laughed, relieved that she definitely wouldn’t have to return her favorite sleep shirt now that he’d gone and replaced it with a new one.

“So, not that I don’t love seeing you at…” Aelin looked at the clock. 7:20. Ten full minutes before her alarm was supposed to go off for school. “…the ass crack of dawn, but…is there a reason you woke me up early or did you just want to torture me on my birthday?”

Rowan grinned again, turning to grab something from her nightstand. “I made you something.”

He turned to her, and held out a plate with a giant, slightly misshapen cake on it. Covered in little brown balls and little marshmallow things. Aelin’s brow crinkled.

“It’s a breakfast cake. Cocoa Puffs, Cocoa Pebbles and Count Chocula. And Nutella frosting.”

Aelin’s jaw dropped. Breakfast was her favorite meal in the world, and Rowan always gave her hell for wanting the most sugary chocolatey cereals she could find. The fact that he made her a cake out of them… Something in her chest clenched.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” she whispered.

“Uh, thanks?” Rowan replied with a laugh.

Aelin held out her finger. “Shhh, I’m talking to the cake.”

Rowan laughed and held out a fork. “I’m sorry if I’s not great. My Aunt Maeve tried to help with the recipe, but…”

Aelin took the fork and shoved a large bite into her mouth. “Iss perfect,” she mumbled around the chocolate crumbs. She swallowed and wiped her mouth and really looked at her best friend. His green eyes were lit up with excitement, watching her enjoy her birthday cake. “Thanks, Rowan,” Aelin replied in a moment of unusual sincerity.

Rowan shrugged, but she watched as a soft pink hue colored his cheeks. And as Aelin and Rowan sat on her bed, eating her breakfast cake, Aelin decided that this was the year she was finally going to kiss her best friend. She just hoped it wouldn’t ruin everything.


	2. Chapter 2

There was one day of the year that Aelin was a complete control freak about – and that was her birthday party. She spent most of the year scheming and planning for her next big bash; Aelin’s birthdays were like prom and a wedding combined into one. This year’s theme was a masquerade ball, and Aelin was not skimping at all.

So it was no surprise that she was running late, trying to micromanage everyone.

“No, that streamer needs to be lowered one inch more,” Aelin groaned at Rowan, who stood with his arms awkwardly above his head, trying to accommodate his best friend’s wishes.

“Ace, it’s perfect where it is,” Rowan insisted, his arms tired from holding up decorations and taping them to the wall. “And don’t you need to finish getting dressed?” Rowan nodded at Aelin, whose hair was still in large curlers and wearing a sweatshirt and leggings.

Rowan’s Aunt Maeve came bustling out of the kitchen, her hair tied back in an elegant chignon and examined her restaurant, which had been transformed by her nephew and his best friend. The restaurant patio was glittering with curtains of twinkle lights, looking like stars. They’d cleared out the tables to make room for a dance floor, and red and purple streamers hung in long strands, connecting the heat lamps dotting the corners of the room.

“Oh, Aelin, it looks magical out here,” she said, sweeping Aelin into a giant hug. Aelin smiled, proud of her hard work on display. “But Rowan’s right. You need to finish getting ready.”

Maeve ushered Aelin to the large powder room where Aelin’s perfect dress was waiting. She’d saved up all her babysitting money to afford the gorgeous deep violet ballgown. She let Maeve help her put it on, stepping into the strapless contraption and arranging the large skirt so it flared all around her. Maeve tied up the corset laces in the back of the dress tightly. That was Aelin’s favorite part. Mostly because when it was all properly done up, it made her look like she had some boob to spare, rather than her usual barely there curves.

She pulled the rollers from her hair as Maeve helped her apply a light dusting of makeup. She examined herself in the mirror. Aelin didn’t usually think of herself as beautiful, but tonight…

“Wow,” Rowan called from the doorway.

Aelin blushed as his dark green eyes perused her dress, pausing just slightly on her unusually ample chest.

He raised an eyebrow and motioned to his own chest, back and forth. “Those are new.”

Maeve had the decency to smack her nephew’s arm as she made her way out of the bathroom, departing with a loaded glare. He rubbed his arm and pouted.

“What are you doing in here, Buzzard?” Aelin was planning a grand entrance to the party, and no one was supposed to see her until she decided she was good and ready.

Rowan grinned roguishly. “I need your phone. To connect to the speakers. Unless you want me to play _my_ music…”

“Don’t you dare,” she warned him, going through her bag and handing him her phone.

“See you on the dance floor,” he said with a wink, and disappeared again. Aelin sat and combed her fingers through her golden waves, pinning the top half up, and finally put on the piece de resistance, the gorgeous black lace mask she’d ordered.

_Perfect._

The night moved along just as Aelin had planned – she got her dramatic entrance with lots of ooohs and ahhhs, people milled around the patio, looking stunning in their formal wear and masks, and the playlist was the perfect mix of up-tempo and slow songs to dance to. Aelin had greeted as many people as she could, but every time she took a few steps, she was stopped by yet another person, thanking her for the invite. This is what she got for inviting the whole sophomore class, she supposed.

She kept looking over her shoulder at the small table of her friends, who’d congregated together. Mostly, she couldn’t take her eyes off of Rowan, who despite being thoroughly annoyed with her birthday extravaganza, had still dressed up in a suit and silver mask.

With a slow song playing overhead, Aelin finally thought it was time to take a break and join him, when a hand tapped her on the shoulder.

Despite the elaborate green mask covering his face, Aelin would know Chaol Westfall’s shining copper-brown eyes anywhere. She sat next to them in almost every class this year.

“Chaol!” Aelin greeted him with a warm hug. “Thank you for coming.”

He smiled in return and held out his hand. “I was hoping you would dance with your favorite lab partner.”

Aelin looked around. “Oh, is Dorian here already?”

“Ha ha,” Chaol deadpanned, and Aelin couldn’t help but laugh softly.

Aelin nervously accepted his hand, and let him walk her out onto the dance floor. Chaol awkwardly placed one hand onto her side and kept the other lifted between them. A proper dance carriage. Aelin was impressed as he led them in a waltz, in time with the music.

Aelin’s lips formed a small ‘o’ as he blushed. “My mom put me in dance lessons when I was little,” he admitted. “I rarely have a reason to use them.”

“Color me impressed,” Aelin said, and Chaol lowered her into a low dip, smiling widely. As he lifted her back up, Aelin giggled in a way so unlike her she couldn’t believe the noise came out of her mouth. She sounded so girly.

Chaol moved them effortlessly across the floor, gliding from spot to spot, and Aelin couldn’t believe her own feet. She had no knowledge of the waltz herself, but she just followed his lead. As the song came to a finish, Chaol bowed slightly and pressed his lips to her hand.

“M’lady,” he said, thanking her for the dance. Aelin turned, finally ready to join her friends, when she crashed into a solid body with an oomph. 

She looked up too see a frowning Rowan, his eyes dark with displeasure. But he wasn’t looking at Aelin, he was glaring across the floor at Chaol. Aelin poked his side, trying to get his attention, but Rowan didn’t even crack a smile.

“What’s up, buttercup?” Aelin asked, and Rowan shrugged, clearly annoyed by something.

“Just wanted to see if you needed help.”

“With what?” Aelin asked, confused. She looked over her shoulder at where Rowan was still glaring and put it together. “Oh, with Chaol? No, he’s nice. And who knew that he could dance so well?”

“I can dance,” Rowan muttered, and Aelin quirked her head at her best friend. In the twelve years she’d known Rowan she didn’t think she’d seen him dance _once_. Not even at his cousin’s wedding after sneaking two glasses of champagne.

“Do you want to…” Aelin asked, nodding her head towards the dance floor, expecting him to turn her down immediately. But he surprised her and nodded stiffly. “Okay…”

Aelin wanted to tell him he was being super weird, but she held it in. Instead, her nervous heart beat faster as she led Rowan onto the dance floor. Her palm was sweaty in his, and she realized that everyone would be looking at them. Rowan seemed to sense her nerves and finally took the lead. He wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her close, and she lifted her arms to rest on his wide shoulders. It was a far cry from the formal hold Chaol danced with her in. As Aelin exhaled a shaky breath, Rowan’s grasp on her tightened, as if he were pulling her into a hug. Except they’d never hugged for this long before.

They swayed, side to side, as the music continued, until Rowan finally broke the silence.

“Did Chaol get you a present?”

Aelin had no idea. She hadn’t gone through the tall stack of presents on the side table yet.

“I’m sure whatever he got me isn’t nearly as good as my breakfast cake,” Aelin said with a smile, and that finally got a small smirk out of Rowan.

“That’s because I know you best,” Rowan said resolutely, and Aelin tipped her head back and craned her neck to look at her best friend’s face. She lifted her hand and poked his cheek, turning his frown back into a smile.

“You do, weirdo.”

“Happy birthday, Ace,” Rowan whispered, and Aelin shivered as his breath ghosted across her ear. Rowan disappeared off the dance floor and held court as his table for the rest of the night with the rest of his cadre, but Aelin rode the high of that dance until she was crawling into bed that night.

She touched her ear where Rowan’s lips had almost touched and smiled into the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

“Ace, control yourself.”

Rowan removed the family-sized bag of assorted chocolates from their grocery cart and replaced it with a smaller one. Aelin pouted and widened her eyes, hoping that her puppy dog eyes would distract her best friend, but he remained resolute. He walked a little further down the aisle and placed a bag of trail mix into the cart. Aelin picked it up and frowned.

“Ro, there’s not even chocolate in this!” she whined, and Rowan rolled his eyes. “Who eats trail mix without chocolate? That’s a crime against humanity.”

“Some of us have lacrosse nationals to prep for and might want nutritious snacks.”

“You can have all the carrots and humus you want,” Aelin laughed, grabbing two bags of potato chips and a can of queso.

“You’re never going to make it through this all-nighter if you eat that crap,” Rowan chastised, but Aelin merely flicked him off in return.

“Please. My body runs on grease and sugar and caffeine,” she bragged. “I’ll be fine.”

Rowan’s eyes slowly perused her body, and Aelin resisted tugging at the hem of her cropped hoodie, studiously ignoring Rowan’s pointed gaze.

“It is kind of insane how true that is,” Rowan said, eyes still affixed to the few inches of exposed skin between her jeans and top. “You’re a medical marvel. Doctors should study you.”

“I exercise,” Aelin huffed in response, and Rowan barked out a loud laugh. As a varsity athlete, Rowan’s exercise regiment bordered on extreme – a five mile run every morning, lacrosse practice every afternoon, followed by weight lifting.

“Says the girl who uses cramps to get out of gym every other week, and then the week you _actually_ have your period.”

Aelin snorted loudly. “It’s not my fault that Coach Hammel doesn’t know anything about the female reproductive system.” Aelin frowned. “And by the way, it’s weird that you track my period.”

She watched as Rowan’s ears turned pink, but he rolled his eyes regardless. “It’s for my own protection. I need to know when to steer clear, otherwise you might mistake me for a piece of chocolate and bite my head off,” he said, poking her in the ribs.

Aelin could feel herself heating up, imagining how delicious Rowan might taste with some chocolate _on_ him.

Since Aelin’s birthday, it was as if her hormones were constantly going haywire. Some sort of teenage hormonal glitch, for sure. Her lust for Rowan had blossomed, and she was no longer in control of her thoughts or her body’s flustered reactions to his presence.

Since their weird, too-close slow dance just a few weeks ago, Aelin had kept track of every time Rowan had touched her. Her body was just… hyper aware of him.

It wasn’t as if Rowan hadn’t touched her before – no, the pair of best friends had always been comfortable with each other in their casual physical intimacy. But suddenly, it was driving Aelin insane. To the point of distraction. She’d written down every pinch and tickle and arm slung over her shoulder with a time code into her diary, just to organize how _frequently_ he touched her.

It wasn’t even that the touching was inappropriate. No, it was completely innocent, but she couldn’t stop herself from wondering if it meant something. Like, maybe Rowan wanted to kiss her too?

She mentally clocked another one to add to her diary – Tuesday at 5:12pm: Rowan poked her side in the grocery aisle.

To combat her rising flush, she diverted her attention to their full cart, overflowing with every kind of junk food from frozen pizza to cookies to tubs of icing to energy drinks and every snack food in between. Rowan’s healthy food section was a paltry sampling of baby carrots, hummus and now his gross, chocolate-free trail mix. They had exactly what they needed for a late night of cramming for their world history exam.

As they made their way to the front to pay, Aelin took a quick moment to replace the bag of chocolates with the family sized one. Rowan didn’t notice until she placed it on the conveyer belt to pay, which he noted with a loud sigh.

“You’re a menace to society,” Rowan he said, squeezing her side.

As Aelin paid, Rowan brushed by her again, his fingertips ever so slightly caressing the bare skin of her back, flustering Aelin completely. Her cheeks heated as she fumbled with the credit card in her hand. Gods, she could not get her lust under control today. How many times had she blushed in this shopping trip alone? But also…

 _Was that necessary?!_ She wanted to scream at him as he took his place at the end of the belt to help bag groceries. She looked up at the cashier, who was looking at her with a knowing smile on her face.

“Huh?” Aelin asked, not having quite heard the cashier.

“$83.78,” the cashier repeated, glancing quickly at Rowan and then back at Aelin.

“Right,” Aelin mumbled, ignoring the cashier’s pointed look and swiping her dad’s card quickly.

Rowan hoisted the bags onto his broad shoulders and led the way back to his car, completely oblivious to Aelin’s most recent spike of arousal. Luckily, Rowan was unable to touch her over the large center console of his jeep, and Aelin propped her feet up on the dash, giving herself some space to cool down.

But as he put on his driving playlist, her eyes unwittingly slid to him. She couldn’t help herself. Somewhere over the last six months, he’d grown about four inches and had started filling out his lanky body with actual muscles. She glanced at her best friend’s face, noticing his long blonde lashes and sloped nose and his silver-blonde hair, in desperate need of a haircut, falling ever so slightly into his dark green eyes.

“Why are you staring at me?” Rowan asked, never taking his eyes off the road. He was nothing if not an overly cautious driver.

Aelin leaned forward and poked her thumb against his cheek. She briefly wondered if Rowan was cataloguing every time she touched him, too. She doubted it. Instead of saying anything incriminating, she went with something ridiculous.

“Do you think you’ll ever need to shave, or are you too blonde to grow facial hair?” she asked, causing Rowan to scowl. He leaned his head down and lifted his shoulder, trapping Aelin’s fingers. She laughed loudly, wriggling her fingers, but she didn’t try hard to remove them. Why would she?

“Why, you think I’d look good with a beard?” Rowan asked, and Aelin crinkled her eyes trying to imagine him, even more grown with a full face of stubble. She just couldn’t.

She must have been making quite the disgruntled expression, because Rowan looked immediately offended as he released her hand from its hold and snapped at her free fingers with his bared teeth. Aelin squealed and pulled her hand back into her lap. “Rude,” he said, pulling into Aelin’s driveway.

“Your dad just left,” Elide announced, barely waiting until the jeep was in park to pull the door open. “He said not to burn the house down.”

Aelin rolled her eyes. That was her dad’s sign off every time he left to go to work. Aelin had started one _tiny_ fire while attempting to cook dinner alone _one time,_ and her father had shown up with the entire Orynth Fire Department in full gear, ready to rescue his daughter from certain death. He’d never let her live it down. She was OFD legend.

“What’d you get?” Lysandra asked, rifling through one of the grocery bags. “Oh! Stuffed crust,” she said with a grin. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

Lysandra batted her long lashes at Aelin, slipping her arm around her friend’s waist as Aelin led them all into the house. Another arm tugged at Lysandra, pulling her away, and Aelin laughed at Lysandra’s annoyed squeal with her boyfriend.

“Wes, go help Elide set up our work stations,” Lysandra ordered, and Wesley immediately pouted, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend’s waist even tighter, nibbling at her neck.

“But I’m so hungry,” he complained.

Lysandra pushed his face off her as she narrowed her eyes with warning.

“You get _that_ snack after you help me ace this exam,” Lysandra smirked, and Wesley nuzzled his chin against her shoulder, pulling her closer.

“This is a PDA free night,” Rowan groaned, unloading his healthy snacks. “You promised.” He wagged his finger at the amorous couple, who, since losing their virginities to each other over spring break had been completely inseparable. At the mouth and the groin.

Wesley kissed Lysandra one last time before taking a large step back.

“Just because you’re not getting any,” he grumbled, “Don’t be a killjoy.”

Rowan’s mouth dropped as he continued to plate his carrots. “I could get some… if I wanted…” he mumbled under his breath, causing both Aelin and Lysandra to burst into laughter.

“Sure you could, Buzzard,” Aelin said with an overzealous wink. She grabbed her bags of chips and queso and left a flustered Rowan in the kitchen.

Aelin plopped down onto the couch and groaned at the extensive schedule Elide had written up for them.

“I’ve broken up our schedule into twelve, forty-minute long increments,” Elide explained, tying her dark hair up into a bun. “If we stick to the schedule, we should be fully crammed in… eight hours.”

Aelin pouted as she opened her chips. She knew she was in for a long night, putting Elide in charge of the study schedule. But… eight hours? That meant they’d be studying until two in the morning.

Elide clapped loudly as she started handing out flashcards. “Let’s go, team.”

Six hours later, Aelin was ready to collapse. It was approaching midnight, and they’d made it through nine of the twelve study sections. Only three more to go until freedom. She knew she was supposed to have thoughts of Elirea history swirling through her head, but since Rowan took his place on the floor next to her, she was having a hard time concentrating.

“You know what we need?” Wesley said, twirling one of Lysandra’s chestnut curls around his fingers. Aelin shrugged. “A bowl,” he said. “I always study better when I’m buzzed.”

“You think my dad wouldn’t be able to smell weed as soon as he walked into the house? The man is like a bloodhound for smoke,” Aelin replied, trying to ignore the way Rowan leaned back into her in agreement.

“Gods, I can’t wait to smoke a giant bowl after lacrosse season is over,” Rowan said, resting his chin on top of Aelin’s head.

“Pack it for two, Buzzard,” Aelin said with a laugh, and she could feel Rowan nod against her scalp.

“What about ice cream instead?” Elide suggested. “I think we could all use a sugar bump.”

Lysandra jumped to her feet, moaning loudly as she stretched her arms above her head, her back popping with each subtle movement. Aelin watched as Wesley practically salivated, getting a glimpse of her lacy bra strap. He grabbed at Lysandra’s thigh, and Aelin laughed as she kicked him off gently with a wink.

“Soon, babe.”

Aelin’s filter must have disappeared with her exhaustion because upon looking at her two friends she shouted out, “You two cannot fuck in my house.”

“Please, I’m classier than that.”

“Are you?” Aelin asked, causing Rowan to snort into her hair.

Lysandra blushed but ignored Aelin as she swayed her hips all the way into the kitchen. She reappeared with three pints of ice cream and five spoons.

Aelin immediately grabbed her favorite flavor, Half Baked, and stuck her spoon into it. Her lips wrapped around the cold metal and she couldn’t help but moan loudly at the fudge brownie bite.

She nearly protested as someone else stuck their spoon into her pint, but she stopped herself when she saw it was Rowan.

“Sugar? Really?” she asked. “You must be _really_ tired.”

She watched as Rowan smirked in response, taking a large bite for himself. Aelin’s throat dried as she watched his lips wrap around his spoon, his tongue peeking out and licking the remainder of the ice cream. How was it possible that he made ice cream look pornographic?

“Yum,” he said softly, and took another bite for himself.

There was something weirdly intimate about sharing a pint of ice cream. One pint, two spoons. Aelin completely missed the tenth section of Elide’s schedule because she was too focused on the way Rowan was eating next to her, occasionally knocking his spoon into hers.

When they got to the second to last section, Aelin realized she’d forgotten her notes upstairs. Grateful to have an excuse for some space to cool down, she made her way up to her bedroom to search for her notebook. Even though it was exactly where she’d left it – on her desk, Aelin couldn’t resist the fluffy allure of her bed. She looked at the clock, almost one am. She was so, so tired.

Knowing her friends would absolutely send someone to find her if she didn’t come back downstairs in a few minutes, Aelin risked getting into bed, huddling under the covers for a very quick power nap. Sleep found her quickly, and before she knew it, she was being woken up by soft whispers and laughter.

“Should we wake them?” she could hear Elide ask, and Lysandra’s chuckled reply came quickly after.

“No, don’t wake them.” A long pause. “They’re so cute.”

“And stupid,” Wesley drawled.

Aelin went to roll out of bed, but she found herself pinned down by something heavy. She cracked her eye open and was shocked to realize that Rowan was on top of her comforter, arm flung around her shoulders, deep asleep next to her. His light snores made Aelin smile.

Aelin moved her head over her shoulder, only to see her three friends standing in her doorway, staring at the sleeping friends, wide grins plastered to their faces.

“We sent him to bring you back an hour ago,” Lysandra explained.

Aelin glanced at the clock. Officially 2am. They must have finished Elide’s study schedule. Shit. Well, hopefully Aelin could remember enough of the other topics to do well on this exam. Despite her movement, Rowan didn’t stir once.

“Just leave a note for my dad downstairs that Rowan is here?” Aelin asked, not feeling particularly inclined to move out of his grasp at all.

“Done.” Elide nodded. “Already texted Aunt Maeve, too.”

“Love you,” Aelin mumbled out to her friends, already letting sleep overtake her vision again.

“Love you, too,” Rowan mumbled in his sleep, sticking his nose into Aelin’s hair.

Aelin ignored her friends’ snickering and closed her eyes and burrowed into Rowan’s soft shirt. Inhaling deeply, she was asleep before she even heard the front door close.


	4. Chapter 4

The night Rowan spent snoring next to Aelin was the best night of sleep she’d ever had. After they woke in a tangle of arms and legs, sandwiched together, Aelin wrote an entire page in her journal about the amount of touching they did. She was incredibly upset that she was unconscious for most of it.

She was grateful for their all-nighter though, because in the week that followed, she’d barely seen him. He’d been at the mercy of Lacrosse practices, every morning and evening, doing drills and scrimmages until he could barely walk. She was especially annoyed because with morning practices, it cut into her special Rowan driving her to school time. Because there was no way she was waking up in time to drive him to the field in the morning.

However, today was _finally_ the Lacrosse championship game, which meant that tonight, Aelin would get her best friend back.

She couldn’t wait.

Aelin had spent all last night making a Rowan’s Pump Up Playlist, to help him get into the zone today. He’d briefly mentioned that the cheerleaders were each assigned a varsity player to bake treats for, and Aelin refused to be outshined by some random cheerleader.

Aelin flipped through the playlist one last time. It was good. 47 songs in honor of the number on his, each one an empowering anthem or a self-assured ego boost. Plus, Aelin may have sneakily included songs that insinuated how she felt about him. She only hoped he would read between the lines.

She took her time dressing in green and gold, the school’s colors, and Aelin felt ready for game day. But she suddenly did not feel like waiting around for Rowan to come pick her up today. She wanted to see his face now.

So, in a last minute decision, Aelin rushed out to get them both coffees and headed to the small condo Rowan lived in with his Aunt Maeve. Black, no sugar or milk for Rowan. Hazelnut syrup and extra creamer for Aelin. She placed the hot beverage holder into her bike basket and took off.

Aunt Maeve was just heading out as Aelin pulled the coffees from her basket. Maeve greeted her with a large hug and a wide smile.

“You’re up early, hon,” she laughed, but Aelin smiled through her self-consciousness. She wasn’t really a morning person, but today was important to Rowan. And she wanted to be the best best friend she could be.

“Is he still out on his run?” Aelin asked, and Maeve shook her head, biting her lip conspiratorially.

“He actually didn’t run this morning.”

Aelin gasped an overexaggerated intake of air. She couldn’t fathom Rowan not running every single morning of his life. “No run?!”

Maeve laughed again. “Nope. He wanted to rest up before the big game. Poor thing looked exhausted last night. In fact, last I checked he was still sleeping.”

Aelin looked at her watch. 7:15. Most mornings Rowan was up at 5. If he was actually still asleep, Aelin would never stop mocking him for it. Plus, as she rediscovered the other morning, she really enjoyed a sleepy Rowan.

“Go ahead and wake him,” Meave said, but Aelin hadn’t waited to her approval to make her way into the condo. She made her way up the narrow stairs, coffee in each hand, and headed down the hall to the bedroom she knew so well.

Aelin fiddled with the old handle and pushed it open. The heavy door cracked open slowly, falling against Aelin’s body, so she had to slowly shove it with her hip.

One foot, one shoulder and half her face into Rowan’s bedroom, Aelin completely froze. Deer in headlights. Struck down where she stood.

Because Rowan was not asleep, as his Aunt had thought. Rowan was very much awake. Though his eyes remained closed, Aelin’s gaze fell to about halfway down the covers, where there was a _lot_ of movement going on. She watched for a solid second, jaw unhinged, as Rowan’s hand moved up and down beneath his dark sheets, making a peaked shape with each vigorous movement.

Aelin gasped and blinked rapidly, realizing that she should exit the room immediately, but her gasp was too loud.

Rowan’s eyes flew open and landed on her, standing in his doorway, staring, and she watched as Rowan’s cheeks flooded with red.

“AELIN!” he squawked. “WHAT THE FUCK?” Flustered, she watched as Rowan grasped at his comforter, halting his movements to pull up the dark sheets to his chin, so nothing but this face was peeking out. “CLOSE THE DOOR!” Despite the volume, his voice was breathy and strangled, as if he’d just come from his run.

“Oh my gods,” Aelin mumbled, and she knew her cheeks would be redder than Rowan’s if she were to glance in a mirror. “Oh my gods,” she repeated, taking a step back and letting the door slam in her face.

Through the thick wood, she could hear Rowan groan loudly, but it was muffled by sheets. Gods. Aelin _knew_ that Rowan was probably doing that. But to actually see it….? She thought her face might be permanently stained red with how hot she suddenly felt.

Aelin bit her lip, toeing at the beige carpet beneath her sneaker, wondering what the hell she should do now.

“I’m sorry!” she squeaked out.

“AELIN, GO DOWNSTAIRS!” Rowan bellowed loudly from behind the door, and Aelin nodded, despite him being unable to see her face. “I’ll be down… soon,” he said softer.

“Kay,” Aelin replied quickly. “You don’t have to rush, or anything. I can… uh, wait. For you to… finish.”

“Aelin, please…” Rowan sounded pained, and she wondered if it was because of his embarrassment or other things. Nope. She was not going to think about that.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Aelin repeated over and over as she stumbled her way downstairs to the small kitchen table. She slumped over the cheery yellow table and placed her head in her hands, willing her face to cool down. But every time she managed to calm herself, she’d remember the movement beneath Rowan’s sheets and become warm again.

When she heard the shower turn on overhead, Aelin placed her head in her hands and squeezed her eyes shut and willed the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She sat like that, even after she heard the heavy footfall of Rowan’s shoes coming down the stairs and tread across the kitchen floor.

She heard the sound of a chair scraping across the tile, but Aelin kept her hands over her face, unable to look at him.

Rowan sighed loudly and took a long sip of his coffee.

“Let’s talk it out,” he said, and Aelin finally peeked through her fingers. Rowan was freshly showered, hair still wet, and he was looking up at the ceiling, also unable to look at her.

“No way,” Aelin mumbled.

Rowan tugged at his hair. “Well, if we don’t I’m going to tank this championship game, and it’ll be your fault.”

Aelin groaned as he pulled her hands away from her face. Hands that were definitely just touching… elsewhere. He held her hands in his for a second on the table before pulling away.

“Fine,” Aelin conceded.

“You didn’t actually see anything, right?” he asked, and Aelin shook her head quickly. Rowan released a steady breath, a nervous smile appearing on his face.

“Great,” Rowan continued. “Then, it’s not a big deal at _all_ , and we are totally fine and nothing is weird. I mean, it was weird that you walked in on it, but everyone does it, right?” He brought his coffee to his mouth and took a long sip, clearly needing to do something to stop his rambling.

“Uh, I’ve never but… yeah, I guess.”

Rowan stopped mid-sip and stared at her, looking as if she’d just told him the most insane fact ever. “You haven’t?”

Aelin shrugged, feeling her cheeks heat again. “I don’t think I know how?”

Rowan inhaled sharply, choking on his coffee, coughing loudly. Aelin buried her face into her hands again. Could this morning get any more awkward?

“You know, there’s definitely, uh, videos on the internet that could help with that.” He paused, his nervous smile expanding as he laughed at his best friend’s horrified face. “I could send you a few if you want.”

“Rowan Whitethorn, you are not allowed to send me porn,” Aelin hissed. Rowan burst out laughing as he poked her cheek.

“I didn’t know your face could get this red, Ace.”

“Yeah, well, we’re learning a lot about each other this morning I guess…”

Rowan snorted loudly as Aelin grabbed her coffee and stalked toward the front door, away from his mocking. She’d walked in on _him_ but somehow, she was the one who was too embarrassed to function today?

“You know, I stayed up all last night making you a Game Day Playlist, but if you’re going to be mean, I’m not sharing it with you,” she said, and Rowan immediately backtracked, his face lighting up with excitement as he slung his arm over her shoulders.

“You did?”

Aelin nodded, pulling out her phone to show him the playlist. “I was just about to hit share, but maybe I won’t….”

He pouted, his green eyes widening. “I promise I’ll be nice.” He paused. “But also, you should ask Lysandra to teach you. I can’t imagine functioning without doing it every morning.”

Aelin had to bite her tongue from squeaking out EVERY MORNING?! But she just didn’t want to continue having this conversation, despite how badly she wanted to ask Rowan what he thought about every morning while touching himself. There were some questions she just couldn’t ask him, despite how close they were or how curious she suddenly was.

Instead, she hopped into his jeep and sent him the playlist. He connected his phone to his car with a grin and turned up the mix.

“47 songs?” His crooked smile made her stomach flutter, and he laughed as he pressed play and cranked the volume up. “Taylor Swift?” Rowan scoffed. “Really?”

“She’s the greatest songwriter of our time,” Aelin replied, sticking her tongue out.

“Maybe, but this fake rap shit is _not_ it,” he laughed, scrolling to the next song. “Ah, much better.”

The first chords of Kanye’s “Power” filled the car, and Rowan took off.

By the time the pair made it to school, their morning awkwardness had completely melted away. And Rowan was in the zone for his game.

He was immediately bombarded by his assigned cheerleader, who, as Aelin had predicted, had baked him cookies. Aelin didn’t recognize the girl – a brown-eyed brunette, who looked every bit the male fantasy in her skin baring cheerleading uniform, her hair pulled up into a curled ponytail and her face displaying the number 47 on each cheek, batting her her curled lashes at her best friend. Aelin wondered for a brief moment what kind of porn Rowan had delved into, if this girl was actually one of his fantasies, but she immediately pushed that aside.

Aelin watched as Rowan smiled, thanking the girl kindly for his baked goods. And she pretended not to notice his eyes linger slightly at the green and gold ORYNTH printed across her chest. Or the way they fell to the short hem of her skirt as she walked away, throwing him one last smile over her bared shoulder.

Aelin looked at her own game day outfit – jeans and a t-shirt, and suddenly felt self-conscious, which she hated. Aelin _never_ felt like this before. She’d never been the type of girl who suddenly compared herself to other girls, but … other girls had never smiled at Rowan like that, either. She suddenly felt a level of possessiveness rush through her. She linked her arm through Rowan’s, who looked surprised, but didn’t object to her closeness.

“Do you want my cookies?” Rowan asked, offering the plastic covered plate to Aelin, and Aelin accepted it greedily. “I think sugar might make me ill today,” he laughed.

“You’re going to be great,” Aelin assured him, knocking her hip against him.

“I hope so,” he mumbled quietly. She knew that Rowan was nervous about the game, but she hadn’t realized _how_ much. As one of two sophomores on the Varsity team, she assumed he’d be seeing mostly bench time, but apparently that didn’t stop his nerves from taking over.

“You’ve worked so hard this season,” Aelin told her best friend and watched as his chest puffed out, swelling with pride. “No matter what happens, you’re gonna crush it. I know.”

“Thanks,” he replied softly.

“See you on the field,” Aelin said, as he dropped her off at her first class of the day. Double period algebra, ugh.

“I’ll be the one with the big stick in my hand,” Rowan replied with a smile, and Aelin snickered loudly.

“Been there, seen that,” she laughed, and Rowan’s jaw dropped.

“You said you didn’t see anything!” he hissed, and Aelin cackled and winked, and she watched as he realized what she was doing.

“You’re trying to distract me,” he laughed.

“Is it working?” she asked, and he smirked back.

He flicked her off as he shoved his earbuds into his ears, walking away to the rhythm of one of the songs on her playlist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to listen to Rowan’s Game Day playlist, it's on spotify here -- https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6PqduWuC8a4ta0oAPZmd2r?si=RF1jv7L7SvKcFLHdpsPC_g


	5. Chapter 5

“Aelin, sit down, you’re stressing everyone out,” Lysandra snapped as she sipped from the group’s communal water bottle, filled with vodka and crystal lite.

Wesley nodded as he snaked his arm around Lysandra’s waist and leaned his head against hers. His eyes shone red with the effects of the bowl he’d smoked behind the bleachers during halftime, but Aelin had resisted. She needed to be somewhat sober to follow the game. With only a minute left in the last quarter, Orynth was tied for goals. They’d attempted to rush the goal twice, but the Rifthold goalie had blocked both.

She knew how much it meant to Rowan. He was only one of two sophomores on the Varsity team, and for them to reach nationals was a big deal. She’d never seen a game this close – and she’d been to every single one of Rowan’s games this season.

She watched intently as their star forward, Nox Owens sprinted forward, the ball cradled carefully in his stick, and gasped as a Rifthold player slammed against him, checking him with their own stick. Aelin’s heart beat faster as the ball rolled out of its cradle and onto the grass below Nox’s feet, nearly tripping him.

Fifteen seconds left, and they were going to go into overtime. Aelin was sure of it.

Until suddenly, Rowan was there. Racing from behind Nox, he angled his shoulders and scooped up the ball himself.

Ten seconds.

Suddenly, the crowds around Aelin were on their feet as well.

“GO, ROWAN!” she screeched as he picked up his pace, hurdling toward the Rifthold goalie.

Five seconds.

Four seconds.

Three.

Everyone on the sidelines simultaneously held their breath as Rowan flicked his stick towards the goal, taking his shot.

Two.

A low murmer of surprise swelled through the crowds as Rowan changed tacts at the last second, and the ball sped into the corner of the goal, whooshing past the goalie’s unblocked shoulder.

“Did you _see_ that?!” Aelin shouted at her friends, who were now cheering just as loud as she was.

One.

Aelin couldn’t control herself as the timer ran out. She knew she was breaking all kinds of rules, but her best friend had just scored the tie-breaking, winning goal to a championship game, and she needed to congratulate him now.

Her feet couldn’t take her down to the field fast enough, and she watched as he was swarmed by cheerleaders and his team, all filled with congratulatory well-wishes, but Aelin was undeterred.

She ran full force across the boundaries of the field, past an angry looking coach and launched herself at Rowan.

Her arms and legs wrapped around his neck and waist as he caught her with a soft “oomph.”

She held him tightly, pressing her face against his, and she could feel his smile against hers, despite his heavy breathing. They stood like that, in the middle of the field, wrapped around each other, both panting and clinging to one another, until Aelin felt Rowan head nod at someone behind her.

She slid off him, knowing she was preventing him from being congratulated by hundreds of people, but her breath caught at the way he smiled down at her. It was… different. She couldn’t quite explain it. Maybe it was his exhaustion, but it felt like he was smiling at her with all of himself for the first time. Not guarded, not sarcastic, not embarrassed – just fully Rowan, in earnest. Aelin tucked her chin into her chest as she smiled at the ground. She was about to take a step away when he threw his arm around her shoulders, keeping her attached to his side as he accepted praise from his teammates.

“Holy fuck, man,” Wesley drawled as he jumped onto Rowan’s back. “You crushed it. Murdered it. Slayed it. You made that game your bitch.”

“You did, Ro,” Lysandra chimed in. “We have a special treat for you if you want it…” She pulled the top of the water bottle out of her hoodie pocket, shaking it at Rowan.

Rowan elbowed Wes, throwing him off his shoulders, but Aelin noticed his ears pink at his friends’ attention.

“Yes, please,” Rowan said with a laugh. “Let’s go celebrate.”

“I’ll DD,” Elide offered. “MVP doesn’t have to drive tonight,” and Rowan cast her a grateful smile.

“Hey, Whitethorn!” a gruff voice called from behind the group. They all turned simultaneously. Aelin’s eyes widened as the goalie pulled off his mask, revealing his tan skin, dripping with sweat. His dark eyes flicked over the motley crew of sophomores in front of him. “Party at my house tonight.” He ran his tan fingers through his sweat-drenched hair, and somehow made it look cool instead of disgusting. “Bring your friends.”

Lysandra’s mouth unhinged first as she elbowed Rowan with an excited hiss. “Did we just get invited to a Lorcan Salvaterre party?”

Lorcan’s parties were legendary. The senior was raised by a barely older cousin, his parents having split and then taken off as soon as they could, left them the house and not much else. The pair were known for their debauchery-filled shindigs, but Aelin had never dreamed she’d ever be invited to one. They were pretty exclusive to upperclassmen. 

“Do you want to go?” Rowan asked the group, and as Wesley and Lysandra started nodding, Aelin cut them off with a stern tilt of her head. She looked to her best friend instead.

“Whatever you want to do, we want to do,” she said.

“We’re definitely fucking going,” Rowan smirked as his friends burst into cheers again.

“Wait,” Aelin groaned. “I have to go home and change. I can’t wear this!” She motioned down to her game day clothes. “Plus, Rowan got me all sweaty.”

Rowan quirked an eyebrow at her, and she could feel her cheeks heat with her words. “That sounded dirtier than it was.”

“We could make it dirtier than it was,” Rowan said, lowering his voice as he slung his arm back over her shoulders.

“Rowan!” Aelin gaped, laughing at his jovial mood.

He beamed at her again, and Aelin could feel herself melt against him. Something was changing between them, and Aelin was hopeful for the first time that her feelings weren’t completely misplaced. That maybe tonight would go how she wanted.

~*~

Aelin waited outside her house, arms crossed, feeling nervous for the evening ahead. She’d changed into her nicest pair of jeans and a tank top. It was slightly revealing for the cool May night, but she figured a house party would be warm. She assumed, at least. She had no real prior knowledge.

She sighed in relief when Rowan’s jeep finally pulled up. She slid into the back seat, prepared to be squished next to Wes and Lys, but was shocked when Rowan’s warm clean scent enveloped her, helping her up into the seat.

“What the hell?” Aelin asked, looking at the seating arrangement. Elide was already driving, Lys was in the passenger seat, and Wesley was nowhere to be found.

“Wes is going to meet us there. He had to ‘go to the store,’” Lys answered with a large eyeroll. That was his code for refilling his weed stash. Aelin shrugged as Elide took off and a new song came over the speakers. A wide smile broke out over her face, realizing he was still listening to her mix.

Aelin took a large breath and started singing along. The song was one she knew was a secret favorite of Rowan’s, not that he’d admit it to anyone. His music taste was far too _cool_ for that. But Aelin couldn’t be bothered to care. She sang loudly, dancing in her seat, swaying side to side as she belted out the lyrics.

_It’s too hot to sleep  
_ _I got the sheets on the floor, nothing on me  
_ _And I can’t take it no more it’s 100 degrees  
_ _I got one foot out the door, where are my keys?  
_ _Cause I gotta leave?_

Rowan looked over at her, his eyes gleaming with excitement as he joined in.

_I tipped the driver head of time, get me there fast._

Aelin was so shocked that she stopped her own singing. As her jaw dropped, Rowan’s smirk grew and his attentions on her grew larger, his shoulders moving in rhythm to the beat, leaning closer and closer to her with every word.

_I got your body on my mind, I want it bad  
_ _Just the thought of you gets me so high  
_ _So high…_

He clutched at his heart and shut his eyes, tilting his head back as he sang the chorus, and a large giggle erupted from Aelin’s throat as she watched him, completely ridiculous and letting loose, something he rarely did. Aelin lifted her arms, moving them back and forth to the beat as she sang the chorus with him.

“Oh no, we lost them,” Lysandra laughed from the front seat, looking between the singing pair in the back.

_Girl, you’re the one I want to want me  
_ _And if you want me, girl you got me  
_ _There’s nothing I wouldn’t do  
_ _Just to get up next to you._

He scooched closer to her, his thigh pressed against hers as he leaned into Aelin’s shoulder, his voice low and close as he lifted his finger to point at her.

_You open the door  
_ _Wearing nothing but a smile down to the floor  
_ _And you whisper in my ear, “Baby, I’m yours…”_

Rowan’s breath tickled the inside of Aelin’s ear as he sang, and Aelin shoved his shoulder in shock.

“Oh my gods, Buzzard, what has gotten into you?!” she asked through nervous laughter, eyes wide, though not upset by any means. Was Rowan _flirting_ with her?

He pulled out a fresh bottle of vodka and crystal lite from the side door and shook it in front of her. Aelin snatched in from his hand and pouted.

“You started without me?”

“To be fair, you started without me first,” he retorted.

“No drinking while I’m driving!” Elide snapped as Aelin started to twist off the bottle top, and Rowan snorted loudly as Aelin huffed and put it back into the cup holder with a grumble.

“Yes, mom.”

Elide flipped her off in the rearview mirror, and Aelin stuck her tongue out at her responsible friend.

“Whoa…” Aelin breathed under her breath as they pulled up the street to Lorcan’s. Parked cars lined both sides of the street, and she watched as crowds spilled forward from the overflowing house.

Lysandra barely waited for the car to be parked before hauling ass out of the car and pulling Aelin with her. Aelin glanced over her shoulder at Rowan, giving him an apologetic glance as Lysandra dragged her into the house.

“I have to pee!” she called out, and Rowan shrugged, waving at both of them as he waited for Elide.

“What is going on with you and Rowan?” Lysandra hissed as soon as they were out of earshot. Aelin could feel her cheeks warming. If Lysandra was noticing, then _something_ was definitely happening, right?

“He’s being weird,” Aelin said, trying to downplay her feelings, but of course Lysandra saw right through her shoddy attempt. Her friend rolled her eyes and poked her in the side.

“He was totally coming onto you!” Lysandra attempted to whisper, but her excitement was getting the better of her, her bright green eyes wide with excitement for Aelin. And suddenly, Aelin knew what she wanted to do.

“I’m going to kiss him… tonight,” Aelin whispered, verbalizing her decision for the first time. A flush ran through her at the thought as she remembered the way Rowan’s thigh felt pressed against hers in the car. She wondered what it would feel like resting between her legs.

“Oh my GOD!” Lysandra screeched, and Aelin put her finger to her lips, shushing her quickly as people around them started to stare. “It’s about time,” Lysandra laughed, putting her hands on either side of Aelin’s face, looking deep into her eyes. “I’m so proud of you. Be brave, my little butterfly.” Lysandra paused.

Aelin stuck her tongue out, and Lysandra scrunched her nose, and there was a deep laugh as Rowan slung his arms around the pair of girls. “Are you two going to make out, because Wes will be _really_ upset that he missed that.”

Lysandra ducked out from Rowan’s grasp, leading them all further into the party as Aelin shook her head.

“Please, I’m not nearly drunk enough to make out with anyone.”

Rowan coughed, startled by Aelin’s answer, and then a devilish grin appeared on his face. “Well, then, we should probably get you a drink.”

Aelin ducked her head, nodding, as she stayed tucked into Rowan’s side. He led them through the throngs of juniors and seniors, and despite the overwhelming crowds, Aelin felt comfortable in his grasp.

En route to the kitchen, Rowan was delayed by more congratulations and praise, but he never removed his arm from around Aelin’s shoulders, and for that she was grateful.

They diverted as two teammates called out to Rowan, bringing him towards the beer pong table they’d set up.

“Whitethorn, you’re up next!” called out the Moonbeam twins. Fenrys and Connall pelted Rowan with ping pong balls as Lorcan snapped from behind them.

“Don’t fucking lose all of those.” He flicked the twins off as he threw back the rest of his can of beer, and Rowan gave Aelin a pleading look.

Aelin wrinkled her nose as she looked at the twins filling up the pyramid of red cups on either side of the table. “Fine,” she replied, loving the way Rowan smiled at her again. “But, I’m not drinking any of that disgusting beer,” she explained, watching as Fenrys and Connall tossed one of the dirty ping pong balls from the sticky floor into a cup on their side.

Rowan chuckled softly, following Aelin’s gaze. “Fair.”

He let his arm finally fall from her shoulders, trailing down her back slowly, until it came to a rest at her side. He squeezed it gently, sending a shiver up her spine.

“Moonbeams, this is Aelin. Aelin, these are the twins.” He looked between them. “I’ll be right back. Be good.”

Aelin expected the twins to take no interest in her, but the pair were shockingly friendly. Especially Fenrys.

“So,” Aelin began nervously. “I’ve never actually played before,” she said, eyes flicking over the table.

“Oh, fuck, it’s so easy,” Fenrys said, coming over to her side of the table to show her how to launch the ball into a red cup. “It’s all in the wrist,” he said with a wink.

“Fen, get back to your side, asshole,” Rowan said, sliding a large cup of some red strong-smelling fruity concoction into Aelin’s hand. She took a small sip, testing it out. It burned slightly going down, but it was sweet and would get her drunk soon enough.

Fenrys pouted. “But, I’m already over here. How about _I_ play with Aelin, and you and Con can play together?” he asked, his dark eyes gleaming.

“No.” Rowan’s voice was resolute, and Fenrys cracked a blinding smile, shaking his head as he made his way back to his side.

Rowan took the first shot and sank it. Aelin looked at his muscles through his white t-shirt, and she couldn’t help but admire him. She blinked, taking another sip of her drink. It must have been stronger than she thought if she was already ogling Rowan in public.

With each shot Rowan sank, Aelin failed miserably. It turned out she was not particularly skilled in the game, but she was content to watch Rowan and sip at her drink anyway.

After drinking one of the cups on their side, Rowan frowned and reached for her cup. He took a large swig and frowned, wiping at his lips.

“Ugh, Ace, this lip gloss is disgusting.” He wiped at the gloss that he’d accidentally put his lips over, and Aelin snorted as she grabbed her cup back.

“Don’t be such a cleanfreak, Buzzard. Get your own glass.” Her eyes narrowed as she reapplied her lipgloss and took another sip of the drink, purposefully leaving a sticky mark on the side of her cup.

Fenrys cackled loudly from the other side of the table. “Yeah, it was probably inevitable that you’d leave this party wearing lipstick on your face, champ,” he said to Rowan with a wink.

“Fine,” Rowan grumbled, peering into her cup. “You need a refill anyway.”

“I do,” Aelin smirked, shaking her empty glass in front of her face.

“Be right back.”

As Rowan disappeared, Connall and Fenrys both sank cups on her side. Aelin frowned, looking around for Rowan’s return, but he was taking longer than he had last time.

Connall frowned. “Just put the cups aside and take your shot.”

Aelin missed her first shot so badly that she accidentally hit the back of someone’s head behind the twins, who laughed wildly at her.

“Sorry!” she apologized as a head of cropped black hair turned around, rubbing at the back of his head. Aelin gasped. She’d accidentally hit Nox Owen – captain of the lacrosse team, and most popular senior at Orynth High. Fuck.

Nox laughed as he approached the table, returning her rogue ball to her. “I believe this is yours,” he said with a smile, grey eyes twinkling with laughter.

“I told Rowan not to leave me…” she grumbled.

Nox’s eyes lit up. “Ah, you’re Whitethorn’s girl?” he asked.

“No!” Aelin responded too quickly, her cheeks flushing with alcohol and embarrassment. “Not his girl. Just a friend, who is a girl.” She wanted to slam her face against the beer pong table as all three boys stared at her with amusement. “I’m Aelin,” she said, sticking her hand out, hoping to end her rambling torture.

“Well, Aelin,” Nox laughed. “It looks like you need an interim partner.”

“Yes, please,” Aelin begged. “I suck.”

The twins snorted as Nox ran his hand through his hair and smiled. “Good to know,” he said with a wink, causing Aelin to blush even further.

Nox was unsurprisingly excellent at beer pong, and the game was over fairly quickly. Aelin looked around for Rowan, who had yet to return.

“Do you need another drink?” Nox asked, and Aelin nodded. She also needed to track Rowan down, but she could feel her buzz starting to fade and definitely needed another drink to get enough courage to finally kiss Rowan.

Nox linked his fingers through Aelin’s as he led them into the kitchen. He scooped a cup into a giant trashbin of liquid, and passed Aelin her refilled cup of red drink. She took a long sip, not wanting to think about how many hands had passed through that tub or what the fuck was in it.

As she lowered her glass, she heard Rowan’s soft laughter and sought him out immediately. Her lips parted in surprise as she located him, on the other side of the kitchen, sipping on his own cup, carefully placed between the legs of the brunette cheerleader Aelin recognized as his hype girl from this morning. The cheerleader was giggling, perched on the kitchen counter with Rowan’s hands on her bare knees, wide smile across her face. Her brown eyes never left his as they chatted quietly, just the two of them, off in their own little world.

Aelin felt her stomach plummet as Rowan tucked his chin into his chest at something the girl said. She wanted nothing more than to pull Rowan away, but she wasn’t nearly brave enough for that yet. Instead, Aelin tipped her head back and let the red drink flow down her throat.

“Whoa…” Nox murmured. “Be careful – that shit is strong…” he explained, looking at Aelin’s now half-empty cup. But Aelin didn’t heed his warning. Taking a long breath, she knocked her head back and finished the remainder of the cup quickly. She could feel the alcohol work its way through her system quickly, her head spinning slightly as she thanked Nox for the drink and made her way over to where Rowan still stood.

“You left me,” Aelin slurred slightly, pulling the red cup from Rowan’s hand. His eyes widened in slight surprise at his best friend’s sudden appearance, but he didn’t move from his spot.

“Sorry,” he shrugged, not sounding sorry in the slightest. Aelin frowned, taking another large gulp of the sweet red drink in her hand. Her head swam as the room started losing focus.

Aelin noticed a hand sticking out in front of her, the cheerleader leaning down from the counter to introduce herself to Aelin. But Aelin could barely hear her through the blood rushing to her temples.

“Hi, I’m Lyria,” the cheerleader said, glancing between Rowan and Aelin. Aelin held out her hand, limply shaking the hand in front of her.

And then everything went dark.


	6. Chapter 6

Aelin felt like her head was going to explode. It throbbed as she tried to open her eyes, so she immediately closed them again and went to shove her face into her pillow. Only, there was no pillow beneath her face. It was cold and hard, and her entire body ached. She groaned loudly as she rolled over, pulling the thin sheet covering her shoulders with her.

“Owww.” Her head knocked into something cold and porcelain, causing her to crack her eyes open. She was blinded by bright lights and shocking white all around her. She squinted and pushed herself up further and hissed, her hand throbbing under the weight she put on it. She picked up her arm and examined the offending limb, noticing the scrapes across her fingers and her knuckles dotted with deep purple bruises. She tried to clench her hand into a fist and cried out in pain. “What the hell?”

She looked around the small bathroom and rubber her head, which had knocked against the base of the toilet. Gross. But at least she knew the room she’d slept in fairly well – it was the downstairs powder room in Aunt Maeve’s condo. But she had no idea how she got here.

She tried to wrack her brain for any information about how her evening panned out, but she was coming up blank.

_Well, that’s not great._

Aelin glanced down at her outfit – one of Rowan’s old lacrosse hoodies and boxers – and her cheeks flushed. What the fuck had happened last night? How did she get into Rowan’s clothes? Where were _her_ clothes? Did Rowan undress her? Did her dad know she was at Rowan’s? Where was her phone? What time was it?

Aelin used her good hand to help her stand, body aching the entire way, and was grateful for the tall glass of water and painkillers laid out on the edge of the sink for her. She knocked them back, gagging only slightly as she swallowed.

Her eyes trailed up to the mirror and she gasped. She looked a mess. Her once wavy golden hair was stringy and knotted from where it rested against the bathroom floor all night, and she was fairly sure there was dried vomit caked in it. Last night’s makeup streaked down her cheeks, as if she’d been crying, and her skin was sweaty, despite the chill running through her.

Grabbing the hand towel, Aelin scrubbed at her face, rubbing the black makeup remnants from her skin. She cringed, putting down Maeve’s fancy guest hand towel. She’d put that straight into the laundry. Pulling her disgusting hair back into a bun, she carefully made her way out of the bathroom, hoping Rowan could shed some light on the missing hours of her night, but she was shocked to see Lysandra, Elide and Wesley, circled around Lysandra’s phone, laughing.

“Hi?” Aelin called out to her friends, who all whipped their heads around to look at her with guilty smiles on their faces.

“There she is, my million dollar baby,” Lysandra cheered, slinging her arm around Aelin’s shoulders. Aelin balked, her nausea rocking through her at the sudden movement. “Whoops, sorry, champ,” she apologized, rubbing her arm gently. “How you feeling?”

Aelin’s eyes flashed to her friends in confusion. She looked around. “Where’s Rowan?”

As if on cue, the front door opened, and Rowan walked in with several greasy smelling bags. His eyes lit up upon seeing Aelin awake, and her stomach fluttered. Was it possible things had gone okay last night? She frowned. If she finally kissed Rowan, and didn’t remember it, there’d be hell to pay.

“Ah, Rocky’s finally up,” he said with a grin, placing the food down on the kitchen table.

“What the hell happened last night?” Aelin groaned, rubbing at her head again, and Rowan froze, mid-unpacking and turned to her.

“…you don’t remember?”

She paused, trying to think back. She remembered playing beer pong. Then Rowan abandoning her, and then finding Rowan in the kitchen with Lyria… Then, nothing.

She shook her head. “Should I?” He crinkled up his face, as if he was thinking about how best to answer, when Aelin punched his arm lightly. “Just tell me.”

“You really don’t remember?” he asked, and Aelin shook her head.

“Did I _do_ something?” Aelin asked, trying to gauge if she’d gone through with her plans from last night. Horror struck her. She could have done anything. What if it was bad? “Are you mad at me?” she asked quickly.

He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, like he didn’t want to answer her, and Aelin was starting to feel like she was going to puke again. “I’m not mad,” he finally answered, causing the knot in Aelin’s stomach to unravel. “But… let’s just say Salvaterre probably won’t be inviting you back any time soon.”

Wesley chuckled and nodded his chin toward Elide. “Show her the video.”

Aelin gaped. “There’s a _video?_ ” She looked up at Rowan, her wide eyes pleading for information as she whispered. “Should I be worried?”

Elide held up her phone in front of Aelin’s face, and Aelin watched as she barreled toward Lorcan, screaming at the top of her lungs. “SHE SAID NO, ASSHOLE!” And sucker-punched him right in the cheek. The skin split beneath her fist, leaving him with a dribble of blood running down to his chin as Rowan rushed to her to pull her off him, attempting another punch. Aelin struggled in Rowan’s grasp as Lorcan shouted at them to get the fuck out of his house.

Lys guffawed as Aelin’s hands clapped over her mouth. The video played again, and she couldn’t look away. “Oh my gods, wh…why?!”

“I think it was a full on rage blackout,” Lysandra laughed, causing Aelin to groan again.

“Shut up, that’s not real.”

Elide patted her back. “You were defending my honor. It was sweet, though unnecessary.”

Aelin laughed sadly as Lysandra cackled with glee. “I can’t believe how hardcore Salvaterre hit on Elide! Our sweet little Elide, asked to go upstairs with a varsity athlete!”

Elide blushed, her cheeks reddening to a deep crimson as she mumbled. “I obviously said no! He jokingly asked if I was sure, and when I told him I was he totally backed off. You didn’t need to punch him, Aelin...”

Wes laughed heartily, tipping his head back as he dug into the box of fries Rowan had brought them. “It was the best moment of my life, I think. I walked in the door, and all of a sudden Aelin is taking out Lorcan fucking Salvaterre.”

“At least we got kicked out before she started puking all over everything,” Lysandra chimed in.

“I need to lie down,” Aelin said, getting up from the kitchen chair and sprawling across the loveseat in the small sitting room, her head spinning slightly.

As everyone else got their food, Rowan came to sit on the couch with Aelin, lifting her feet and placing them in his lap.

“Nox said you chugged an entire cup of jungle juice, and then you had about half of mine before I could stop you. Salvaterre makes it with Everclear. 90 proof.” He paused. “You did get _very_ angry…”

Aelin frowned, not comfortable in her position on the couch. She needed her head to be elevated. She swung her feet around and placed her head on Rowan’s leg instead.

She could feel him tense beneath her slightly, and she felt her heart sink. She’d been so sure they were on the verge of _something_ last night, and today… it was… back to normal. As if whatever spark had been there had died. She’d killed it, apparently. She closed her eyes as Rowan finally exhaled and draped his hand over her shoulder.

“Your head still hurts?” he whispered, leaning down, and Aelin groaned, snuggling into his leg more.

“Everything hurts.” She paused. “My head. My hand. My pride.” My heart, she added on silently. She couldn’t believe how much she fucked everything up, just by getting too drunk too fast.

“You knocked Salvaterre the fuck out, if anything, your pride should be very much in tact.” Rowan paused and rubbed his thumb against her shoulder. “I’m sorry I left you for so long last night. That was… dumb.”

Aelin rolled onto her back and looked up at him. Rowan’s eyes were sad as she asked quietly, “Yeah. Why did you?”

He shrugged. “You seemed to be doing fine without me…” He trailed off, and Aelin wanted to shake him and shout IDIOT at the top of her lungs. Stupid idiot. How could he not know that she wanted him with her always? Instead of confessing, she pinched his thigh hard. He jumped as she poked her thumb into his thigh.

“You were wrong,” Aelin said, and watched as a small smile appeared on his face again as he looked her over. It wasn’t the same unguarded smile as yesterday – it seemed like that brief moment of possible reciprocation was gone, but Aelin was too grateful that she hadn’t drunenly fucked their friendship up to care at the moment.

“Clearly,” he replied.

Aelin could feel her heart thud in her chest as he leaned back, accepting a hamburger from Wesley. She closed her eyes as her friends recounted her wild adventure again. She had a feeling she’d never live this one down.

When Aelin woke hours later, her head was still perched on Rowan’s lap, but he’d turned the television on and was watching some teen soap.

“ _Don’t go on that date_ ,” the teary brunette on the television begged of his busty girlfriend.

“ _Why_?” the girl replied, hands on her hips.

“ _Because it’ll kill me if you do._ ” The pair crashed their lips into each other as their arms wound around each other in a romantic moment, the soundtrack swelling behind them.

Rowan snorted at the overly fraught dialogue, and Aelin, finally feeling well enough, pushed herself up to sitting.

“Not a fan?” she asked of the soapy show, wiggling her feet in his lap.

“No one talks like that,” Rowan said, poking one of her toes.

“I don’t know,” Aelin said, “I’ve heard I’m pretty dramatic.” She paused, wanting to ask about the cheerleader she’d found him with in the kitchen. It seemed like a perfect segue, but she wasn’t exactly sure she wanted to know the answer. “Should I _beg_ you not to go on a date? Seems like things were going well between you and that cheerleader…” she asked, hoping he’d just laugh at her and say – what date? But… the look on his face told her more than enough. Aelin’s stomach sank as Rowan smiled nervously at her.

“Actually, that reminds me…”

Aelin swallowed, preparing herself.

“Lyria,” he began. “That’s the cheerleader’s name.” Aelin nodded silently, dreading the rest of what was to come. “She asked me to junior prom.”

“She did?” Aelin asked, trying to sound as unaffected as possible. “I didn’t realize you two were that close.”

“We’re not!” Rowan insisted. “I barely know her.” He sighed, leaning back into the couch. “It’s going to be weird, right? I’m going to be one of the only sophomores there…”

“Do you not want to go?” Aelin asked nervously, and she watched Rowan shrug.

“I already said yes.”

Aelin felt her heart stop at his words. Rowan had been invited to Junior Prom by a pretty cheerleader, and he hadn’t hesitated to answer. He’d said yes. Aelin wanted to cry. She’d ruined her reputation with one of the most popular seniors in school last night, and Rowan had been invited to prom. She dreaded the notion that they were going in separate directions. Would Rowan leave her behind? She wasn’t sure she could bear that.

“Oh.” She paused, regaining her bearings. “Well, that’ll be fun?”

“You think?” Rowan asked, nervously running his hand through his hair.

“Totally.” Aelin hoped she sounded more sure of herself than she felt. “You’ll know all your teammates, and it’s junior prom, you know?”

“Yeah…” Rowan looked over at her and shrugged. “I guess…it’s just not what I imagined my first junior prom to be like.”

His face was wistful, and Aelin wanted to ask him what he was thinking, what he’d imagined. Was it what she’d dreamed? The two of them, wrapped up in each other on the dance floor, closer than they’d ever been, smiling into each other’s mouths? Probably not.

“I guess plans change,” Aelin said softly, and Rowan nodded.

“I guess so.” He looked over at her, and she forced a smile onto her face, hoping that Rowan couldn’t see through her. “Will you come with me to get a tux?”

She nodded, noticing the relieved smile on Rowan’s face at her answer.

Aelin retrieved her dying phone from the coffee table and texted Lysandra.

**SOS, I need more details filled in from last night. Rowan just told me he’s going to junior prom? How did this happen?**

Her phone vibrated in her hand quickly with a response. **Come over. I’ll tell you everything.**


	7. Chapter 7

“I’m never drinking again,” Aelin moaned as she rolled over on Lysandra’s bed, shoving her head under the pillow. She knew Rowan had censored himself filling in the gaps of her night. Saying she was an angry drunk, though accurate, was not quite specific enough.

Apparently, she and Rowan had had a screaming match in the kitchen that he failed to mention, and Aelin had zero recollection of.

“The entire kitchen cleared out,” Lysandra explained, “Lyria included. But you were… pretty loud.”

Aelin groaned into the pillow.

“Why wouldn’t he tell me?”

Lysandra patted Aelin’s foot, trying to be comforting, but Aelin didn’t want to be comforted right now. She kicked Lysandra’s hand away.

“This is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Lysandra snorted and poked her bare foot. “At least he thought you were talking about someone else?”

Aelin peeked out from beneath the pillow and frowned again. “That is so much worse. Now he thinks I’m mad at him for not letting me kiss _NOX OWEN_.”

“What else was he supposed to think? You can’t exactly blame him. You smacked his drink out of his hand and started screeching about how he ruined your kissing plans.” 

“As if I’d ever have a chance with Nox. I barely even have a chance with Rowan, and he’s been my best friend since we were _eight_.” Aelin sighed loudly. “Whatever. Everything is ruined now. He’s going to prom with _Lyria._ ”

Lysandra frowned, the pity evident in her bright green eyes as she flopped down next to Aelin on her comforter. “I’m sorry, boo.”

“Tell me one more time,” Aelin sighed. “Exactly what we both said. Every word.”

“In the kitchen?”

Aelin nodded.

“You stared at Lyria’s hand for like… a full ten seconds. Then you smacked the drink out of Rowan’s hand, and screamed – Where’s my drink, bitch? And he very calmly said, What the fuck, Aelin? Because… you know. The drink spilled all over the floor. Then you screamed at the top of your lungs, I NEEDED ANOTHER DRINK, AND YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. And he did that eyebrow thing you hate and asked, What did I ruin? And then you screamed back KISSING PLANS. That’s when the kitchen started emptying out.” Aelin groaned.

“It’s so much worse hearing it again.”

Lysandra paused. “Do you want me to repeat the rest?” And Aelin nodded tentatively. It was masochistic, but she needed to hear it all again.

Lysandra sighed loudly, knowing the worst was about to happen. “You fucking raged, Aelin. You incoherently started screaming – I HAD KISSING PLANS. AMAZING REAL FIRST KISS PLANS AND YOU RUINED THEM BY GETTING DISTRACTED.” She crinkled her nose at that. “And it looked like Rowan was going to say something, but you just kept going on and on about your ruined kissing plans. You called him an idiot….” Aelin cringed. She couldn’t believe how belligerent she was. “And then you screamed, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME BACK WITH MY DRINK. THE DRINK WAS INTEGRAL TO MY KISSING PLAN. Which, by the way, nice SAT vocab drop while you were blackout drunk. That was impressive.”

Aelin couldn’t do anything more than flick off her friend. She was too busy berating herself for all the stupid things she didn’t remember saying when she was drunk. She’d been _this close_ to telling Rowan she’d planned to kiss him. And she’d said _FIRST KISS._ It wasn’t like she hadn’t kissed anyone before – she totally had. There’d been several games of truth or dare which included kisses and a braces-filled makeout session at Camp Terrasen in eighth grade. She’d just meant _their_ first kiss. She wanted to die.

“Then he got really mad himself and screamed back at you that you should have told him about your kissing plans, so he didn’t ruin your night. And you screamed back it didn’t matter since it was already ruined and clearly you could get your own drink.”

“I think that’s when he realized you’d had a little too much to drink that he’d clearly missed. And he sought out Nox, who explained the drink chugging, and while that happened, you literally chugged another drink and then launched yourself at Salvaterre.”

“I have to apologize,” Aelin said, but Lysandra shook her head.

“He didn’t bring it up for a reason.” Lysandra softened her eyes, running her hand through Aelin’s freshly showered hair. “I think once you punched Lorcan he chocked everything up to wasted nonsense.”

Aelin shoved her face into Lysandra’s pillow and let out a low laugh. What a nightmare. “I’m just grateful you and Elide were there to change me,” she said. “I can’t even imagine my embarrassment if Rowan had to peel me out of puke-covered clothes.”

“Yeah, you owe us for that one.”

Aelin’s mouth dropped in shock. “You left me to sleep on the bathroom floor!”

Lysandra laughed. “Only because you _scissor_ _kicked_ Rowan in the knee when he and Wes tried to take you up the stairs.” She looked at Aelin. “He’s not mad at you, Ace. He was going to let you sleep in his bed. Puke-covered and all.”

Aelin rolled onto her back. “But he’s going to prom with _Lyria_ ,” Aelin repeated again.

“She’s nice,” Lysandra quipped, causing Aelin to glare at her. “But she’s not you.” Aelin’s lips quirked upward at that. “He’ll figure it out eventually,” she said, letting Aelin breathe a sigh of relief. She really hoped Lysandra’s assessment was true. “Or he won’t, and you’ll spend the rest of your life pining away.”

Aelin snorted loudly. “Gee, thanks.”

“Welcome, bitch.”

Lysandra paused, her green eyes soft and nervous instead of holding their usual brash confidence as she continued. “I know you and Rowan are special best friends with, like, a special best friend song and everything.”

“We do _not_ have a special best friend song?” Aelin interrupted, causing Lysandra to laugh and boop her nose softly.

“You do. It’s ‘Dancing In The Moonlight,’ which is adorable, but not my point.”

“And that is…?”

“I know I’ll never be Rowan, but I’m still a best friend, and if you need to talk about things… you can tell me. Especially if they’re Rowan things.”

Aelin bit her lip and breathed nervously. “I’m glad you know.”

“Oh, babe,” Lysandra laughed, rubbing Aelin’s shoulder softly. “I’ve known about your feelings for _years_. I’m just glad you finally told me.”

Aelin groaned and shoved her head under the pillow again.

~*~

_Dear journal,_

_I don’t know who else to talk about this with. I know Lysandra KNOWS now, but I just need to vent to someone impartial, okay? Things with Rowan are so weird… because they’re not weird at all. After Lys told me what I screamed at him, I was sure he’d finally come out and clear the air, but it’s been a WHOLE WEEK, and he hasn’t said anythingggg. Everything is just…. normal??? He even let me keep the lacrosse sweatshirt Lys and El put me in. I tried to give it back, but he told me it was mine now. What the hell is THAT about? What does it mean?_

_I want to tell him I know about the fight, but then I’d have to explain I was screaming about kissing him, and I don’t know if he wants to hear that anymore._

_All I know is that every time I look at him I feel like I’m about to explode. Not to mention I’m about to go suit shopping with him for ~PROM~ and I’m kind of freaking out. What is Rowan in a TUX going to do to my body? I might just combust there on the spot. Maybe he’s right. I should ask Lys to teach me how to … you know (masturbate). I tried to watch a video (I KNOW), but I got a million pop ups and got too nervous and shut my laptop off. Maybe I should look on my phone next time. Do phones get pop ups?_

_UGH OKAY. HE’S HERE. WISH ME LUCK._

_Xo, Aelin_

_5/21/20 – age 16_

Aelin slammed her journal shut and shoved it under her stack of decoy notebooks in her nightstand just before Rowan appeared in her doorway.

“Ready to go, Ace?”

She nodded and stretched her arms above her head, shaking out her hand, which was cramped from writing so neatly in her journals.

“Don’t you want to bring a jacket?” Rowan asked, looking at Aelin’s bared stomach pointedly.

“It’s almost June, Buzzard, don’t be such a prude,” she answered, her arms self-consciously crossing over the chest of her cropped t-shirt.

He rolled his eyes, leading them back downstairs, and Aelin grabbed her purse and followed. “Don’t come complaining to me when you’re too cold.”

“I would never,” she gasped, feigning shock. “And don’t forget you owe me post-shopping ice cream.”

“Oh, bring me back a pint of chocolate peanut butter,” Rhoe called out from the kitchen, his blue eyes peering out from behind the giant pages of the Orynth Times.

“Sure thing, Dad,” Aelin called out, passing by the kitchen with a wave.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Aelin doubled back and peered into the kitchen where her exhausted looking dad sat. “Rowan is taking you _shopping_? Has hell frozen over? Rowan, how did you get conned into this?”

Aelin looked up at Rowan, who scratched his head uncomfortably. “She’s actually taking _me_ shopping. I need a tux for prom…” Rowan trailed off, his cheeks turning slightly pink as Rhoe returned a surprised look at the child who was practically his surrogate son.

“Ae, do you need a dress?” he asked, suddenly looking worried. Her dad would give her the moon if he could, but supporting a daughter on a firefighter’s single salary was often more than he could manage.

“Oh, no,” Aelin shook her head, carefully concealing her hurt feelings with a devilish smirk. “Rowan got asked to _junior_ prom.”

Rhoe’s eyes widened, flickering between his daughter and Rowan rapidly, before smiling softly. “An older woman, eh?”

“It’s not like that…” Rowan grumbled, his cheeks flushing slightly as he looked down at the ground at his well-worn running sneakers. “I barely know her. I just said yes to be polite…”

“Sure, Buzzard,” Aelin said, poking Rowan’s side. He frowned at her unhappily, flicking her finger away.

Rhoe barked out a loud laugh. “Have fun, you two.” He fixed Aelin with a serious stare. “Make sure he picks out something really embarrassing, kiddo.” His stare broke as he winked, sending them off on their way, Rowan rushing out of the house as fast as his feet could carry him.

“Oh yeah,” Aelin laughed. “I’m putting him in blue ruffles first.”

“You are not!” Rowan called from outside, already starting up the jeep.

Aelin waved goodbye to her dad and hopped into the passenger seat, cranking up her mix, which was still playing in Rowan’s car.

~*~

“I look stupid,” Rowan whined, shoving his hands into the pockets of the umpteenth different styled tux the shop attendant had pulled for him. This one was black, again, but some kind of shiny material, and the pants had a stripe up the side.

Aelin couldn’t help the small frown that tugged at her lips at how picky her best friend was being. She honestly assumed the boy who mostly lived in athletic shorts and t-shirts would be fine with the first suit he tried on, but he was being finnicky and far too particular for someone who “just said yes to be polite.” And it was starting to get on her nerves. What she thought was going to be an exercise in sexual restraint was actually just trying her patience.

“Shiny, no good!” the salesman agreed, his accent curling thickly around his criticism.

Rowan sighed and turned to look at Aelin, who did her hardest to neutralize her facial expression before he saw her frown, but it was too late.

“I knew it,” Rowan grumbled, peeling the jacket off and handing it to the salesman, who cleared out the full dressing room again, and Aelin gnawed at her lip, trying to think of something comforting to say.

“It’s not _bad_ …”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Ace.”

“Language!” the salesman snapped, and Rowan’s mood lifted for a brief second as he laughed in shock, his eyes going straight to Aelin, as if to say _Can you believe this guy?_ She shook her head in agreement, and she was relieved to see a smile on his face for the first time in two hours.

Aelin pushed herself off the small chair in the communal dressing room space and approached Rowan. She cocked her head to the side and let her eyes shamelessly trail his form. He was right about this particular suit. It _did_ look stupid. But none of the suits, all in differing shades and cuts of black, had looked right. As her gaze trailed back up to his face, his breath held, patiently waiting for her conclusion, Aelin had a stroke of genius.

“Black isn’t your color, Ro. It’s washing you out.” Rowan’s face scrunched at her assessment, clearly unpleased. But the stark contrast between the white and black, combined with his pale hair was doing something to his usually tanned and glowing skin, and it wasn’t good.

“I refuse to wear a light blue suit,” he said, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Not something bright. Just… subtle color,” Aelin explained, and the salesman started nodding rapidly.

“Ah, yes, the Bellissima is correct. Color. Yes, color! COLOR!”

He excitedly ran back into the shop and returned with suits in various dark shades of navy and emerald and maroon slung over his shoulder. Aelin watched in amusement as he shoved Rowan back into the dressing room, telling him to try the green first.

Aelin stood impatiently, arms crossed and leaning against one of the 360 mirrors, hoping against all hopes that her assessment was correct. She wasn’t sure she could endure another two hours of this. Another five minutes would be bad enough, to be honest.

When Rowan walked out to the small platform, she knew she’d nailed itt. Her pulse thrummed loudly, and she could feel her lips part, inhaling a large gasp into her drying mouth. Rowan looked…

“Wow,” Aelin whispered at the same time Rowan said, “Huh,” peering into the mirror.

Aelin stood up straighter, pushing herself up and getting a closer view of the striking boy in front of her. The green was so dark, it just barely contrasted with the black lapels and trim of the suit, but the color brough a warmth to his face that had been missing, the green of his irises prominent beneath his long blonde lashes. Those bright eyes peered over at Aelin, searching for her reaction, and she couldn’t help the soft blush that appeared across her skin as they locked with hers.

Rowan cleared his throat, coughing lightly as he smoothed the jacket out, pulling the lapels gently. “Uh, yeah. Good call, Ace.”

Aelin lifted her long hair into a high bun, needing something to do with herself besides stare and to allow the breeze of the store fan to cool the back of her neck.

“The one!” the salesman cooed, running his hands across Rowan’s broad shoulders proudly. “We did it!”

When Aelin looked back up, she was surprised to see Rowan’s eyes still on her, gauging her reaction with curiosity. He raised a blonde brow in her direction, and Aelin was afraid for a second that she was going to launch herself at him right there and kiss his face.

Instead swallowed loudly and clapped her hands, shaking off the intensity of his gaze and smiled broadly. “About time, Buzzard. Now, let’s go get me some ice cream.”

The moment was broken as Rowan rolled his eyes and made his way back into the changing room, slinging the suit over the door as Aelin exhaled and slumped back into the chair for a brief reprieve.

“Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream,” Aelin chanted as Rowan paid for the tux rental.

Rowan slung his arm over Aelin’s shoulders and smiled down at her. “Fine. You earned it.”

“Hell yeah, I did,” Aelin said, as the salesperson shouted, “Language!” at them again, as they ran out of the store, both giggling.

By the time they reached their favorite ice cream spot, the sun had set, and the swift down current breeze of the Staghorn Mountains had started up, cooling the temperature significantly from the balmy afternoon Aelin had dressed for.

She looked out at the dark water, shivering slightly as she took her first bite of mint chocolate chip. Rowan bit back a smile as he wrapped his hoodie around himself tighter, keeping the winds out, happily eating his cookie dough without danger of freezing to death.

On her third bite, Aelin finally broke. “Oh come on, Buzzard, sharing is caring. Now, give me the hoodie.”

“I told you to bring your jacket!” Rowan laughed just as a particularly strong gust cut against Aelin’s exposed skin, making her shudder. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” he snorted, opening up the hoodie and nodding to her. “Get in here.”

“Really?” she asked, teeth chattering.

“You’re the worst,” he joked as he unzipped his hoodie and held it open, and Aelin practically raced into it. Rowan’s smile grew as he zipped the hoodie back up, which shockingly stretched large enough to fit them both. Just barely. Aelin pressed her cheek against his chest, soaking in his warmth as his free hand rubbed her back. She shivered again, but this time having nothing to do with the cold, warmth and desire radiating through her body as she felt every twitch of his muscles, every shallow breath.

“Better?” he asked, and she nodded, smiling happily into her next bite of ice cream. She savored each bite, not wanting the moment to end too soon. Each bite tasting better than the last, surrounded in Rowan’s grasp and heat. She breathed in, his heady scent filling her head, his embrace feeling so perfect around her. Her stomach calmed, everything suddenly feeling so _right_.

“Thanks, Ace,” he said quietly, resting his chin on her head. “I know that’s not how you wanted to spend your Saturday.”

Aelin finished her last bite and leaned harder into his warm chest. “I don’t care how we spend our Saturdays,” Aelin admitted. “As long as we’re hanging out.”

“Cool,” Rowan said, sounding so lame that Aelin couldn’t help but laugh, and she could feel him hiding his own smile in her hair. “Okay, we have to get back into the car,” he laughed outright, his hands rubbing circles onto her back, and Aelin shook her head into his shirt. No, she wanted to stay just like this forever.

“I’ll freeze to death!” she countered instead.

“We’ll just have to make a run for it. I don’t plan on losing you tonight, Ace.” Aelin groaned, but Rowan knew he’d won. “On the count of three,” he warned her. “One… two…” On three, he unzipped the hoodie, and Aelin screeched, her voice raising to glass shattering levels as she sprinted towards the jeep, wind whipping through her thin t-shirt and cutting against her warmed skin like ice.

Rowan unlocked the jeep as they ran, and they both launched themselves into their seats simultaneously, joyful laughter bubbling up in both of them and filling the car.

Aelin watched Rowan as he turned the car on, and immediately cranked up the heat. Her stomach fluttered again, and she crossed her legs to quell the ache of desire that had begun to take over her body.

As stealthily as she could, she pulled out her phone and texted Lysandra again.

**I need some help.**

Her phone lit up with Lysandra’s returning message almost immediately. **XYZ kind of help???**

Aelin snorted at the use of Rowan’s code name. Lysandra had suggested if Aelin ever wanted to talk about Rowan in text, she probably shouldn’t use his name. Just in case he ever saw. Aelin had immediately suggested his initials, RW, but Lysandra smartly pointed out he was the only RW they knew. Lysandra cackled, suggesting XYZ – because it came right after W. And with any luck, Aelin would be coming soon.

Aelin’s cheeks flushed as she texted back. **Can you teach me/instruct me/explain how to masturbate?**

**OMG!!!!! MY BABY BUTTERFLY, YES YES YES GIRLLLLL!!!**

Aelin laughed softly, and Rowan looked at her curiously, from her cheeks to the phone lit up in her hand.

“Who could you possibly be texting right now?” he asked, and if Aelin didn’t know better she would have thought he maybe sounded slightly put out.

“Lysandra,” she answered, a little too quickly, but her heart was beating too fast at the inappropriate back and forth she and Lys were having, especially since she wanted to fantasize about the person sitting right next to her while she… learned.

“What about?” Rowan asked, curious.

Aelin bit her lip. “You were right,” she said, her face probably beet red. She was grateful he couldn’t entirely see the color in the dark.

“About what?” he asked. “I mean, I’m often right about a lot of things,” he added cheekily.

“Masturbation,” Aelin replied as confidently as she could, while feeling like her skin was going to burn her alive. The car swerved slightly as Rowan snapped his head to look in her direction.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice sounding strained and high.

“Lysandra’s going to teach me.”

Aelin could feel her best friend’s gaze puncturing holes into her flaming cheeks as he searched for something to say. But when she looked up, she couldn’t speak fast enough.

“ROWAN!” she shouted as the jeep crashed straight into the taillights of the car in front of them.


	8. Chapter 8

“He’s late,” Rhoe grumbled, his eyes flashing in annoyance as they flicked to his watch. Aelin sighed from her spot on the couch and rotated her brace-covered wrist. It was a minor sprain, the most minor sprain; she wouldn’t even have been injured at all if she hadn’t reflexively held up her hand against the deploying air bags, but when Rhoe had received a call from Aelin that she was in the hospital, he’d gone a bit ballistic. And his former surrogate son was pretty much persona-non-grata in the Galathynius household at the moment.

“Dad,” Aelin warned.

“I’m allowed to be mad,” Rhoe repeated for the hundredth time that week. “When I let _that boy_ —” Rowan had apparently lost his name privileges for being a minute late. “—drive you around, I expected you to be returned in a single piece.” He shook his head, repeating the same speech Aelin had heard every day for the last week. “I have one single treasure, Aelin. The most valuable treasure in the world, and when that treasure leaves the house, I expect it to come back to me in _perfect_ condition.”

She wondered how long this would go on. How many days of penance Rowan would have to pay before Rhoe forgave him.

Aelin sat up straighter at the sound of three raps on their front door. While Rowan used to just swing the door open himself, he now knew better. Aelin threw him an apologetic smile from the couch, her eyes trailing over the tightly sewn stitches above his eyebrow. They somehow made him look even more handsome.

“You’re late,” Rhoe said, looking expectantly at the white paper bags in Rowan’s hands.

“Sorry, sir,” Rowan’s eyes were tired. It’d been a long week. “I had an extra delivery this morning and…”

“No excuses,” Rhoe snapped, causing Rowan to nod nervously as he laid out the food on the coffee table for Aelin. Her eyes lit up at the feast in front of her. As part of his punishment for his “reckless driving,” Maeve had him doing breakfast deliveries before school all week, which ended in something special for Aelin.

She felt somewhat guilty that she was benefiting so much from Rowan’s accident, since she was a hundred percent positive that it was her own comment that had caused Rowan to become distracted and not see the car stopped at the red light in front of him. But, as she smelled the chocolate stuffed french toast, she couldn’t resist smiling.

She also wasn’t complaining that in her dad’s overprotectiveness, he’d assigned Aelin-watching duties to Rowan for his late-night shifts.

“I don’t need a babysitter!” Aelin had scoffed, while her heart pounded with glee at the notion of extra time with Rowan.

“What if you need something from the top shelf and fall and sprain your other wrist?” Rhoe had argued.

Rowan was more than happy to agree to Rhoe’s terms, immediately clucking and fretting over the couch-bound Aelin like an overbearing mother hen. It should have annoyed her to no end, but she was secretly enjoying every single second of his fussing.

“I’m working a double,” Rhoe said with narrowed eyes at Rowan, who nodded succinctly. “I’ll be home just after midnight.

Rowan cleared his throat nervously, and Aelin paused, fork midway to her mouth to gape at her friend. “Sir?”

Rhoe’s eyes narrowed warily. “Yes?”

Rowan ran his hand through his hair, tugging at the ends slightly. “I, uh, just wanted to ask you if you wanted me to come here tomorrow?” Rhoe frowned, his lips turning down at the question. “It’s just that tomorrow is prom, and if you want me to come here, I totally will. But I should probably tell Lyria today.”

Aelin felt her stomach clench uncomfortably at the mention of the L-word. She’d been so busy enjoying the extra attention from Rowan all week that she’d forgotten about prom. About the circumstances that led to this whole ordeal. Maybe her dad would tell Rowan he couldn’t go. She felt guilty about even thinking it, but she couldn’t help but hope it. Even just the slightest bit.

Rhoe rolled his bright blue eyes. “Don’t be stupid, boy.” Rowan flinched slightly at the way Rhoe addressed him. Seemed he clocked losing name privileges too. “You’ll take that girl to prom. You made a commitment, and I would hate to think you’re the type of person who doesn’t follow through on promises.”

“Yes, sir.” Rowan’s eyes flicked to Aelin, who was still holding her breath in anticipation. “I can still bring breakfast in the morning, if you want…”

Rhoe clapped Rowan’s shoulder just a smidge too hard as he smiled. “Nope. I took tomorrow off. You have _fun_ at prom.”

Aelin exhaled as her dad finally left and Rowan slumped down onto the couch next to Aelin as she poured the extra side of chocolate onto her French toast and dug in.

“Your dad is fucking terrifying,” he said with a shake of his head.

“He can carry over a hundred pounds up as many flights of stairs, Ro. You _should_ be terrified of him,” Aelin laughed through her sweet chocolatey bite. “He can definitely take your scrawny ass.”

Rowan’s mouth popped open. “My ass is not scrawny!”

Aelin poked his thigh with her toe. “I’ll believe that when I see it. Stand up, so I can take a better look.” She winked as Rowan shoved her foot away from him.

“Aelin…” Rowan’s cheeks flushed pink as Aelin wiggled her eyebrows. He bit his lip, tugging at the skin there, looking annoyed.

“What?” she asked, wishing so badly that she could jump into his head and hear what he was thinking.

“I have to get up to get you a napkin,” he said, looking at the chocolate that had splattered onto the table, “ And I know as soon as I stand up you’re going to stare at my ass,” he grumbled, and Aelin let out a loud cackle.

“I would never,” she said through her laughter.

“You’re such a liar,” he said, poking her shin.

He was right. As soon as he pushed himself off the couch, Aelin’s head snapped in his direction, but he spun around to walk backwards so she couldn’t get a good look.

“Ha!” he said, a victorious smile appearing across his face.

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Come on, Ro,” she pouted. “I’m injured. The least you could do is let me get a good look.”

“I hate you,” he chuckled, his cheeks now a deep red as he continued to trail backwards into the kitchen.

“You know what they say whenever you walk by,” she said through her giggles. “There goes Orynth’s ass. Everyone gets a piece.”

He flicked her off as he grabbed a handful of napkins with his other hands. “Please,” he scoffed. “I know according to your dad I’m evil now, and all that jazz, but I have standards. This ass is for my eyes only.”

Aelin cackled. “I’m now just picturing you staring at your own ass in the mirror, being like… damn, that’s a good ass.”

“I don’t have a full-length mirror for nothing,” he said with a wink, leaning over the coffee table to clean up the chocolate splatter.

Aelin couldn’t resist leaning back and peering behind him, trying to get a better look. She sighed happily.

“Ace!” he yelped, standing up straight and spinning around again, covering his rear with his hands. Aelin was laughing so hard that her stomach was starting to hurt. “I’m telling your dad that _you’re_ the evil one.” He tried to say seriously, but soon enough Rowan was joining in the laughter, tears rolling down both their cheeks.

As he smiled at her widely, helping her from the couch, that sudden pang of desire sprang up in Aelin again. She’d been able to control it for the most part, and neither of them had mentioned the conversation that had caused the crash in the first place. She wasn’t sure she could even imagine how the rest of that discussion would go. But she was glad to put it to the backburner for a tiny bit. At least until she felt more comfortable with it again. That hadn’t deterred Lysandra from texting constantly and asking when Aelin would like her first lesson. Luckily, Aelin was able to stave her off for a little while longer – at least until her wrist completely healed.

Rowan slung Aelin’s backpack over his shoulder, carrying her books as they walked to school, enjoying the balmy morning.

Once they arrived, Rowan led them to his locker instead of hers, and Aelin frowned. “Ro, I have to put my books in my locker.”

He shook his head. “We have world history first. I’ll just put them here, and we’ll come back together after.” He looked as his watch. “We walked too slow.”

“Sorry my leg span isn’t four thousand feet,” Aelin said, laughing at her best friend. He complained that she walked too slowly, but really he was just too tall for his own good. He didn’t realize how fast he got places simply by having longer legs.

Aelin clearly hadn’t looked at Rowan’s locker in some time, though, because she was shocked by the decorations on the inside of the door. It was dotted with photographs of their group of friends through the year – but, Aelin noted she made a prominent appearance in the center of the door, in a picture of just her and Rowan. It was from Yulemas break. Aelin’s favorite holiday; but she’d never seen this photo before. It must have been taken at the tail end of Maeve’s Yulemas party, when Aelin had fallen asleep after too many sweets and rum-laced eggnog. In the photo, Aelin’s head rested carefully on Rowan’s shoulder, her eyes closed and face relaxed in slumber as Rowan smiled softly at whoever was behind the camera.

“What are you smiling at?” he asked, and Aelin shook her head.

“I like your pictures.”

“Oh,” he said, returning her smile. “Yeah, Aunt Maeve printed a bunch out for me.”

“Mr. Whitethorn, Ms. Galathynius,” Principal Havilliard bellowed at the other end of the hallway. “You’re late. Again.” Aelin and Rowan sighed simultaneously. “Your second infraction this week,” he continued. “Don’t make it a third, or I’ll see you both in detention next week.”

Aelin wanted to tell Principal Havilliard off. It wasn’t her or Rowan’s fault for being late, exactly. They both had single working parents, and with Rowan’s car in the shop for the next few weeks, they had to walk over two miles to make it there. She was gearing up to say something snappy back, when Rowan dragged her down the hall, away from the offending school administrator.

“Not worth it, Ace,” he mumbled.

They managed to make it through the rest of the day with no other incidents, unless Aelin counted getting a C on her Ancient Languages oral exam an incident – which she didn’t.

“So, RoRo, you excited for _prom_?” Wes asked Rowan from the driver’s seat. Technically, Aelin wasn’t supposed to be driving with any of her friends for the rest of the year, but her dad was at work. And she couldn’t bring herself to walk another two miles home.

Lysandra’s eyes met Aelin’s in the backseat of the car, and Aelin purposefully looked out the window to avoid her face doing anything she couldn’t control.

“Uh, yeah?” Rowan asked. “I guess.”

“Dude,” Wesley laughed. “You’re going to prom with a cheerleader, who’s been all over you for months, and you _guess_ you’re excited?” Next to her, Rowan shrugged silently. But Wesley was only spurred on by Rowan’s lack of enthusiasm. “Should we pick up some condoms for you on the way home, or do you have some?” Wesley asked, and Rowan inhaled so sharply he started coughing. “What?” Wesley asked, looking at his girlfriend, confused, and rubbing his elbow where Lysandra must have pinched him. “I’m just saying. I heard it’s tradition to get a hotel room after prom…”

“Rowan would never be so cliché,” Lysandra interjected, her bright eyes flashing to check on Aelin in the mirror, but Aelin refused to look anywhere but out at the trees passing by out the car window as she steadied her breath. “Right?”

“Right,” Rowan repeated quietly.

“Doesn’t hurt to have some on hand,” Wesley said. “OW, what the fuck, Lys?” he yelped.

“You’re such an idiot,” Lysandra mumbled, just barely audible over her exasperated sigh.

“I’m good,” Rowan spoke up, clipped.

Aelin couldn’t control herself as she looked over her shoulder and took in her best friend’s paled face, staring at the roof of Wesley’s old sedan.

“You are?” she asked, hoping her voice didn’t sound too high.

“Yup,” Rowan replied, still refusing to look down at her.

“Smart boy,” Wesley laughed.

Lysandra’s eyes flicked to Aelin again, filled with worry, and Aelin shook her head slightly.

But Wesley raised a fair point that Aelin hadn’t even thought about during her busy week. She’d been so worried about Rowan and Lyria being at a dance together, arms wrapped around each other intimately, that she hadn’t even considered the implications of what would happen _after_ prom?

She couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been.

Despite looking forward to their late night “babysitting” all day, Aelin’s mood was completely soured by the conversation in the car.

She overcooked their pasta, couldn’t settle on anything to watch, and gave terse replies to every question Rowan asked.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” he finally asked, after finishing loading the dishwasher, and Aelin grunted a sure. He turned on _Clueless_ , one of Aelin’s favorite movies and relaxed back into the couch.

To his credit, he made it all the way through the movie, which Aelin laughed about 500% less than usual at, until asking Aelin what was wrong. But Aelin wasn’t sure what to say. She couldn’t exactly tell him she was stressed about the prospect of him having sex with Lyria. She didn’t think he’d really do that. He’d said on multiple occasions that he barely knew her. And sex didn’t seem like a thing Rowan would just _do_ with someone he barely knew. But, then, why did Aelin feel a pit of dread sitting deep in her stomach? Nothing about his answers had reassured her. And Rowan was changing. She never thought Rowan would abandon her at a party either, and he did that easily.

“I’m just tired,” she replied, yawning loudly and throwing all her acting skills into her performance. “It’s been a weird week. I think I’m going to head to bed. I’ll see you Sunday, right?”

Rowan crossed his arms as Aelin got up and started heading up the stairs, his bowed lips frowning and pinching his beautiful face.

“I thought we told each other everything,” Rowan said, annoyed. Aelin paused her feet on the stairs, looking over her shoulder at him. He was hunched over and still frowning, angrily glaring at the darkened TV.

Aelin cocked her head to the side, thinking of all the things she’d censored from Rowan in the last few months, and thinking that he’d probably started doing the same.

“I thought so, too.” She paused, looking at the way Rowan tensed at her words. She smiled sadly, and trudged upstairs to bed, not bothering to let him reply again.


	9. Chapter 9

Aelin woke late the next morning – so late it was practically afternoon. Bright sunshine streamed through the windows, causing Aelin to groan. She’d slept incredibly poorly, tossing and turning all night with discomfort at the way she and Rowan had left things last night. She should have just told him her worries, but she had no idea how to broach the topic of him potentially hooking up with Lyria without sounding like a possessive girlfriend, so she’d just avoided it and gone to sleep. Little good that did her. She was still tired as anything, exhaustion restlessly lingering in her stiff limbs, and her brain was bouncing around nonstop. She cracked the window open and frowned at the warm, sunny skies. It was everything her mood was not. Plus, in her tossing, she must have slept awkwardly on her wrist, and it was throbbing in pain again. She tightened her brace and got dressed quickly, knowing that her dad was most likely waiting for her to wake up.

She ignored the notifications on her phone screen, not wanting to deal with whatever was waiting for her there, and shoved it into her pocket as she made her way downstairs.

“Ah, the moody teenager is finally alive!” Rhoe cackled as Aelin rounded into the living room, and Aelin couldn’t help but crack a smile back at her dad’s enthusiasm. “Brunch?” he asked.

“Anywhere but Maeve’s?” Aelin asked, and her dad nodded succinctly.

He waited until they were in the car to pry. “So… you want to talk about why we’re not going to Maeve’s, even though she makes your favorite food?” He paused, looking slightly concerned.

Aelin sighed. She should have predicted this. That despite her dad’s current anger at Rowan for crashing his car with his daughter inside that he’d still be protective of him.

“That boy looked very distraught when I got home. Antsy even,” Rhoe continued. “It’s not like you two to fight…”

“We’re not fighting. I was just tired and went up to bed early,” Aelin lied again.

But Rhoe saw right through that. “Fireheart, I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve come home to you and Rowan asleep on the couch together.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Aelin replied too quickly, and Rhoe sighed, looking back at the road. Aelin leaned back into her seat, relieved that her dad wasn’t going to press further.

But of course after another few minutes of silence, Rhoe couldn’t help himself.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with that girl who invited Rowan to prom, does it?”

“Dadddd,” Aelin whined, glaring at him as hard as she could through her sleep-addled haze.

Rhoe help up his hand in surrender. “Sorry, sorry.”

Rhoe stayed silent until he pulled into the parking lot of the small diner on the outskirts of town. It wasn’t nearly as good as Maeve’s cooking, but Aelin couldn’t risk potentially running into Rowan today.

At the thought of him, she could feel her unchecked phone burning a hole in her pocket. Those unchecked notifications tugged at the edge of her patience, begging to be looked at. As her dad put in their name for a table, Aelin finally pulled on her phone.

As expected, there were missed texts from Rowan. What was surprising was that they were from 1 am. She scrolled through the late-night texts and frowned even harder. She had no idea how to respond to any of this.

**just left**

**your dad got home late**

**sorry I won’t be around tomorrow**

**wish me luck?**

Luck? Luck for what? For losing his virginity? For giving himself to Lyria and breaking her heart into a million pieces?

She couldn’t think of anything to say to him. So instead, she scrolled through the most ridiculous photos she could find and sent a weird looking good-luck emoji back. She hoped that would suffice. She didn’t want to have to say anything else.

…

“So, what do we know about this girl taking Rowan to prom?” Rhoe finally asked, shoving his last bite of omelet into his mouth. “Come on, Fireheart,” he prodded. “I know you want to talk about it. Plus, if you don’t tell me, I’ll just ask Rowan.”

Aelin sighed loudly. Her dad was nosy as fuck, and she couldn’t’ stave him off forever. “You’re incorrigible,” she said, sticking her tongue out, but there was nothing but annoyed affection in her tone.

“So…”

“Her name is Lyria,” Aelin grumbled, shoving her fork too hard into her stack pancakes. “She’s a junior,” she continued. “And a _cheerleader_.”

Aelin said the word as if it were the dirtiest slur she could possibly imagine, and she noticed her dad biting back a smile.

“A cheerleader, huh?”

Aelin shrugged, and her dad smiled wider. She wanted to stab her fork through his eye a little bit. She couldn’t see what was funny about anything she was saying.

“She blonde?” he asked, surprising her. And it must have showed on her face. “Just curious,” he added.

“No…” Aelin said, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Brunette.”

“Hmm…”

Her dad chewed thoughtfully, and Aelin could feel an annoyed flush creeping up her cheeks.

“What?” she snapped, and her dad laughed, shooing her concern away.

“No reason.”

“Dad.”

His eyes crinkled with amusement as he shook his head. “I just always wondered what would happen when you two started dating.”

“They’re not dating!” she hissed too loudly. She cleared her throat, trying to calm herself. They were _not_ dating.

“Sorry!” he apologized, a soft laugh finally releasing from his lips. “My bad. Not dating. Just… going on dates.” He paused, staring at Aelin with a reflection of her own bright blue eyes. “I always assumed it’d be with each other.”

Aelin gasped in surprise at her dad’s addition, a piece of pancake lodging itself in her throat, causing her to splutter loudly through hacking coughs.

“Dad,” she said emphatically. “Rowan is my best friend.”

He smiled softly. “Your mom was my best friend, too.”

Aelin scoffed and mumbled to herself, “Yeah, and look how well _that_ worked out.” She paused, seeing the flicker of hurt on her dad’s face. “Sorry,” she said quickly, apologizing to the parent who stuck with her. Who cared about her. Through anything.

“Point taken,” Rhoe replied, his voice quiet, and then went back to sipping his coffee in silence.

Aelin was an asshole. She sighed as she watched a clearly upset Rhoe avoid eye contact with her. They rarely mentioned she who shall not be named. Evalin Ashryver, formerly Galathynius, was akin to Voldemort in their household. Neither of them knew what she was doing or where she was doing it these days. She called a bit in the beginning, but as soon as Aelin turned ten, she found some new man to travel the globe with her and stopped checking in. Aelin spent one day a year with her, and only because the courts mandated it a decade ago. She hadn’t meant to hurt her dad’s feelings; she just wanted to stop talking about Rowan. She was an idiot. A terrible daughter. Rhoe had done nothing but be there for her, and she snapped rudely.

Aelin pushed the last few pieces of pancake around her plate, unsure how to apologize. Luckily, she didn’t have to think about it too long because a familiar face appeared at the end of her table with a nervous smile.

“Mr. Galathynius,” Elide gasped. “Aelin!” She laughed softly to herself, her brown eyes flicking back and forth across the booth. “What are you doing here? Line too long at Maeve’s?”

Rhoe bit his lip and whispered conspiratorially. “We’re not allowed to talk about it.”

Elide’s eyes widened as a small smile took over her face in understanding as Aelin’s mouth pulled down into an uncomfortable frown. “Ah. Rowan’s going to prom tonight, right?”

“It’s not about that! I don’t care who Rowan goes to prom with,” Aelin said, far too insistently. She huffed as her friend and dad laughed at her. Nothing about today was a laughing matter. “Hey,” Aelin interrupted, wanting to change the topic. “Who are you here with? Lys and Wes?”

Aelin looked around for her other friends behind Elide and was disappointed not to see them anywhere.

“Uh, no…” Elide paused, looking over to the hostess stand where a platinum blonde with a leather jacket covered in patches that Aelin would know anywhere stood.

“Are you hanging out with Manon Blackbeak?” Aelin asked, incredulous, nodding her head in the blonde’s direction. Manon was their grade’s resident mean girl. Despite her combat boots and heavy eyeliner and leather accessories, Manon was the sophomore class’s hottest commodity. She’d been asked out by nearly every guy in school, and she’d callously rejected each one. Aelin didn’t think she actually hung out with _anyone_ , much less her sweet friend Elide. Her mind was being slightly blown by the revelation that they’d gotten brunch together.

Elide’s shoulders sagged as she leaned down to the table. “I’m tutoring her in math, and she has threated my life if anyone finds out, so you can’t tell a single soul,” she whispered in a rush.

Aelin mimed zipping her lips shut.

“I mean it Ae,” Elide warned. “No one. Not even Rowan.”

“Rowan and I don’t tell each other everything!” Aelin insisted, remember their uncomfortable parting from the night before. Elide just stared. “We don’t!”

“Leelee, what’s the hold up?” Manon asked, resting her elbow on Elide’s petite shoulder. Aelin’s eyebrows raised at her dark-haired friend. _Leelee???_ Elide shook her head almost imperceptibly, not wanting to acknowledge it. But oh, Aelin would not be letting that one go.

“Oh, hey, Aelin,” Manon said, her amber eyes flicking to Aelin as she gave her a slight head nod. Aelin had to fight not to gasp; she couldn’t believe Manon Blackbeak knew her name.

All she wanted to do was take out her phone and text Rowan, but she knew she couldn’t. Instead, she smiled back, mustering as much confidence as she could and chatted with Manon fucking Blackbeak, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

She was strangely polite, asking Aelin and her dad how they both were, how their brunch was.

“We should get going, Leelee,” Manon said, squeezing Elide’s shoulder, and Aelin watched with curiosity as Elide’s pale skin flushed and nodded happily. It seemed that in all Aelin’s drama the last month she’d missed a key development in the life of Elide.

As soon as Aelin got home, she opened her computer and went to Manon’s Facebook page, looking for any kind of information about the girl, who had apparently been spending a significant amount of time with Elide. Aelin went down a social media rabbit hole, trying to piece together anything she could about the stunning white-haired girl, who she knew so little about.

After scrolling for hours, all Aelin had discovered was that Manon loved taking selfies, had a black pug named Abraxos and a half-sister named Rihannon, and her favorite book was _The Awakening_. It wasn’t much to go on, but Aelin was grateful for the distraction. She hadn’t looked at her phone all afternoon.

As she clicked back to the main page of her Facebook, she gasped. The first post was a picture outside a house she didn’t regonize, with a large group of people getting ready to head off to prom.

**Rowan Whitethorn is with Lyria Morgan and 8 others…**

Aelin clicked on the photo immediately, seeing that there were several posted and tagged from Lyria’s account. Which meant that Rowan and Lyria were Facebook friends.

She knew theoretically that wasn’t such a big deal. She practically never used Facebook – only for stalking purposes, but there was something defining about it. A solidifier in their relationship status.

Aelin gulped as she browsed through the photos. Rowan stood, arm around Lyria’s waist, and they both wore bright smiles. Aelin’s stomach sank. Lyria looked…. beautiful. Her brown hair was curled softly and swept to one side of her neck, and her dark blue gown fell softly off her pale shoulders, trailing into a layered skirt, looking like a waterfall. With her pale skin and dark hair and wide eyes, she looked like a fucking Disney princess.

Rowan looked just as spectacular in the suit she’d picked out for him, the subtle green perfectly accentuating his tanned skin and bright eyes. She stared at his fingers, wrapped around Lyria’s waist in every photo, and she started to feel nauseous.

She should have said something to him about how she felt before he went off to prom. But it was too late now. He wasn’t going to be checking his phone between dances.

Aelin’s heart pounded uncomfortably as she scrolled to a picture of just the two of them. Lyria looked up at Rowan happily, her pink lips smiling widely in a candid photo. Rowan smiled back down at her with a look that Aelin was never sure she’d seen before.

She felt like she was going to be sick. She needed to stop looking at these photos, but she couldn’t bring herself to click out of them. It was like a painful addiction. Like a trainwreck she couldn’t walk away from.

She flicked to the next picture – one of the boys putting corsages on their dates’ wrists. She looked at Rowan’s nervous face, his lips frowning in extreme concentration as he slid the blush flowers over Lyria’s hand. Aelin wanted that corsage to be hers so badly, she could barely think straight. All she could do was stare and let sadness overwhelm her senses.

“Whatcha looking at?” Rhoe’s voice came from behind her shoulder, and Aelin jumped at his proximity, her pulse thumping wildly at being caught. “Ah.”

Aelin blinked rapidly, not even realizing that tears had started to form in the corners of her eyes. She tilted her head back, making sure the tears stayed where they were supposed to, and didn’t trickle down her cheeks.

She stood suddenly, pushing away from her computer as she tossed it onto her bed. “I’m going out,” she announced to her dad, refusing to look at him as she went into her closet and pulled on a comfy pair of leggings and Rowan’s gym shirt. She knew she was being ridiculous, wearing a sleep shirt out of the house, but his lacrosse hoodie was in the wash, and she just wanted to wrap herself up in him.

“Aelin…” he warned. She knew this was going to be a fight. Her dad hadn’t let her be alone all week, but she just… needed some space. Rhoe must have seen the desperation in her face, because instead of fighting her, he simply asked, “Where?”

“My spot,” Aelin replied.

Her dad nodded in understanding. “Keep your phone on,” he said as Aelin practically ran out of the house, toward her special, secret spot.

When Aelin reached puberty, she struggled with her dad for a while. It was weird being a girl without a mom and dealing with raging hormones and a terrible period and a changing body. It wasn’t that she had a bad relationship with her dad – they were actually incredibly close, obviously; she wouldn’t have told him about Rowan if they weren’t. But there were some days that a teenage girl just needed to be free from her overprotective father’s gaze. Sensing Aelin’s struggle, Maeve had offered the rooftop of her restaurant up to her, if she ever needed a place to go, just to get out of the house, and Aelin had taken her up on it several times. There was one summer she was there so often, in fact, that it’d become her place.

Everyone knew that while Aelin was up there she wasn’t to be disturbed. She did all her best thinking up there. Aelin had decorated it with thick blankets and several pillows, and a whole stack of books for when she needed to tune out the rest of the world. And that sounded absolutely perfect right about now.

Maeve was expediting in the kitchen when Aelin arrived. She breezed past her to the back stairs, but Maeve caught her by the shoulder, offering out a white paper bag filled with chocolate croissants.

“How did you…?”

Maeve smiled warmly and squeezed Aelin’s shoulder. “Extras from this morning.”

She knew that was a lie. Maeve’s pastries sold out constantly, especially on a Saturday morning. And Aelin’s heart surged with gratitude, thankful that the woman knew exactly what she needed while she wallowed. She wrapped her arms around Maeve’s waist and buried her face into her shoulder, sniffing the warm scent of baking dough and cinnamon that Maeve smelled like most of the time. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

“Oh, you’re welcome, hun,” Maeve said, her fingers trailing through her golden hair comfortingly. “Let me know if you get hungry again later, kay?”

Aelin nodded and swiftly headed up the stairs. The rooftop shimmered with the last vestiges of the beautiful Orynth sunset, a blanket of pinks and oranges sprawling across the clouds. And Aelin arranged her pillows, so she could sit comfortably and watch the sun set beyond the roof of the restaurant.

She reached for a book and attempted to read, but she was too distracted. Her brain couldn’t focus on the black and white in front of her, and she found herself rereading the same passage nearly ten times before she gave up and pulled the edges of the blanket around her shoulders, like she was some kind of human burrito.

She wanted to know what was going on at prom so badly. She kept pulling out her phone, hoping for any new notification from Rowan. But it remained completely silent. He hadn’t contacted her since 1am last night. She was sure he was having the time of his life.

She couldn’t help but wonder, was he really dancing with Lyria? He hated to dance so much Her brain spiraled as time ticked away. If they were dancing, how were they standing? Were Lyria’s arms around Rowan’s neck? Would she be tall enough to reach, or would she wrap her arms around his waist and rest her head on his chest? And where were Rowan’s hands? Playing with the ends of her hair, or resting on the curve of her back? Her heart pounded endlessly as she finally pondered if Rowan would lean in and kiss her, mouths gently moving together as they swayed under the soft lights of the hotel ballroom? Would Lyria even appreciate what that meant? To be kissed by Rowan?

Aelin groaned loudly, her sound of discontent echoing into the dark abyss as she shimmied down until she was staring at the star-studded sky. She went to reach for her phone and look at the pre-prom photos one more time and shouted, “Fuck everything!” as her phone shuttered off.

She tossed the phone onto a nearby pillow and attempted to calm her racing thoughts. But she couldn’t. They swirled, her panic surging until she felt practically numb. She didn’t know how long she’d stared up at the dotted night sky when she heard the roof door open. She didn’t budge, just called out, “I’m not hungry, Maeve,” as she pulled the thin blanket around her shoulders tighter.

“Well, that’s good,” a low voice rumbled, amused. “Because I’m not sharing.”

Aelin sat up quickly and looked over her shoulder. Rowan stood, holding a large box of food in his hand. He was still in his tux, but he’d untied his bowtie. It hung from his neck, loose and untied.

“Ro?” Aelin couldn’t believe her eyes. This must have been some kind of grief-induced mirage. She’d officially gone crazy.

“No, I’m his doppelganger.” She watched as Rowan kicked off his dress shoes and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, getting slightly more comfortable. He cast her a nervous smile as he placed the box of food in front of Aelin and sat down beside her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice hoarse from hours of silence and an inexplicable surge of nerves at his presence.

“Prom ended,” he said with a shrug, arranging himself comfortably against the large pillows. He pulled out a foil package and unwrapped it, pulling a piece of warm bread off the baguette. “Plus, I was starving,” he laughed between bites.

Aelin couldn’t help but pry. This was the last thing she’d expected with her night, and she just wanted to know everything.

“You didn’t want to get food with Lyria?” she asked as nonchalantly as she possibly could while feeling like her body was going to explode with the pressure of her nerves.

Rowan shook his head, taking another bite of bread. “Nah. They were going back to Salvaterre’s, and I’m pretty sure I’m still not welcome there.”

“Oh,” Aelin said, her stomach sinking. So, would he have continued to hang out with her if they’d gone somewhere else?

“Plus, I missed you,” he said as he pulled out a large container of pasta. He opened it up and handed a fork to Aelin.

“Well, yeah. Obviously.” Aelin shrugged, biting back the smile that threatened to break through. “I’m very missable.”

She took the fork from his hand, and couldn’t resist purposefully brushing her fingers against his.

She could see Rowan’s lip twitch into the smallest of smiles, and she couldn’t hold back the small laugh that escaped her lips.

It was remarkable how just Rowan’s appearance could calm her down and thrill her so much. Though her heart still pounded wildly in her chest, her mind had stopped spinning with worst case scenarios.

Content just to sit for a minute, she reached into the container of pasta and took a large bite. The pair ate in silence, somehow letting the shared food heal whatever had happened between them last night. They didn’t always need words, Aelin thought. This was enough. The silence didn’t hang heavily between them, but rather felt like a comforting blanket.

Sated and filled with pasta, Aelin stretched back out onto the blanket to look up at the stars. Rowan joined her, laying back onto the pillows she’d brought up there.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Aelin finally asked, her nervous voice breaking through the quiet.

Rowan paused and lifted his head, putting his folded arms behind his head as he looked at Aelin. “Honestly? It was weird.”

Aelin wanted nothing more than to look at his face and pick apart every last nuance of his guarded face, but she kept her eyes trained on the sky, counting the stars to keep her focused and calm.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t really like to dance?” he said with a quiet laugh.

Aelin snorted loudly. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

His lips parted, and his gaze flickered over Aelin’s face as she patiently waited for him to say anything. A soft rush of wind brushed against Aelin’s shoulders, and she couldn’t help but shiver slightly, tugging the blanket back over her shoulders tightly.

Rowan breathed deeply and then frowned. “You’re cold.”

Aelin was about to protest that she was fine when Rowan sat up and slipped his jacket from his shoulders and handed it to her, hanging it over her shoulders, shutting her right up. She inhaled deeply as she pushed her arms through. The fabric smelled so much like his evergreen body wash and the specific woody scent of his skin. It was so warm and perfect, blanketing her in the most comforting scent she could possibly come up with, despite the slight scent of stale sweat beneath it.

She felt completely ridiculous now, swimming in both Rowan’s shirt and jacket and a pair of her well-worn leggings, but that didn’t prevent her from smiling softly in return.

“Thanks,” she said too-quietly for the loud hum of energy flowing through her limbs.

He nodded again and laid back down onto the pillows, putting his arms back under his head, and Aelin wanted nothing more than to snuggle right into that space next to him, but she knew if she tried that he’d a hundred percent be able to feel her pounding heart and figure out her feelings, and she just… wasn’t ready for that anymore. She was closeting them for the next few weeks. She just wanted her friend back.

So, instead of curling into his side, Aelin mirrored his position as she laid back. But as soon as she tried to put her hands behind her head, she remembered she had a sprained wrist in a cast, and she hissed in pain.

Rowan pushed himself up to look at her, his concern quickly morphing into amusement at her pain and stupidity.

“Come here, you moron,” he laughed, pulling her into the spot she’d studiously avoided laying down in.

He placed her injured hand gently across his stomach as Aelin rolled to her side, placing her head in the crook of his shoulder.

“I knew you couldn’t make it through an entire day without me,” he chuckled, and Aelin breathed deeply. He didn’t realize how accurate that statement truly was.

“Whatever,” she mumbled. “You had a shit day, too, I know it.”

Rowan snorted loudly before quieting down again. Silence hovered between them, until Rowan finally broke it. His voice was high with ridicule as he said, “Did you know Lyria had never heard ‘Dancing In The Moonlight?’ Like, how is that possible? And then she thought _I_ was weird for knowing all the words.”

At that, Aelin couldn’t resist tilting her head in up toward Rowan’s chin, and she couldn’t help but laugh at his distressed face.

“Unacceptable,” Aelin giggled, and Rowan cracked a smile back. She hummed happily, feeling his warmth seep against her cheek as she breathed in time with the rise and fall of his chest. “Next year will be better,” Aelin said sleepily.

“Should I take you home?” Rowan laughed, tugging at her hair gently, and Aelin shook her head.

“Nap first.”

“I’m not carrying you,” Rowan warned, and Aelin laughed, eyes already starting to close.

She hadn’t realized how tired she was. From stressing all day to the poor night of sleep she’d gotten. Sleep was tugging her, threatening to pull her under any second.

“Sorry I was such a bitch yesterday,” she mumbled, eyes already closed.

“You weren’t a bitch,” Rowan sighed. She smiled into his chest, snuggling in comfortably as she gave into her exhaustion.

“You’re my best friend,” she heard him say, just before she left sleep overtake her. That was enough for right now.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ha ha, Ace, very funny.**

Aelin’s phone buzzed with a text from Rowan, and she couldn’t help the giant smile that broke across her face. After their non-fight/fight about prom, she’d been unsure if they’d be able to resume the normalcy of their friendship, but it was as if nothing had changed at all. She and Rowan were back to their usual shenanigans. And this week was going to be shenanigan central, if Aelin had any say in it.

Today began the best friends’ annual prank week – traditionally the last week of school – and she was ready to really outdo herself. It was no secret that Rowan was a better prankster than she was, but she was determined to have the best prank this year. She just wasn’t a hundred percent sure what it’d be yet.

**Too bad for you, I have more than one bar of soap.**

Her laugh trilled loudly in her empty room at the text’s accompanying picture of Rowan’s usually serious face, sticking his tongue out and holding up a fresh bar of soap, not the one she’d painted with clear nail polish yesterday afternoon when she’d excused herself to the bathroom last night and wouldn’t wash him at all.

She couldn’t resist letting her eyes trail over his bare shoulders and wet hair, and she gulped loudly. Had Rowan sent her a picture of himself… naked? Sure, she couldn’t see beyond his chest, but still, the idea of him standing outside the shower to snap a picture for her was more than her hormones could handle. Her cheeks flushed, and for the first time in weeks, she had the urge to trail her hand between her legs.

 **I have no idea what you’re talking about, Whitethorn** she texted back, biting her lip the whole time.

**IT’S ON. YOU’RE NOT GONNA KNOW WHAT HIT YOU, GALATHYNIUS.**

**BRING IT, WHITETHORN** she texted back,

Despite her flushed cheeks and excited giggles, Aelin knew he was serious. Last time she’d underestimated Rowan’s pranking ability, she ended up with all her things duct taped to her ceiling. She couldn’t remember the last time Rowan was in her room – a few days ago, maybe? She looked around. Everything looked perfectly normal, but she knew that meant virtually nothing. She knew _something_ had been fucked with. She decided not to shower this morning. She’d shower in Rhoe’s bathroom later; she was positive Rowan wasn’t brave enough to go in there.

A gentle foot placed down against her bedroom carpet as she rolled out of bed. Safe.

She made her way into her closet and picked out an outfit. Nothing seemed to be out of place or changed thus far. She exhaled her nervous breath as she rifled through her clothes.

Her black jeans were torn at the knees, but they’d been ripped for months. She examined her t-shirt carefully and deduced it safe to wear.

Lastly, she strapped her wrist-brace to her wrist. Hopefully she would be discarding the cumbersome contraption any day now.

Aelin stepped across the room carefully, as if something were going to come popping out at any second. She wouldn’t put it past Rowan to install motion-censored pranks into her room.

Satisfied that she’d made it through the first leg of the morning unscathed, she made her way downstairs. _POP POP POP!_ Aelin shrieked as sounds of an explosion hit as soon as her foot pressed against the hallway runner. She ducked for cover, her knees hitting the floor with a new slew of aggressive pops.

“Asshole,” Aelin growled between gasps. It was too early for things exploding. She lifted up the corner of the rug, and sure enough, the entire underside had been lined with bubble wrap. “Clever asshole,” she mumbled.

“You okay?” Rhoe called out, and Aelin could hear the laughter he was holding back at her expense.

“Fine…” she panted, trying to calm her beating heart.

Aelin stepped down the stairs, each one a burst of bubble wrap detonating beneath her feet with shockingly loud pops.

Rhoe shook his head as his disgruntled daughter nervously reached for her backpack, tentatively grasping it in her fingers as if it held a bomb within.

“He was up there at six this morning,” Rhoe informed her with a raised brow. “You know, when I gave Rowan a key for emergencies that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

“You helped him, didn’t you?”

“I plead the fifth,” her dad laughed, his bright eyes lighting up with a glee that betrayed the truth. Aelin frowned. It seemed that Rowan had been forgiven for the car crash and was back to being one of Rhoe’s favorites. With her dad in on the pranks, Aelin knew she had no choice but to reach out to Aunt Maeve. Retaliation would be sweet.

“Happy Prank Week,” Rhoe waved her off with a guilty smile, and Aelin wondered what other hell awaited her.

…

“Open up, you fucker,” Aelin muttered to herself, struggling with her locker. She briefly wondered if Rowan had changed her locker code between classes. The lock was notoriously finnicky, but it’d never been stuck like this before. She redid the code one more time and yanked as hard as she could. It swung open, the door bursting forward before Aelin could pull it open herself, and she squealed loudly as a torrent of rice erupted from the metal box, pouring across her chest and down her body, falling down her shirt and bra and into every crevice imaginable. She watched in silence as the remainder of the never-ending waterfall of grains created a giant pool at her feet and scattered across the hall.

She gaped, blinking, wondering how Rowan could have even fit that much rice into her small locker. Passersby gawked at the mess as they made their way to and from class, and Aelin groaned, her face flushing at all the curious eyes she could feel on her back. As she pulled her history text from her locker, another wave of rice spilled out from behind her books. It seemed to be an infinite supply.

“How much rice even is this?” she mumbled to herself.

A hand brushed a few stray grains out of the ends of her hair, accompanied by a deep chuckle. “I don’t know. Looks like almost… fifty pounds.”

“Fifty?” Aelin glared over her shoulder, the remainder of the tiny pellets spraying at Rowan with the flick of her long hair. His smile was gleeful as he brushed some strays off her shoulder. It would take forever to get this all cleaned up. Trying to wade out of the puddle of uncooked rice, she lifted her foot up, her sneaker filling with uncomfortable granules as they settled into every nook and cranny.

She reached under her shirt and held out the band of her bra simultaneously, letting another pile of grains dump onto the floor. As she shook out her bra and her sneaker, trying to divest herself of the uncomfortable granules, her foot wobbled. She caught herself quickly, keeping upright. But just as soon, the grains rolled beneath the worn in sole of her shoe, sliding out from beneath her.

Her hands grasped for the nearest object: the sleeve of Rowan’s athletic jacket. But it did nothing to steady her. With Rowan’s jacket clutched in her fists, Aelin hit the ground with a large thud. Long arms flailed as Rowan fell next to her, their bodies a squealing tangle of limbs and uncooked food products splayed across the hallway.

Laughter erupted from both of them at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. She gasped for air, clutching at her stomach as Rowan leaned back into the pile and moved his arms and legs as if he were making a snow angel in the rice.

Aelin snorted loudly as she grabbed a fistful of rice and poured it over his joyous face.

“Ok, that was a good one. I admit it,” Aelin finally squeaked out between soft giggles. Rowan smirked haughtily, his face filled with pride as he continued to make his rice angels.

“Much more inspired than a giant masking tape dick on my newly fixed car, American Vandal,” he scoffed.

Aelin sighed. She knew that one wouldn’t get a reaction out of him.

“To be fair, I told Lysandra it wasn’t that funny. I wanted to cover the whole thing with tape and paint it pink, but there wasn’t enough time and I couldn’t tape it myself with one wrist!”

Aelin held up her brace-covered wrist, and rice poured out in a long stream, causing her to burst out laughing again.

“Excuses, excuses,” Rowan grinned, pushing himself up. “How is your wrist, by the way?”

He grabbed her arm and examined it gently. “It’ll be off next week,” Aelin said, clearing her throat as Rowan helped her back to standing, brushing rice granules off her as they went.

He shook his own head out like a dog, the grains flying so fast and explosively that Aelin held up her arms, ducking behind them for cover.

“Whitethorn! Galathynius!” a sharp voice snapped at the end of the hallway. A grimace appeared on Aelin’s face, mirroring the nervous smile on Rowan’s as slow, steady footsteps approached them.

“Principal Havilliard,” Aelin greeted their administrator with a wide smile. “You’re looking lovely today.”

The principal didn’t respond. He simply frowned as he took in the mess across the hallway.

“I don’t know how this happened, and I don’t care. Clean it up. Now.”

They both nodded quickly as Principal Havilliard turned away. But he glanced over his shoulder as if remembering something and called out to them. “Oh, and I’ll see you both in detention on Friday.”

Rowan mouthed, “worth it,” with a wink as Aelin started scooping up rice with her notebook, slumping over the mess in front of them. She rolled her eyes, not particularly caring about detention. She had more pranks to plan.

…

“I can’t believe you’re letting me do this,” Aelin snickered, holding up the covered cage to show Aunt Maeve.

She shrugged and laughed. “He deserves it, and the chicken will be returned to my egg guy, completely unharmed.” Maeve grinned as she lifted up the blanket to reveal the speckled hen beneath, waiting to be unleashed on her sleeping nephew. “I mostly can’t believe you’re up so early,” Maeve whispered, glancing at her watch.

“Worth it,” Aelin grinned, placing the cage down at her feet.

Maeve leaned down and opened the cage, coaxing the hen into her arms with soft coos. “Hey, Mabel,” she said, petting the chicken gently.

Aelin reached for her, and smiled at the way the hen settled into her arms. The farmer had called Mabel a “lap chicken,” and it seemed that was exactly right. All she wanted to do was cuddle. Aelin couldn’t resist giggling at the thought of Rowan waking up cuddling a chicken.

With Mabel securely in her arms, Aelin crept upstairs and pushed open Rowan’s door. Due to the insanely early hour, Rowan was still asleep, the beginnings of dawn creeping over his relaxed face. Biting back her laughter, Aelin leaned over him and placed Mabel down on the pillow next to his head. Instead of burrowing into the pillow, Mabel immediately climbed down, seeking out Rowan’s body heat and snuggled into the crook of his neck, fluffing her feathers and burrowing down contentedly.

Aelin didn’t think she’d ever been jealous of a chicken before, but she guessed there was a first for everything. “Slut,” Aelin chastised as Mabel inched even closer to Rowan’s bare skin. The chicken looked up at her smugly before burrowing her head back into her chest.

“THE FUCK?!” Rowan screeched nearly an hour later. Aelin smiled into her large mug of coffee. “AELIN!” Rowan bellowed, his door swinging open as a disgruntled Mabel clucked at having her slumber disturbed.

The chicken ran circles around Rowan’s feet, seemingly trying to heard him back up the stairs, as a groggy Rowan struggled to avoid her, nearly tripping down the stairs.

“NOT COOL,” he said, his half-open eyes still bleary with sleep as he pointed at a relaxed Aelin, sitting on the couch. Mabel followed Rowan as he trailed back upstairs, clucking at his feet, and Aelin couldn’t resist laughing loudly.

“She likes you, Buzzard,” she snickered. “Birds of a feather, am I right?”

“STAY OUT!” Rowan shouted, presumably talking to Mabel as he slammed his door shut.

Aelin grinned again. She was right. That moment, which would be seared into her brain forever was worth every sleep-deprived second.

It wasn’t until the next day that Aelin regretted the chicken prank. She’d been so proud of herself, she thought for sure that would be the end of things, but apparently Rowan wasn’t finished.

She ignored the first text which was just a smirking smiley face from a number she didn’t have in her phone. But when a slew of texts with variations of **Is this Monique? How good of a time are we talking?** Did she start to understand what Rowan had done.

“Where do you think he put up your number?” Lysandra asked. Aelin shrugged. She had no idea, but he was going to pay.

By the end of the day, what had started as a mild annoyance had quickly turned inappropriate, and she was drowning in vulgar innuendo with no end in sight.

“DO SOMETHING, ROWAN!” she fumed, angrily pushing her phone into his face. It was the slew of photos of erect male genitalia with no accompanying messages that had pushed her over the edge into true fury. “Men are DISGUSTING.”

Rowan grimaced, cringing with apology as he struggled to delete the mass of dick pics. His fingers fumbled as his cheeks became progressively redder, presumably reading through all the texts Aelin had received in the last twelve hours.

“Shit, Ace, I’m sorry,” he apologized, flashing her a sincere glance. “You’re right. Men are disgusting.”

Aelin crossed her arms defiantly. “I’m telling them all I’m sixteen and going to report them to the police for distributing pornography to a child or statutory rape or something.” She narrowed her eyes at her best friend, who was still scrolling. “And you’re going to take down wherever you put up my number… immediately.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied quickly. “I mean, uh, yes Aelin.”

She paused, waiting, and he sighed in remorse. “The bathroom at Maeve’s.”

“GO,” she demanded. She’d never seen Rowan flee so fast.

She looked at Lysandra seriously. “I need his phone.”

Lysandra grinned. “What are you going to do?”

Aelin shrugged, but her plan was already forming.

It turned out to be fairly easy to separate Rowan from his phone. All Lysandra had to do was suggest he go out to dinner with her and Wes, for a break between pranks. He accepted far too easily for someone who was in the middle of a prank war and should be expecting the worst. Lysandra was able to grab his phone and hand it off to Aelin in the bathroom with minimal effort.

As Rowan dined with his friends, Aelin sat, locked in a bathroom stall, scrolling through his phone contacts, changing each one to read the name _Dennis Quaid_. She didn’t know why she thought that was so funny. He was the star of a bunch of her dad’s favorite movies, and she wasn’t even sure if Rowan knew who he was, but each contact change made her giggle with glee. She’d changed her own name to _HER ROYAL HIGHNESS OF PRANKS_ , naturally.

She was nearly halfway through his contact list when a text popped up from **Lyria** with a yellow heart next to her name. Aelin’s heart stilled in her chest. She knew she should just continue her plan and stay in his phone book and not wander to other parts of his phone; she should _not_ invade his privacy like that. But when the name popped up again, she couldn’t help clicking on it.

Her pulse thrummed, blood rushing loudly as she scrolled through the pair’s messages. She was afraid to read too far back, but she frowned at the amount of texts. Rowan had been _texting_ her. Not just a one time or two-time thing surrounding prom, but… almost every day this week. And he hadn’t mentioned it _once_ to her. She’d been so sure that when Rowan left prom it meant that he wasn’t into Lyria, but this evidence put that assumption into serious question.

Her eyes perused their current conversation, and it had Aelin’s stomach in knots.

 **Yeah!** Lyria had texted. **Friday?** **We can finally hang just the two of us** with a wink face.

 **I wish** _,_ Rowan had responded. **But I have detention Friday.**

Aelin’s eyes snagged on “I wish,” over and over. Did that mean he wanted spend time alone with Lyria? Or just that he wished he didn’t have detention? She was telling herself it was the latter.

**Detention??? I had no idea you were such a bad boy.**

Aelin nearly gagged at the atrocious flirting she was reading. Lyria was not practiced in the art of subtlety.

 **You know me** he’d replied with a shrugging emoji. Aelin was grateful it wasn’t a wink, but there was something about it that unsettled Aelin. _Did_ Lyria know Rowan? And if she did, how did she know him? Aelin knew him better than her, right? A slew of insecurities toppled onto Aelin, crushing her with the weight of them. How had one simple text exchange with a girl made Aelin feel like she was questioning her entire friendship with Rowan?

**Well, sometime in the next few weeks, then.**

**Before I head off to cheer camp.**

Breathing hard, she clicked out of the texts, desperately trying to forget what she’d just read. She felt awful. She wished she could go back to minutes ago and tell her former self not to click on the messages. She’d rather live in ignorant bliss than to know that Rowan was texting with another girl. And planning a date. She frowned, knowing that he had no way of knowing her feelings because she was too much of a coward to say anything yet and disrupt their friendship, but she didn’t know if she could just sit on the sidelines and watch him date. She hadn’t planned for that. She thought that if she remained single, he would, too. A false hope that he harbored similar feelings, she supposed. She didn’t want to think about how much that hurt. An uncomfortable pang pulled at her stomach, thinking of Rowan dating another girl.

Despite being in the middle of a prank, a new one cropped up in Aelin’s imagination. She knew it was bigger than anything either of them had done before, but the distraught part of her heart compelled her. She needed to know Rowan’s reaction. 

After texting Lysandra and exchanging the phones again, Aelin made a plan to head to the store.

…

Aelin spent the next day lightly planting evidence. In the car on the way to school, she’d complained about Rhoe’s warning to her to be alert, that there was suspected arsonist on the outskirts of Terrasen. The fires were real, and Rhoe had been working overtime to put out nightly fires, but the warning was non-existent. Rhoe had even assured Aelin that he thought it was a bunch of seniors pulling their own pranks in empty buildings. But she’d relayed the news to Rowan with the utmost seriousness. And she might have added that the criminal was a murderer, too. Rowan had raised his eyebrow in disbelief. The small town of Orynth was pretty crime-free, but Aelin had just rolled her eyes in agreement. Her dad was being silly.

Then, at lunch, she’d relayed the news to Lysandra, Wes, and Elide, all whom had heard different variations of the fire stories, affirming it for Rowan. She’d made sure he clocked the conversation before they went into a discussion about their summer plans. Elide and Rowan, who had already been CPR certified, were going to be lifeguards at Orynth Beach, which Aelin had wanted to do herself, but apparently she was two months shy of the age requirement. So, instead, she was going to be working at the beach’s snack bar.

Lysandra complained about being taken on a full summer trip with her family, touring across the continent on an educational history trip. Wes was still trying to negotiate the possibility of accompanying her, but it wasn’t looking promising.

“Okay, Queen of Pranks, you win,” Rowan sighed as lunch wrapped up. “Are we finished?”

Aelin forced a smile as he showed her his phone log, with five missed calls from Dennis Quaid.

“Yes,” she said resolutely, knowing that she was lying to him. She thought of his texts and refused to feel guilty for the lie.

“Thank gods,” he said, slinging an arm over her shoulder. “Truce dinner? I’ll even bring food from Maeve’s.”

“Perfect.” Aelin wouldn’t even have to come up with a plan to get him to come over.

She’d just finished her preparations when Rowan texted he was on his way over. She looked down at the blood splatter across her chest, dribbling down her waist and out of her mouth. She’d powdered her face and hands to look ashen and pale before affixing the toy knife to her tank top.

 **Are you almost here?** she texted.

 **Leaving Maeve’s now** , he replied.

 **Can you hurry?** She texted again **. I** **think I hear someone upstairs, and I’m kind of freaking out.**

His reply was almost immediate. **Are you serious?**

She didn’t reply as she laid down on the couch, affixing her hair around her face messily. She placed her phone down on the coffee table and dimmed the lights as she poured some more of the fake blood around the knife, before shoving it beneath the living room rug.

She could hear her phone buzzing with an incoming call, but she ignored it, closing her eyes and relaxing her body instead. She was going to scare Rowan _so bad_.

Her lips threatened to twitch into a smile as she heard Rowan’s heavy footfall running up the front stairs, but she trained them into a neutral line.

“Aelin!” Rowan shouted as he struggled to unlock the front door. “AELIN, I’M HERE!”

She could hear the door swing open, and she took a deep breath, stilling her breath for as long as she could as Rowan ran into the house.

He ran upstairs first, still shouting her name, so she took another deep breath and held it as soon as his panicked footfalls descended back into the living room. His feet stilled as he spotted her on the couch, and she wished so badly she could see his face, but she intended to commit to this prank as long as she could.

His voice, formerly piercing through the home was soft as he spotted her on the couch. He inhaled a shuddering breath as he whispered, “Aelin?”

All at once, he rushed to her side, kneeling beside the couch as his hands delicately pressed against the still-wet fake blood on her stomach.

“Aelin,” he breathed. “Fuck, fuck… FUCK!” he shouted. “No, you can’t be dead, you can’t leave me, too…” he whispered. “No, no no no…” he muttered over and over as he reached for something else. Aelin didn’t know what he was doing until she heard his quiet, shaky voice address her dad on the other end. “Rhoe, I…”

“Oh my gods, don’t call my dad!” Aelin sat up suddenly, interrupting whatever tragic voicemail he was about to leave.

Aelin’s eyes trailed over Rowan, hunched over his phone, hands covered in blood, face red and splotchy as tears streamed down his cheek. His eyes widened at hearing Aelin’s voice, and he threw the phone down and wrapped his arms around her shoulders in a vice grip, shaking around her as sobs wracked his body.

Warmth flooded through her at Rowan’s reaction. “Gotcha,” she said, laughing lightly as Rowan pulled away and wiped furiously at his tears. She felt bad. She hadn’t thought he would cry.

What she hadn’t expected was Rowan suddenly shoving her back down onto the couch, rage in his eyes as he turned away from her to continue crying. “Are you fucking serious, Ace?” he gasped between tears. 

Aelin pulled the sticky, blood drenched t-shirt off of her, leaving her in her thin tank top, and poked Rowan’s shoulder.

“I…” Aelin didn’t know what to say as Rowan turned around, tears finally drying, but his face still red with fury. “I’m sorry? I just wanted to get you back?” she replied weakly.

“Yeah, well,” he sniffled loudly, wiping his nose with the back of his hand, visibly still affected by her prank. “You dying isn’t a prank, Aelin. It’s my worst fucking nightmare.”

“I didn’t know you’d care that much…” she said, although even as she said it she knew she was wrong. Sure, she was jealous of the messages between Rowan and Lyria, but she knew how much Rowan loved her. As a best friend, even if nothing else.

“Care that much?” Rowan gasped, still wiping at his face. He paused, his green eyes glowing with ferocity. “You… you’re my family,” he admitted, face scrunched in pain. “I can’t lose more of my family,” he cried, and Aelin opened her mouth to defend herself, but she couldn’t find the words as Rowan continued. “I don’t want to even fathom my life without you in it.” His chest heaved as he struggled to manage his emotions. “For someone so smart, you can be _so_ dumb sometimes,” he struggled to get out. Aelin felt her stomach twist with guilt as Rowan walked to the doorway and picked up the bag of food from Maeve’s.

He placed it on the coffee table and walked back to the door.

“W-wait?” Aelin called out. “Where are you going?”

Rowan’s feet stilled, but he didn’t look over his shoulder as he spoke. “I’m so mad, I can’t even look at you right now.” He laughed, but it sounded hollow through the remnants of his tears. “Enjoy your truce dinner.” He reached for the door and finally looked over his shoulder at where Aelin stood motionless, staring at his expressionless face. That look would haunt her worst nights. “Night, Ace.”


	11. Chapter 11

A crowd of screaming students streamed past the window as Aelin slouched down at her desk. The last day of school was supposed to mean early release, ice cream down by the pier and finally celebrating two whole months of freedom.

But not today. Not for Aelin. Instead, she was in hell.

She barely paid attention as Principal Havilliard explained their detention task, though she didn’t miss her fellow detentionee’s groans as he spilled the ancient library card catalogue onto the floor, his foot shuffling them even further out of order.

“I have paperwork I’ll be doing in my office right next door, and I will notice if this door opens one inch. You have three hours to put these cards back in order,” he smirked, his boot-covered foot shoving the cards around some more. “See you all at seven.”

Aelin glanced over at Rowan, hoping for any kind of assurance, but just like the last twenty hours, he refused to acknowledge her. She knew she’d screwed up; she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt so awful as when she saw Rowan’s red-rimmed eyes pick her up for school this morning. She’d apologized profusely, over and over until she wasn’t sure she could apologize anymore, but he just shrugged stiffly and refused to look at her. It had felt like the longest day of her life, and it still wasn’t over.

“Some for youuu,” Dorian cooed, scooping up the cards from the floor and plopping a pile onto Rowan’s desk.

“Some for youuu,” he continued around the room, distributing cards to Manon, who Aelin had been not entirely surprised to see in detention. Dorian dumped the remainder of cards on his and Aelin’s desks, smartly avoiding an already-napping Lorcan in the back corner of the room.

“It’ll be finished fastest if we separate by letter, and then organize each letter,” Dorian explained.

Manon laughed as she started sorting. “Your dad make you do this on your free time?” she asked.

“You know it, babe,” he said with a wink. “Nah,” he said, shaking his head with a wry smile. “My dad just loves giving me detention.”

Dorian kicked up his feet onto the desk as he began his sorting, aimlessly chatting with Manon.

As Aelin began her own sorting, she glanced over at Rowan again. He was dutifully separating his own piles, shoulders tensed, as if he could feel Aelin’s gaze on him, his own eyes boring holes into the desk in front of him, refusing to look up. She hoped against all hopes that he’d look up and all would be forgiven, but she knew that wasn’t likely. Fuck. She’d really fucked up. She had no idea what to do or say to make it better. She felt entirely out of her depth. Rowan had never ignored her for this long, and she was starting to feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal. She was tweaking, in desperate need of any kind of acknowledgment – a flash of his dark green eyes, a smile, a nod… anything.

Instead, they sat in tense silence, the only sound the shuffling of index cards. The minutes ticked by, endlessly, and Aelin could feel herself growing more frustrated with Rowan’s silence with every passing second. She knew she was about to burst.

“L’s are done,” Rowan said, pushing a stack of index cards to the corner of his desk. Manon collected them and dropped them onto the front desk, adding them to her own pile.

Aelin glanced at the giant wall clock. 4:45. Only two hours and fifteen minutes more of the silent treatment. She groaned and placed her head down on the desk.

“Okay, what’s going on with you two?” Dorian asked, pointing at Aelin and Rowan. Rowan’s back stiffened, going ram-rod straight as he frowned at Dorian’s question. “Aren’t you supposed to be best friends?”

Rowan scrunched his nose up and finally, _finally_ glanced toward Aelin. The pain in his eyes nearly knocked Aelin out. She inhaled sharply, biting on her lip, trying to hold back the onslaught of emotions just a look from Rowan caused.

“We are best friends,” Rowan mumbled, causing the knot in Aelin’s chest to unfurl slightly.

“Then again,” Dorian smirked. “I repeat. What’s going on with you two?” he asked. “Because you’re kind of acting like you hate each other.”

“We don’t hate each other,” Aelin burst out, her heart pounding.

Rowan frowned, finally putting all his attention on her. “I don’t know,” he began. “What you did was pretty hateful.”

Aelin leaned toward him, her voice hoarse with desperation. “And I said I was sorry a million times. I’m sorry,” she said again.

“Ooh,” Dorian perched himself on a desk between the fighting pair, looking back and forth at the dueling friends. “Should we all talk it out?”

“No,” Rowan snapped, going back to his card organization.

“Boo,” Manon jeered, joining in on what Aelin would rather not have as a group discussion, causing a bright smile to appear on Dorian’s face. He was living for this drama, apparently. “Kind of sounds like you two just need to kiss and make up.”

Aelin’s cheeks flushed at the mention of kissing, which she tried to push down immediately, covering her face with her loose hair.

“Mind your own business,” Rowan frowned, bravely talking back to Manon in a way that Aelin was sure would get him snapped at. But instead, a feral grin appeared on Manon’s face as she twirled a piece of her white blonde hair with a long nail.

“Oh come on. I _dare_ you.”

“What?” he asked.

“I dare you to kiss Aelin,” Manon repeated smugly.

She raised her eyebrows at Rowan, who’s lips turned down even further.

“Don’t be stupid,” Rowan said, rolling his eyes. Aelin stomach hurt with how fast he’d dismissed the idea. “I’m not kissing Aelin on a dare.”

“Why not?” Dorian asked. “I will.”

Dorian slid off his desk and leaned over Aelin’s. Aelin leaned back, laughing softly at Dorian’s half-hearted attempt to bring his lips closer to her face, and swatted him away.

“Very mature,” Rowan grumbled, tugging his fingers through his hair as he glared in Aelin’s direction again.

“Oh, come on,” Dorian prodded. “We all need a break anyway. Let’s play truth or dare.”

Rowan scoffed loudly, never stopping organizing his cards on his desk. “What are we, in seventh grade?”

“Don’t be a pussy, Whitethorn,” Lorcan called out from the back corner of the room. Everyone’s heads whipped around at the sound of his gravelly voice. Aelin watched with curiosity as he stood, his large arms stretching overhead as he cracked his back and neck loudly.

“Truth or dare,” Manon chanted. “Truth or dare! Truth or dare!”

Aelin laughed as Dorian and Lorcan both joined in, slowly approaching Rowan’s desk until he was surrounded.

“Fine!” he shouted.

“Great!” Dorian ruffled Rowan’s hair, earning another disgruntled frown from the blonde. “Manon, truth or dare?”

“Dare!” she answered excitedly.

“I dare you to flash us,” Dorian said with a devilish smile, causing Manon to roll her eyes.

“Boys.” She shook her head. “So fucking predictable.”

Her voice was deadpan, but she fulfilled the dare regardless, lifting her shirt to show the room her black bra. The boys’ jaws dropped slightly, completely silent as she pulled her shirt back down and fluffed her hair, completely unphased.

“Lorcan,” Manon drawled. Before she could even ask the question, he puffed out his chest and grinned.

“Dare.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

Her golden eyes glowed as she pretended to think over her question. “I dare you to kiss Dorian,” she gleamed, showing off a perfect row of white teeth.

Lorcan merely rolled his eyes again. “What, you think I’m going to get all no-homo, as if I haven’t had a threesome with another dude before?” Manon shrugged. “C’mere, pretty boy, gimme a kiss.” Lorcan laughed as Dorian mimed pointing to himself, as if to ask _Who, me?_

Aelin blushed furiously. She knew that seniors were more experienced than she was. Well, a _lot_ of people were more experienced than she was. But a threesome? She could feel herself heat up as Lorcan slid his hand into Dorian’s hair and placed his mouth over his for a hard kiss. Dorian’s mouth moved in tandem with the senior’s, until Lorcan left him with a soft press of his lips and a cocky grin.

Dorian cleared his throat. “I mean, I get it,” he admitted. “Why everyone’s lining up to fuck you.”

“Not everyone,” Lorcan said, flashing his dark eyes at Manon for a loaded second. Aelin remembered all of Manon’s callous rejections and wondered if there was more to the story than they were seeing. She was so wrapped up in trying to figure it out that she barely even registered when Lorcan turned his attention to her.

Lorcan grinned widely. “Aelin, truth or dare?”

“Umm…” She paused. It was no secret that Lorcan wasn’t her biggest fan. And she had a feeling he was getting ready to torture her. She had no desire to flash an audience or kiss anyone but Rowan, so she decided to go with the safer answer.

“Truth,” she answered nervously.

“Who in school are you hottest for?” he asked.

“What?” Aelin squeaked, her voice going unnaturally high as all eyes turned to her.

“Who in school are you hottest for?” Lorcan repeated. “Who do you lust after? Who do you think about when you listen to _I Touch Myself_?”

Aelin’s mouth dropped as she gaped like a fish. “I…I…” Her cheeks burned as she scanned the faces in front of her, trying not to pause on the dark green eyes that were suddenly rife with curiosity. “Did I say truth? I meant dare,” she said, changing tactics.

Lorcan rolled his eyes and motioned this thumb downward. “Booo.” He made a raspberry sound with his lips as he stuck out his tongue. “Fine, I dare you to give one of us… whoever you want… a sexy lap dance for thirty seconds.”

“I don’t know how to do that!” Aelin croaked out, getting more stressed by the second. She’d have to _choose_ someone. She wanted to choose Rowan, of course. She’d be most comfortable being close to him like that, but she hated that he was still so mad at her. She didn’t want to risk upsetting him even more.

“One or the other. We’re waiting, Aelin,” Lorcan drawled.

The room silenced as Aelin stood and looked at the four students sitting in front of her, laps ready and waiting for her. She was about to take a step toward Rowan when his eyes went to the floor, avoiding her gaze, and she redirected, stepping in front of Manon.

Aelin glanced over her shoulder. “I wish I had music,” she complained. 

“I’ve got you,” Lorcan smirked, pulling out his phone from his back pocket. Of course he’d smuggled his into detention. He cued up some rap song with a thumping bass that Aelin wasn’t familiar with, and she took a deep breath as she pretended she didn’t have an audience.

Her hips swayed side to side, dipping lower.

“Lap dance means on her lap, prude,” Lorcan shouted, and Aelin resisted the urge to glare at him over her shoulder. Instead, she got closer to Manon, pushing her legs wider as she awkwardly shimmied between them. She turned around and leaned her head back as she felt Manon’s hands at her sides, helping her maintain her balance as she dipped low to the ground.

“Annnd… time,” Dorian said, clapping loudly as Manon threw Aelin a wink. Adrenaline pounding through her shaky legs, Aelin barely stood upright before tripping over Manon’s extended foot and plopping into Rowan’s lap.

He stood nearly as soon as she fell, hands firmly placed around her waist as he shoved her away from him. “Gods, Aelin, be careful!” he reprimanded her, and Aelin felt tears prick at her eyes. Rowan had never acted like this with her before. He’d said she was still his best friend earlier, but now she wasn’t too sure. His eyes were stormy with upset. All she wanted was for him to smile again.

“Sorry,” she mumbled her apology, and he awkwardly shook her off. It was then she realized it wa her turn. To ask Rowan.

“Rowan,” she said, her voice shaky. “Truth or dare.”

“Truth…” he answered carefully.

“What else do I need to do to make this better?” she asked. She just needed an answer. Anything to do to repair what she’d clearly destroyed.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged.

Dorian made a loud buzzer sound. “That’s not a satisfactory answer.”

“Even if I really don’t know?” Rowan answered, exasperated. Dorian shook his head, and Rowan practically growled in frustration.

“Your original dare still stands,” Manon said, sing-song. “You can always decide to kiss Aelin.”

“Fine,” Rowan said, causing Aelin’s heart to skip a beat.

“What?” her eyes widened, clearly not hearing right.

“I’m taking the dare,” Rowan said with an annoyed glare. “I’m kissing you.”

Aelin wished the ground would open and swallow her whole. She didn’t want Rowan to kiss her on a dare. That was not how she’d imagined that happening. Especially not while he was so mad at her.

“No!” Aelin exclaimed, chest thumping wildly as panic flooded her system.

“No?” Manon scoffed.

“I don’t consent to this dare!” she squeaked out.

Rowan wound his arms tightly across his chest, clearly getting more annoyed with Aelin by the second. “It’s just a kiss. It doesn’t mean anything.”

_Maybe not to you_ , she wanted to scream. But instead, she swallowed back the lump in her throat and nodded softly. Rowan visibly relaxed at her agreement, but as soon as he started to lean forward, Aelin couldn’t help but think how _wrong_ it all was. She didn’t want her first kiss with Rowan to be because of a stupid dare. She wanted him to _want_ to kiss her. And she certainly didn’t want an audience for it. She’d imagined kissing Rowan so many times, but never in her wildest dreams had she imagined it would happen like this.

His lips had barely brushed hers when Aelin turned her head to the side, so his mouth landed just beyond the corner of her lips, making full contact with her cheek instead.

“Burn,” Lorcan cackled loudly, causing a flood of embarrassment to rush through her.

“Sorry,” Aelin whispered.

“S’fine,” Rowan mumbled, his cheeks stained with red as he looked anywhere but her.

“Kisses mean something to me,” she finally said.

“Spoken like a real virgin,” Lorcan heckled, and Aelin could feel herself shrink even further. Rowan spun around on his heel, his chest heaving as he unleashed on his teammate.

“What is your fucking _problem_ , man?” Rowan spat as Lorcan stoically raised a dark brow in his direction. “I get it, she made you look like an idiot, wounded your manhood or whatever, but you need to let up.”

Lorcan held his hands up in mock surrender and meandered back to his seat, grumbling something about “stupid sophomores.”

Rowan sat loudly back at his desk, clearly seething as he began shuffling through his index cards again. Aelin flushed with relief at his defense of her. She wanted to throw her arms around him and thank him, but instead she threw him a grateful glance, which he accepted with a small nod. It wasn’t a smile, but she’d take it.

“Game over?” Dorian asked, and Manon nodded quickly, retreating to her desk.

“Virginity is just a concept, anyway. Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re losing anything when you have sex,” Manon said too loudly in Aelin’s direction. “It’s a sexist concept created by men to boost them up and control women’s bodies. Sex means different things to different people, and anyone who tries to make you feel bad about your sexual experience or lack of it deserves a special place in hell.”

Aelin had never appreciated someone as much as she did Manon in that moment. Lorcan pretended not to listen and shoved his earbuds further into his ear, slumping back into his seat.

“Thanks,” Aelin said quietly, and Manon shrugged.

The four of them worked quietly for the remaining hour of detention, shuffling the cards back into alphabetical order with methodical ease.

When Principal Havilliard returned at 7pm on the dot, Aelin sighed with relief. “Have a good summer,” he said, effectively dismissing them and walking out the door.

Aelin lingered, hoping to steal a moment with Rowan, but it seemed that he was anxious to get somewhere else.

“Glad I’ll never have to deal with you again,” Lorcan mocked as he made his way to the door. “Fire breathing bitch,” he hissed, passing her by.

Fury steamed at his words, and Aelin stood quickly, wanting to launch herself at him. Her fist reared back, ready to punch, but it was restrained as Rowan stepped in front of her and took his own swing, his fist cracking loudly against Lorcan’s nose.

Blood dribbled from the nose as Lorcan staggered backward, laughing maniacally. “Oh man,” he laughed. “Good for you, Whitethorn,” he said as he wiped the blood away with the back of his hand. “See ya never,” he said, glancing between the two of them and giving a half-hearted salute.

Rowan hissed as he clutched at his fist. “Fuck, that shit really hurts.”

“Rowan!” Aelin raced to his side to assess his reddened knuckles. She pressed against the skin gently, checking for broken bones, and he loosened his fist, letting her examine each finger carefully. She glanced up at him, and he was watching her with a cautious gaze. But when she went to remove her hand from his, he squeezed her fingers softly.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she said, squeezing his fingers back lightly. “But thank you.”

“He was pissing me off,” Rowan replied.

“I’m so sorry, Rowan,” Aelin said again, and Rowan sighed loudly as he stretched out his sore fingers.

“I know you are, Ace.” He rubbed at his face. “It’s just going to take me a while you get the image of your dead body out of my head. It was… fucked up.”

Aelin was about to apologize again when Rowan stopped her. “And I know you’re sorry. But I’m allowed to be mad for a while, okay?”

Aelin nodded in understanding.

“Well,” Aelin cleared her throat. “Thanks for defending me, even when you’re mad at me.”

Rowan finally cracked a smile; it was the most beautiful thing Aelin had ever seen. “Yeah, well, as infuriating as you might be, no one is allowed to talk shit about you. Except me, of course.”

“Of course,” Aelin replied too quickly. She tried to hide her smile, but she couldn’t. Just a small amount of attention from Rowan, and she felt her heart mending itself.

Rowan groaned, frustrated. “How do you do that?”

“What?” Aelin asked, perplexed.

“Like, two minutes ago, I was still furious with you!” He exclaimed, exasperated. “And now…”

“And now you’re… not?” Aelin asked, hopefully as they made their way to their lockers to collect their things. The school was eerily empty, everyone long gone to their first night of summer plans.

“Just. Never again, Aelin.” She nodded rapidly. “I’m serious.”

“Want to get that truce dinner?” she asked. “I felt too guilty last night to eat anything.”

As if on cue, Rowan’s phone buzzed with an incoming text. And Aelin had a feeling she knew exactly who it was from. “Unless you have somewhere else to be?”

“Nope,” he said, shoving the phone into his pocket.

“I can’t believe we’ve both punched Lorcan Salvaterre,” Aelin giggled as he led them out to his car.

“Just call us Rocky I and Rocky II,” Rowan said, draping his arm across her shoulders, causing Aelin to laugh wildly.

“That’s not their names.”

“They’re not?” he asked. “Then why are the movies called that?”

Aelin shook her head and leaned into his side. As she and Rowan bantered about the movies he clearly needed to watch in the near future, Aelin finally had hopes for the future. It was going to be a good summer. She just knew it. 


	12. Chapter 12

Aelin’s eyes flicked nervously over Rowan’s toned arms, which had already begun to turn deep gold in the Orynth sun from his week of lifeguard training.

“It’s going to be fine,” Rowan assured her.

Aelin frowned.

“I don’t understand why you’re freaking out. It’s a summer job, and you’ll be surrounded by junk food every day. Isn’t that your dream?”

Rowan laughed as he squeezed her shoulder, and Aelin attempted to ignore the warmth that spread down her arm at the comforting gesture.

“I’m going to be all alone,” Aelin whined. “While you and Elide get to tan together all summer.”

“There’s a lot more to being a lifeguard than tanning,” Rowan said with a raised brow. “And we’ll both be just a few feet away.”

Aelin sighed dramatically. Logically, she knew Rowan was right, but she had this unsettling feeling. He’d be surrounded by girls in bathing suits all summer, and she’d wanted to be one of them. But no, she wasn’t old enough yet. Shy just a few months! Curse her stupid mom and dad for having her months too late.

“I’ll be back at closing to get you and drive you home,” Rowan assured her. “It’ll be just like school, only with no homework and a paycheck. Come on, Ace, cheer up,” he laughed, pushing her cheeks into a smile.

“That paycheck is going right into a college fund,” Aelin frowned, and Rowan chuckled in agreement. They’d both be saving whatever pennies they could to afford college in two years. It seemed wildly unfair, but that was the way higher education worked.

Aelin pushed Rowan’s hands off her cheeks as Elide called out to them from the lifeguard stand. She waved wildly, already looking absolutely adorable in her bright red bathing suit. Aelin sighed again.

“See you from the sand,” Rowan said, heading toward where Elide and the rest of the assembling lifeguards waited.

As Aelin watched Rowan run off, she took a steely breath and pumped herself up. “This is going to be fine. You can do this,” she mumbled to herself as she swung open the door, ready to face her summer head on.

“No,” a low voice grumbled from inside the beach’s snack shack. “No fucking way.”

Aelin inhaled sharply as she was met with Lorcan’s dark stare, glaring at her with the sharpness of a thousand knives. What were the odds that her coworker for the summer would be the one person in Orynth who wanted to pulverize her guts?

She raised her hand in a weak wave, greeting the angry senior as he pulled his dark hair into a high bun and huffed loudly.

“Oh!” the spunky manger, Mora, said with a large smile. “You two already know each other?”

“Yeah,” Lorcan sniped. “My face is well-versed with her hand.”

“I don’t know what that means, but I’m glad introductions aren’t necessary,” she rambled. “Aelin, Lorcan, welcome. You two are my captains of the Snack Shack!”

Aelin cringed. Of all the jobs in all the world… At least she’d have Mora here as a buffer. She didn’t think she could handle a whole summer alone with Lorcan Salvaterre, asshole extraordinaire.

Mora showed them around the small beachside shack they’d be situated in for their shifts, all of which would be together, much to the pair’s chagrin. Aelin attempted to avoid brushing against Lorcan at all costs as Mora toured them around the small space, but she kept stumbling into him. By the time Mora had finished showing them the small back freezer, the microwave, and stores of food for beach-goers, Lorcan’s face was etched into a permanent frown. Aelin shrunk into the side of the bar as Mora handed them their uniform of white t-shirts, navy shorts and navy caps.

“At the end of every night, one of you will deliver the contents of the cash register and all receipts to me and lock up the shack. You can switch off who does it. Here are your keys…”

And before Aelin knew it, Mora was gone and it was just her and Lorcan. So much for that buffer, Aelin thought to herself.

“I’m going to change fist,” Lorcan announced, heading to the small bathroom behind the shack. She wondered how he could possibly even fit in there with his hulking shoulders, but she didn’t question it. Instead, she let her gaze drift back out to the beach. The sound of the crashing waves was melodic and hypnotic, and interspersed with the soft sea breeze and the sound of cawing gulls overhead, Aelin could almost convince herself to calm down.

That is until her eyes snagged on a tall figure pulling off his shirt and dousing himself in sunscreen. Her heart raced as she watched Rowan spread the white cream across his bareskin, rubbing it in with such a steady hand that she couldn’t help but zone out and imagine those hands rubbing sunscreen on _her_. Gods, she wished for that so bad. The back of her neck felt a little sweaty as Rowan’s hands crept down his torso, his long fingers dipping under the waistband of his red swim trunks. Aelin couldn’t tell if this was hell or heaven, but she was content to let herself watch, her cheeks becoming more flushed with every one of his movements. When he put his t-shirt back over his head, she nearly groaned in defeat. Instead, she slumped over the bar, feeling like she’d just run a marathon instead of staring into the distance.

A soft chuckle came from beside her as Lorcan joined her at the bar. “Yeahhh,” he said, his voice low with amusement. “The view is a pretty good perk.”

Aelin’s back stiffened, and she struggled to cool down her face before looking at the haughty boy next to her. A wry smirk curled upwards on his lips, and she watched as he narrowed his eyes seriously at her. He clapped a large hand onto her shoulder, his smile becoming smugger as he took in her blushing cheeks.

“Don’t worry, sugar,” he laughed. “Your view is safe from my affections. I’ve got my sights set elsewhere.”

He wiggled his eyebrows in the direction of a group of girls in bikinis, stretching out on blankets a little ways away from the lifeguard stand. Naturally.

Despite Lorcan’s obvious insinuation, Aelin stayed tight-lipped, She’d never admit anything to the boy who had so easily made her feel so small in front of her classmates.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied, ignoring the way Lorcan’s smile turned even more self-satisfied at her words.

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

She refused to be egged on by him. She’d just do her very best to keep to herself. Without saying a word, Aelin grabbed her uniform and quickly headed back to the bathroom to change.

…

It turned out to be fairly easy to ignore Lorcan. He mostly brooded silently, his eyes occasionally searching for someone out on the sand, and Aelin was content to follow his lead, standing in silence, perusing the people on the sand. Well, more like one person in particular, if Aelin was honest with herself. And boy, did she have a lot to look at.

By the time lunch rolled around, Aelin felt as if she’d gone into heat. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from where Rowan scanned the oceans with hawk-like determination, keeping Orynth citizens safe. At some point during the mid-day sun, he’d pulled his shirt back off, and Aelin had barely been able to tear her eyes away from him since. He looked like a golden god, perched on the tall lifeguard chair, his light hair glinting in the sunlight.

She ignored Lorcan’s pointed eyeroll as the customers in front of her repeated their order to the only half-listening girl in front of them.

“Hm?”

“Two hotdogs and two cokes,” the annoyed teen huffed, counting out her cash as Lorcan rang her up.

“Coming right up,” Aelin said, making her way back to the refrigerator to microwave the hotdogs and grab the cans of soda from the cooler.

Placing the hotdogs into their cardboard boxes, she made her way back up to the front and attempted to reign in a gasp at the sight of Rowan’s bare chest up close. Luckily, she was distracted quickly by her dark-haired friend, bounding up behind him with an excited wave.

“What can I get you guys?” Aelin asked as Rowan leaned over and tapped the bridge of her cap.

“Cute hat, Ace,” he laughed.

She shook her head, nudging his hand off her hat with a sharp nod. “Shut up,” she groaned. Rowan merely smiled harder.

“Excuse me,” Elide said, clearing her throat at the leering man next to Aelin. “My eyes are up here.”

Lorcan’s eyes slowly trailed over her bathing suit-clad body, lingering so much that Elide felt the need to cross her arm over her chest.

“Don’t make me punch you again,” Aelin quipped, causing Lorcan to roll his eyes. But sure enough, as he looked back at Elide, his eyes went to her face instead of her cleavage. Better.

Rowan excitedly ordered his lunch, claiming that he was starving. And Aelin looked at the clock, wondering when she could break, too.

“Take your thirty with your friends,” Lorcan sighed, in an unusually kind gesture. Aelin couldn’t help but feel suspicious.

“You sure?”

He nodded, and Aelin didn’t waste any time in grabbing a sandwich for herself and joining her friends at the small umbrella-ed table beside the shack.

“That was nice of him,” Rowan said, sliding into his chair and warily eyeing Lorcan as Aelin took a large bite of her food. She hadn’t realized what an appetite she’d worked up. Although she was pretty sure she could attribute most of that to wanting to ravenously devour her best friend.

Elide and Rowan excitedly told her about their morning, showing off the brand new whistles around their necks with extreme pride.

“Wanna touch it?” Rowan asked, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively as Aelin’s face burst into flames. It was bad enough that he was sitting next to her all glistening and golden and half-naked, but his improper tone nearly pushed her over the edge into passing out from desire.

“Don’t be gross, Ro,” she snipped instead, hoping the sharpness of her tone would combat the yearning she felt for him.

“You’re just jealous you don’t have one,” Elide said, her laugh trilling softly as she and Rowan clinked their whistles together in an excited cheers.

“So… Lorcan…” Elide finally said, and Aelin couldn’t repress her frown.

“I knew I was right to be nervous about this job!” She paused and looked over her shoulder as he manned the shack by himself. “He has been weirdly fine, though.”

“That is weird.” Rowan’s mouth turned into a pronounced frown as his gaze followed Aelin’s. “You tell me if he calls you a bitch again,” Rowan said, his tan chest puffing up protectively, causing Aelin to smile.

“Sure thing, Buzzard.”

…

The week continued the same way. A quiet morning of staring at a half-naked, tanned Rowan, a half hour lunch break with her friends, followed by a long afternoon of pining as the sun swept over the sand, giving Rowan a glowing halo as he sat perched in his chair.

And despite her previous tension with Lorcan, Aelin found that the two could coexist fairly well in silence.

Which is why she knew it was too good to last.

“Aelin, you’re killing me!” he snapped, his dark eyes glowering in her direction with such animosity that she took a step back.

“What?” she asked, feeling nervous that the two of them were shoved into a tiny confined space.

“Your sexual frustration is so thick I can taste it.” His eyes glanced at an approaching-Rowan, and Aelin swallowed back her shock. “Just tell him you want to fuck and get it over with.”

“I don’t—”

“I swear to the gods if you say you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m going to throttle you and have zero regrets,” Lorcan said with a dark glare. 

“I don’t…” Aelin paused and narrowed her eyes at the accusatory man. “…want to talk about this with you.”

“You’re so horny for him, I don’t even think my weekend fuckathon plans will be enough to wear me out,” Lorcan said, and Aelin wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

“I hate you,” she grumbled, causing Lorcan to bark out a loud laugh.

“Seriously,” he said, ignoring her swipe at him. “If you don’t jump him, find someone else to help you out, or have a long date with your vibrator. Just…” He scrunched his nose and looked down at his shorts. “My dick can’t take his level of tension all summer longer, or it might fall off.”

“You ready to go?” Rowan asked as Aelin frowned at Lorcan again.

“Yes,” she said far too quickly. “If I have to hear one more word about Lorcan’s dick, I’m going to vomit.”

Rowan’s brow furrowed in confusion as Lorcan laughed loudly, pointing at Aelin with a glint in his eyes. “Think about what I said, Galathynius!” he called out as Aelin practically ran back to Rowan’s jeep.

“What was that all about?” Rowan asked, and Aelin shook her head, not wanting to get into _that_ with him.

“Nothing.”

But she couldn’t help but play Lorcan’s words over and over in her brain. Despite his crassness, Lorcan wasn’t _wrong_. She was slowly dying of sexual tension. And she had planned on figuring out how to alleviate that tension. Now that her cast was off, she had no more excuses.

“So,” Rowan said, clearing his throat. “How do you want to celebrate your first week of work? I think the drive in is playing _Dirty Dancing_ , or I know Wes texted asking to break in his new pipe. Celebratory bowl?”

“Actually…” Aelin said quietly. “Do you think you could drop me off at Lys’s?”

Rowan quirked a brow up and glanced over at her. “You sick of me already?”

Aelin laughed at the absurdity of that notion. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “I just want to steal some clothes before she takes off next week.” The lies spilled from her lips with such ease that they actually surprised herself. But Rowan didn’t seem to question them. He shrugged and accepted them for what they were. “Then we’ll meet you both at Wes’s,” Aelin added. “Celebratory bowl sounds perfect.”

Rowan’s fingers tapped in rhythm with the music as he drove the short distance to Lysandra’s house, and Aelin steeled her nerves as she got ready to ask her friend for help with her tension problem.

Aelin swung the door open and was already getting out as Rowan slowed to a stop in the Caverre’s driveway.

“See you in like an hourish?” Aelin said. Rowan gave her a sharp nod and another confused glance, but he took off regardless, which Aelin was grateful for. She couldn’t exactly explain what she was doing with Lysandra to him. She remembered all too well what happened last time she tried that. She took a deep breath as she knocked on Lysandra’s door.

The door swung open, revealing the face of her surprised friend.

“Ae!” she squealed, her arms flinging around Aelin’s shoulders. “Did I know you were coming over?”

Aelin shook her head.

“It’s time,” she said succinctly.

Lysandra’s face broke into a wide smile, her voice raising into a eardrum-splitting pitch as she began to tell Aelin how excited she was for this, and how she’d been thinking about it for weeks and how good it was going to be.

“You need to be comfortable, first and foremost,” Lysandra explained. “Sexual stimulation is like mostly mental for women, so if you’re too in your head, it’s not going to happen for you.”

Aelin’s nerves swirled. “So, how should we do this?”

Lysandra clapped her hands as she led Aelin into her bathroom. “I thought I could pile some blankets up in my tub, and then you can lock the door and turn off the lights or whatever, and I can just, like, talk you through it through the door.”

“Sure,” Aelin said, looking at Lysandra’s fancy marbled bathroom. Lysandra cheered as she gathered her furry blankets in her arms and created a cozy spot in her giant bathtub. 

“Candles?” she asked, holding up a glass jar. Aelin nodded. Candles felt like the right mood. Soothing.

Aelin struggled to calm herself as Lysandra excitedly went around the large bathroom, lighting a multitude of candles, giving it a soft romantic vibe. Aelin glanced down at her outfit – her snack shack uniform – and frowned. It wasn’t exactly the sexiest thing she could be wearing for this lesson in touching herself.

Lysandra dimmed the lights and grinned. “Okay,” she breathed, seeming satisfied with her efforts. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Wait!” Aelin said, nervously stopping her friend from leaving her too soon. “Am I taking my clothes off?”

Lysandra patted her shoulder in what was supposed to be comforting, but it really only served to make Aelin feel more nervous. “Whatever makes you most comfortable.” Lysandra smiled. Aelin nodded again, and took another deep breath as Lysandra closed the door. She rushed to lock it immediately and gulped, looking at the set up in the tub.

She climbed in and laid down, getting comfortable against the thick fuzzy blankets that cushioned her. She breathed slowly, calming her beating heart. But as she closed her eyes, all she could see was Rowan’s bare chest and shoulders, his fingers trailing across his skin with determined confidence.

“Lys?” she called out. “I think I’m ready?”

“Excellent. You comfy?”

Aelin nodded and replied out a soft, “Yup!”

“Great. Now…” Lysandra lowered her voice. “I just want you to breathe. Slowly. Inhale for three…”

Aelin let Lysandra guide her breathing, and she was shocked at how relaxed she immediately felt.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Mhm,” Aelin mumbled, and she let her eyes close.

“Now I want you to bend your legs and run your hands up them.” Aelin followed Lysandra’s direction. Her nails scratched over her knees and ran up her thighs, making her shiver softly. “Don’t go up too high,” Lysandra explained. “Just let your fingers trail up and down softly.”

Aelin breathed in deeply and pictured Rowan’s fingers running up her thigh, causing her heart to beat faster.

“Feel good?” Lysandra asked, and Aelin nodded her reply.

“Leave one hand on your thigh, and let the other one go under your shirt.”

Aelin’s hands followed Lysandra’s voice, moving up her stomach with gentle swipes.

“Now move that hand under your bra.”

Again, Aelin followed the directions, attempting to focus only on the way her hand felt at Lys’s directions.

“Rub your hand over it. Just a few times. Really softly.”

Aelin could feel her pulse everywhere now, blood thrumming in parts of her, anticipating being touched, needing it.

“Now pinch.”

Aelin brought her fingers together over her nipple and gasped. “Oh!”

Lysandra chuckled softly. “Yeah, right?”

“Lys?” Aelin asked as her fingers pinched at her nipple, tugging a little harder. “Is this gay?” She paused.” Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay,” Aelin rushed out. “I just, you know… if I’m having a sexual awakening I want to know.”

She could hear Lysandra snort loudly through the door. “I have a feeling you’re not imaging me being the one touching you, babe, so… no. I don’t think this is gay. One sexual revelation at a time.” She let Aelin breathe quietly, returning to her previous ministrations before continuing on. “Keep your hand under your bra, and move the other one into your underwear.”

“Kay,” Aelin squeaked, trying to get back into her relaxed headspace. With one hand touching her chest and her slow and steady breathing guiding her, it ended up being relatively easy. She moved the hand from her thigh slowly up to her waistband and pushed it under the fabric of her underwear.

She gasped at the wetness she felt there. It was… a lot. Way more than Aelin had anticipated.

“Does it feel wet?” Lysandra asked, and Aelin mumbled out another affirmation. “Good. Now, take some of that wetness on your middle finger. And move it up to your clit.”

“Umm…” Aelin knew she couldn’t exactly be shy at the moment. If she wanted to learn, she just had to ask. “Where’s my clit?”

Instead of laughing at her, like Aelin had anticipated, Lysandra patiently explained female anatomy to Aelin. And before Aelin knew it, she had found the sensitive nub at the top of her folds. As her finger moved the wetness around the bundle of nerves, Aelin felt her legs widening, the muscles relaxing with each swipe.

Lysandra explained that there was no real _right_ way to do this. That Aelin should just do whatever feels good – up and down, side to side, circles. Aelin’s breath came in short gasps as the feeling of pleasure started to build in the pit of her stomach. Oh gods, she was doing it, and wow, it felt amazing. She now understood why Rowan was doing this every morning.

At the thought of Rowan touching himself, another surge of wetness leaked from her.

“Now, take your hand from your bra and try putting a finger into yourself.”

“Oh my god,” Aelin gasped as her finger slid inside herself. It was warm and wet and tight and felt unlike anything she’d felt before.

Somewhere in the back of her head, she knew Lysandra was still explaining things to her, but Aelin finally felt like she _got_ it. Her finger slid in and out of her warmth as her other fingers moved faster in wet circles on her clit.

She let instinct guide her as her hands moved even faster, slipping around the wetness until the pressure started to build in her stomach again.

“Rowan!” Lysandra shouted, laughter evident in her voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Very funny, Lys,” Aelin panted, once again imaging that they were Rowan’s fingers pushing inside her.

“Wait!” Lys called out, but Aelin couldn’t stop. She was _so_ close. She could feel it.

“Ace?” a low voice called through the door. “Are you okay?”

Aelin’s hands froze inside her. She knew Lysandra couldn’t do that good of an impression.

“Rowan?!” she croaked out. “What are you doing here?”

She knew she should pull her hands from her pants, but she was too turned on. Too far gone. She would chase this orgasm to the ends of the earth.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked, and Aelin let out a loose laugh. She was _anything_ but mad at Rowan. Maybe mad at the gods for making him so attractive, but… no.

“No, Ro—”

But he cut her off again. “It just felt like you were mad in the car, and I don’t want us to fight about stupid things anymore, so I just had to come back and ask you. Are you mad at me?” He paused as Aelin tried to figure out how to reply to him. “Are you pooping?” he finally asked, and a wave of annoyance pressed down on Aelin as she exploded on him.

“Rowan, I swear I’m not mad at you, but I will be if you don’t let me have my first orgasm, so please let me finish!” she shouted, and she wanted to laugh as she heard him bump into the door and then scurry out of Lysandra’s room with a high-pitched apology.

As her door slammed shut, Lysandra released a loud cackling laugh, apologizing to Aelin for laughing at her expense.

“Oh my god, I just…” Lysandra panted. “You two are a mess.”

“Tell me about it,” Aelin groaned.

“Did that ruin it?” Lysandra whispered. “Or, did it… make it better?”

“Shut up,” Aelin said, moving her hands inside her again. She ignored Lysandra’s laughter. With Rowan’s voice fresh in her head, getting back to where she was was easier than she anticipated. She imagined a worried Rowan, rushing over to see her, and what would have happened if the bathroom door hadn’t been locked. Would he have climbed into the tub with her? Would she have let him slide his hand under her clothes? She added a second finger inside her, stretching her slightly too far as her fingers curled inside her.

“Oh!” Aelin cried as her orgasm crashed over her in waves, quickly pulling her under with ripples of pleasure.

She breathed through as she worked her hands until she was forced to remove them, her legs twitching at her sensitive spots being touched too long.

Aelin laid there, panting and gratified, as her heartbeat slowed.

After washing her hands well, she opened the bathroom door and was attacked by a bone crushing hug. “Mazel tov!” Lysandra cried. “I feel so much better leaving for the rest of the summer knowing you can take care of yourself.”

“That was… yeah.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Thanks?”

Lysandra giggled at Aelin’s response. “Any time,” Lys said with a wink.

Rowan stood as soon as he saw Aelin and Lysandra come downstairs. Aelin had changed out of her uniform and into a pair of Lys’s jeans and a tank top, and she couldn’t help but notice the soft blush on Rowan’s cheeks when he spotted them.

She expected an apology or an inquisition, but instead, she was met with awkward silence from her best friend. Even as they rode to Wes’s, he still stayed quiet.

“Oh my gods,” Aelin exploded. “It’s fine. We’ve both interrupted each other, now, can we go back to normal?”

Lysandra laughed loudly in the back seat at her friends’ discomfort.

“Are you into Lorcan?” Rowan finally asked, causing Aelin to choke on her own laughter.

“What?!”

Her wide eyes stared at her best friend as he drove.

“You could tell me,” he said softly. “If you were.”

“Trust me,” Aelin laughed. “I’m not.”

“Okay,” Rowan said, but Aelin couldn’t help but hear the skepticism in his voice.

“Why would you think that?” she asked, and Rowan shrugged, his shoulders sagging slightly. She knew she should probably press him for answers, but she was riding too high on her post-orgasm endorphins to push. She’d ask him about it tomorrow. 


	13. Chapter 13

A loud knock at Aelin’s door startled her, and she paused moving her fingers inside herself as she shouted loudly. “I’ll be right out!”

Aelin’s morning showers had been increasing in time, and she was sure she was wracking up a hefty water bill, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. In the month that had passed since learning how to touch herself, she felt as if she’d finally unlocked the key to some secret kingdom. She was a true queen of her own domain, coercing sensations from her body that she’d only dreamed of in her wildest imagination.

She was starting to feel a bit like an addict.

Still, that didn’t stop her fingers from working faster as water pelted down around her, finally bringing herself to the high she was constantly seeking.

As Aelin turned off in shower with flushed cheeks and pruney fingers, she was struck with the thought that she really needed to come up with a thank you gift for Lysandra. She could no longer imagine not starting (and ending) her day with an orgasm. It was truly the only thing keeping her sane in regards to admiring his half naked body every day of the week.  
  
Luckily, today was Aelin’s day off, and she and Rowan would be hanging out fully clothed. Not that that would stop her from touching herself late at night, but she’d certainly be able to control herself more. Or so she hoped.

As she swung open her bedroom door, ready to apologize to her dad for showering for too long… again, she gasped in surprise. Matching turquoise eyes stared back at her, amused.  
  
“Sup, butt munch?”  
  
“Aedion?!” she squealed and threw her arms around her cousin’s neck. “What are you doing here? I thought you were taking classes all summer?”  
  
Her cousin grinned widely as he placed her back on the ground. “Came to visit for the long weekend. Brought friends.” He laughed. “And laundry.”  
  
Aelin hip checked him as he slung his arm around her shoulder. Aedion was Aelin’s mirror in looks and stature. Separated by only three years, they became close after Aelin’s mom took off. He was her older brother in everything but title, and she was eternally grateful he only went to college about an hour away.  
  
“So, what are we doing today?” she asked excitedly.  
  
“Friends want to beach and barbecue.”  
  
Aelin groaned. “The beach? On my day off?”  
  
“Please?” he begged with wide eyes, and Aelin knew she couldn’t resist.

“You’re lucky I like you so much.”

Aedion laughed loudly as he rubbed his hand against her wet hair. “Be nice to the friends, too. They’re cool.”

“Aed, don’t oversell us,” a shaggy haired brunette called from the couch, standing with a cup of coffee in his hand. If Aelin had known that two college boys would be sitting in her living room, she probably would have dressed in something cuter than athletic shorts and a tank top. She crinkled her nose at Aedion, silently chastising him for not warning him of the presence of his friends, but he simply skipped down the last few stairs and grinned widely.

The brunette held out his coffee-filled hand to Aelin, and she was surprised by the shy smile that graced his face. “I was told to bring you coffee.”

Aelin returned the smile and graciously accepted the cup. “Very smart. I already like you…”

“Sam,” he said, his shy smile widening into one warmer and softer.

Aedion turned to his next friend, a boy with shoulder length black hair and a prominent scar across his eyebrow, who was hovering behind him nervously. “And this is Ren,” Aedion introduced, his cheeks turning slightly pink as he mumbled, “My boyfriend.”

Aelin’s eyes flickered between her cousin and the slight boy next to him with surprise. Aedion hadn’t dated anyone before he went to college, though she supposed he had commented on both men’s and women’s attractiveness. She was happy for him.

She watched as Ren wrung his fingers nervously together as he stepped forward to introduce himself. Instead of shaking her hand as she expected, he threw his arms around her shoulders, hugging her tight. Aedion’s pinched face watched the interaction closely, his eyes inquisitive, trying to suss out Aelin’s reaction. But if Ren made her cousin happy, then Aelin had no choice but to like him. 

“Sorry,” Ren apologized as he pulled back. “I feel like I already know you. Aedion talks about you a lot.”

Aelin glared at Aedion over Ren’s shoulder, as Aedion feigned innocence. “It’s all lies, I promise,” she said with a wide smile, hoping to reassure the couple.

“So, now that _that’s_ out of the way,” Aedion laughed, wrapping an arm around Ren’s waist. “Beach?”

Aelin sighed. “Let me just text Rowan.”

“Boyfriend?” Sam spoke up, as Aelin got out her phone.

“Best friend,” she said at the same time Aedion laughed, “She wishes.”

Aelin’s mouth dropped, her brows furrowing at her cousin as he shrugged.

“That’s not true,” she mumbled.

“What’s not true?” Rowan asked, poking his head into the front door. “H-hey?” he said, running his hand through his messy hair as he took in the scene before him.

“Hey, man,” Aedion said, waving to Rowan.

“I was just texting you,” Aelin explained. “These fools want to go to the beach.”

Rowan shrugged. “Works for me.”

Aelin was somewhat surprised. She thought for sure she’d have to pester her friend to go to the beach on their day off, but Rowan seemed genuinely up for it.

She told the boys to make their own introductions as she excused herself to grab her bathing suit from the laundry. She pulled the bottoms on with ease, but the top was a bit of a struggle. Aelin frowned at the small triangles, somehow not holding in all her boobs. She groaned. Her dad must have put it in the dryer, because this top did _not_ fit anymore. She dug around the hamper for another top and pulled out a dark green one that she’d worn earlier in the summer.

Except the exact same thing happened.

She looked unhappily at her chest. Had she shrunk all her bathing suits? That seemed impossible.

As she turned to the side and caught a glimpse of her curves in the mirror, something crossed her mind that she hadn’t even considered. Aelin fiddled with the fabric again, realizing it was possible that her boobs _grew_.

She tried to adjust them in the top, but either they were spilling up or down or out the side – not quite fitting. She frowned. It was times like these that she really resented not having her mom around. Her mom would have bathing suits she could borrow.

Instead, she tried her last bathing suit, a black scoop neck halter. The top was still on the smaller side, but if she smushed her boobs down and kind of pushed them in, all the important parts were covered, at least.

She swapped her tank top for a looser t-shirt and made her way back out to the living room, where the boys were all waiting in uncomfortable silence. “Who’s ready?”

…

Aelin was going to murder Aedion. She’d forgotten how crowded the Orynth beaches got on a weekend. Their towels were aligned closely, with barely any space between them, and despite the warm sun and soft whisper of summer breeze against her skin Aelin couldn’t relax.

If she’d thought admiring Rowan from afar was torture, having him next to her, glistening in the midday sun, arm occasionally brushing hers as he adjusted his earbuds, was going to kill her. She couldn’t stop herself from letting her eyes sweep across his body every few minutes. Luckily, her amorous glances were concealed by her dark sunglasses, otherwise she would have been called out hours ago.

She should have gone into the water with the boys when they’d invited her – the cool water sounded more inviting than turning into a squirming warm mess beside her best friend – but she was afraid that the ocean current would disrupt her perfectly placed boobs and she’d end up flashing them. And flashing some college boys was not on her list of things she’d like to do today.

But as her eyes ran across Rowan’s low slung swim shorts, another rivulet of sweat formed in her cleavage.

“Wanna go get popsicles?” she asked suddenly, her head finally turning toward Rowan.

“Hm?”

She pulled an earbud from his ear and repeated her question. “Popsicles?”

“Sure,” he said with a nod, standing and stretching his arms over his head. Aelin’s eyes darted down his stomach again, and she had to repress a groan. It was not fair how good looking he was. And how in shape.

She followed suit, standing herself, and leaned down to pull on her shorts. But she’d been so distracted by Rowan’s body that she forgot about the changes in her own.

She yelped as she felt her cleavage start to slip out of their carefully placed position, her hand clutching at her chest as she righted herself. As discretely as she could, Aelin attempted to shove her boobs back into their smushed down position, but she couldn’t quite manage. They’d lifted up too far when she’d leaned over, and she was struggling to get them so they weren’t spilling over the fabric of her top. Finally, she resigned herself to just shoving her hands into the top and rearranging them as she had before. She could feel Rowan’s stare on her bare back, but she temporarily ignored it, making sure everything was in place before turning around to explain.

His brow was lifted high into his forehead, his cheeks flushed with the summer sun as his eyes darted down to her chest and back up to her face.

“Okay, Ace,” he addressed her calmly. “What the fuck is going on with your boobs?”

“Rowan!” she squealed, covering her chest with one arm and punching him with the other. He feigned hurt from her weak effort at shoving him away and cracked a smile.

“I just mean… you look, um, different?” He stuttered and let his gaze fall to her chest again, and Aelin felt completely exposed under his gaze. It wasn’t a good kind of exposed either, not the kind she’d wished for. She felt like he was making fun of her, and she absolutely hated it. She huffed, annoyed, trying to control her heavy breathing for fear of shifting her boob’s secure position again.

“I’m going to get a popsicle without you,” she said, turning on her heel and walking away from him. His laughter reached her ears immediately, and she didn’t stop walking even as he grabbed at her arm, apologizing.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he laughed.

“I hate you,” she mumbled as he slung his arm over her shoulders. She couldn’t help but lean into his side, her skin prickling happily at the feel of his bare skin against hers. “They grew,” she finally said, chancing a glance up at Rowan. “None of my bathing suits fit.”

His eyes were already on her, and he looked away quickly as he cleared his throat. “I can see that.”

“Stop looking!” she huffed.

“I’m not!” he said, looking straight ahead, but Aelin could see the tips of his ears reddening as he struggled not to look back down at her new cleavage.

Luckily, they were interrupted by Aedion, Ren and Sam running up beside them.

“Can’t believe you went to get snacks without us,” Aedion complained, shaking his wet hair out.

“You snooze, you lose,” Aelin laughed, wiping the droplets off her skin. She was grateful for Aedion’s presence. It soothed her, and she most definitely needed soothing today.

It was weird for Aelin to approach the Snack Shack on her day off. She didn’t even know the people working there on the weekends. She ordered herself a Bomb pop and grabbed a table with an umbrella, so she they could sit comfortably in the shade.

She unwrapped the popsicle and stuck the narrowed tip in her mouth, savoring the cold cherry taste against her tongue. Unlike her dainty licks, Aedion shoved his entire popsicle into his mouth, practically choking on it as he sucked it between his lips.

“Lots of practice shoving things down your throat, I see,” Aelin laughed at her cousin, who continued moving it in and out of his mouth with practiced ease.

Ren took a bite of his ice cream sandwich, his cheeks flushing at Aedion’s crass movements.

“Practice makes perfect,” Aedion said, wiggling his eyebrows, egging Aelin on. It wasn’t quite a dare, but she accepted the challenge for what it was. She glanced at the Snack Shack, where Rowan was still ordering his own snack, and decided that she could do it, as long as he wasn’t there to watch her.

She loosened her throat and pushed the popsicle as far back as she could without gagging, which was actually pretty far – all the way down to the short blue section at the base – and pulled it from her lips slowly. She grinned, satisfied with herself as the boys around the table stared in shock.

“What?” she asked, darting her tongue out to lick the cherry again.

“Looks like you don’t need that much practice,” Ren laughed, placing his hand on Aedion’s shoulder.

“With what?” Rowan asked, taking the empty seat beside Aelin and licking his own popsicle.

“Deep throating,” Aedion replied quickly, causing Rowan to inhale quickly and start choking on his popsicle. His hacking cough turned into a slight wheeze, his eyes watering as he struggled to breathe again.

“What?” he croaked, his eyes flicking over to Aelin, who was attempting to lick her popsicle in a non-sexual way, which was actually a lot harder than it seemed.

“Some people are just naturals,” Aelin said, willing the blush she knew was spotting her cheeks to subside.

“You haven’t, like, done that before, have you?” Rowan asked, his voice low and curious as he prodded for information. Aelin was shocked. She knew that she and Rowan had been censoring themselves with each other, but if she’d done anything like that, she would without a doubt have told him. And she’d hoped he’d tell her the same. Plus, it wasn’t like she had anyone else she’d want to do that with, not that Rowan knew that.

“No!” she sputtered. “The only guy I hang out with is you, so, if I had, you’d definitely know.”

Her words had meant to appease him, but somehow they just made things weirder.

“I don’t know,” he stammered, his voice unnaturally loud for their close proximity. “You’re with Salvaterre every day.”

Aelin wrinkled her brow. “Seriously? You think I’d…” She paused, trying to wrap her mind around Rowan’s logic. She’d never shown anything but animosity toward her stocky coworker. Where was any of this coming from? “With Lorcan?” She shook her head in disgust. Lorcan was a dog. She wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole.

“You’re working with Lorcan Salvaterre?” Aedion asked, leaning in with an inquisitive gaze. Aelin nodded stiffly, still trying to figure out why Rowan was being so weird all of a sudden. “That dude is an ass, but he’s _hot_.” He turned to Ren and kissed his cheek. “Not as hot as you, though.”

Ren shoved Aedion’s face away lovingly, but couldn’t resist leaning in and kissing him softly after. “Sure, sure.”

“He’s disgusting,” Aelin quipped, and Aedion laughed.

“That’s how he gets you! He’s like… gross, dirty hot.” Aedion paused. “And then all of a sudden, you’re naked and in his bed with a random girl, and you have no idea how he convinced you that was totally normal.”

Aelin mimed gagging. “You didn’t.”

Aedion shrugged. “He’s a sexual Houdini.”

“So gross.”

The group finished their snacks in silence, and Aelin couldn’t help but continually look over at Rowan. He was still upset; she could tell, and she had no idea how to make it better. It seemed that no matter how gross she said Lorcan was, he was now a topic they couldn’t broach.

Even when they made their way back to their towels, Rowan was noticeably quiet, shoving his earbuds back into his ears quickly and closing his eyes.

By the time they were ready to leave, Aelin felt on the verge of exploding at him. But she knew that yelling at Rowan was as helpful as throwing water on a grease fire – it was more likely to cause the flames to grow and spread than to put it out.

Aedion hugged Aelin goodbye, saying they’d see her for dinner later at Maeve’s as they dropped her and Rowan off. She’d assumed the stoic boy would want to head back to his house immediately, but he surprised her and followed her inside.

“I’m just going to get changed,” she said with a furrowed brow.

“Can I come up?” Rowan asked, and Aelin shrugged.

“Sure.”

She walked up the stairs quickly, feeling Rowan hovering right behind her, making her feel off-kilter. In her room, she gathered a flowy dress and underwear before heading into her bathroom to change.

“So,” she called through the door, feeling brave now that Rowan was out of her view. “Are you going to tell me why you’re mad at me?”

“I’m not mad,” he sighed. And Aelin could hear her mattress squeak under his weight as he stretched out.

“Well, you’re being really weird,” she said, finally pulling the too tight bathing suit top off.

“I know,” he grumbled. “Everything is weird,” he complained. “You really haven’t done anything with Lorcan?” he asked as Aelin pulled the dress over her head.

“No!” she shouted through the door. She fluffed her hair, which was wavy from the ocean breeze.

“I think I got freaked out thinking that you had, and I hadn’t,” Rowan finally admitted, causing something to squeeze in Aelin’s chest. It was rare that Rowan talked about his feelings, so he must have been _really_ worried to bring it up. “I just always imagined we’d lose our virginities together.”

_What?_

Aelin couldn’t have heard that right. She swung the bathroom door open, flustered and heart pounding wildly as she questioned the boy on her bed. “Wait, you want to lose your virginity to me?” Her voice was nothing more than a high squeak as she managed to get the question out, and as she did, Rowan seemed to realize what he’d said and bolted upright on her bed.

“What?!” He ran a hand through his mussed hair and shook his head rapidly. “No! No, that’s not what I meant,” he stuttered. “I meant we’d lose them together, like at the same time, time wise. With different people – of course. Far, far apart from each other. Not, like, together, together.”

Aelin’s heart pounded as she struggled to calm down at his words. Of course that’s what he’d meant. “Oh.” She took a deep breath, trying to center herself and forced a smile. “Right, of course.” She chuckled softly. “Well, you definitely don’t need to worry about that. There’s no one I even remotely want to lose my virginity to right now,” she lied through her teeth. “Plus, even if there were, I’m not anywhere close to being ready for that,” she admitted in a rare moment of honesty.

“Cool,” Rowan breathed, sounding relieved. “Not like, cool, cool. Just…” He sighed again as he tried to find his words. “I want us to tell each other when there is.”

“Sure thing,” Aelin laughed, knowing that the only way she’d be ready to have sex is if the boy in front of her amended his previous statement, and wanted them to lose their virginities together, together. For real.

Aelin quietly put some makeup on as Rowan relaxed back into her comforter, her mind reeling at his confessed words.

“You look nice,” he said as she finished blotting her dark pink lips.

“Gotta dress to impress those college boys,” she joked, but Rowan didn’t crack a smile. Instead, he frowned, yet again. He was doing that more and more when they talked these days. She hated it. She missed his carefree smile.

“I think they were plenty impressed,” he scoffed. “That kid Sam stared at your boobs all day.”

Aelin’s mouth dropped in shock. “He did not!”

“Oh yes, he did,” Rowan insisted.

“He barely even talked!” Aelin laughed in disbelief.

“Yeah, because he was too busy staring at—” He motioned to his own chest back and forth.

“Perv!” Aelin said, sticking her tongue out at him.

“Yes,” Rowan laughed, finally smiling at her, his green eyes crinkling with happiness. “I agree.”

Aelin rolled her eyes, completely disregarding Rowan’s comment about Aedion’s quiet friend as they headed toward Maeve’s for dinner.

Aunt Maeve smiled widely upon seeing Aelin and Rowan come in through the door. Her dark apron was splattered with a dusting of flour.

“Right on time,” she chuckled softly, pulling out a tray and putting them on a cooling rack. “I need some new taste testers for my new lemon blueberry scones.”

Aelin practically rushed into the kitchen to grab one of the steaming pastries, laughing as Aunt Maeve pulled her hand away at the last second. “They’re still cooling!” she chastised her, but Aelin didn’t care. The pastries smelled _delicious._

“Oh, and Rowan, you missed the mailman today, so I thought you’d want this,” she said, handing Rowan a light purple envelope. Rowan bit as his lip as he stuffed the envelope into his pocket, not bothering to open it.

“You’re not going to open it?” Maeve asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

“Later,” Rowan mumbled.

“What’s that?” Aelin asked, breaking a piece of the scone off and plopping it into her mouth. Maeve was right – it was still too hot, and she opened her mouth to let some of the steam out as she chewed.

“Oh, um…” He tugged at his shirt as he shrugged. “Lyria’s been writing me from cheer camp.”

“She has?” Aelin asked, her stomach dropping and the scone suddenly feeling dry in her mouth. She’d been so relieved that Lyria was gone for the summer that it hadn’t even crossed her mind that they’d continue their correspondence. She hadn’t thought they were that close. But it turned out that Aelin knew less about Rowan’s life than she initially thought. Worry bubbled in her chest, wondering what kind of letters they were exchanging. There was something about longhand and snail mail that felt so utterly _romantic_. “Have you been writing her back?” 

“Yup,” Rowan finally said curtly, causing Maeve to snort as she tucked her chin into her chest, busying herself with another tray from the oven.

“What do you talk about?” Aelin asked, and she was surprised when Maeve jumped into the conversation.

“I keep asking him the same damn question, because that girl has been writing him Tolstoy length letters multiple times a week,” she chuckled. “How much could one possible have to say about cheer camp?”

“We talk about a lot of stuff,” Rowan frowned. Aelin wanted to ask for more details, but she was afraid they might break her. This had been going on for at least a month, and Rowan hadn’t told her at all. No wonder he was wondering if she was keeping secrets from him regarding Lorcan – he’d been keeping a giant one from her. He was into Lyria.

Aelin broke off another piece of the scone, which was delicious, but she could barely taste a thing over her newfound upset. Not only was she upset, she was hurt. Rowan had been mad at her from keeping nothing from him for weeks, when he’d actually done what he’d accused her of.

“Not good, hon?” Maeve asked, seeing Aelin’s frown.

“Oh, no,” Aelin said, forcing another smile. “It’s delicious.”

Aelin wandered out to the back patio and took a seat at the small table. She looked around the small stone floor and thought back to her birthday. It was barely three months ago, but it felt like everything was so different now. On her birthday she’d been _so sure_ that she was going to tell Rowan about her feelings. She’d finally felt like it was possible that he could feel the same way about her. The kiss she’d planned had been so close to finally being within reach. But now, it had never felt further away.

“You okay?” a voice asked, sliding into the chair next to her. She looked up at Aedion’s worried face, his blue eyes probing into hers. She knew she could tell Aedion what was going on, and he wouldn’t judge her, but she didn’t want to risk verbalizing anything with Rowan so close. Or with Aedion’s friends in tow.

Instead, she forced a smile across her face for the umpteenth time that day and assured her cousin she was fine. She was just tired from being in the sun all day, she lied. She kept her fake smile up as Rowan eventually joined them outside, noticing that he envelope had been opened.

Even when they all finished their dinner and were saying their goodbyes, Aelin kept the smile on, refusing to give into her sadness.

“Come back soon,” she whispered into Aedion’s shoulder.

“Or come visit me at school,” he suggested. Aelin smiled wider and nodded.

“We’ll figure something out.”

As her arms lowered to her side, she was surprised at Sam pulling her aside for a quick hug. “It was really nice to meet you,” he said with a warm smile. “Aedion hyped you up just enough.”

She laughed at the sweet sentiment, thanking him as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“I was wondering,” he said, looking around nervously. “If maybe I could get your number?”

Aelin was so surprised that she found herself nodding and putting her number into his phone before she processed what had just happened. He headed off with a wave and a small smile, and Aelin was left standing, completely confused at what had just transpired.

“Told you so,” Rowan jibed, poking her in the side.

“I guess you did,” Aelin said, glancing at the envelope in his pocket again, suddenly feeling like everything had just changed.


	14. Chapter 14

Aelin couldn’t get the image of that light purple envelope out of her head. She was dying to know what was inside, what Rowan and Lyria were possibly talking about, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask again. He’d clearly shut down that line of questioning.

“Shit!” Aelin exclaimed as she looked down at the hot dog she was roasting on the small snack grill. She flipped it quickly, remembering that she was supposed to be paying attention to her actual job, but it was too late. The underside of the hot dog was scorched.

“What is your deal?” Lorcan grumbled, pushing Aelin out of the way of the grill as he tossed the burned meat into a nearby trash. She watched as he opened a new package of hot dogs and place them across the grill. “This is your fourth attempt at roasting a hot dog, and you burned it. Again. You’ve been phoning it in all week.”

She shrugged, not really wanting to get into it with her annoying coworker, but he was being oddly persistent.

“Come on,” he said with a sigh. “Just tell me. You and Whitethorn get into another fight?”

“No,” Aelin ground out from behind her clenched teeth. They hadn’t gotten into a fight. Not really. At least, Rowan didn’t know she was mad at him. Though he could probably guess, given their polite, surface conversations on their drives to and from work all week.

“You two fight more than any couple I know,” Lorcan laughed, expertly flipping the hot dogs.

“That’s because we’re not a couple,” Aelin said with an annoyed glare, causing Lorcan to crack a smile in her direction.

“Whatever you say, _Ace_ ,” he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows.

Aelin sighed and slumped over the counter, chancing a glance at Rowan across the sand. He was poised in the lifeguard chair, whistle between his lips as he perused the open waters, looking relaxed and pleased. For some reason, it made Aelin feel like crying.

“We didn’t used to fight,” she finally admitted. “I mean, about stupid things, yes. But, not like… drunken screaming matches at popular seniors’ parties.”

Lorcan’s dark eyes flashed with glee as he pulled the hot dogs off the grill and wrapped them in foil, placing them on the food warmer.

“You going to tell me what that fight was about?”

“No,” Aelin snapped, causing Lorcan to laugh loudly.

“Come on, I took a punch that night. It’s the least you can do.”

Aelin sighed loudly. She didn’t particularly want to discuss this. She’d spent all last night scribbling horrible things into her notebook about how mad she was at Rowan for keeping this secret from her, hoping to alleviate her hurt, but it turned out it hadn’t worked. She still felt horrible.

She didn’t exactly trust Lorcan, but it wasn’t like she had anyone else to tell. Lysandra hadn’t responded to any of her emergency texts; it was possible she wasn’t even getting them while she was traveling.

“He ditched me for Lyria,” Aelin nervously admitted. “And then this weekend I found out that they—”

“Kissed?” Lorcan finished her sentence with absolutely _not_ the right word, his eyes unusually soft with apology.

“What?” Aelin shook her head. “No.” She sighed. “That he’s been writing her letters at cheer camp.” Lorcan cleared his throat and nodded, but something about it was off. “Wait,” Aelin probed. “Why would you say they kissed? Have they kissed?!” She could feel her heart pounding harder in her chest, her voice raising in pitch until it reached such a high decibel, she actually hurt her own ears.

“Uhh… no?” Lorcan’s eyes skirted around the shack, looking anywhere but at Aelin, and her stomach ached with a pang of heartbreak.

“Lorcan.” Aelin blinked rapidly, her mind racing as her eyes welled with tears.

Lorcan shook his head. “Shit, no. I didn’t mean…”

“When?” Aelin asked, her voice starting to shake with her unshed tears.

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Lorcan said with a sigh, running his hand through his long hair. Aelin just stared. “I really don’t!” Lorcan insisted. “She was drunkenly bragging about it to her friends…like, a while ago?”

“A while ago,” Aelin repeated his words back to him, and she could see Lorcan start to squirm at her reaction. It wasn’t his fault that he was the bearer of bad news, but Aelin needed details ASAP.

Rowan had kissed Lyria. Potentially months ago. They’d been texting since prom. Had they kissed then? Or had they managed to go on a date? Was it only one time? Or had they been sneaking constantly? And most importantly, why didn’t Mr. “I want us to tell each other everything” tell her?

Aelin felt like she was having a heart attack. A sharp pain stabbed its way through her chest as she tried to breathe through it. But it was no use. The stabbing feeling expanded, running down to her stomach until she thought she would puke right there. No, Aelin knew this feeling all to well. She was about to cry, and she really didn’t want to do that in front of Lorcan.

“Can you excuse me for a second?” she asked, but she didn’t wait for his response before heading to the back of the Snack Shack. She released a shaky breath, squinting against the morning sun overhead as a small sob escaped her mouth.

She spotted an overturned bucket and sank onto it, hunching over and letting her head rest against her hands. Her fingers pressed against her eyes, as if they could keep the tears in, but she knew it was fruitless.

This whole situation was so much worse than she’d imagined it. The whole time she’d been working up her nerve to tell Rowan her feelings, he’d been giving his heart to someone else. And not even deeming her worthy of that knowledge.

All those times she thought maybe he felt the same way, had he actually been preparing to let her down easily?

She felt like an idiot.

Tears streamed down Aelin’s cheeks, running through her fingers and down the backs of her hands, dripping down her forearms until they landed in small droplets across her lap. She bit at her lip as she struggled to steady her breathing. She needed to pull herself together. It wasn’t as if there was anything she could do about this newfound knowledge. It didn’t change anything. It didn’t change the longing she felt for Rowan, nor did it change their existing non-romantic relationship. It was just something she’d need to accept and deal with.

But for a few minutes, she let herself sink into sadness and just be upset. She needed to mourn the loss of their potential relationship. Just for a bit.

“Fuck,” Lorcan breathed, squatting next to the bucket and placing a large hand on her knee. “I really didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said, sounding so genuinely apologetic that Aelin found herself wiping her face and looking up at him.

“Really?” she laughed through a watery smile. “I thought this would be fun for you, since you, you know… hate me.”

“Eh.” Lorcan shrugged. “You’ve kinda grown on me.”

Aelin sniffled loudly, snorting as she inhaled her tear-induced runny nose. “I’ve heard that happens.”

Lorcan squeezed her knee. “Would it make you feel better if I kissed you?”

Aelin barked out a surprised laugh at the boy’s offer, but immediately shook her head.

“No?” he asked, pretending to be offended. “Why not?”

“First of all, ew,” Aelin frowned, shaking her head harder. “And second, I also learned this weekend that you hooked up with my cousin, and I don’t feel like being his sloppy seconds.”

Lorcan grinned widely as he stood, hovering over Aelin. She tilted her head up and wiped away the remainder of her tears.

“That’s fine,” Lorcan said, helping Aelin up off the bucket. “I’m kinda interested in one of your friends anyway.”

Aelin’s head snapped toward the grinning boy with a raised brow. “If you’re into Rowan, too, can you warn me now?”

Lorcan laughed wildly as he rubbed the top of Aelin’s hair. “Nah, he doesn’t do it for me.” He smirked. “The tiny brunette, however…”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Didn’t Elide already turn you down?” Aelin frowned. “Don’t make me punch you again.”

“Hey,” he snickered. “I grow on people, too.”

Aelin rolled her eyes again but couldn’t resist smiling. And despite the sadness lingering in her chest, Lorcan _had_ succeeded in making her feel better. He also reminded her that she desperately wanted to catch up with Elidie.

Before retuning to the shack, she pulled out her phone.

 **What are you up to tonight?** She texted quickly and was surprised by Elide’s fast reply. She guessed the beach wasn’t super crowded on a Monday morning if she was replying this quickly.

**Nothing.**

Another text.

**Was thinking about going to the drive in. They’re playing Thelma & Louise.**

Aelin felt pathetic, begging her friend to hang out with her, but she needed a night off from Rowan, and catching up on Elide’s life seemed like a perfect distraction.

**If you go…. can I come too?**

Elide’s response was imminent.

**No Rowan?**

Aelin shook her head, despite her friend’s inability to see her. **Not tonight** , she texted quickly, hoping that Elide would accept her solo.

Elide sent back two thumbs up emojis. **Come get you at 7?**

Aelin sighed, relieved. She’d be able to get through today, knowing that she had plans tonight that didn’t involve her sneaking lying best friend. If that’s what he even was anymore. Did best friends lie to each other about kissing people? She felt so confused. But she refused to cry again.

With her head held high, Aelin was ready to tackle the rest of the day.

…

It wasn’t until an unfamiliar black pickup truck arrived in Aelin’s driveway did she realize that Elide didn’t have a car and that they must be going with someone else.

Aelin gaped as she swung the door open, taking in the scene before her. Elide was dressed in a floral blue dress with a long cardigan. Her hair was curled and makeup was painted onto her fair skin. And at the driver’s seat was none other than Manon, her heavily lined eyes narrowing at Aelin’s arrival.

“Hey!” Elide chirped, as chipper as ever, sliding over as Aelin stepped into the truck.

Aelin was absolutely horrified. She was a hundred percent, without a doubt, crashing a date. She wondered why Elide hadn’t said anything, and now she was left as the third wheel on a day when she was already feeling left out.

“Aelin,” Manon smirked, shifting her truck gears and taking off before Aelin could back out. Aelin wanted to say something, apologize, anything – but Manon cranked up her music as she drove, windows down to let the evening breeze whip through their hair.

This was just not Aelin’s day.

She bit her lip, pondering what the hell she was going to say to Elide to get out of this. But even as they pulled into the drive in, she still had no idea.

Manon parked quickly, turning her truck around so the bed faced the screen before getting out to roll out blankets.

With Manon occupied, Aelin finally turned to her friend, who was looking at her, usually pale cheeks colored a deep pink.

“El!” Aelin hissed, her voice a panicked whisper. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a date?”

“It’s not a date,” Elide hissed back, leaning closer.

“Leelee,” Manon said, leaning in through the open window, alerting Elide of her presence. “I’m going to grab snacks. Cherry coke and popcorn?” Manon asked, and Elide smiled and nodded.

Aelin practically glared as soon as Manon was out of sight.

“It’s not a date!” Elide repeated even more emphatically, and Aelin couldn’t resist rolling her eyes.

“Sure it’s not, _Leelee_.”

Elide huffed as she scooted out of the truck, and Aelin followed, watching as Elide ignored her, fluffing the blankets and pillows in the back of the bed.

“El!” Aelin cried. “If you’d told me, I wouldn’t have crashed!”

“It’s not a date!” Elide insisted again. “We’re just… friends.”

Aelin scoffed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear makeup before. I just assumed your Uncle wouldn’t allow it,” she said, pointedly. “You are definitely more than friends.”

Elide bit her lip and pinched the bridge of her nose, scrunching and releasing it as breathed deeply. “Fine,” she sighed. “I like her.” Her cheeks reddened with her admission. “She’s funny and unexpectedly weird, and she doesn’t make me feel like a freak for loving to study.” Elide crossed her arms over her stomach as she lowered her voice further. “She said my penchant for learning was one of the most attractive things about me.” Aelin watched as the corner of her friends lip tugged up. “I know I’m a huge nerd, but, she makes me feel pretty.”

Aelin’s throat tightened again at her reserved friend, blushing and confessing her crush to her. She threw her arms around Elide’s shoulders and hugged her tightly. “El, you _are_ pretty.” She paused. “Were you ever actually tutoring her?”

Elide smiled softly, lost in memory. “Yes. But school ended and she just kept inviting me to hang out.”

Aelin smacked her forehead as she took in their surroundings. “Oh my god, El, she took you to the drive in to make out!” She watched as Elide’s lips fell into a soft ‘o’ in surprise. “No wonder she glared at me. I have to leave.”

But as Aelin turned to go, fingers dug into her forearm, pulling her back. Elide’s dark eyes were wild with panic as she breathed. “No!” she squealed. “There won’t be any kissing. I swear. We haven’t even held hands,” she hissed. “Please, stay.”

She recognized her own nerves reflected back in Elide’s face – the look of someone who so badly wanted to kiss someone but was too afraid to do it and rock the precariously erected boat of friendship they’d managed to keep afloat, even with the undercurrent of longing threatening to capsize it at any moment.

“Fine,” Aelin replied, and Elide let out a nervous breath. “But I’m not squishing in here and killing your vibe,” she said, pointing to the blanket and pillow set up in the bed of Manon’s truck.

“Where are you going to go?” Elide asked, fear creeping back into her gaze.

Aelin climbed into the cab of the truck and turned around to look out the rear windshield. “Not too far?” she asked, and Elide shook her head, smiling as she climbed up into the truck bed.

Aelin stretched out her own feet across the seats, relaxing into the door as best as she could.

She watched as Manon made her way back to the truck, smiling widely as she spotted Elide already sitting on the blanket, waiting. After she was settled next to the small brunette, Manon turned around and knocked on the windshield.

“There’s room out here for you, if you want,” she said, but Aelin shook her head quickly, shaking her off and insisting she was fine. She didn’t miss Manon’s appreciative glance as she scooched down, getting comfortable next to Elide.

The sky finally changed from twilight to dark, and the screen lit up with the movie. She tried to watch, she really did. But, she was surrounded by couples, and all she could think about was how alone she felt. At this rate, Aelin would be the only single person in her friend group when junior year started. They’d have changed from a group of three singles and one couple to three couples, and… Aelin.

She nearly laughed when her phone lit up with a text from Rowan. Of course.

**You left work quickly tonight… where’d you go?**

She sighed and replied, knowing that she couldn’t avoid him, even she tried. **Drive in.**

There was a small lag in response time before she received his, **With who?**

**Elide**

**Cool**

Aelin’s phone returned to dark – Rowan was seemingly satisfied with her answer and hadn’t felt the need to text more. Or, so she thought, until there was a knock at the window behind her head about twenty minutes later.

Aelin jumped, her heart pounding with surprise at the loud noise, which only slowed slightly as she glimpsed Rowan’s bright hair against the dim light of the screen.

“Fuck!” she said, clutching her chest as the door cracked open. “You fucking scared me!” She breathed. “What are you doing here?” she whispered.

“I was bored,” he said, climbing into the seat next to her. He lifted her extended feet and placed them in his lap. Just the barest of touches made her heart race, and she had to remind herself yet again that she was mad at him. “So…” He extended the syllable as the overhead car light went off, plummeting them into darkness. Aelin tried to relax again, leaning back into the door, but she couldn’t get comfortable. She felt too keyed up, like she was bound to snap at Rowan any moment, unsure what would set her off. “Since when are Manon and Elide friends?” he asked.

Aelin poked her toe into his thigh and laughed. “Pretty sure they’re more than friends,” she said, causing Rowan to whip his head over his shoulder and attempt to look at them in the truck bed.

“Really?” he asked, his brow lifting into the middle of his forehead. He looked back at Aelin and shrugged. “Huh.” He cleared his throat and extended his arm over the back of the seat, trying to get comfortable himself in the small cab. “Double date?”

“What?” Aelin asked, confused at his words.

“Who are you here with?” he asked.

“Manon and Elide?” Aelin said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Because it was. That’s who she was here with. She didn’t understand what he was getting at.

He snorted and pushed her foot gently. “And who else?”

Aelin crinkled her brow. “No one?”

He cocked his head to the side, looking her over so thoroughly that Aelin felt like crossing her arms over her chest. “No secret date for you?”

“Are you being serious right now?” Aelin snapped. She’d had enough. Her heart had been put through the wringer already, and here Rowan was – accusing her of what he’d been doing all along.

“What?” he asked, brushing her off. But Aelin wasn’t going to let it slide anymore. All the sadness that she’d cried out this morning had formed into a knot of anger, and she was finally ready to unleash.

“The only one of us having any kind of secret relationship is _you_.”

“I am not having a _secret relationship_.”

Even through the darkness, Aelin could see him frown, his dark eyes narrowing at her across the seat. It was like she could physically see him icing her out, and it hurt far more than she was willing to admit right now.

“Why are you lying to me?” Aelin huffed, her chest starting to heave with the exertion of her emotions.

“I’m not!” he shouted, causing someone in the car next to them to shush them loudly. “I’m not,” he whispered.

“Yes you are!” Aelin pushed. She was through being lied to. “Secret letters and secret dates and secret kisses? Sounds like a secret relationship to me,” she said, her voice raising as far as it could for its whispered state. “And it sucks,” she added, her voice finally betraying her hurt. “I never thought I’d have to hear you kissed someone from Lorcan!” She leaned forward, pressing her finger into his shoulder. “You, Ro. You were supposed to tell me yourself.”

“I didn’t kiss her,” Rowan insisted, causing Aelin’s heart to surge with hope. Was it possible that Lyria had made the whole thing up? Maybe Lorcan had overheard complete falsehoods. She held onto that hope for a few seconds, until Rowan continued. “She kissed me,” he mumbled.

Aelin’s heart sank, the familiar sickly feeling of nausea creeping into her stomach. She couldn’t help but scoff loudly.

“And we haven’t gone on a date yet.”

“Yet,” Aelin said, the word thick in her throat. “But you will. When she comes back from camp.”

“Yeah,” he said, tugging at his hair. “I guess. I don’t know. Probably.”

“Probably.”

They sank back into silence, Aelin’s heart pounding as she attempted to calm her breathing.

“How did Lorcan even know?” Rowan complained.

“Apparently everyone knows,” Aelin said sadly. “Except for me.”

“I was going to tell you,” Rowan insisted, causing Aelin to snort in disbelief again. She pulled her feet away from his lap, cradling her knees against her chest protectively.

“Really? When?” she asked. “Before sending out wedding invitations or…”

“Save the date, at least,” he said with a small smile.

“It’s not funny, Ro,” Aelin said. “You lied to me. Like… a lot.” He frowned at her words, knowing they were true. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because I didn’t think there was anything to tell,” he said. “And, then, when there was… I don’t know. I didn’t want…” he trailed off, leaving Aelin wondering what his real reasoning was. “You’ll always be my favorite person, you know that, right?”

Aelin’s stomach clenched again. “I don’t know if your girlfriend is going to like that too much…”

Rowan rolled his eyes. “Well, if they can’t accept it, then they’re not going to be my girlfriend for very long.” He narrowed his eyes. “We’re kind of a package deal, you and me. So, make sure Sam or Nox or Lorcan or whoever you decide to date knows that, too.”

Aelin tilted her head back, looking at the ceiling, unable to look at Rowan any longer without hurting herself. Rowan and Lyria were going to go out. It was happening. For real. “Good thing you don’t have to worry about that,” she laughed sadly. “Since I will probably die alone.”

“I highly doubt that,” he laughed before turning to her, his face serious. “I’m sorry, Aelin. Really.”

She waved him off, silently giving him forgiveness with the flip of one of her hands, though inside she felt like she was dying.

“So, are you finally going to tell me about her?” Aelin asked. She didn’t actually want to know anything, but she figured it was better to know than to not know.

“Lyria?” She stared at him, like the dumbass that he was until he cracked a small smile. “Well, she’s got horrible taste in music. Top 40 only.” He shuddered. “But, she’s really nice? And she likes me a lot.”

As Rowan continued to tell her the details of their letter exchanges, Aelin did her best to maintain a face of neutrality and interest. No matter what, she couldn’t let Rowan know how hard her heart was breaking. As she glanced over her shoulder, she spotted Manon and Elide, walking away from the truck, hands linked and smiles on their faces. She was happy for them – she was. But she was simultaneously struck with dread. Junior year was going to be… different.


	15. Chapter 15

“Aelin.”

Aelin heard the voice calling out to her, but she felt no need to respond. Lorcan had been pestering her all damn day. To be fair, he was doing it out of the kindness of his weird, misguided crusty heart. But it didn’t make her feel any better. He couldn’t annoy her into forgetting what today was.

“Aelin!” he repeated, his voice getting louder with his growing annoyance. “Aeeeelinnn,” he sang, finally pushing her over the edge.

“What?!” she snapped.

“Nothing,” he shrugged, pulling out a frozen Snickers bar and biting into it with a smug smile.

“You’re really irritating, you know that?”

“No more irritating than you,” he said through his large bite of ice cream.

“How am I being irritating?”

Lorcan rolled his eyes. “You’ve been pouting since you got here this morning.”

She crossed her arms across her uniformed chest. “I’m not _pouting_.”

Lorcan stared her down, and she huffed. She knew he was right. She had been pouting. A lot. Since she officially learned of Rowan’s intentions to _probably_ date Lyria, she’d been an emotional mess. Not that Rowan would know. No, she kept her face in a carefully constructed smile each time he mentioned her name, all the while her insides twisted. At least he was no longer keeping it a secret from her, though. And for that she was grateful.

“You are the Poutiest McPouterson of Pout Town,” Lorcan laughed, handing her the second half of his frozen snickers. Aelin frowned but resentfully accepted the half-eaten chocolate.

“And it’s been going on for days.”

Aelin ignored him and kept scrolling through her phone, ignoring him.

“What are you even doing right now?” Lorcan grabbed her phone and rolled his eyes. “Teenage Dream, I Want You To Want Me, Someone Like You, Stay, Summertime Sadness, I Touch Myself…? Oh, wow. This is so much worse than I even thought. This is sad. Like. Really fucking sad. I can’t allow this.”  
  
Aelin snatched her phone back and huffed. She didn’t need to be judged right now. She was fragile, and putting together a pining playlist was the only thing making her feel better. The only thing taking her mind off the fact that Lyria had returned from cheer camp and Rowan was officially taking her out tonight.  
  
It did make Aelin feel slightly better that Rowan had told her Lyria asked him to hang out, not the other way around. But. It didn’t make it hurt any less.  
  
Meanwhile, her big Friday night plans involved listening to her new playlist on repeat until she cried herself to sleep.

Lorcan raised a dark brow, waiting for Aelin to say something, and she finally broke. “Lyria’s back, and she and Rowan are ‘hanging out’ tonight.” She took a large bite of the ice cream, letting the sugar soothe her frayed nerves. Lorcan frowned, looking her over intently and sighed.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but—” Lorcan paused dramatically. “Come to my party tonight.” Aelin’s eyes narrowed at the hulking brunette, tugging at his long strands of hair, which had grown past his shoulder. “If Rowan is going to date a cheerleader, we’ll find you a football player.”

“I don’t want a football player,” Aelin said with a frown. “I want Rowan.”

Lorcan barked out a laugh. “Yes, I’m fully aware. But, get yourself a distraction, at the very least. Or, just come for a night of drinking. I don’t care.”

“You’re serious,” Aelin said slowly.

Despite their budding friendship, Lorcan hadn’t invited Aelin back to a party at his house since the fateful night she blacked out and socked him in the cheek. Not that she blamed him.

“Just, stick to beer this time.” Aelin couldn’t help but smile. “What?” Lorcan asked, causing Aelin to smile wider. She knew it was a pity invite, but she’d take it.

“You’re a good friend, Lorcan.”

“We’re not friends,” he said too quickly, causing Aelin to laugh. “I just feel bad for you.”

“We’re totally friends.” 

“I admit nothing,” he said, rolling his eyes again, but Aelin could see the smile behind them as he got back to work. It was bizarre. If someone had told her three months ago that she’d be _friends_ with Lorcan Salvaterre, she would have laughed at them in the face, but she guessed this summer had changed quite a few things.

…

“So, you and Lorcan, huh?”

Aelin poked her head out of her closet to glare at the boy stretched out across her comforter. His phone rested on his stomach, and with his hands resting behind his head, Aelin could see just the smallest sliver of tan skin above his jeans. Taunting her.

Despite Lorcan’s mission to help her move on from Rowan, Aelin had asked him to come help her get ready for Lorcan’s party. She just wanted to see him before he went off with Lyria. Just… one more time. Just the two of them. Before everything changed.

“What?” She shook her head as she threw another pair of jeans across the room and onto Rowan’s feet. “No. We’re barely even friends.”

“Then, why are you freaking out?” he asked, watching her frustration with slight amusement.

“I am not freaking out,” Aelin huffed, locking herself back into her closet. She could hear Rowan’s snort through the door and could practically see his bright eyes rolling at her. She groaned loudly.

“Because I’m going to a party alone!” Aelin huffed. She’d asked Elide to join her, but she had plans with Manon, of course. And apparently Manon would rather cut her own arm off before going to a party at Lorcan’s. So, Aelin was flying solo tonight. And yes, she was nervous about it. “I’m only going to know Lorcan, and it’s going to be _weird._ ”

“You make friends faster than any other human I know, Ace,” Rowan quipped, launching into what she assumed was a supportive manifesto, but he was speaking too low for her to really hear him. Which was fine with her, honestly.

Not wanting to think about how few people she’d know at this thing, she threw herself back into finding the perfect outfit. She wanted to look cute, but not be uncomfortable. Her eyes swept back and forth across the shelves, finally spotting her favorite pair of jean shorts. She tugged them on and grabbed an oversized band tee she’d cut up months ago. It wasn’t great, but it’d do.

She flung the door open in a big reveal, but Rowan had closed his eyes. Naturally. She didn’t know why she tried. This boy did _not_ care what she looked like. Aelin’s nerves gathered in her stomach as she took in her reflection. She frowned. Something was missing.

“Necklace?” she asked the boy who was dozing off on her bed, and he shrugged with little interest. She didn’t know why she’d even asked him.

At her vanity, she pulled out a choker she’d borrowed from Lysandra months ago – and forgot to return – and attempted to put it on, but the chain quickly got tangled in the back of her long hair.

“Owwww,” she complained as she struggled to free the necklace from the knot forming around the chain, but it only served to make things worse. “Ro! A little help?” she asked over her shoulder. “Rowan!”

Rowan opened his eyes slowly and she stared, begging for help. He smiled as he slung his legs over the side of the bed, lumbering his way to her. He lifted up her hair gently and placed it over her shoulder with deft hands, leaving only the tangled part down her back. She stood straighter as she felt his rough fingers brush against the back of her neck, fiddling with the necklace.

She could hear his soft chuckle behind her. “I closed my eyes for three seconds. How did you even do this?” he asked. “You have so much hair,” he laughed, and Aelin could feel his breath against her shoulder. She hadn’t realized how close his mouth was to her skin, and it broke into goosebumps as a shiver ran up her spine.

“I know,” she replied softly. “I can’t remember the last time it was this long.”

Rowan hummed, his movements deceivingly gentle as he worked his way through the long strands, trying not to tug too hard. “I think it was this long when I met you.”

“Oh gods,” Aelin laughed. “It was even longer then.” She suppressed another shiver as Rowan’s fingers ghosted against the back of her neck, holding the hair in place as he pulled at the necklace. “I looked like a troll doll.”

“I like your hair long,” Rowan said, releasing the tangle she hadn’t quite been able to reach at the nape of her neck.

It was so rare that Rowan expressed any kind of preference on the way she looked, Aelin kind of couldn’t believe it. She’d always had fairly long hair, but for him to say he liked it filled her stomach with a swarm of butterflies. She swallowed thickly as he pulled the last twisted piece of hair from the necklace and clasped the chain with practiced ease.

“Thanks.”

“Done,” he said, and she turned around, surprised to see how close he still was to her. His face hovered just an inch away from hers, and she could feel a current of electricity run through her at his proximity.

“Your turn,” she said, breaking the strange tension between them and running her fingers across the top of his shaggy hair.

He pushed her hands away, laughing.

“You need a haircut,” Aelin laughed as Rowan finally gave up trying to push her away and let her brush his hair, which now fell just above his jaw. Aelin reached for the brush on her vanity and smiled as Rowan admit defeat, sitting on the edge of her bed and tilting his head back to let her work. Aelin pushed the long strands back, and, she watched as Rowan’s eyes fluttered close as he took a deep breath. His lips curled up slightly, and she could have sworn she heard his throat rumbling with a contented purr.

“So,” Aelin cleared her throat, trying not to stare at Rowan’s lips as she brushed through his long strands. “Odds I punch Lorcan again tonight?”

Rowan barked out a laugh, his smile widening as he pretended to think about it. He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I say it’s fifty-fifty.”

“Thank you for your confidence,” she sassed, sticking her tongue out at him. He grinned in return, but he was quickly distracted by his beeping phone. His brow furrowed as he replied to whatever text and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Aelin watched with a tugging at her chest as he smiled apologetically and stood from her bed.

“Lyria’s on her way to Maeve’s, so I should…” He made a motion with his head, and Aelin waved him off.

“Right,” she replied quickly. “I’ll let you get to it.”

He nodded and hunched his shoulders, awkwardly fiddling with the beltloops of his jeans. “I’ll talk to you later?” he asked, and Aelin used all her effort to force a smile onto her face.

“Yup,” she said, hoping her smile concealed her sudden feeling of nausea. “You can tell me all about your date.”

He smiled in return. “If you need me to pull you off Lorcan later, let me know.” His smile disappeared as Aelin cracked a smile. “That’s… not that you’ll be _on_ him. That sounded wrong. You know what I meant,” he stuttered.

“Oh, I know.”

Aelin held up her fists and jabbed in the air toward Rowan. He shifted to the side, avoiding her feigned punch and laughed. She jabbed again and he blocked her fist by wrapping his large hand around her knuckles, and her hand went limp in his, falling between them.

He squeezed her hand gently, leaving a tingling sensation that lasted well after he took a step back.

“See ya, slugger,” he said, taking off with a wave.

Aelin laid back onto her bed and breathed in his scent from where he’d just been lounging. She inhaled deeply and let it comfort her. She could do this. She could get through one night without Rowan.

…

Aelin was a fool. She didn’t know how she thought she could distract herself by going out tonight. Every few seconds, she desperately pulled her phone from her pocket and checked to see if Rowan had texted her. But of course, he hadn’t.

He was on a date. With another girl.

She belatedly wished she’d asked him what their plans were, because now her mind was left to imagine the absolute worst. She pictured them sharing food and going on a romantic drive down to the pier where they could watch the water and make out to a playlist of Rowan’s choosing. Oh gods, they were going to make out.

Aelin was going to be sick.

“Babe, you’re bringing the whole vibe down,” Lorcan said, plopping onto the couch next to her.

“Don’t call me babe, babe,” she frowned, poking his arm.

“Babe,” he repeated, a goofy smirk across his face.

“Babe.” Aelin blinked twice, hoping to get rid of him, but Lorcan seemed unfazed by her attitude.

“You are having zero fun, and it’s making everyone sad,” Lorcan sighed. “You weren’t into Finn or Cormac?”

Her hand twisted around her beer can as she shrugged. Lorcan had been a surprise, introducing her around as soon as she made it there. She’d been so nervous about not knowing anyone, but she hadn’t thought that Lorcan would bother taking the time to make sure that wasn’t the case for long. But despite his best wingmanning efforts, Aelin couldn’t enjoy herself. She could barely talk to the two football players, completely and utterly distracted by thoughts of Rowan.

“Come with me,” Lorcan said, heaving them off the couch. “You need more to drink.”

Aelin shook her head, her shoulders sagging in as she admitted defeat. This night was a wash. She should just go home and cry.

Lorcan pulled the beer from her hand and finished it himself in one large gulp. He grimaced as he swallowed, shuddering slightly. “You let it get warm. That is gross.”

Aelin stared at the burly boy she’d been so frightened of a few months ago with a raised brow. “Hey, Lorcan?” She paused as he looked toward her with interest. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

He shrugged and reached a hand out to her, pulling her off the couch. “Because you and Whitethorn are both fucking idiots, and being heartbroken sucks.”

Aelin laughed, unable to help herself. “I guess I can drink to that.”

Lorcan grinned widely and clapped. “Then, let’s get to it.”

She let him guide her through the party and into the kitchen where he pulled two more beers from the fridge.

“So…” Aelin didn’t want to push, but his words had gotten her curious. “Any chance you’re going to tell me who caused your broken heart?”

Lorcan laughed as he cracked them both open. “Nope,” he said as he handed Aelin her new cold beer.

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the dramatics of her friend. But she held up her beer to cheers his, knocking the cans against each other as she tilted her head back and let it flow down the back of her throat. She wasn’t exactly a huge beer fan, but, it was definitely safer than whatever red concoction was being scooped out of a literal trashcan. Or, so she’d learned last time.

She downed the can quickly and laughed in surprise as Lorcan held out another one for her.

As she took her next sip, a surprising song filtered through the room, causing Aelin to shoot her eyes up at Lorcan, who was looking at her with laughter in his dark eyes.

“What?” he asked.

“You added this to your playlist for me.”

Lorcan scoffed loudly, shaking his head overexaggerated from side to side. “I did no such thing. I just love Cheap Trick.”

“Babe.” Their new term of endearment hung in the air between them for a millisecond, until the intro of the song ended and launched into the lyrics.

Lorcan cackled wildly as he started singing to her, the words she’d been repeating in her head all week coming out of his mouth with surprising ease.

_I want you to want me, I need you to need me_

_I’d love you to love me, I’m begging you to beg me_

Aelin couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up in her throat at the way Lorcan clutched at his heart when he sang, leading her back through the party. As he sang, he stepped up onto the low coffee table and reached down for Aelin.

She rolled her eyes but smiled, accepting his hand as he pulled her up on the coffee table with him to the round of large cheers from the crowds surrounding them.

_I want you to want me, I need you to need me_

_I’d love you to love me…_

_I’ll shine up my old brown shoes, I”ll put on a brand new shirt_

_I’ll get home early from work_

_If you say that you love me_

The beer buzz made its way through her body, loosening her limbs as she swayed back and forth. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, letting the music soothe her as she sang loudly.

_Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?_

_Ohh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?_

_Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying_

_Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?_

Lorcan grabbed her hand and spun her under his arm, and Aelin finally felt her anxiety start to dissipate. Yes, this year was going to be different. But different didn’t have to mean, bad, right?

They cheersed again at the beginning of the long guitar solo, both knocking back the rest of their beers quickly. She watched as Lorcan scanned the crowd that had formed around the coffee table, most likely scoping out who he’d take to bed later. And inspired by her sudden lack of inhibitions and surge of happiness, Aelin decided to do the same. Not that she was going to take anyone to bed, but she could see who was potentially interested. She let her eyes trail across the mix of upperclassmen, a few who eyed her swaying hips appreciatively. 

She was about to launch back into singing when she spotted an all-too familiar head of silver blonde hair. Her heart pounded. Was it possible that he’d already ended his date and come to seek her out? Had she been worried for absolutely nothing?

Hope swirled in her stomach, but it was quickly squashed as her gaze trailed down his extended arm, down to his hand which was linked with a familiar brunette’s. Her chest contracted at the sight of them, hand in hand, fingers linked, making their way through the party. Aelin lost her step and lost balance, stumbling into Lorcan, who luckily was so sturdy that he barely flinched at her impact, steadying her quickly with a hand around her waist.

“I need another drink,” she said quickly at Lorcan’s questioning stare.

She hopped off the table and made her way through the throngs of sweaty bodies, tracking Rowan’s tall head across the room as he made his way into the kitchen, Lyria in tow. She wanted to look away – it physically hurt her to see his hand in hers, but she couldn’t. Her obsessive gaze followed them, and she held in a gasp as Lyria took a step in front of Rowan, and he moved his hand to the small of her back.

She’d dreamed of being touched like that by Rowan so frequently. And here he was, doing it without a second thought with Lyria. It just solidified what Aelin had already known in her heart: Rowan had never thought of her as more than a friend.

As she gained ground on them, getting closer, she stopped. What the hell was she doing? She should be running the other way from them, not approaching them. But she couldn’t stop. Like a magnet, she was obsessively drawn to Rowan.

“Uh, hey?” she said, tapping his shoulder gently.

He turned and looked down at her, a calm smile curling at his lips. “Hey.”

Aelin shoved her hands into her shorts pockets, not knowing what to say to him.

“Sorry to crash,” Rowan apologized. “Lyria’s friends texted that they were here.”

He pointed to the gaggle of cheerleaders communing in the corner of the kitchen behind him, and Aelin nodded as she watched Lyria distribute hugs to the girls she’d been away from all summer. 

“Plus, I know you said you were worried about not having any friends here…” he trailed off, looking nervous.

“It’s fine,” Aelin said, hoping she didn’t sound as affected as she felt. As if there were some invisible wall between her and her best friend that had never been present before.

“You having fun?” he asked, and Aelin shrugged. She wasn’t exactly sure there was an answer for that.

He frowned at her less than enthusiastic reply, and Aelin was about to ask if he wanted to talk outside when Lorcan bounded up beside them.

“G, what’s taking so long?” he asked, seeing her empty hands, cracking a beer and handing it to her. “I have a hoard of friends asking about the hot girl who was dancing on the coffee table.” He looked at her with a pointed glare before sliding his eyes over to the glowering boy beside him. “Oh, hey, Rowan. Didn’t see you there.”

Rowan nodded stiffly, and Aelin quirked an eyebrow at him. Wondering what his deal was.

“How many constitutes a hoard?” she asked Lorcan, taking a sip of her fresh beer.

“Five?”

“Think they could all handle me?” Aelin asked, ignoring the feeling of Rowan’s eyes boring a hole into the side of her head.

“Together?” Lorcan asked, and Rowan inhaled sharply, causing him to sputter and choke on his first sip of beer. As he coughed, Aelin finally let her eyes roll.

“You’re not really thinking…” Rowan said, and Aelin scoffed loudly.

“Of course not, Buzzard.” She paused. “I was kidding.”

How could even remotely think that was a possibility? She watched as the tension visibly drained from his shoulders at her words, and she was annoyed by how relieved that made _her_ feel.

“Well,” he said, his sneaker toeing at the sticky tile floor. “I’ll let you get back to your hoard.”

“And you should get back to your date,” Aelin replied, feeling more annoyed than she had any right to. But there was something in his tone, that slight hint of disapproval that had her on edge.

She tried not to glance over her shoulder as Lorcan swept her back out to the living room, but she couldn’t help it. She watched as Rowan made his way over to Lyria, sliding his arm around her waist and tugging her close.

She tried to stay focused on anything else for the rest of the party, she really did – but she couldn’t. She found herself constantly seeking out her best friend’s tall head. Despite the amount of guys Lorcan introduced herself – which, was an actual hoard – she was completely uninterested. She nodded and smiled in all the right places, but she barely registered anyone’s names, too busy wondering what the boy on the other side of the house was doing.

Having had enough of torture of her own making, Aelin decided it was finally time to leave the party. She wanted to say goodbye to Rowan before leaving, let him know that he could text her when he left. But her feet froze when she spotted him. He and Lyria were in the shadows under the staircase. She watched with a painful chest as their arms wrapped around each other. It was almost as if she were watching them in slow motion as Rowan ducked down and pressed his lips to Lyria’s. Her lips parted beneath his, and her hands knotted in the hair that Aelin had so carefully brushed earlier that night, keeping him close. A wave of nausea hit her suddenly and fiercely. Her head spun, and she knew she needed to leave the party immediately. Everything hurt. Her whole body.

Shaky legs led her out of the party and across town. She didn’t have the patience to wait for an Uber.

By the time she reached home, Aelin’s sadness had morphed into anger.

Why did she let Rowan have this much control of her? His actions had no right to make her feel this terrible. Her chest bloomed with fury as she thought over his words, his subtle judgment that she shouldn’t be allowed to meet other guys. But apparently, he was allowed to kiss whoever he wanted.

Aelin was finished needing Rowan’s approval. She needed to separate herself from him, from the affirmations she’d always sought out. She stumbled around the kitchen, looking for something in particular and set her mouth in a determined line when she found the tool. Breathing heavily, she reached for a section of her long, golden hair and snipped.


	16. Chapter 16

Madam Florine tsked, letting the jagged pieces of Aelin’s newly shorn hair slip through her fingers. She shook her head and sighed loudly.

“Can you fix it?” Rhoe asked, his brow furrowed seriously.

Aelin cringed. She’d felt so empowered last night. The haircut had seemed like such a good idea at the time – until she woke up and witnessed the uneven hack job she’d done in her drunken state. Grabbing chunks of her hair had left the state of her hair an incredible mess.

She was proud of herself that she hadn’t cried.

But she couldn’t say the same for her dad. Upon seeing her hair, Rhoe’s eyes had welled with tears that he managed to blink back at her hoarse cry for help. He’d driven her immediately to the hair salon where the woman at the front desk had taken one look at Aelin and shuffled her back into a seat as quickly as she could.

The hairdresser took a deep breath and nodded. “I can fix it.”

Rhoe exhaled loudly and took a seat, letting Madame Florine pull her scissors out and begin snipping at the ragged pieces of blonde. Aelin flinched with every cut, watching her hair grow shorter and shorter. Apparently she’d been _far_ more scissor happy last night than she’d initially thought.

Aelin watched with a nervous stomach as the once golden waves that had tumbled down her back were cut until they rested just above her shoulders. The ends brushed against her skin, and she exhaled loudly as Madame Florine fixed the shorter pieces in the front into side swept bangs where she’d accidentally cut too much.

A cool breeze of the hairdryer made the skin on her neck prickle, and Aelin couldn’t resist trailing her hand over it, feeling strangely exposed without her curtain of hair to protect her . She turned and looked at her dad, who was fiddling with his fingers.

“How does it look?” Aelin asked. “Be honest.”

Rhoe cocked his head to the side and cracked a smile. “You look beautiful.”

Aelin rolled her eyes at her dad’s sweet response, but she smiled back regardless. She examined herself in the mirror thoroughly, not quite recognizing the girl looking back. It was definitely different…

“Should we go to Maeve’s and show off your new look?” Rhoe asked, and Aelin couldn’t help but flinch slightly. She wasn’t sure she was ready to see Rowan just yet. Not with the image of his lips on Lyria’s still swimming in her head.

“Can we take out?” Aelin asked, running her fingers through the ends of her hair, still unfamiliar to her touch.

“I’ll call it in…”

Rhoe looked like he wanted to ask, wanted to push, but she was grateful that he didn’t. Instead, he called in her favorite stuffed French toast and an omelet for himself.

Aelin sunk down in the passenger seat as Rhoe pulled up to the small café, not wanting to risk being seen by anyone. And her dad frowned as he took in her position, opening up his door reluctantly.

He looked over his shoulder. “We’re going to talk about this later,” he warned, and Aelin nodded, knowing that her reluctance to going into Maeve’s wasn’t the only thing he wanted answers about.

He returned quickly, bags in tow and spoke quietly. “Rowan wasn’t inside.”

“Oh?” Aelin asked, hoping against all hopes that he wasn’t already out with Lyria again.

“On a long run,” Rhoe said with such a pointed tone that Aelin quirked an eyebrow in question, but Rhoe simply shook his head. “Hope you’re hungry. Maeve gave us some extra home fries, bacon and cheddar biscuits.”

She guessed they’d be having that conversation later.

“Yummmm,” Aelin groaned, her stomach grumbling in time with her appreciative moan. “She takes such good care of us.”

Rhoe smiled softly and squeezed Aelin’s shoulders as he drove home. “She does.”

…

Aelin had just finished gorging herself on her brunch feast when there was a knock at the door. She looked at Rhoe nervously for answers, but he looked just as perplexed as she did.

She swung open the door and smiled, a rush of relief flooding through her body as Lysandra flung her arms around her bare shoulders.

“YOUR HAIR!” she exclaimed. “I love it!” she said, pulling back and running her fingers against the tips. “It’s so chic. So foreign. The girls in Wendlyn could never. When did this happen? I miss everything!”

“Lysandra,” Rhoe chuckled. “Welcome back.”

“Oh, hi, Mr. Galathynius!” she said with a wide smile. “You’re looking good, too. Nice tan.”

Aelin rolled her eyes at her friend’s antics and breathed deeply. She needed Lysandra’s thoughts. Badly.

“Welcome back,” Aelin said. “Now, fucking help me.” She looked at her dad as she dragged Lys by the hand. “We’ll be upstairs!”

Aelin flopped back onto her bed and groaned as Lysandra jumped onto the spot next to her.

“I just got all your SOS texts,” Lysandra apologized. “My parents didn’t spring for the international texting plan. Ridiculous. Tell me everything.”

And so Aelin did. She recounted the whole summer that Lysandra had missed – from her lusty admiration of Rowan’s beach body to her tentative truce with Lorcan all the way to the Lyria kiss. Lysandra listened patiently, letting her friend purge the swell of emotions that had been ready to explode for weeks.

By the time she was finished, Aelin felt that steady rage building in her chest again, returning from its night of slumber.

Lysandra hmmed thoughtfully and reached for a piece of Aelin’s hair again, twirling the short piece between her fingers.

“The cut is perfect, honestly,” she said. “It’s such a _moment_. But—”

Aelin lifted her head, wondering if her friend was going to tell her she’d made a huge mistake. “But?”

“But—” Lysandra repeated. “What do you think about changing the color, too?”

“The color?”

Lysandra nodded. “I’m sorry I missed such an insane summer. If I’d been here I would have snapped you out of this weeks ago.”

Aelin laughed. “Not sure that’s possible, Lys, but thanks.”

Lysandra huffed, her brow furrowing angrily as she pushed Aelin’s shoulder. “No one gets to push Aelin Galathynius around! She is bold and beautiful and confident, and she can rock any hair color she wants!”

“New year, new me?” Aelin asked, and Lysandra smiled widely.

“New year, new you!”

Aelin smiled softly in return. “I had been contemplating red.”

“Red?!” Lysandra’s smile grew impossibly bigger.

“Well, I’ve already been blonde,” Aelin laughed, tugging at her locks. “And if I went brunette right now…” She shuddered, imagining Rowan’s reaction to Aelin suddenly going brunette the day after going out with Lyria.

“As if you’d ever want to be that basic bitch.” Lysandra snorted, making Aelin smile in earnest. “Red it is.” Lysandra grabbed Aelin’s hand and squeezed. “Let’s go get dye and do this thing.”

A knock at Aelin’s door interrupted the pair, and Rhoe stuck his head in. “Aelin, when you have a minute I still want to talk to you,” he said, his voice suddenly serious.

Aelin sighed and nodded. And Lysandra smiled. “You two chat, and I’ll run to the beauty store, and be back in a bit?”

“Sounds good,” Aelin said, waving her friend off with nerves in her stomach as her dad came and sat at the edge of her bed, his blue eyes soft and wondering as he stared at his daughter.

She crossed her legs and faced him, running her hand through her hair again, reaching for strands that were no longer there. 

“I’ve always given you a lot of freedom,” he began, and Aelin sat up straighter, nodding tentatively.

“You have,” Aelin said solemnly.

“I have a time-consuming job,” he continued. “And I’ve always felt bad about that.”

“Dad—” she tried to interrupt, but Rhoe held up his hand, needing to get something out.

“You had to be self-sufficient at a very young age.” Aelin nodded. “But I’ve always trusted you to make good decisions. You’re a smart girl, Fireheart.”

Aelin could feel her stomach sink in anticipation of his words. She and her dad didn’t have serious conversations like this. It was unusual for him to be so forthcoming. He was usually teasing her mercilessly. His solemnity unsettled her.

“Which is why I don’t think I need to tell you that you can’t go to a party or hang out with your friends unchaperoned.”

“I know,” Aelin replied, her stomach swirling with nerves.

He cleared his throat, swallowing the thick frog there, and Aelin watched as his eyes refocused on her. “I need you to know, if anything is wrong, you can tell me. I don’t care if I’m in the middle of a shift. I will always answer for you.” He took a deep breath. “Walking home into a pile of your hair scared me.” He paused and really looked at her. “Is everything okay?”

He blew out the rest of his breath, nervous at what Aelin was going to say, and she realized that she truly had scared her dad, who she’d thought was unflappable.

“Dad,” she said, placing her hand on his arm. “I’m fine. I promise. Just wanted a new look.”

She smiled guiltily as he frowned. “If you wanted a haircut, I would have taken you.”

“Sadly, my skills were so bad that you had to do that anyway.” She smiled as Rhoe let out a laugh. “Full disclosure?” Aelin continued, causing her dad to raise a nervous brow in her direction. “I’m going to dye it, too.”

Rhoe squeezed her hand as he got off the bed. “Thanks for the heads up this time.”

“Is that okay?” Aelin asked, and Rhoe shrugged.

“As long as you wait until you’re eighteen to start getting tattoos, I don’t care how you change your appearance.” 

Aelin laughed and saluted her dad back. “Noted.”

Rhoe rubbed the back of his head. “And, Rowan?”

“What about him?” Aelin asked far too sharply. Rhoe held up his hands in defense and took a step back.

“Never mind,” Rhoe laughed. “You two will figure it out. You always do.”

Aelin hoped that was true. She went to twirl her hair, which was no longer there and sighed as she leaned back onto her bed, waiting for Lysandra to return.

…

“Ummm….”

“What?” Aelin asked, trying to lift her head out of the sink. It was never a good sign when the friend rinsing dye out of your hair started a sentence with a nervous um. “What did you do?”

Lysandra bit her lip and frowned. “How badly did you want red?”

“What did you do?!” Aelin gasped, sitting up and wriggling out of Lysandra’s grasp. “Oh my god,” Aelin mumbled as she watched the pink drops splatter across her bathroom floor. She could feel her eyebrows raise to the middle of her forehead as she turned to her friend, who was pulling the empty bottle of dye out of the trash and examining it.

Aelin pulled the bottle from her hands and inhaled sharply. “VIVID PINK?!”

“Who puts pink hair dye into a red bottle?” Lysandra attempted to defend herself, but Aelin barely heard her as she examined her hair. Not only was it shorn to her shoulders, but it was also hot pink. “It looked red when I put it on your hair, I swear!”

Aelin stared at the stranger in the mirror as Lysandra babbled behind her, apology clear in her panicked tone. “The internet says if we wash it with dish soap it’ll fade the color. Or clarifying shampoo. Or dandruff shampoo. Do you have dandruff?”

Aelin blinked and blinked again. She didn’t actually hate it. It wasn’t what she’d planned, but there was something so satisfying about looking at the girl looking back at her. She was a different person. She looked like she didn’t care what people thought about her. An air of confidence formed as she rotated her head from side to side.

“I’m so sorry, Ae,” Lysandra apologized. “I’ll go back and get red. I bet we can dye red over pink.”

Aelin shook her head. “No.”

“No?”

A small smile curled at Aelin’s lips. “I kind of like it?”

Lysandra exhaled loudly. “You do look hot.”

Aelin grinned. “I do, don’t I?”

Lysandra clapped excitedly. “I have an idea.” Aelin raised her eyebrow in her friend’s direction. “I think we should get you all glammed out and do a photoshoot. Thirst traps for days, baby.” Aelin laughed so suddenly that she snorted, causing Lys to smile wider. “Who gives a flying fuck about Lyria Morgan? The whole school is going to be lining up for a piece of this pink haired hottie.”

Aelin nodded in agreement, feeling a rush of relief that her hair decision hadn’t been completely ill advised. She felt like a new human. A new human who maybe didn’t need Rowan Whitethorn every second of every day. Even wearing her usual band tee and jeans shorts, Aelin felt like a new person.

She relaxed as Lysandra blow dried her hair, the pink color lightening as she went, making her feel like a cotton candy dream. She closed her eyes and let Lysandra adorn her face with a smattering of eye makeup and finished with a swipe of red stain to her lips.

They waved a quick goodbye to Rhoe, who gave Aelin’s new hair color two thumbs up, as Lysandra explained they were headed to the park for a photoshoot.

“Work it, baby,” Lysandra laughed as Aelin laughed over her shoulder. “Portrait mode _loves you_.”

“Lys,” she cackled as her friend got up in her face with her camera, snapping a million photos. Aelin hated it. She didn’t know how to pose. Everything felt stiff and awkward. Especially with how close Lysandra had gotten to her. She pushed the camera away, but she nearly gasped when Lysandra flipped the phone around to show her the picture of herself.

“Whoa…” Aelin drawled.

“I know right?” Lysandra cackled. “Who is she?”

Aelin shook her head, staring at the sultry stranger staring back at her. Her red lips were parted slightly, looking pouty and inviting as her turquoise eyes shined under the bright August sun. She looked relaxed and carefree and edgy. Wow. If she saw that person on the street, she’d be insanely intimidated by her. She looked ready to step on some throats.

“Go stand over by that tree and attempt looking pensive,” Lysandra directed her, and Aelin skipped over, feeling a wave of something she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt before.

As Lysandra directed her, Aelin felt herself becoming more comfortable, smiling easily as she posed.

“Lys!” a familiar voice called, causing Aelin to look up. Rowan jogged over to Lysandra and hugged her quickly.

“Hey!” Lysandra squealed as she hugged him back.

Aelin walked over to the pair as Rowan explained that he’d stopped by her house and her dad had said they were there.

“So, where’s Aelin?” he asked, looking around, and looking immediately past Aelin, who was approaching from only a few feet away.

She raised her hand, and she watched as Rowan’s eyes widened as he did a literal doubletake upon recognizing her. His head snapped toward her, and his mouth opened, as if he wanted to say something, but closed quickly.

“Hi?”

He raised his hand at her, his hand running over his gaping mouth as he struggled to find words. Aelin could feel her cheeks warm at his thorough inspection of her new hair, but she managed to raise her chin with an air of confidence and smiled widely. She was Aelin Fucking Galathynius, and even if Rowan didn’t want to be with her, she could at least try and be happy without him. 

“You cut your hair,” he said, his eyes still perusing it slowly.

“And dyed it! Doesn’t she look amazing?!” Lysandra chirped, causing Aelin to roll her eyes.

“I told you I needed to cut it,” Aelin shrugged, attempting indifference at his reaction.

“I didn’t recognize you.” His lips twitched slightly, as if he were resisting frowning. “You don’t look like you anymore.” Aelin breathed, forcing herself not to care.

“New year, new Aelin!” Lysandra repeated Aelin’s motto, and Aelin laughed, hip checking her friend as she wrapped her arm around her waist.

“So, what’s up?” Aelin turned to Rowan, wondering why he’d come to seek her out.

He ran his hand through his still too-long hair and raised his shoulders in an uncertain shrug. “I heard I missed you at Maeve’s this morning.” He cleared his throat. “Thought we could hang the rest of the day.”

“You’re not going to go out with Lyria?” Aelin asked.

Rowan crossed his arms over his chest. “We hung out last night.” He paused. “You think she’ll want to hang out again today?”

Aelin lifted her brow as if to say _Duh._ And Rowan furrowed his brow, as if replying, _No way_. As if on cue, Rowan’s phone beeped in his pocket. He pulled it out and read through his text and looked up at an expectant Aelin. He finally chuckled softly.

“Okay, little miss know-it-all. Lyria wants to go to a movie tonight.”

Aelin sighed, feeling a slight wave of relief that she wouldn’t have to hang out with Rowan and talk about his date just yet, though it pained her to imagine him back out with Lyria.

“We can hang tomorrow,” Aelin assured him, but Rowan’s brow furrowed further, seemingly unsatisfied.

“Why don’t you come to the movies, too?” Rowan asked, and Aelin barked out a laugh.

“To be a third wheel on your date?” She shook her head, loving the way the strands of pink glowed in the afternoon sun. “No thanks.”

“You don’t have to be the third wheel,” he insisted, turning to Lysandra. “Lys, you and Wes should come too.”

“What movie?” Lys asked, being extremely unhelpful.

“Being a fifth wheel on a double date isn’t better, Ro.” Aelin rolled her eyes at her friend’s idiocy.

“Please?” he asked, widening his green eyes at her, begging in a way he knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.

“Why do you even want me on your date?” Aelin sighed, becoming progressively more annoyed with his insistence.

He poked her arm. “I told you. We’re a package deal.” He paused. “You and Lyria should get to know each other. And it’s not a date. It’s a group hang. Right?” He looked toward Lysandra again. She shrugged. 

“Fine,” Aelin conceded, causing Rowan to smile widely. Lysandra shot her a look of disbelief, and Aelin felt immediate regret as Rowan slung his arm over her shoulder and let his fingers rub the short pink ends of her hair between his fingers, examining it closer.

“I like it,” he said, clearing his throat. “You just look way too cool to hang out with me, now,” he laughed.

“I _am_ too cool to hang out with you,” she laughed. Her stomach fluttered as he squeezed her shoulder.

…

Aelin was an absolute idiot.

She must have had a momentary lapse of insanity agreeing to go with Rowan and Lyria to the movies. She hadn’t realized that Lysandra and Wesley hadn’t been officially reunited yet. Lysandra had sent Aelin a mass of photos and then ran off to Wesley’s house, saying they’d meet them for the movie.

As they stood outside the theater, waiting for the pair to arrive, Aelin had the sinking feeling that they weren’t coming. In fact, she was a hundred percent certain that her two friends were wrapped up in each other somewhere, completely oblivious to the time.

“I love your hair,” Lyria said sweetly in Aelin’s direction, startling her. “It’s so… unique.” The brunette had taken her appearance with shocking grace, welcoming Aelin as if she were an old friend with a hug and a warm smile, rather than the cold indifference or outward hostility she’d expected.

“Thanks,” Aelin said with a smile. “I like your lipstick,” she replied. It was a total lie. Lyria’s nude lipstick was not nearly Aelin’s style, but it was the only thing she could think of saying.

Rowan stood between them uncomfortably, rocking back and forth on his heels, looking back and forth between the girls on his sides like he was watching some sort of tennis match. Aelin wasn’t completely certain that it wasn’t.

“Should we go in?” Rowan asked, and Lyria smiled, looking up at him with warm brown eyes.

“You guys go,” Aelin said, waving them off. “I’ll keep waiting for them.”

Lyria seemed to accept that answer, reaching for Rowan’s hand and threading her fingers through his. Aelin forced herself to look away and back to the street.

“Sorry we’re late!” Lysandra apologized, running up to them, cheeks flushed and hair mussed. Aelin narrowed her eyes. “Sorry.”

“Making up for lost time?” Rowan laughed. And Wes wiggled his eyebrows and high fived Rowan.

“You know it.”

“Don’t be gross,” Lysandra scoffed, linking her arm with Aelin’s in a gesture of support.

“I didn’t hear you complaining earlier.”

As the couple bantered, Lyria cleared her throat politely. “I think we should probably head inside?”

Her threaded hand tugged at Rowan’s as she led them toward the ticket stand where Aelin uncomfortably paid for her own ticket. The five of them made their way into the theater, Lyria leading the way, landing Aelin between Rowan and Lysandra, directly in the middle of the two couples, much to her chagrin.

The movie was a cheesy action comedy – nothing she was particularly interested in, but it didn’t matter because as soon as the theater darkened, Aelin’s skin prickled with hyperawareness of the couple sitting to her left.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Rowan flexed his hand on his thigh, stretching his fingers out. She tried to look at the screen, so she wouldn’t be caught staring, but she couldn’t help but notice the subtle movement of Lyria’s hand sliding under his and resting on his knee. Aelin felt warm and clammy, as if she were coming down with some sort of sickness as Lyria’s thumb swiped across the back of Rowan’s hand as it scooted further up his leg.

Aelin tried to slouch down and look away, but the couple to her right was already fully intertwined, mouths mashing against each other, practically eating each other’s faces.

This was it. This was where Aelin was going to die. Right here in this moment.

As Lyria turned her head in Rowan’s direction, Aelin’s stomach churned and her heart pounded. She couldn’t bear to be between two making out couples. She needed to leave. Now.

She stood, uneasy on her feet, causing Lyria to rear her head back as Rowan looked toward Aelin’s hovering form.

“Bathroom,” she mumbled as she stumbled past the amorous couple and making her way out of the claustrophobic theater.

Once in the lobby, she gulped for air, and she shivered at the feeling of a trickle of sweat making its way down the back of her shirt.

She sank into the plush velvet chaise between the theater doors and slouched against the wall, trying to catch her breath as she came down from her rush of panic. She breathed and let her eyes close, inhaling in the familiar scent of buttered popcorn and exhaling slowly.

What was she even doing here? How had she ended up in the exact same position she’d attempted to get away from? Her hair might be different, but inside she felt like the same pathetically lovesick Aelin.

She barely flinched as she felt someone settle onto the bench next to her.

“I always forget how jumpy you are at the movies,” Rowan’s rough voice whispered, and despite herself, Aelin smiled.

“The sound is always too loud,” Aelin replied, finally opening her eyes and glancing at the boy next to her. His green eyes were filled with concern as she tilted her head back to lean against the wall.

“Remember when we snuck in to see _It?_ You got so scared, you dumped your soda all over me?” Aelin chuckled softly at the memory of thirteen-year-old Rowan, obsessed with horror movies and dragging her into the theater, despite her many protests. “And the usher kicked us out because he thought I’d peed my pants?”

“It served you right for making me see a scary movie,” she said, sticking her tongue out. “You know I had that recurring clown nightmare.” 

Rowan leaned his own head back, looking down at her and scrunching his nose. “I can’t believe you’re scared of clowns. They have them at children’s birthdays!”

“Clowns are scary!” Aelin insisted, feeling the knot in her chest quickly unfurl at Rowan’s familiar teasing. “You’ve seen _It!”_

Rowan chuckled softly and nudged his shoulder against hers. “You feeling better?” And Aelin nodded sleepily, a wave of exhaustion crashing over her now that her panic had abated.

“You should get back in there,” Aelin sighed.

“I’m ready when you are,” Rowan replied with a small smile, but it disappeared quickly when Aelin shook her head.

“I’m going to go home, Ro.” She ignored the frown that appeared on his lips. “I should have never come tonight,” she said. “And you should have never invited me.”

She poked his shoulder with her extended pointer finger, and he flinched slightly.

“I just missed you,” he said, unaware of how it made her heart beat faster.

Aelin laughed quietly. “I saw you yesterday and today.”

“I know, but…” He sighed.

“Rowan,” Aelin said seriously. “Lyria doesn’t want to date both of us. She wants to date _you_.” She swallowed back her sadness and smiled. “She’s nice.”

He nodded. “She is.”

“It’s okay to spend more time with her and less with me.” She paused, thinking of something comforting to say. Something that wouldn’t signal the end of their friendship as they knew it, but she couldn’t think of anything. Things were changing faster than she could keep up with.

He nodded, taking in her words and finally stood. He helped her up from the chaise, and Aelin stretched her legs. As they said their goodbyes, Rowan’s hand darted out suddenly and grabbed her wrist.

“Wait,” he said, removing his hoodie and handing it to her. “If you’re walking home… it’s getting cold out.”

Aelin smiled, graciously accepting the piece of fabric, and slid it over her shoulders. The entire walk home, she relished in Rowan’s smell, letting it blanket her and pervade her senses one last time, committing it to memory.

Because as soon as she got home, she put the hoodie in a box with his lacrosse sweatshirt and his gym t-shirt and shoved it to the back of her closet. It was time Aelin moved on from Rowan Whitethorn.


	17. Chapter 17

_Dear journal,_

_It’s been two weeks since I decided to get over Rowan, and I think I’m doing pretty well. We’ve hung out a few times (I couldn’t just go cold turkey, okay?), but in case you hadn’t noticed, I didn’t log any of the times he accidentally touched me. Because I was so stupid for doing that in the first place! It obviously meant nothing. SIGH. It’s fine. I’m fineeee._

_Okay, you know I can’t lie to you. I’m obviously NOT fine. I’m sad. He hasn’t even asked Lyria to be his girlfriend yet, but… they still feel official? I don’t know, do people still do that? Whatever. I’m moving on. Let’s talk about something more exciting, like, the first day of JUNIOR YEAR is tomorrow!!!! I hope I have a good locker. And good people in my classes. I’ll let you know! For now, I’m going SHOPPING. Laterzzz._

_xo, Aelin_

_9/2/20 – age 16_

Aelin bit her lip, chewing nervously on the skin there as she entered the mall. Her dad had put the majority of Aelin’s Snack Shack wages into a savings account, but he’d left her a whopping $300 and told her to go shopping for new school clothes. He’d noticed she’d _grown_ over the summer and needed to replenish her wardrobe. She patted at her purse nervously. She’d never carried so much cash with her before. It was making her feel slightly sweaty.

“Don’t be scared,” Manon laughed. “I’ll be gentle.” She winked at Aelin, causing Aelin to blush as Elide elbowed the girl in the ribs.

In Aelin’s efforts to get over Rowan, she’d been spending more time with the almost-not-quite-couple, who were still skirting around each other nervously. There was something strangely comforting to Aelin that she wasn’t the only person incapable of pulling the trigger on her complicated feelings. Though, looking at the pair, she knew it was inevitable they’d get together as soon as one of them admitted their feelings.

Regardless, it was nice to hang out with them. They were low key and relaxed and Aelin never felt like she had to fake it around them. Which, was a refreshing change from the years of pretending not to be into Rowan. They gave her more confidence to be herself. The moment Manon had seen Aelin’s new hair, she’d clapped with glee, exclaiming how badass Aelin looked and if she needed help putting together a new look, she’d happily take her to a few stores. To everyone’s surprise, Aelin had actually taken the blonde up on it.

Manon reached for Elide’s hand, linking her fingers with the petite brunette’s as she led them into a store filled with leather goods.

Aelin inhaled the rich earthy scent which suddenly overwhelmed her senses as Manon started pulling boots from the wall.

“The key to a new wardrobe is accessories,” she explained. “A good pair of boots, a jacket, and a purse, and you can wear whatever jeans and t-shirts you want every day.”

Aelin nodded as the girl’s arms became inundated with a plethora of shoes in all different heights and heels and details – all in shades of black.

“Ummm…” Aelin glanced down at the boots, in various styles of motorcycle and combat and military. “I’m not sure any of these are really _me_ …”

Manon scoffed and rolled her bright eyes. “That’s the point.”

Though Aelin was initially intimidated by her, the more time Aelin spent with Manon, the more she realized that the girl’s cold exterior was actually just layers upon layers of humor and sarcasm. She was surprisingly fast and witty, and wasn’t afraid to piss anyone off. Aelin admired her, and had even improved her own sparring in trying to keep up with her, much to Elide’s pleasure.

“I thought the point was to feel confident.”

Manon laughed. “Because you feel so confident in your current outfit.” Aelin frowned. The girl had a point. Manon might have had a point. She paused. “Size?”

Aelin conceded. “Eight and a half.”

As Manon flagged down a salesperson, She and Elide explored the rest of the store. She’d never been in a store like this – a specialty store, but the salespeople seemed familiar with Manon, helping her immediately and rushing to the back of the store. Aelin walked around the perimeter, letting her fingers trail across the wall of purses, heavily admiring a tan suede shoulder bag with lots of fringe.

“Oh, Ae, this looks like you…” Elide pulled out an embroidered leather jacket from the rack behind her. The black leather was pre-distressed, feeling like butter beneath Aelin’s touch, and she smiled at the vines of kingsflames, which crept up the sleeves and adorned the back. Her favorite flower. She’d always loved the bright flower, whose petals looked like flickering flames with their red and orange blossoms.

Without thinking, Aelin pulled the jacket off the hanger and slid her arms through the sleeves. By some miracle, it fit perfectly, the soft leather skimming the curve of her waist in a way that made her look effortlessly cool.

“Wow.” Even Manon seemed impressed with the way the jacket looked.

Aelin reached for the tag to check and see if it was within her budget and gasped. The jacket was more than all the cash she had in her purse. Not by much. But, by enough, that Aelin felt guilty just wearing it. She immediately removed it.

“Can’t afford that,” Aelin laughed, though it sounded hollow even to her own ears. “Stunning, though.”

“Ah, yes,” the salesperson commented as she dropped a large stack of boxes next to them. “That’s a beautiful one. Hand stitched by a local Orynth artist. She only makes about four a year.”

Aelin smiled sadly, running her hand across the embroidery again before putting it back on the rack.

“Boots?” she said, sliding down into the seat and getting ready to try on the mass amount of shoes waiting for her.

She got to work, trying on every pair. Manon gave her opinions in the form of a thumbs up or a thumbs down, while Elide was a little more gentle. Finally, after trying on what seemed like every pair of black boots in the store, Aelin found the perfect pair – slouchy mid-calf with a buckle across the ankle, and studded with tiny silver grommets up the side. They were cool, but not _too_ cool. And, they were on sale, which her wallet was grateful for.

Feeling good about her big purchase, Aelin decided to reward herself by heading to Sephora and getting some new makeup.

She and Elide were swatching metallic eyeliners when she heard the gaggle of girls giggling from the next aisle. Rowan’s name was no more than a whisper on the girls’ lips, but Aelin was pretty much a beacon for it, able to hear it even through the din of chattering customers and the music blaring overhead.

Aelin continued her swatching, pretending to be unaffected as she zeroed in on the conversation.

“Where’s Rowan today?”

“Helping his Aunt with deliveries,” a soft voice replied, which was unmistakably Lyria’s.

There were a few awws in response. “That’s so sweet.”

“I know, right?” Lyria giggled. But the initial voice cut in.

“You sure that’s not code for hanging out with his slutty best friend?” the voice laughed. “Did you see her _hair_? Attention whore much?”

Aelin hadn’t even realized she’d stopped moving until Elide reached for her wrist. Her brown eyes were wide with concern as Aelin blinked, then blinked again. Slutty? Attention whore? …they couldn’t possibly be talking about her.

“Oh gods, I know,” another one jumped in. “And did you see her table dancing at Lorcan’s? Guess he did a good job corrupting her this summer.”

Aelin’s jaw unhinged. Is that what people thought of her?

“Although I guess Lyria didn’t see that,” another one cackled. “She was too busy being attached to Rowan’s face.”

Another wave of giggles.

“We should go,” Elide whispered, tugging at Aelin’s wrist, but Aelin’s feet stood sturdy in place, refusing to budge.

“I still think it’s weird,” another voice said. “That he’s driving you _both_ to school tomorrow.”

“I don’t care,” Lyria said. Aelin hadn’t even realized that Rowan planned on driving her still. They hadn’t talked about it at all. “I’m the one who gets to kiss him,” she whispered conspiratorially.

Aelin had to force herself not to gag at the girl’s answer. She flashed her gaze toward Elide, who’d also been joined by a confused-looking Manon.

“So…” A long pause. “Is he a good kisser? He looks like a good kisser.”

Aelin swallowed back the saliva that had pooled in her mouth and breathed in deeply. 

“Not nearly as good as he is with his hands,” Lyria said, her voice as happy as Aelin had ever heard it. Instead of feeling sick, though, she felt a rush of reassurance that her decision to move on from Rowan was the right one.

Steeling herself, Aelin swiped the gunmetal eyeliner across her lids and stood straighter. With a confident stride, she pulled herself from Elide’s grasp and rounded the corner to the aisle where the group of cheerleaders were huddled and trying on eyeshadows.

“Excuse me,” she said, leaning across one of them and pulling the last palette from the shelf. “Oh!” she said, pretending to be startled by the silent girls, now staring at her. “Lyria, hi! I didn’t even see you there.”

“Aelin!” Lyria’s cheeks flushed as she forced a smile at the pink haired girl. “H-hi! What are you doing here?” Aelin opened her mouth to respond, but Lyria kept going, talking more than Aelin had ever heard the girl speak before. “Getting makeup, I guess, right? Obviously.” She pointed to the palette in Aelin’s hands.

“Yup,” Aelin smiled as sweetly as she could and extricated herself from the group. “Anyway, I should get going, but I’ll see you tomorrow morning! I made a mix,” Aelin said, not waiting for Lyria to respond again.

As Aelin made her way toward the cash register, she ignored the swell of whispers and gasps that followed her exit. She didn’t look back once, not as she paid for her new eyeliner and eyeshadow palette, and not as she exited the store.

She finally released a long breath as she spotted a pleased-looking Manon and Elide, waiting for her outside.

“Turns out you didn’t need a new pair of boots to step on people’s throats,” Manon chuckled.

“Are you okay?” Elide asked as nervous laughter bubbled out of Aelin’s mouth. She nodded, feeling high from her interaction with the senior cheerleaders.

“Of course she’s okay,” Manon said, giving Aelin’s arm a soft punch. “That was awesome.” She paused. “And those girls are notorious for talking shit. You should hear some of the stuff they’ve said about me.”

“So much for nice,” Aelin grumbled, wondering if Rowan knew what his girlfriend really thought of her.

“Come on,” Elide said, grabbing Aelin’s hand. “We still have to hit a few more stores.”

…

It was almost midnight when Aelin finally finished her First Day of Junior Year playlist. She wasn’t ashamed to admit that she’d put more work into it than most anything else she’d done that summer. It was just that music was something she and Rowan had always shared – sending each other mixes and teaching each other their favorite artists both new and old. When Rowan had told her that Lyria wasn’t exactly a _music_ person, that her knowledge was limited to Top 40 pop radio, Aelin knew it was something he was resentfully accepting of the cheerleader.

Aelin scrolled through the playlist again – a perfect mix of oldies and pop hits and deep cuts and nostalgic throwbacks, all about school. She was fairly proud of it.

Without second guessing herself another second, she shared the playlist with Rowan. His reply was faster than she anticipated. She was shocked he was still awake, considering he was likely to be awake in a few hours on his morning run.

**!!!!!!!!**

**Ace, this playlist is UNHINGED. Chuck Berry next to fun? Grease 2 and The Beastie Boys? How does your brain even come up with this? I love it.**

His words unwittingly brought a smile to her face. But she couldn’t resist being slightly salty in her reply.

**So I take it you’re still picking me up in the morning?**

His reply was even faster the next time.

**Of course… why wouldn’t I??**

Aelin bit her lip as she debated what to say. Should she tell him about her not so nice run in with Lyria? Or should she just ignore it and pretend nothing happened. She decided to split the difference.

**I ran into Lyria today, and she said she was getting a ride from you.**

Three dots formed and then stopped. And then formed again as Rowan composed his reply. Aelin couldn’t take her eyes away from the screen, waiting with bated breath to see what he’d say to that.

 **Oh.** He finally replied. **Where?**

Aelin fought the instinct to roll her eyes. After all that typing and deleting, that’s what he went with?

**The mall.**

**You were at the mall???**

**School shopping.** 💁

**Ah.**

More bubbles.

**Get some sleep. I’ll be the one blasting School Spirit and waking up your neighborhood at 7:30 sharp.**

Aelin sent back a thumbs up emoji and threw her phone down, a strange mix of nerves and excitement swirling in her stomach as she drifted to sleep. When she woke up she’d be an upperclassman.

Per Rowan’s text, he pulled up outside her house at exactly 7:30. She’d awoken earlier than anticipated and spent the morning perfecting her new junior year look. She’d flat ironed her hair, which had already faded to a light coral, and circled her shadowed eyelids with heavy black eyeliner and multiple coats of mascara. She pulled on a pair of new black jeans, an old t-shirt, and stuffed her feet into her new boots and sipped at coffee until she heard the light honk of the jeep horn outside the door.

She slung her backpack over her shoulder and waved brightly at Rowan’s smiling face. Aelin slid into the back seat, giving Lyria a cursory nod. The brunette had also dressed up for the first day of her senior year, and not for the first time, Aelin couldn’t help but notice how different they were. Lyria’s chestnut hair was pulled into a high ponytail, wrapped with a hair ribbon tied in a bow. A cardigan draped over her shoulders, covering a sundress, and the girl had a light dusting of makeup on her face. She looked so _sweet_. Aelin had never been sweet a day in her life.

“Happy first day,” Rowan said, passing a lidded cup into the back for Aelin. She grasped it and inhaled the warm smell of hazelnut that she loved so much.

“Mmm,” Aelin moaned. “Tell Aunt Maeve I love her,” she said after swallowing her first perfect sip of her favorite coffee.

Rowan frowned and made to say something, but Lyria interrupted with a cheery smile. “Oh, Maeve’s the best, isn’t she?” she asked, as if Aelin hadn’t been practically raised by the woman for the last decade. “Do you like blueberry scones?” she asked as Rowan put the car into gear and started driving. “Maeve packed one for me, but I don’t eat sugary breakfasts,” Lyria explained, handing the scone back to Aelin, who found the longer she spent around the cheerleader, the more she had to resist rolling her eyes.

“Thanks!” she said with overzealous enthusiasm and taking a large bite of the delicious scone, causing the edges of Rowan’s lips to curl upwards as he shuffled the mix to the next song.

“Oh, I know this one!” Lyria interjected, causing Rowan to laugh and reach across the console and rub her arm.

Ignoring the motion in the front seat, Aelin focused on the lyrics, letting them fill her with a renewed energy.

_Tonight, we are young._

_So let’s set the world on fire,_

_We can burn brighter than the sun…_

By the time they arrived at school, Aelin felt ready to go, completely pumped up for the year. New year, new Aelin was right. She could do this.

She expected Lyria to linger by the car, but as soon as she saw her fellow cheerleaders, she bolted from the car, ready to gossip with her friends about her arrival in Rowan’s jeep. They were already pointing and giggling by the time Lyria reached them. Was that all cheerleaders did?

“So…” Rowan began slowly. “What’s your schedule like this year?”

Aelin gasped, realizing they hadn’t compared schedules yet. It was always the first thing they did when they received it in the mail, but she’d been so focused on giving Rowan space that she’d completely forgotten to check with him.

She unfolded her crinkled schedule and held it next to him. Rowan frowned, the lines in his face suddenly more pronounced than she’d seen them.

“What?” Aelin asked, wondering what her friend was looking at. Her eyes skimmed between the two pieces of paper and joined in the frown. She guessed staying away from Rowan would be much easier than she anticipated. They had absolutely no classes together. For the first time in their entire lives.

“Well, that’s going to suck for studying,” Aelin joked, but Rowan just frowned harder.

“Maybe our lockers will be close,” Rowan said, and Aelin raised her eyebrow at him.

“Yes, because Galathynius and Whitethorn are known for being so close to each other in the alphabet,” she snorted, causing Rowan to exhale, clearly annoyed with her reaction, but she didn’t know why.

Sure enough, as they made their way to their new lockers, Aelin’s assessment was right. They couldn’t have been further away from each other. Separated by two halls.

Aelin smiled at her grumpy best friend and nudged his arm as she crossed to his locker, where he was stuffing the books he didn’t need for the day.

“Come on, it’s not going to be that bad.”

“I’ve always had class with you,” he complained, crossing his arms.

“This just gives you more time to miss me,” Aelin joked, sticking her tongue out, and Rowan didn’t resist rolling his eyes at that. “Plus, that’s not even true,” she laughed. “You’re still driving me to and from school, right?” He nodded stiffly. “Then you won’t even have time to miss me.”She poked him again. But he didn’t even flinch, too lost in his own thoughts. “I’ll see you after last period?”

She noticed Rowan wringing his fingers and his green eyes darting around the hall nervously. “What?” she asked. He shook his head, trying to shrug her off, but Aelin knew when Rowan was upset, and he was clearly upset about this. “It’s going to be fine, Ro, seriously.”

“It’s just going to be weird,” he said, staring up at the ceiling, sounding so forlorn that Aelin couldn’t help but want to comfort him.

Aelin smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. “I’m going to miss you too,” she whispered against his ear.

She expected him to smile at her gesture, but Rowan jerked back from her touch, his eyes cold and angry as he stared down at her.

“Don’t touch me like that,” he breathed heavily, removing her arms from his shoulders. They snapped back to her sides, rigid, as his anger grew. “I have a girlfriend,” he hissed, dousing Aelin like a bucket of cold water.

“I—I’m sorry?” Aelin apologized. “I didn’t…” she trailed off, not even knowing what to say. She and Rowan had always touched each other so freely. This was a very strong, very aggressive boundary; he slammed a wall down in front of her. She felt like she’d been slapped. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

The bell rang overhead, signaling their first class, cutting their conversation short, which was probably for the best. As Aelin turned, she spotted a few cheerleaders staring at her, but she was determined not to seem affected by whatever weirdness had just transpired between her and Rowan. Instead, she made her way to her first class, her boots squeaking against the linoleum floor with each step.

…

Despite being apart from Rowan, the rest of the day was fairly normal. Aelin’s usual suspects were in all her classes. She was relieved to see Chaol and Dorian had saved a spot for her on their lab bench when she walked into Physics. Manon gave her a small wave from the back of her English class, and Elide and Lysandra were in both her Eyllwe language and Terrasen history classes. The semester wouldn’t be so bad with so many friends in her classes.

By the time last period rolled around, Aelin had almost put all thoughts of Rowan out of her head. She didn’t care what kinds of mixed signals he was giving her – this was an adjustment period for both of them, clearly. It would be fine. Change was always hard, but they’d manage to figure it out. They always did. She was so caught up in her own pep-talk that she barely even noticed the dark-haired boy waving to her from the back corner of the math class until he piped up.

“Not even a hello? Galathynius, I’m hurt.”

Aelin’s head whipped around and her eyes widened at the sight of the boy, who she thought had graduated months earlier.

“Lorcan?! What are you doing here???”

He chuckled softly, his dark eyes warming upon her recognition.

“I’m repeating senior year,” he said with a shrug. “Turns out I did not graduate.”

“I’m shocked,” Aelin deadpanned, sliding into the seat in front of him.

“I gotta say,” Lorcan said with a loud sigh. “I’m surprised you’re in senior math.”

Aelin shrugged. “Some of us prefer studying to partying.”

He tugged at the ends of her pink hair and laughed. “I’ll corrupt you yet,” he laughed, causing Aelin to frown, remembering the words of the gossiping seniors from yesterday.

She shook the feeling off quickly. Who cared what they thought? She knew who she was. And despite Lorcan apparently affecting her reputation, she was grateful for his presence. He was like the comforting big brother she’d missed Aedion being for the last year.

As the final bell of the day rang, Lorcan patted her on the shoulder, sending her off with a salute. “See you around, kid,” he said with a grin.

Aelin gathered her books and headed to her locker, searching for Rowan, who was strangely nowhere to be found. She swung by his locker and the history classroom where he’d had his last period, even went out to the jeep, thinking that’s where he might be, but he was completely MIA.

She was only slightly worried. Rowan wasn’t one to go back on his word, even if they had fought. If that’s what they had even done. She didn’t really know. Instead of waiting around, she made her way across the campus grounds and finally spotted him on the bleachers in front of the practice field where the cheerleaders were congregated. Of course.

Aelin walked over hesitantly, not wanting to deal with the cluster of cheerleaders who clearly thought so little of her. She was grateful that Rowan spotted her and jogged in her direction, meeting her halfway.

“Hey!” he exclaimed, half-winded from his sprint to her.

“You ready to go?” she asked, brow raised, and she knew as soon as his eyes flashed with guilt that she’d be looking for another ride home.

“Uhh…” He tugged at his hair. “Lyria asked if I’d hang out and watch her practice.” He paused. “I guess they’re coming up with the audition routine, and Lyria choreographed it.” He looked up nervously. “Is that okay?”

It stung, but Aelin brushed it off. She’d figure out a way to make it work. “Maybe I should stick around, then,” she laughed. Rowan didn’t seem to get where she was leading, and he raised his brow sharply to the middle of his forehead in that way she hated. “Learn the routine and become a cheerleader so you can drive us all home together,” she joked.

Rowan laughed wildly. He tilted his head back and guffawed, the noise echoing over the field as he continued cackling. Aelin frowned.

“It wasn’t _that_ funny,” she grumbled.

“Sorry, sorry,” he repeated, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes. “Just trying to imagine you as a cheerleader. That was good,” he wheezed.

Aelin could feel her defenses go up at his comment, her hackles raised, ready to lash out. “And what’s so funny about that?” she snapped.

“I mean, you’re not exactly the cheerleading type,” Rowan explained, either ignoring or not noticing the fury beginning to pool in Aelin’s glare.

“Oh?” she asked. “And why not?”

“You know,” Rowan said.

“No,” Aelin snapped. “I don’t. Please, explain it to me.”

“Oh, come on,” Rowan laughed, trying to brush off her anger again, but Aelin wasn’t having it.

“Because I’m not pretty enough? Or popular enough?” she pushed.

Rowan’s jaw dropped. “What? No, that’s not—”

“Because I have more than two braincells?”

She watched as Rowan crossed his arms, suddenly on the defense. “No, you’re just no into sports. Gods, you don’t need to be a bitch about it.” He breathed heavily.

“ _I’m_ being a bitch about it?” she seethed, causing Rowan’s eyes to harden again.

“Ace, you’re just not a cheerleader,” he said succinctly. “It’s not a bad thing.”

Aelin huffed, the small tendril of insecurity threatening to choke her as she kept her voice steady. “Says the boy who jumped at the chance to date one.” Fury swirled through her chest at her last biting remark. She didn’t wait for him to reply again, just took off, calling out over her shoulder, “See you tomorrow, Rowan.”

She didn’t even know why she was so mad at him, but it was like every little thing he said set her off. Especially when it came to Lyria.

The walk home was colder than Aelin had anticipated, and she walked briskly to keep warm in her thin t-shirt. By the time she arrived home, her fingers were numb from the early evening frost starting to come in.

Inside, she made her way to the kitchen quickly, wanting to see if there was anything warm she could have as a snack, anything to keep her from stewing on Rowan’s comments, but there was nothing but a pile of vegetables. Feeling inspired, Aelin chopped them up and placed them into a pot of water to boil. Rubbing her hands over the stove as she defrosted, Aelin went in search of spices and seasonings to make her soup taste like more than bland veggies.

By the time Rhoe arrived home from work hours later, Aelin had barely calmed down. She didn’t know what was going on with her and Rowan anymore. They seemed to be on such different pages these days it was as if they were reading different books. While she’d once been completely in sync with him, she’d never felt more out of sync, more adrift, more unmoored than now. It was as if he thought she was a completely different person than she was. Maybe she didn’t know who she was anymore. Maybe she needed to figure that out. And quickly.

As her dad appreciatively ate the dinner she’d prepared, Aelin made her way upstairs to pick her outfit for tomorrow. She wanted one of her new outfits to help her feel more herself. Her _new_ self.

She rifled through the bags, trying to put together her look, when she felt the familiar brush of soft leather against her knuckles. She gasped as she pulled the beautiful embroidered kingsflame jacket from the bag. A note fell to the ground, and she grinned as she read the angry scrawl that could only belong to Manon Blackbeak.

 _Give them hell_ , it said.

Aelin slid the jacket over her shoulders, a fire raging within her at the girl she saw staring back at her. Give them hell? She planned on it.


	18. Chapter 18

Aelin slid into the cab of Manon’s black truck, reached across a sweetly smiling Elide, and handed the blonde two crisp twenty dollar bills. Manon rolled her eyes and pushed the bills back into Aelin’s hand, the two of them warring back and forth until Elide groaned loudly and forced Manon to accept the money.

“How many times do I need to tell you that I don’t want your hard-earned money?” Manon asked, pocketing the bills in her own leather jacket and pulling out of Aelin’s driveway.

Aelin scoffed. “I wouldn’t say it was hard-earned.”

A small smile curled at Aelin’s lips at the thought of her new job, and how much she was enjoying it. She’d first taken it simply to pay Manon back – and maybe a few other reasons – but she found out she really enjoyed having a place to go after school. And getting a weekly paycheck was a nice bonus, too.

“The jacket was a gift,” Manon said, repeating their same weekly conversation since Aelin had found the jacket at the bottom of her shopping bags.

“A way too expensive gift!” Aelin laughed her usual reply. “El, please tell your _girlfriend_ I will continue to pay her back until the jacket has been paid in full.”

Elide’s cheeks pooled with pink as she reached over and squeezed Manon’s free hand, and Aelin felt the smug smile tug at her mouth as Manon laced her fingers with the girl sitting between them. The label was extremely new between the pair, who had finally kissed last weekend. Aelin was happy for them. Especially since she’d spent every morning of the last month sitting in the small truck cab with them, the tension growing to unbearable levels.

“Yeah, girlfriend.” Manon smirked, never taking her golden eyes off the road ahead, but Aelin could feel Elide exhale beside her, leaning into the driver’s side gently. It was sweet, and not for the first time in the past few weeks, did Aelin ignore the soft lingering pain in her stomach.

“You guys are sickeningly happy,” Aelin said. “This is why I still hang out with Lorcan. I need someone in my life who’s as filled with loathing as I am.” Aelin paused. “I thought you would be that person, Man. What a disappointment you’ve turned out to be.” Her overly exaggerated tone of disgust caused Manon to roll her eyes and Elide to giggle loudly.

“What have I told you about sullying my beautiful truck with that disgusting man’s name?”

Aelin sighed. “Are you ever going to tell me what your problem is with him?”

Manon’s shoulders tensed. “Other than the fact that he’s a gross misogynist pig, who takes no responsibility for his terrible actions and enforces toxic norms and I would rather saw off my own arm than spend any time around him or his shitty parties? No.”

Aelin wanted to press her on it, but by the warning look on Elide’s face, Aelin knew to back off. The three of them sat in silence for the last leg of their trip to school, and Aelin felt bad that she’d wrecked the celebratory mood.

“Sorry,” she apologized to Manon quickly as she hopped out of the cab.

But Manon had already moved on, completely unfazed. She tugged the end of Aelin’s re-dyed hot pink ponytail. “You’ve gotta stop apologizing for your feelings,” Manon laughed. “It’s such a fucked up female thing.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorr—” Aelin cut herself off, catching the pointed look on Manon’s face.

Aelin looked away, annoyed at being called out and stalked away, heading into the school. She tugged her well-worn jacket tighter around her shoulders, protecting herself from the early October winds. She was about halfway across the parking lot when she heard someone cough under their breath.

“Dyke.”

Aelin’s head whipped around, trying to locate the source of the fake cough and who it was aimed at.

“Dyke!” The cough came again, louder, from within a group of senior boys, and Aelin was shocked to see that they were all laughing at _her._

She’d been sure the word would have been thrown at the couple walking behind her, and ready to throw down for anyone attacking her friends, but the pair was still lingering by Manon’s truck, gathering their books.

Aelin’s brow furrowed, a rush of anger tunneling through her chest, and she stalked toward the group of boys, whose raucous laughter quieted at her approach.

“Excuse me?” she said, loudly asking the boys to clarify which one of them had thrown the offensive word her way. It hadn’t cut her the way they’d hoped, but her skin prickled for all the people who it would have. 

It was clear that none of them thought that she’d ever approach them, and that they’d been getting away with harassing girls in the parking lot for a _really_ long time with absolutely no one holding them accountable. A swarm of widened, terrified eyes peered back at her with a level of fear that warmed Aelin from the inside out.

“What did you just say to me?” Aelin asked, her voice steady and loud and starting to draw attention from the other students lingering before their first period classes. She was feeling feisty this morning, clearly. And she was absolutely finished not speaking her mind to boys who made her feel like shit. It was a skill she’d been cultivating since her best friend decided to ditch her for his new girlfriend. And she was strangely grateful to finally be able to put it to use.

“It was just a joke,” one of the boys said from the middle of the group. Aelin had never spoken with him before, but she’d seen him around at Lorcan’s parties. She was fairly certain he was on the football team and that his name was something generic, like Dane or Dirk or Duke.

“Well, it wasn’t a very funny one, since no one’s laughing,” Aelin assured him.

“Whatever you say…” He paused, his dark eyes flickering across her face as he debated his next word. She saw it forming before it was fully out of his mouth. “Dyke,” he finished just as Aelin wound up her arm and propelled it forward.

Before it could connect with the boy’s jaw, though, he jumped back, his eyes wild with panic. And Aelin felt a strong grasp grab at her wrist and pull her backwards

She tugged her hand out of his grasp and spun around. “Get off me, Rowan!”

“Are you insane?” he hissed at her. “Do you want to get suspended?”

“Maybe!” she shouted, turning back to the group of boys, but they’d already dispersed in their terror.

Rowan lowered his voice, his green eyes looking her over thoroughly in a way they hadn’t in weeks. Aelin tried to swallow, her throat suddenly feeling dry. “That’s Duke Perrington.” He paused, waiting for Aelin to recognize the weight of the name, but she didn’t. “Principal Havilliard’s best friend’s son? Starting QB?”

“And?” Aelin tapped her foot, annoyed that she was somehow getting a lecture on her behavior when the boy had just harassed her in public.

“And you decided to punch him…why?”

Aelin felt the urge to tell him, to unleash her inner thoughts about these awful senior boys, but she kept it to herself. She’d barely spoken with him in the last month – a proper slow fade out as he spent more time with Lyria and Aelin spent more without him – and she had to remind herself that he didn’t get to know everything about her anymore.

“You wouldn’t care,” she quipped, turning on her heel and heading into the school.

She could hear Rowan sigh behind her, his long gait jogging to keep up with her as he ran his fingers through his newly cropped hair. She didn’t fail to notice how good it looked.

“I assume I deserve this, but can you tell me why you’re mad at me right now?” he asked, his face pained, and Aelin almost laughed.

“You… what?” she gaped, not knowing what to say.

“You’re mad at me,” he grumbled. “Can you just tell me why?”

“I’m not mad at you,” Aelin insisted, though she wasn’t sure that was exactly the truth. “I haven’t spoken to you in a week, how could I be mad at you?”

Rowan’s eyes widened, his eyebrow shooting up to the middle of his forehead in that cartoonish way that drove her absolutely insane. “A week?” He gasped. “That… that can’t be true.”

Aelin shrugged. It was. And once Rowan realized it, she watched as his eyes became clouded with confusion, as if he hadn’t realized that Aelin had slowly but surely removed herself from his orbit. She’d done her job too well.

“It’s okay,” she said, forgiving him with a small smile, not sure of what his responding expression meant. She didn’t want to linger and think about it.

Luckily, she didn’t have much time to, because a large arm slung around her shoulder and pulled her tight against his burly side. “Babe,” the voice drawled, causing Aelin to be shaken out of her Rowan-induced chest pain. “Did I just see you throw a punch at Duke fucking Perrington?” Lorcan laughed loudly. “Is there no one you’re scared of?”

“Manon,” Aelin replied quickly, causing Lorcan to shudder.

“Fair.” He squeezed her shoulder as they made their way into the school, Rowan silently keeping step beside them. “So, you wanna tell me why you took that swing?”

“Babe,” Aelin replied, her natural way of ending a conversation with Lorcan, but he seemed too curious. He nudged her again. Aelin sighed, not really wanting to share but knowing that he wasn’t going to let it go until she told him. “He called me a name.”

“A name?” Rowan asked, his voice unnaturally high. “What kind of name?”

“It wasn’t a term of endearment, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Aelin sassed.

Lorcan barked out a laugh. “I think it finally spread that you turned down Archer Finn. You know they’re best friends, right? I’m sure he thought he was just doing his bestie a solid.”

Aelin frowned. “Boys are the worst.”

Rowan stumbled slightly. “Archer Finn asked you out?”

“Uh huh,” Lorcan answered for her. “I really thought I’d finally nailed that wingman shit,” he rambled. “Prettiest dude in school. Blonde hair, green eyes…but apparently that’s _not_ her type?” He chuckled softly, looking between Aelin and Rowan. “Could have fooled me.”

Aelin elbowed Lorcan in the stomach, willing him to shut up. Especially since the blonde haired, green eyed boy who _was_ her type was looking at her with a level of intensity she didn’t want to process today.

“Ow,” Lorcan laughed, rubbing his side as he finally stepped back and released Aelin’s shoulders. He waved as he peeled off, heading to his own locker. Aelin simply flicked him off.

“When?” Rowan asked, causing Aelin to turn her head toward him in confusion.

“Huh?”

“When did he ask you out?” Rowan asked, his voice returning to his normal low gravelly tone.

“Like two weeks ago?” Aelin responded, heading toward her locker. She was surprised that Rowan trailed behind her, following her instead of making the turn to his own locker or Lyria’s. She wondered if the girl was out sick today, or something. Usually she would have attached herself to Rowan’s side by now. But the cheerleader was nowhere to be found. It was weird. She hadn’t spent this much time having a conversation with Rowan in weeks. She felt a little lost.

“And you said no?” Rowan asked, his brow furrowed.

She shrugged as she clicked her combination lock into place, opening the locker with a wide swing. As she unloaded her books into her locker, she noticed Rowan still hovering behind her. She looked over her shoulder and stared at his pronounced frown as he stared at her locker.

“What?” she asked, feeling annoyed with herself for still caring.

“You have no pictures in your locker,” he commented, and Aelin looked at her locker décor and nodded. Though her freshman and sophomore locker doors had been adorned with pictures of her and her friends, this year she decided against it. She couldn’t bring herself to just leave Rowan off her door – it would have been too obvious if everyone else had been present. So instead, she had Elide write out a bunch of her favorite lyrics in different handwriting. The artistically inclined girl was only too happy to get typography practice, and Aelin thought the word-collage looked pretty cool.

He let his finger trace across the lyrics that Aelin had been the most nervous about putting on the door, but she couldn’t not have them there. Couldn’t not have Rowan represented in _some_ way.

_we like our fun, and we never fight_

_you can’t dance and stay uptight_

The two script lines were cocooned off by a dazzling crescent moon, shining onto the words so they cast a downward shadow behind them. 

“I love this,” he said quietly. He flashed his eyes toward her, and Aelin inhaled sharply at the unfiltered emotion in his eyes. “Can I have it at the end of the year?”

“Sure,” she nodded back, trying to quell her racing pulse. “Just remind me.”

He smiled softly in return and took off for his locker, leaving Aelin feeling unnerved and shaken. It had been quite the eventful morning, and the first period bell hadn’t even rung yet.

As if on cue, it rang out overhead, and Aelin sighed, shaking off her residual feelings as she made her way to class.

…

The rest of the day ticked by in a rush. Apparently news travelled fast at Orynth High, because by last period, both Elide and Lysandra had heard about Aelin’s brush with Duke Perrington. As was want to do, the rumors had somehow spiraled out of control, and had Aelin at the scene punching him out and telling the senior to go fuck himself.

Aelin sighed. Last year she’d been a completely invisible entity at Orynth High, but somehow now everyone knew her name.

She was quick to correct her friends, and was grateful when the final bell rang for the day.

After school was now Aelin’s favorite part of the day.

She tucked her hands into her jacket and began her half hour walk home. While she’d first been resentful of the solo walk, she’d now grown to love it. Even as the last vestiges of summer had transformed into the crisp tendrils of autumn, Aelin relished her walk. It was the perfect time to decompress and shake off the day. Despite how angry she’d been at Rowan originally for ditching her, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She’d have to reevaluate when the Orynth snows started, but for now, she was content with her alone time.

The bell overhead tinkled with a familiar jingle as she pushed open the door to Maeve’s.

“Sorry I’m late!” she breathed, redoing her ponytail to fix the strands that had escaped during her brisk walk.

Maeve popped out from the kitchen, brushing flour off her dark green apron and smiled. “You’re not late, you’re right on time. We’re just starting dinner prep.”

Aelin peeled off her jacket and draped it on the coat hanger by the front door and made her way behind the large counter and into the warm kitchen, already bustling. She laughed as Luca pulled her further into the kitchen, handing her a bowl of potatoes to peel as Aelin donned her favorite apron.

She inhaled the floury scent of the kitchen that had become so familiar to her over the last few weeks and exhaled her daily stress. When she’d first started looking for a job, it hadn’t even crossed her mind to work for Maeve – after all, she was trying to _avoid_ Rowan, not run into him. But Maeve had assured her that Rowan was only working weekends for her. He’d apparently changed his running schedule to run the track after school instead of in the mornings and then spent each afternoon doing gods only knows with Lyria. Aelin didn’t want to think about it. Maeve had sounded so lonely and desperate for company that Aelin hadn’t thought twice about accepting the offer. And it turned out that cooking was something Aelin really loved, too. It was calming and therapeutic in a way she hadn’t anticipated.

“How was school?” Maeve asked, calling out to Aelin over the counter as she began her peeling.

“Ran into your nephew,” Aelin said with a shrug.

Maeve laughed loudly. “Oh, really? And how is he?”

“Seems fine.”

“And that girlfriend of his?” Maeve asked, far too nonchalant for how Aelin suspected the woman felt about the cheerleader who had commandeered all her nephew’s time.

“Didn’t see her,” Aelin said.

“Probably staring into a mirror, asking who the fairest of them all is,” Maeve quipped, causing Aelin’s mouth to drop.

“Maeve!”

Maeve smiled secretively and winked at Aelin. “I don’t trust a girl who refuses to eat baked goods.” Aelin smiled in return, putting her fully peeled potato into the bowl of cold water beside her. “Which reminds me, I have a chocolate mousse for you to try. It’s a new recipe.”

“Yessss,” Aelin cheered, and Maeve crossed the counter and kissed the top of Aelin’s head lightly.

“And that’s why you’re my favorite,” she whispered. “Don’t tell Ro.”

“Don’t tell Ro what?”

Both women looked up, startled at Rowan’s voice so close to them. He stood, hovering over the counter, looking into the kitchen.

“That I’m Maeve’s favorite,” Aelin grinned unabashedly, causing Maeve to scold her.

“I could have told you that,” Rowan laughed.

“What’s cooking, good looking?” Maeve asked him, rounding the counter to give him a matching kiss on the top of his head to the one she’d just given Aelin.

His shoulders lifted up to his ears and sank again as the tips of his ears tinged pink. “Just waiting for Lyria to finish practice.” He looked over at Aelin. “What are you doing here? Cooking experiment?”

Maeve’s brow furrowed as she looked between the two, clearly former best friends. “I thought I told you,” Maeve said. “Aelin’s been working here every day after school.”

“You have?” Rowan asked.

“Yup.”

His mouth opened and closed a few times, and Aelin forced herself to look away, focusing on the potato peeling she was meant to be doing. It seemed that Rowan was floundering today in his newfound knowledge of Aelin after weeks of being apart, but it only served to make Aelin feel more annoyed. After all, he hadn’t even realized they hadn’t been talking. He was too distracted with Lyria. It was his own fucking fault, and if he didn’t like it, well, then he could just deal with it.

“Easy there,” Luca laughed, pulling the mutilated potato from Aelin’s hand. She hadn’t even noticed how aggressively she was peeling. She watched as Luca tossed the potato into the trash, eyeing her carefully.

Aelin looked up again as the overhead bell jingled, and she heard the cloying tone of Lyria’s voice welcoming Rowan. She immediately looked back down at her peeling, not wanting to acknowledge the cheerleader.

“What do you want to do?” Rowan asked. Aelin focused on her peeling, dunking each finished potato into the waiting bowl of water as the couple debated what they’d be doing with their afternoon. But she froze as Lyria’s high voice pitched.

“Why don’t we just stay here?”

 _No no no no no_. Aelin repeated over and over in her head.

“Sure,” Rowan replied too quickly, and Aelin couldn’t resist looking up as the pair found a small table against the wall.

She held her breath as Lyria leaned across the table and brushed her lips against Rowan’s, and found herself immediately looking down again. Her skin prickled with annoyance. This was her space. Not Lyria’s. She ignored them as they took out their books and began working on their homework together. It was a sight so familiar – one she’d done with Rowan hundreds of thousands of times, and she needed to get it out of her head.

So instead, she focused on dinner prep – moving from peeling potatoes to chopping onions to mixing spice rubs.

By the time the dinner rush actually started, Aelin was pleasantly exhausted. And pleasantly surprised to see Rowan eating alone at the table that had formerly been occupied by him and his girlfriend.

“Chocolate mousse,” Maeve said, interrupting her wandering thoughts and handing Aelin a small bowl and a spoon.

Aelin scooped the chocolate into her mouth and moaned loudly. “Oh my gods, so good,” she groaned around the spoon.

Maeve scooped some more into the bowl and winked. “You’re free to go whenever, by the way.” She smiled. “See you tomorrow.”

Aelin nodded and had planned to walk home, but today had been so weird, she wanted a moment alone. She decided to travel up to her special rooftop spot, mousse in hand.

She switched on the lights and turned on the small space heaters that warmed the space during the cooler months. She wriggled into her thick blanket pile and ate her mousse in piece, each chocolatey bite bringing her the perfect amount of satisfaction to shake off the weirdness of the day.

She was so entranced by the chocolate that she almost didn’t hear the knock at the thick door, until it knocked harder. Rowan poked his head out.

“Am I still invited up here?” he asked nervously, and Aelin nodded, wondering what he wanted. She’d seen him more today than in the last month.

“Always,” she said, and he sighed, relieved.

He ambled over to the pile of blankets and sank down next to her. He looked like he wanted to say something, so Aelin waited patiently for him to begin, but he never did.

“What’s up, buttercup?” she finally asked, causing him to look over at her and smile.

“I’m sorry,” Rowan began, and Aelin shrugged.

“What for?”

He took a deep breath, centering himself and stared seriously. “I didn’t think having a girlfriend and a girl best friend would be this hard,” he admitted. “We used to spend every minute of every day together,” he said wistfully. “I’ve been a really shitty friend.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

Aelin shrugged again, not exactly sure what to say. She’d been complicit in removing herself from his life as well. It wasn’t exactly a one-sided situation, but it was clearly something he felt strongly about it.

“Things change,” she ultimately said, wanting to let him know that it was fine, but it just made him smile sadly.

Rowan paused and pulled at her hair. “You’ve changed.”

“…in a bad way?” she asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious and exposed.

“No!” he jumped in. “Just…” He shook his head, mostly to himself, as he continued. “I realized I don’t know this new Aelin that well. And that’s my fault.” He paused again. “She’s super brave. She stands up for herself and for her friends…” He laughed to himself again. “She’s way too cool to hang out with me,” he said. “I get it.” Aelin gulped as he looked over at her, his eyes lit up under the twinkling lights on the roof. “But I want to.” He cleared his throat. “Hang out with her.”

He let his fingers twiddle nervously, playing with each other as he awaited some kind of response. And Aelin realized in that moment that she couldn’t go back. She had to keep moving forward. She refused to relapse, to be pulled under by those mesmerizing emerald eyes and bashful smile.

“Maybe one day you’ll be lucky enough,” she laughed, ignoring the way Rowan’s face fell momentarily at her words. He breathed in softly and clapped his hand on her shoulder as he smiled at her again.

“Looking forward to it,” he said, getting up slowly.

As he made his way off the rooftop and back down to the restaurant, Aelin knew what she had to do. She pulled out her phone and sent out a group text to the people who had helped her find herself this month without Rowan.

**Alright. It’s time to start dating. I’m ready. Do your worst.**

It was time.


	19. Chapter 19

Aelin sighed as she scrolled through her texts. Putting Lorcan and Lysandra on the same group text had turned out to be her own undoing. Together, they were a tag team that she had not been prepared for, bouncing ideas back and forth with a never-ending list of potential suitors.

She rolled her eyes as Lysandra’s latest text came through.

**WE HAVE A HOMECOMING DANCE CONTENDER!**

Lorcan’s text came quickly after.

**Don’t spoil it. I want to see her face in person when we tell her.**

Monsters. Both of them. It seemed that something they could both agree on was wanting to be Aelin’s wingman, and it had bonded the two faster than Aelin could have predicted.

Because apparently Aelin was _too picky_. When the first names started rolling in, all Aelin could think was all of the reasons why they wouldn’t be a good match for her. She looked at the unanswered notification on her phone, not clicking into the text from Rowan, but reading the words clearly.

**Will I see you at Homecoming?**

She didn’t know why she was having such a hard time replying to it. The answer was yes. She would be there, of course. But she was nervous that if she told him that, she’d inevitably have to make plans to meet up. And she definitely didn’t want to hang out with him and Lyria on the cheerleader’s big night.

Homecoming was a huge affair at Orynth High – a full weekend extravaganza with a pep rally around a bonfire, followed by the game and a dance on Saturday night. And of course, Lorcan would be hosting a giant after party. Aelin had always loved Homecoming. She and Rowan had always gone out to dinner before the pep rally and heckled the game from the sidelines, then Aelin would force him to come to the dance, mocking the way he’d grump about going but inevitably have a good time. It was one of her favorite school traditions, but this year she was dreading it. She knew it wasn’t going to be anything like the last two Homecomings.

**Coffee Cat in 30?** Lysandra asked, interrupting her train of thought, and Aelin chuckled when Lorcan sent back a thumbs up immediately.

She supposed she had nothing better to do today. It certainly beat staring at Rowan’s unanswered text.

Thirty minutes later, Aelin was shocked to find her friends packed into the corner couch section of Manon’s favorite coffee spot. She hadn’t anticipated them all being there, but sure enough, Lysandra, Elide, Manon and Lorcan were all there, drinks in hand, whispering softly. Manon sat as far away from Lorcan as possible, her golden eyes narrowed as she greeted Aelin with a stiff smile. Aelin had gathered the two had bad blood, but hadn’t been able to suss out where it came from.

Lysandra patted the seat next to her and handed her a hazelnut coffee. Aelin moaned appreciatively as she took a sip.

“Okay, hit me.”

The group looked at each other conspiratorially before Lysandra beamed. “Chaol Westfall.”

“No,” Aelin responded automatically.

Lysandra held up her hand with a frown. “Hear us out! You’ve turned down at least ten other guys, and this one is a really good option!”

“He’s my lab partner!” Aelin insisted. “I’m not willing to tank my Physics grade for a handful of dates that will inevitably end poorly.”

Manon scoffed loudly. “Defeatist,” she said at the same time Lorcan said, “Cynic.”

They briefly made eye contact and looked away quickly again. Aelin could feel her lips purse in curiosity. But she wasn’t able to ask what was on her mind because Elide did it for her. “Why aren’t you two friends?” she couldn’t help but ask.

Manon laughed, her head tipping back wildly. “Because we’re mortal enemies,” she said with a wry smile at her girlfriend.

Elide looked between the pair, so starkly different in appearance – one pale and white haired, the other dark skinned and dark haired – and shrugged. “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer, right?”

Lorcan raised a dark brow in Elide’s direction and smiled in a way that Aelin had never seen before. It made her strangely nervous. And if the vice grip Manon was keeping on Elide’s hand was any indication, she felt similarly.

“Back to Chaol,” Lysandra quipped, and Aelin could feel herself slouch over, annoyed. They really weren’t going to let this one go. “He’s smart. You know that because you _are_ lab partners. He’s so polite. You already know he’s a good dancer. Remember your birthday party?”

Aelin nodded, though the memory of dancing with Chaol seemed like lifetimes ago, not mere months.

“I think he’s a super solid option,” Elide chimed in.

Aelin sighed. “And what if I ask him and he says no?”

Lorcan held up a finger. “We have a backup choice. Obviously.” Aelin held her breath, waiting for the other name to drop. “Fenrys Moonbeam.”

“What?” Aelin replied, confused. “No. He’s on the lacrosse team with Rowan.” The rest of the group stared at her, as if her comment meant anything. “I don’t want anything I do to eventually make its way to locker room talk!” she explained, her frustration with her friends rising by the minute.

“Stop shooting every suggestion down!” Manon huffed, clearly just as annoyed with Aelin.

“What are we shooting down?” Rowan’s voice called from behind the group, and Aelin jumped as she felt his hand touch her shoulder. She glanced over her shoulder at the tall boy, hovering over the back of the couch and watched as he removed his hand from her quickly, shoving it back into his pocket as he glanced at the group of friends.

“We’re trying to come up with a boyfriend for Aelin,” Lorcan explained, all too aware of the grenade he’d just launched. Aelin glared at him.

“Oh?” Rowan replied, his eyebrows shooting up into his forehead. Aelin wished she could stand up and push it back down.

“But she’s being a total naysayer,” Lysandra frowned.

“Good,” Rowan said, exhaling quickly, causing Aelin to frown at him. _What does that mean?_ She asked him silently, and he backed off immediately. “I just mean, no one at school is nearly good enough for you.”

There was a pregnant pause of silence while Aelin struggled to find something to say in response to him, but she couldn’t think of a single thing, other that – what about you? Are you good enough? She shook the thought from her head.

“I still vote Chaol,” Lorcan chimed in, causing Aelin to sigh again.

“If I ask Chaol to Homecoming, will you all leave me alone?” she asked. She wasn’t surprised in the least to see four matching grins staring back at her. “Though, I still don’t think he’s going to say yes,” she added.

Rowan coughed lightly behind her, and she looked over her shoulder again as he cleared his throat. “I don’t think you have to worry about that,” he said, his eyes suddenly trained on the floor, his sneaker tapping lightly.

“What are you even doing here?” Aelin asked, feeling annoyed with his response, until he blanched and then she just felt like a dick for snapping.

“Sometimes Maeve sends me to do competition recon,” he said with a shrug. “So I guess I should…” He pointed in the direction of the coffee counter. “But I’ll see you at Homecoming.” His voice was soft as it addressed her, and Aelin could feel her stomach clench slightly. She nodded, waving goodbye as he made his way to the front of the line.

“Awkwardddd,” Lorcan sang, and Aelin glared at him again. Lorcan held up his hands, laughing. “What? I knew he had a new girlfriend, but I didn’t realize you two had broken up.”

Aelin felt her eyes narrow at the oafish boy on the opposite couch as the group burst out laughing, at her expense, per usual. “You all suck.” 

She sighed at the expectant faces looking her way. “So, Chaol?” she asked, still unsure about it.

“Chaol,” they replied in unison, spurring another round of giggles. Aelin was so annoyed, she barely even noticed Rowan glance over his shoulder at the laughing group before exiting the coffee shop quietly.

. . .

It turned out everyone’s assessment had been correct. Despite it only being a few days warning, Chaol had enthusiastically accepted Aelin’s invite to the dance. He also asked if she’d want to go to the pep rally together, completely surprising her. Not particularly ready for a one-on-one date, she suggested he join her group of friends, which he was more than happy to do.

Aelin stared at her sweatshirt and jeans and wondered if she should dress up more for a date, but she shook it off. It was going to be freezing cold at the pep rally and game, and she wasn’t exactly trying too hard to impress the boy who had seen her strung out in science labs most days.

She was just finishing lining her eyes with dark liner when the doorbell rang. She tried to run downstairs and beat her dad, but Rhoe opened the door with a small smirk. “Hello?” he said to the brunette boy on the other side of the door.

Chaol was also wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, and Aelin breathed a sigh of relief that they both seemed to be on the same page. She bounded up to the door, pushing her dad out of the way as she made her way out of the house.

Rhoe cleared his throat. “Aelin, aren’t you going to introduce me?” he asked, and she could see the laughter in his blue eyes as she tried to sneak away.

“Dad, this is Chaol. Chaol, this is my dad.”

Chaol stuck out his hand stiffly, and Rhoe smiled as he took the boy’s hand in his. “Mr. Galathynius. It’s so nice to meet you officially. My name is Chaol Westfall,” he began all too politely. “Thank you for letting me take Aelin out tonight,” he said, and Aelin’s cheeks burned with a furious blush at her dad’s widening smile.

“You are most welcome,” Rhoe replied sarcastically, and Aelin wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. She could already tell this date wasn’t going to go well if Chaol thought Rhoe _let_ Aelin do anything.

“Shall we?” Chaol asked, extending his arm to Aelin, and she took it, looking back at her dad as Chaol opened the passenger door to his small sedan.

It was weird to be so, handled? Aelin was so used to being independent that it was strange to have someone opening and closing doors for her. It was not her usual. She wasn’t sure how she felt about it. But she knew she needed to just relax and give Chaol a fair shot. At least, that’s what her friends would say.

The drive to school was short, but awkward. Chaol tried to fill the silence with questions about her week, but the pair had seen each other every day that week during class, and it felt like there wasn’t really that much to say.

Luckily, they’d decided to meet up with Lysandra and Wes for the pep rally, and Aelin was grateful that they’d saved them spots beside them. She greeted her friends with hugs, but she paused when she saw Rowan on the other side of Wes. She hadn’t anticipated him being a part of their group tonight. She didn’t know why. It hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“H-hey?” she said. His reply was overwhelmed by a massive wave of cheers as Principal Havilliard lit the bonfire, which came blazing to life in front of them. It immediately warmed Aelin, sending a small shiver down her spine.

“Are you cold?” Chaol asked, his chestnut eyes filled with concern. “I have an extra jacket in my car I can grab for you.”

“No, I’m fine, thanks,” Aelin replied. He nodded happily and watched as the pep rally started, but Aelin couldn’t focus at all. Her eyes kept sliding to the side where Rowan’s bright hair peeked out over Wes’s head. It seemed like he was getting even taller every day.

She felt this strange pressure, this weird tension settling around her shoulders, tugging her towards Rowan. She was so focused on him that she startled, surprised, as Chaol slid his hand into hers, linking their fingers.

She looked over, but Chaol wasn’t looking at her at all. He was listening to Principal Havilliard welcome everyone to the rally with a small smile on his lips. Aelin exhaled as she squeezed his hand back. It wasn’t exactly comfortable or natural, but she was giving this a chance.

She felt her heart pound as the cheerleaders ran out in front of the fire, starting their routine. Lyria settled in the front row and Aelin swallowed thickly as she watched her warm brown eyes seek out Rowan in the audience. Aelin refuse to look at Rowan’s face as he watched her. Instead, Aelin focused on the dancing girls in front of her. She watched with a wildly beating pulse as their green and gold uniforms flounced with every move. It was almost indecent.

At the end of the routine, Lyria broke form and skipped into the crowd, making her way straight to Rowan. And Aelin could feel the pressure on her hand increase as Lyria grabbed Rowan by the neck and pulled him in for a large kiss. Too large for public, if Aelin was honest.

Lyria smiled as she pressed her lips against Rowan’s again before making her way back to the group of cheerleaders, who giggled wildly at her. Despite the fire raging in front of her face, Aelin felt completely frozen. She didn’t even process the rest of the rally, ignoring the rest of the cheers and cries, until Chaol tugged at her hand.

“You ready to go?” he asked, and Aelin nodded, still in a bit of a daze.

They were silent again on the ride home, and Aelin could feel her mood souring as they pulled into her driveway. Tonight was supposed to be fun, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Rowan long enough to give Chaol the time of day. She felt awful.

Biting her lip, she decided to do something drastic. Just to get Rowan out of her head.

“So,” Chaol began as he put his car into park, but Aelin ignored him and leaned over the console and kissed him. Her hands went to his hair, tugging the dark hair as tightly as she could to her face.

If Chaol was surprised, he barely showed it, his lips moving beneath hers, responding surely and confidently. His lips were rough and chapped and dry, and their lips seemed to mash against each other uncomfortably, instead of fitting together. The lack of chemistry was so evident, that Aelin wasn’t even offended when Chaol pulled away, wiping his mouth. What a disaster.

“Umm…” Her eyes fell to her lap as she chuckled softly. “Sorry.”

She was trying to figure out a way to let Chaol down easily. It was so clear there was no romantic spark between the two when Chaol started laughing loudly. She looked back up, his brown eyes warm with laughter as he smiled at her. He pushed a strand of her pink hair behind her ear and clasped his hand on her shoulder.

“That was…” He laughed again. “Oh gods.” He looked at her with apologetic eyes, and she couldn’t help but sigh in relief. “We’re still friends, right?”

At least they were on the same page. She nodded, laughter bubbling up in her chest, too. She supposed this is why she needed to start dating. To see who she actually connected with. It turned out Chaol was _not_ that person.

“Do you still want to go to the dance together tomorrow?” he asked. “I’m still game,” he said, reassuring her.

“As friends?” Aelin said, and Chaol smiled widely.

“As friends,” he said.

Aelin couldn’t stop laughing as she made her way out of the car, getting her phone out to update the group text on their candidate.

**Chaol = DUD. I’ve never had such a bad kiss.**

She nearly dropped her phone as Rowan texted back. **LOL.**

Another text quickly followed. **Sorry, don’t mean to laugh. I’m very sorry to hear that.**

Aelin practically smacked her face with her hand as she groaned and all caps texted back in a flurry. **THAT TEXT WAS FOR LYS, NOT YOU. UGHHHHH.**

He didn’t reply again, and so Aelin put her phone away as she got ready for bed. She knew she should text the group chat for real, but she was too keyed up, thinking about Rowan. It’d been so long since his name lit up her phone, she forgot the electric jolt that ran through her spine when it happened. 

And though she knew she shouldn’t have been thinking about him, she couldn’t help but run her hand between her legs, imagining what it’d be like to kiss him instead. She had a feeling that Rowan’s lips would be soft, and she wondered if their mouths would fit together perfectly. She didn’t let herself think too hard about how quickly she brought herself to release thinking of him, succumbing to sleep quickly after.

. . .

“Do you want a drink?” Chaol asked, slightly breathless, as the fast song morphed into a too-sexy R&B hit for their dance comfort.

Aelin nodded, tugging at the neckline of her dark green dress. Her dad had surprised her with it, and she couldn’t even begin to express how good she felt in it. It was the perfect length, hitting just above her knee with a soft flounce, and the neckline was tightly fitted slight sweetheart, held up by two thin spaghetti straps. It was perfect. And despite being at the dance with just a friend, she still felt remarkably beautiful. It was a strange but delightful feeling.

After their short drink break, Chaol and Aelin returned to the dance floor. She’d forgotten how much Chaol loved to dance – in that respect, her friends had chosen wisely. She ignored their pointed looks all night, though, content to just have fun with Chaol. Which, strangely, she was. Having fun. In fact, she was having so much fun that she barely even noticed when Rowan and Lyria entered the dance, hand in hand. Instead, she refocused on Chaol, her limbs flailing as she tried to keep up with the boy in front of her. 

As the succession of dance songs morphed into a slower beat, Aelin anticipated Chaol taking them off the floor again, but instead, he stepped closer and hovered his hand over her waist, his eyebrow raised in question. They stared at each other for an awkward moment, wondering if this was somehow breaching the friend agreement they’d come to, but Aelin figured slow dancing with a friend was totally fine. In fact, they’d done it before.

She nodded, and he smiled, stepping closer as he slid his hand around her back, pulling her close. They swayed to the music, Chaol leading her around in circles, taking back out his ballroom dance skills and showing them off.

“I forgot what a good dancer you are,” she said, looking up at him with a coy smile. He grinned outright, spinning her under his arm and pulling her back in time with the music, never falling out of step. Aelin’s skirt flared around her knees, and she couldn’t help but tilt her head back and laugh at the sensation. It felt so good to release her worries, just for a little bit.

“My mom will be so pleased to hear that,” he said with a soft chuckle.

Aelin found herself laughing, tripping over her own feet as she tried to keep up with him, causing Chaol to snort.

“You, on the other hand…”

Aelin pretended to be offended, a pronounced frown on her lips, her brow furrowed as she chastised him. “Hey! I am extremely graceful.”

As if on cue, she tripped over her foot again, falling into Chaol’s chest with a soft thump. Both laughing, wide smiles on their faces, Chaol managed to save her fall by spinning it into a low dip.

When the dance came to a close, Aelin looked around to see a small circle of people had formed around them, applauding wildly. Chaol stepped aside and pointed to Aelin, who curtseyed as a soft blush colored her cheeks.

When the circle cleared, Aelin caught a glance of a slumped over figure on the bleachers, sitting alone, dark green eyes marred by a furrowed brow and pronounced scowl on his face. Rowan did always hate a school dance. Her heartbeat picked up as she stared at him, looking dapper in his dark grey suit. How many times had she danced with him at a school dance? It felt so odd to her to see him so far away, annoyed and alone. Her eyes flitted across the floor, looking for Lyria. She was with her usual gaggle of friends, completely unfazed by her lonely boyfriend sitting in the corner.

Aelin warred with herself, wanting to go over and say hello to him, but also knowing that she shouldn’t do that. She was just about to look away when his green eyes lifted and met hers across the room. She waved briefly, hesitant and unsure in her small gesture, but it was met with such a contented grin that she couldn’t bring herself to regret doing it.

She was about to take a step toward him when Lysandra came rushing up to her in a whirl, her arm hooking around Aelin’s and spinning her in the opposite direction.

“Come on, it’s time to head to Lorcan’s,” she said. “This party’s getting stale.”

Aelin rolled her eyes, but laughed regardless. She knew what her friend was doing. Keeping her away from Rowan. She couldn’t be trusted, left to her own devices.

Aelin looked over to Chaol, figuring she should extend the invite to him, too. “Do you want to come?” she asked, and she felt her stomach sink slightly as Chaol shook his head.

“No offense, that’s just not really my scene.”

“No offense taken,” she said quickly.

“I can drive you there, though, if you need a ride?” he offered, and Aelin was once again thrown off by how polite he was.

Lysandra smiled and wrapped her arm around Aelin’s shoulders, squeezing them tightly. “Aren’t you just the sweetest? Nah, we’ve got her.”

“Thanks, though,” Aelin said sincerely. She was grateful for Chaol’s company. With his distraction, she’d been able to keep her mind off of Rowan in a way she hadn’t before. Maybe her friends were right. She should be less of a cynic and defeatist. She _could_ find someone. It wouldn’t be Rowan, and it definitely wouldn’t be Chaol, but, it’d be _someone_.

. . .

At Lorcan’s the party was already raging, the rest of them far behind the drunken students who’d left the dance early to go in search of free beer and better music.

“Babesss,” Lorcan slurred, his dark eyes unfocused as he sipped at some gross-smelling green concoction. “You’re finally here!”

He looked at Lysandra with a raised brow. “How’d it go?”

Lysandra sighed and placed her hands on her hips. “Well, she’s here alone, so I guess you were right.”

Lorcan snorted loudly. “Sorry, but I told you. The Goody Two Shoes wasn’t going to cut it.”

Lysandra handed Lorcan a twenty-dollar bill, and Aelin gaped.

“You know, I am standing right here,” she said, completely annoyed that her friends were _betting_ on her love life.

“What?” Lorcan laughed, slinging his arms around the two girls and leading them into the kitchen. He dunked two cups into a trash bag and pulled out neon green liquid.

“What is this?” Aelin asked, sniffing the concoction dubiously.

Lorcan laughed. “You don’t want to know.”

Aelin took a tiny sip and shuddered at the sickly sweet taste of apples and some sour liquor she was sure was potent as anything.

“Just… drink it slow,” Lorcan said with a pointed brow in Aelin’s direction.

“Rude,” Aelin laughed. “I’ve learned!”

“She has,” Lysandra assured Lorcan, who couldn’t resist grinning at the two girls.

“In that case…” He paused dramatically. “Who wants to play beer pong?”

Both girls cheered exuberantly, causing Aelin to smile. If she’d told herself that she’d be part of Lorcan’s inner circle, personally invited to play beer pong with him and his friends, she would not have believed it. Things had really changed since her first Lorcan Salvaterre party.

As they approached the beer pong table, though, she was hit with a wave of déjà vu as the Moonbeam twins welcomed her with matching grins. It was almost an exact replica of the night she had made the decision to kiss Rowan. Only instead of Rowan at her side, now it was Lorcan. Something about that made her feel strange and unsettled. She looked around, as if Rowan would magically appear at her side out of thin air, but he was nowhere to be found among the throngs of drunk upperclassmen.

Fenrys cocked his head at her approach and threw a tanned arm around her shoulders. “Aelin Galathynius, as I live and breathe.”

“Fen,” Connall said in a low, warning tone.

“What? I’m just welcoming a beautiful girl to our table.” Fenrys winked at Aelin, bringing a soft blush to her cheeks under his attentions.

“Babe, are you blushing?” Lorcan laughed, poking at her reddened cheek.

“No!” Aelin said, swatting his hand away. “It’s this disgusting drink,” she said, but she couldn’t help but let her eyes slide back to Fenrys. Despite her insistence that she shouldn’t get involved with someone on the lacrosse team, there was no denying that Fenrys was incredibly attractive. And he _had_ called her beautiful. It felt nice.

Fenry’s winked again as he caught her eye, and she was sure her face was flaming as the rest of the table burst into laughter. He let his arm fall from her shoulder to the small of her back, rubbing it softly as he took his first shot. 

“Come on, partner,” he said, nudging her hip with his and sinking his first shot, much to Lorcan’s chagrin. “Sorry Con,” he said, shooting a sly smile at his twin, who simply flicked him off as he skulked away into the party.

As they played, Aelin could feel herself loosening up. Lysandra and Lorcan were predictably a power team, sinking every single shot flawlessly. And with each cup of beer Fenrys drank, he got a little looser himself, his hand grazing her arm, her back, her side, pushing her hair behind her ear with small little teasing motions.

It was different than being touched by Rowan. It didn’t have that same shock to her system, jolting her awake, but it was still electric, just at a much lower voltage.

And even though they’d lost three games to Lorcan and Lysandra, Aelin was feeling on top of the world. The green drink coursing through her system had taken its toll, making her feel light and floaty and warm all over.

“Again?” Lorcan asked, stacking the cups back into a pyramid, but Aelin shook her head.

“Oh,” Fenrys said, his shoulders sagging with disappointment at Aelin’s decision to stop playing. It made her feel invulnerable.

“I was thinking maybe we could do something else instead?” Aelin said, flipping her hair over her shoulder, causing the boy to snap his dark eyes in her direction.

“Yeah?” he asked, stepping closer to her, his body suddenly mere inches away from hers. Aelin leaned over on her toes and whispered in his ear, her voice low and gravelly from alcohol.

“Wanna go upstairs and makeout?” she asked, her heart pounding at how brazen she was being, but there was something about Fenrys’s confident smile and flirty touches that reassured her in her pursuits.

A wicked smile curled across Fenrys’s lips as his eyes gleamed. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Aelin grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the stairs as Lysandra and Lorcan whooped and hollered behind them. Aelin ignored them, focusing on the feel of Fen’s hand delicately twined with hers.

At the top of the stairs, Fenrys’s control snapped, and Aelin found herself pushed up against the hallway wall with his mouth on top of hers. His lips tasted like stale beer with just a faint hint of the sticky sweet apple drink, and she found that she didn’t mind it at all. She wrapped her hands in his curly hair as his hands slid across the silky fabric of her dress, palms greedy to touch every cloth-covered inch he could. Warmth spread across each spot he touched, and she leaned into him.

She hummed as his mouth opened, his tongue sliding against hers roughly as her head hit the wall with a loud thump.

“Ow,” she laughed as they stumbled their way down the hall, teeth clinking against each other as they fell against each other again and again. Fenry’s reached out, trying each door they reached, but each and every one was locked.

“Get a room!” a booming voice called behind them.

“We’re trying,” she giggled, breathing heavily as Fenry’s moved his mouth down her neck with sloppy kisses. “Oh…” she moaned as Fenrys’s teeth scraped against the sensitive skin behind her ear. That was different. Good different.

They stumbled to the very end of the hall, Fenrys attacking her lips again as he reached behind her and turned the last door in the hallway. It turned in his grasp, and Aelin couldn’t help but moan appreciatively as Fen pressed his entire body against hers, leading them into the darkened room.

“Uhh, occupied!” a low strained voice came from the darkness, and Aelin froze, feeling like she’d been doused with a bucket of cold water.

“Rowan?” she squeaked out, refusing to look over her shoulder at whatever was going on in the bedroom behind her for fear that it might kill her.

“Aelin?!” he sputtered back, and Aelin could feel her entire body tense at the sound of rustling fabric and people moving around.

“Fenrys,” Fen said, causing Aelin to bark out a loud laugh.

“Lyria,” the girl deadpanned. Aelin’s stomach twisted uncomfortably, removing any of Fen’s attempt at levity.

“Sorry, Whitethorn,” Fenrys apologized, pulling Aelin by the waist, closer to him. “As you were…” he continued, backing up out of the room and into the brightly lit hallway. Aelin blinked several times, but all she could see was images of Rowan and Lyria, tangled in sheets, spurred on by her wildest imagination.

Fenrys leaned in to kiss Aelin again, but she was still frozen, heart pounding loudly against her ribs, so hard that it almost hurt.

He sighed loudly and gave her a reassuring smile as he took a step back. “Mood killed, huh?”

“I’m so sorry,” she said, shaking her head, willing herself to hear anything other than Rowan’s breathy tone coming from a darkened room at a party. She hated how upset she felt, how she felt like she was suffocating at the idea of him sleeping with Lyria, if that’s what they were doing. Given the circumstances, it seemed likely. Aelin swallowed back a wave of nausea.

But Fenrys refused her apology, pushing her hair behind her ear as she struggled to catch her breath. “I kind of figured.” He paused, looking at her seriously. “It’s okay,” Fenrys said with too warm a smile for how much of an asshole Aelin felt like. She covered her face, completely horrified.

“I’m gonna…” Aelin ducked under Fenry’s arm and headed toward the stairs, needing some fresh air. Luckily, Fenrys didn’t make a big deal about it at all, meandering downstairs with her and rejoining another game of beer pong as Aelin snuck into the cold night.

She wrapped her arms around her bare shoulders, sinking onto a chair on Lorcan’s front porch. She stared into the distance, willing her nausea to subside as she breathed slowly. So deep in concentration, she barely even heard anyone take the seat next to her until he began speaking.

“So, I guess you got that kiss after all…”

“Rowan…” she whined. “Can we not?” She bit her lip. “I’m already embarrassed enough.”

He frowned, pausing ominously.

“Do you hate me?” he asked quietly. 

“What?” Aelin asked, startled by the question. “No, of course not.”

He shrugged, his dress shirt open and rumpled, his tie long gone. “It feels like you do.” He paused.

She wanted to snap at him, unload all her hurt on him, but she paused when she took in his face. She’d never seen him look so tired, so sad. “No, I don’t hate you,” Aelin said, giving him a soft smile and earning a small smile in return.

He exhaled a long, steady breath, and leaned back in the chair, letting the rocking chair sway back and forth as he pondered his next words.

“But you don’t want to be my friend anymore,” Rowan said suddenly. Aelin opened her mouth to protest, but Rowan barreled forward, his tone urgent. “No, you don’t. I’m not that dumb, Ace. You straight up told me. It just… sucks. Because you’re my best friend, but…” He took a deep breath. “I’m not yours anymore.”

“Ro…” Aelin said, her heart tugging, wanting to comfort the boy in front of her, but completely unsure of what to say.

“No,” he repeated. “Please let me finish.” Aelin nodded, biting her lip, forcibly preventing herself from interrupting what he so clearly needed to get out. “I was so excited when I got that text from you last night. I thought, maybe you’d decided you wanted to be friends again, and then to hear it was a mistake…” He laughed sadly. “Gods, I felt like such an idiot. You’ve always been my person.” His words came more rapidly as he got more worked up. “And you decided all of this without me, and I don’t understand. Like, telling me I didn’t need to pick you up from school anymore.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly frustrated, but Aelin couldn’t really process what he was saying.

“I just figured you wanted time alone with your girlfriend…”

He practically growled as he sighed. “Why would you assume that without asking me? I only gave her a ride the first morning because she asked if I would. I’ve been driving alone to school for weeks,” he said.

“Really?” Aelin asked, confused.

“And I know I’m going to sound like a complete tool when I say that it hurt my feelings, but… that really hurt my feelings.” Aelin opened her mouth again to say something, but nothing came out. She didn’t think she’d ever heard Rowan be so forthcoming about his feelings. He was more the type of person to hold his feelings in forever.

“I didn’t know,” Aelin whispered.

Rowan scratched at the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, you didn’t ask. You just bailed.”

Then it was Aelin’s turn to frown. “It’s not like you tried to reach out!” she snapped, and she could see the hurt turn into anger as Rowan raised his voice again.

“Because you didn’t want me to!” he growled. “And… you seemed… fine.” He laughed sadly. “And I am _so_ not fine.”

Aelin breathed steadily. “You think I’m fine…?” she laughed with no humor.

“Yeah!” he cried, exasperated. “You have all these friends, and I’m the loser with no other friends but you. Lys, Elide, Wes… they only invited me around because of you,” he laughed sadly. “And, I keep waiting for you to reach back out to me – I don’t want to force you to be friends with me when you clearly didn’t want that, but you never do.” He sighed loudly. “And without you, I don’t have anyone.”

Aelin whispered. “I don’t think your girlfriend would agree with that.” She scrunched her nose.

“Don’t tell me this is about Lyria, because you’ve been acting weird _long_ since before she came around,” he huffed, and Aelin threw up her arms, annoyed with the boy in front of her who clearly didn’t understand anything.

“Maybe there’s just an expiration date on boy girl friendships,” she sighed, and she watched as Rowan’s cheeks grew red.

“Stop,” he stuttered. “That’s bullshit.” He breathed. “You put an expiration on it, not me.”

“Really?” she scoffed. “I put an expiration on us? Ro, we don’t talk about _anything_ anymore. I just walked in on you having sex with your girlfriend!” she exploded. “I didn’t even know you were having sex anymore. Because we can’t talk about that stuff! Because it’s _weird_ , okay? You freaked out when I _hugged_ you, for fuck’s sake. Don’t tell me I put an expiration on our friendship because I didn’t.”

Aelin felt her heart pound with every staccato word that exited her mouth. She felt flames on the sides of her face, burning her up as she finally told Rowan how she felt.

“I…” He shook his head. “Lyria got accepted into a college prep program at the OU. If she decides to go, she’ll be gone all of November and December, and we’d be in a long distance relationship,” he said, causing Aelin’s heart to pick up pace again. Lyria was _leaving_? “That’s what we were talking about upstairs,” he said. “We weren’t, um… doing anything. We haven’t even done anything other than kiss.”

Aelin hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear that, and she breathed easily as the knot in her chest unfurled at Rowan’s intense stare. She hated how much better she felt. It stung and soothed her simultaneously.

“A college program?” Aelin asked.

“Yeah,” Rowan ran his hand through his hair.

“Huh,” Aelin replied, unsure of what else to say. Rowan seemed to sense it, and she couldn’t help but crack a smile. “What? She just doesn’t seem that into her studies.”

“I knew you didn’t like her!” Rowan laughed. Aelin wanted to defend herself, but she shrugged instead. She didn’t feel like getting into how the very opposite was actually the truth.

“It’s okay,” he laughed. “I’m not Fenrys’s biggest fan at the moment.”

“Rowan…” Aelin sighed. She didn’t really want to talk about this with him. She hadn’t anticipated him seeing it. She’d wanted time to process it all. But it seemed like he wasn’t going to give her that.

“I know,” he said quickly. “I know you don’t want to be my friend right now.” She watched as he scratched the back of his. “And you can go back to hating me tomorrow, I promise. But, can we just pretend tonight? For a little bit?”

She nodded, unable to deny him her friendship. The truth was, she’d missed it, too.

And so she unleashed. Aelin found herself rambling about the last month of her life, telling Rowan about how she started cooking with Maeve, how much she loved it, and her long walks home. He apologized, not realizing that Aelin had decided to walk instead of find another ride. But Aelin waved him off, instead telling him her favorite recipes and how much she’d learned just from being in the kitchen and being a part of prep. She went on and on about how she ended up becoming friends with Manon, and the weird group of friends that had formed in Rowan’s absence. She even told him about the terrible kiss with Chaol and how she’d decided to kiss someone tonight to make up for it. He laughed heartily at her description of her bad kiss, sighing loudly as he wiped the tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes away.

“You deserve a good kiss,” he said, rocking himself back and forth again, the movement starting to hypnotize Aelin as she watched.

“Well, Fenrys delivered,” Aelin said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Gross,” he muttered.

“Rude!”

He laughed as she changed the topic, telling him about her tough classes, and he immediately picked up on it, following suit and talking about his own.

Talking to Rowan was like riding a bike. A really comfortable bike. He laughed in all the right spots, and by the time they were finished catching up on Aelin’s life, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

He offered to drive her home, and Aelin stupidly accepted, both of them singing happily as he played her Game Day Mix that she’d made for him all those months ago. As she looked over at him, she could feel her breath catch.

Gods, she missed him. She missed everything about him. And it hurt all over again.

She was like an addict who had easily relapsed. She couldn’t believe how careless she’d been. She thought she could have him just a tiny bit, but she was too stuck on him still. She’d taken a giant step forward with Chaol and Fenrys and then immediately retreated, letting Rowan back into her heart. Who was she kidding? He’d never left her heart. She’d just gotten better at ignoring that persistent tug, always pulling her to him.

As they turned onto Aelin’s street, they fell into a hushed silence. One that was so strangely comfortable that she almost forgot he was there until he spoke up again.

“I guess we’re done pretending,” he said, rubbing his hands against his knees as he parked in her driveway, and Aelin nodded.

“I just want us to still tell each other the big things, even if you don’t want to do the stuff in between.” He paused. “Like, if you decide to date Fenrys, can you tell me?”

“I’ll see what I can do about that,” she replied softly, and he nodded again. “I don’t hate you,” she said, feeling the need to reassure him.

“Okay,” he said, relieved.

“I promise if I ever hate you, you will not have to wonder,” she sassed, and she laughed as Rowan shoved her shoulder, sparks flying up her arm at the brief moment of contact.

Aelin exited the car with a small wave and took a deep, steadying breath as he drove off into the night. Yes, she had relapsed. But, she’d also kissed two boys in two nights. She clearly just needed to push herself a little further.

She fell asleep that night, wondering who the next boy on her list would be.


	20. Chapter 20

“Hey,” Lysandra rushed into class, a worried look on her face. “Are you okay?”

Aelin glanced up from her notebook, confused. Despite the intense history of the war of roses they were about to embark upon, she was fine. Well, mostly fine. If she didn’t think about everything too hard.

“Yeah?” she replied nervously. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Lysandra’s face fell and she reached for Aelin’s hand, her expression solemn, as if someone had died. _Oh my gods. Had someone died?_

“What’s going on?” Aelin asked, and her stomach clenched as Lys leaned forward.

“You really haven’t heard?” she asked, and Aelin shook her head. The anticipation was killing her. Lysandra took a deep breath and squeezed around Aelin’s fingers. “Rowan and Lyria…”

Aelin’s mouth opened. Had they broken up? She’d watched them the last few days with hawk like intensity, looking for changes in their behavior – any kind of sign that the two had decided to end things, but she just couldn’t tell. Rowan had respectfully resumed his distance, seemingly accepting Aelin’s newly imposed terms of their friendship, and Lyria seemed to be doing what she always did – cheering and gossiping with her friends.

“What?” Aelin pressed as Lysandra’s mouth formed a thin line.

“They did it.” Lys paused dramatically. “Had sex,” she whispered.

Aelin felt a cold wave run up her spine at the words, but it quickly melted back into confusion.

“What? When?”

“After Homecoming. At Lorcan’s,” Lyria said, her tone grave with concern.

Aelin shook her head lightly. “That’s not true.”

Lysandra looked at her best friend with sad eyes, as if Aelin was in some sort of denial. “Yes, babe, they did. Everyone saw them go into a room together, and come out all haphazard like an hour later. Lyria went down to the kitchen and was telling all her friends about it.”

“Lyria’s lying.”

Lysandra leaned in further, squeezing her hand again. “Babe…” Her tone was so concerned, Aelin felt herself getting defensive.

“No,” Aelin repeated. “They really didn’t.” Lysandra’s brow crinkled in confusion. “Fen and I walked in on them upstairs. They weren’t doing anything but talking.” Aelin breathed deeply. Despite their weirdness, Rowan wouldn’t lie to her about something like that. Not after the conversation they’d had. He just wouldn’t. “I spent the rest of the night with Rowan. He even drove me home. You’re telling me Rowan had sex with his girlfriend at a party, then left her there to drive me home? Does that sound like Rowan to you?”

“No…” Lysandra agreed. “But that’s not the story I’ve heard…” Lysandra said.

“Well, that’s what happened,” Aelin assured her.

“So, you’re okay?” Lys asked, and Aelin shrugged.

“I’m fine,” she said as their teacher tapped on the white board, ready to begin their lesson.

Aelin settled into her seat, but she couldn’t focus. Rowan wouldn’t lie to her, right? Despite everything, she trusted him to tell her the truth.

But as the days went by, Aelin felt her thoughts growing more and more muddled. It wasn’t as if the behavior between the couple had changed at all – in fact, if anything, they seemed more distant. But she couldn’t figure out why Lyria would lie to her friends about something like that, either. Everything felt so confusing.

She had trouble focusing as Maeve tried to teach her a new recipe, and she found that when offered a piece of pie, she wasn’t even hungry, which caused Maeve to side eye her warily. Aelin wasn’t known for turning down a dessert of any kind.

Her spiral was interrupted by a text from Aedion, which couldn’t’ have arrived at a more perfect time.

He promised a weekend full of debauched partying if Aelin would come visit for Halloweekend, and Aelin wrote back quickly that she would be there. Nothing like a room full of half-dressed college guys to pull her out of her Rowan-induced stupor.

And a night of drunken debauchery without the opportunity of running into anyone she knew sounded pretty ideal. At the university, she wouldn’t have to worry about Rowan or Lyria, who she knew were safely an hour away back in Orynth, and she could let her worries go for at least a night.

Needless to say, the group chat was thrilled with this decision.

 **THAT IS JUST WHAT YOU NEED** Lysandra had texted.

 **College boys for days _._** She added.

 **AND GIRLS!** Manon texted, causing Aelin to snort loudly.

**What are you going to go as?**

Aelin debated with the group chat as she received another text from Aedion.

**Just got a text from Lorcan Salvaterre???? Saying that you need a night of complete wild, unrestrained fun. What the fuck, Aelin?**

Aelin giggled at the shock that must have crossed her cousin’s face at hearing from Lorcan. He wasn’t exactly up to date on the changes in Aelin’s life.

She was quick to inform him of what had been going on with her and Rowan, and how her group of friends had changed slightly, and Aedion replied comfortingly, assuring her he was the right person for the job.

**In that case, you DO need a night of wild, unrestrained fun. Captain Fun, reporting for duty.**

Aelin crinkled her nose at her dorky cousin’s antics, but she was grateful. Halloween couldn’t come fast enough.

…

Aelin tugged at her skirt as she made her way from the public fraternity bathroom to Aedion’s small single at the end of the hallway. The frat was a bit of a maze, a three-story monstrosity with tiny stairwells leading to dead ends, and Aelin had had to count her footsteps exactly to remember how to get back to Aedion’s room.

“K, Captain Fun, I’m ready!” Aelin revealed her costume, opening the door where Aedion and Ren were just finished getting ready themselves.

Aedion was leaned over his desk, pouring something gold and sparkly into three shot glasses, and Aelin couldn’t help but feel a thrill of excitement go through her. Tonight was going to be _fun_. She was going to let loose and forget and dance and just….be. And maybe kiss a boy, if she felt like it. She couldn’t wait.

“What the hell are you two?” Aelin’s filter disappeared as she looked between the couple. The pair were shirtless, wearing nothing but red boxers and backwards baseball caps as they handed the third shot glass to Aelin. Aedion grinned widely as he slung his arm around his boyfriend and turned their hats around. Aedion’s read NETFLIX, while Ren’s read CHILL.

Aelin laughed loudly. “Guess you two aren’t going to be partying for very long,” she laughed.

They all held up their shots and knocked them back. Aelin cringed at the sticky sweet cinnamon taste of the liquid as it slid down her throat. She averted her eyes as Aedion leaned in and pressed is lips against Ren’s and hummed happily.

“Should I look for another place to sleep tonight?” she asked, glancing between the amorous couple and at Aedion’s single twin bed in the small room.

Ren smiled, leaning his head against Aedion’s shoulder. “We’re hoping my roomies are drunk enough that they won’t even notice us,” he laughed, pressing a soft kiss to Aedion’s cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Aelin began to apologize, feeling bad that she’d kicked her cousin out of his own room, but he held up his hand.

“Please, I invited you here. I would never traumatize you like that,” Aedion said, and Aelin sighed, relieved that she wouldn’t be cockblocking her cousin, but also that she wouldn’t be scarred for life by hearing anything she didn’t want to.

Aelin nodded, her stomach twisting nervously as someone turned on the speakers below them, the floor shaking with the intensity of the bass. Little Aelin Galathynius was at a _college_ party. She almost couldn’t believe it.

“Do I look okay?” she asked, spinning around, suddenly self-conscious in her unicorn costume. It was a simple purple crop top and matching skirt, with a golden horned headband she’d decorated herself. It was a little DIY, nothing like the sexy costumes she’d browsed online, but she had wanted to be as comfortable as possible in her own clothes.

“Just missing a dash of glitter,” Aedion said seriously before shaking her container of loose glitter onto her wavy pink hair.

“Aed!” she laughed, pushing him away. There was not one inch of her _not_ covered in glitter. Her arms, legs, chest, cheeks, eyes, and now her hair were covered in the sparkly substance.

“Much better,” he laughed, but then suddenly turned serious. “I know I’m supposed to be leading you to a night full of fun, but, please be responsible, too. And if anything makes you uncomfortable, you can leave at any time.” He handed her his room key, and she pocketed in her bra, knowing it’d be safe there. “My room is all yours. You can come here whenever you’re done for the night. Just text me that you’re back here safe, kay?” She nodded. “Is your phone charged?” he asked, and she nodded again.

She held it up, and his face scrunched as he read something across the screen. “Lorcan says ‘Get some, babe.’” Aedion gagged. “Please don’t bring anyone back to my room.”

“The age of consent in Terrasen _is_ sixteen,” Ren added, causing both cousins to drop their jaws in unison at the quiet, shy boy beside them. “What?” he asked.

Aedion held up his hand. “You know what? I don’t want to know.” He pecked his boyfriend’s lips quickly.

Ren smiled bashfully, and Aelin couldn’t help the small tug at her chest. Gods, she wished someone would look at her like that.

“Ready?” Aedion asked, pouring another round of the gold liquor into their shot glasses.

Aelin nodded with a smile and they all knocked back the next shot.

“Let’s go,” Aedion said, slinging his arm around Aelin’s shoulders and leading them out of the complicated maze of hallways to the main landing where the stairs were.

Frat boys in all kinds of ridiculous costumes mingled around the landing waiting for the partiers to arrive, the only girls present were the serious girlfriends of the group.

A few curious eyes peered in Aedion’s direction, between his arm slung over Aelin and his boyfriend leaning into his side. Aelin could feel Aedoin snicker against her shoulder as he took in the interested gazes of his brothers.

“Yo! This is my baby cousin, Aelin,” he announced loudly. “She’s visiting from _high school_ , and I expect everyone to be super cool to her.”

Aelin groaned loudly as the boys who’d had their eyebrows raised in her direction studiously looked away. “Asshole,” Aelin seethed, seeing through her cousin’s ‘friendly’ greeting.

“What? They should know!” Aedion laughed, slapping her on the back with a heavy hand, and Aelin practically growled at him. It wasn’t like she wanted to go too crazy tonight – but a kiss or two wouldn’t have hurt. Now she was going to be treated like a pariah.

Her mind wandered again to Rowan, as it was wont to do, wondering what he was up to tonight. She knew Lorcan was having his typical Saturday night party, and she knew Lyria and her cheerleading crew was a regular at those, which meant that Rowan would be in attendance, too. She briefly thought again about the story that had been swirling at school about her best friend and his girlfriend. _Had_ they slept together? She’d walked in on them in a bedroom, after all. Did she really think they were just talkingin there? Why else would they need to go to a private bedroom?

But, no. She couldn’t imagine Rowan lying to her like that. That would hurt more than she could bear. He was the one who wanted her to keep talking to him, telling him the big things.

She shook her head and frowned.

What the fuck was she doing?

She was standing in the middle of a fraternity party and still thinking about Rowan. She needed to push those thoughts aside. That was the whole reason for her visit.

“I need a drink,” Aelin announced loudly, forcing herself to ignore the small seed of doubt that had grown into a rather sizable plant in her brain over the course of the last few days.

Aedion led them all down the stairs, giving head nods to all his friends as he made his way to the bar.

“Pledge,” he said, slapping his hand on the bar. The boy behind the bar stood up straighter seeing Aedion and saluted him. “The lady needs our specialty drink.”

The pledge nodded quickly and Aelin watched with wide eyes as he poured several forms of liquor into a red cup. He handed it back to her, and she sniffed the orange drink. She sipped nervously, and was surprised at how delicious it actually tasted – like peaches.

“Thanks,” Aelin said with a smile, and the pledge nervously stuttered back a you’re welcome. Aelin glanced at her cousin. “Do I want to know why that boy is scared of you?” she asked, and Aedion puffed out his chest and flexed his arms.

“Everyone’s scared of this bod,” he laughed.

She turned to Ren, her hips starting to sway with the bassline as the music turned to a more familiar song.

“How do you put up with him?” she asked, and Ren grinned widely.

“Every day is a challenge,” he laughed as someone turned the music even louder. Aelin sipped at her drink, loosening up with each sweet swallow. The lights suddenly went off, and black lights went on, making Aelin glow and sparkle, and she laughed as there was a loud wave of cheers.

A dance floor started around them as she continued swaying and sipping, and Aelin closed her eyes and tried to relax even more. She would not think about Rowan for one more second tonight. Tonight, Aelin was flying solo.

She felt a hand graze her waist, and Aelin looked over her shoulder at a boy, who’d approached her from behind, asking permission to dance with her. She nodded, excitedly, and let her hips sway with his as his hand wrapped around her stomach, pulling her close.

She lost track of time as she danced and drank, until she finally looked around and realized the party had become pretty crowded. What had been a relatively calm dance floor had turned into a grinding, sweaty mess.

As a particularly sticky limb brushed against her back, she knew she had to get herself off the floor. Her gaze wandered, hoping to locate Aedion, but he was deeply entwined in Ren’s grasp, pressed against each other and grinding low. She shook her head and poked his arm. His blue eyes snapped up at hers, and she pointed to the door, which led to the parking lot of the frat house.

Aedion nodded, and satisfied that Aedion knew where she was going, Aelin extracted herself from the too hot dance floor and escaped to the backyard. Cold air hit her face and she breathed in, relieved for a reprieve from the crowded party.

“Aelin?” a voice called, and Aelin whipped around, wondering who the hell would be calling her name at a college party. She smiled when she recognized the shaggy brunette she’d met over the summer. “Sam,” he said, reintroducing himself, completely unnecessarily.

“I remember,” she laughed. He looked ridiculous in his costume – a striped red and white shirt and glasses, a perfect replica of Where’s Waldo. “You never texted,” she said, feeling a little brave with two shots and a mixed drink in her system. The last she’d heard from him, he’d asked for her number. But it occurred to her upon seeing him again that he’d never used it.

Sam cringed. “Ah, yeah.” He removed his hat and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair. “Aed found out that I’d asked for it and kind of flipped. Apparently you’re ‘too young for me,’” he said, using finger quotes.

“Oh,” she said with a frown. That was annoying of her cousin. This extremely good-looking college boy had asked for her number, and Aedion had inserted himself to stop it? “Well, I don’t think that’s true,” Aelin said with a smile, hoping that she was flirting appropriately. She had no idea what she was doing, but it seemed to work because Sam smiled back, blushing as he lifted his drink to his lips.

“Where is Aedion?” he asked, curious.

“Dancing,” Aelin replied quickly, and Sam nodded. There was a small moment of silence, and for a second Aelin wondered if she’d totally botched the flirting thing because it didn’t seem to be going very well.

“We were just putting together a team for flip cup,” he said, pointing toward a long table nearby. “Want to join?”

Aelin bit her lip. “I don’t know what that is,” she admitted.

“Don’t worry, I’m a very good teacher,” Sam said with a wink, and then it was Aelin’s turn to blush.

As Sam explained the game, Aelin realized that most drinking games were pretty awful and just about drinking fast. But it was nice to have someone paying such close attention to her. He placed her next to him in line and put them both in the middle, since it was Aelin’s first time playing as a drunk panda bear filled up their red cups with cheap beer.

“Annnnnd, go!” someone yelled, and the first pair of people chugged their cup of beer and placed it down on the edge of the table, attempting to flip them over as quickly as possible.

One by one, Aelin watched as the game made its way toward her, and she breathed nervously, hoping she wouldn’t mess it up for her team. But it turned out she had nothing to worry about. Aelin knocked back the beer in merely a few seconds and flipped it on her first try.

Her teammates cheered as Sam followed, drinking his beer and flipping his over. His fingers fumbled, the cup falling to its side several times before he landed it.

The quickly ingested beer clouded her head, making her sway slightly, and Sam reached for her, pulling her closer. She let him, leaning into his warm side as the teams asked to play again.

By the time they’d played three games, Aelin’s head was swimming with too many thoughts. Sam had gotten increasingly closer to her, his cold fingers slowly swiping up and down the small sliver of skin between her top and skirt. And she wasn’t ashamed to admit that she liked it. A lot.

She shivered as his fingertip dipped under the waistline of her skirt, unable to control her reaction.

“You’re freezing,” Sam laughed. “You wanna go upstairs?” he asked, and Aelin blinked, not processing the question.

“Huh?”

“To my room?” he asked, but Aelin still couldn’t understand what he was saying.

“You live here?” she asked, and Sam laughed.

“Uh, yeah.” He paused. “We don’t have to. We can just go back inside. I just figured…”

“No!” Aelin said, the alcohol in her system getting rid of all her inhibitions. “Let’s go.”

He grabbed her hand, lacing his cold fingers with hers and pulled her through the back door, making their way through the kitchen to the back staircase, leading to a completely different section of the fraternity that Aelin didn’t even know existed.

He opened his bedroom door and swung it open, revealing a pair of bunk beds and a janky television and a couch that had seen better days. On the top bunk, a half-clothed couple were attached at the mouth, and Aelin looked away as Sam led her to the couch.

“Want to watch something?” he asked, reaching for the remote, and Aelin didn’t know if it was the booze or just desperately wanting to make herself feel good, but she shook her head and leaned forward instead.

Her thawing fingers reached for Sam’s chin and pulled his face to hers, kissing his lips soundly. He kissed her back, pulling her onto his lap, and Aelin adjusted herself so she was kneeling on the couch, straddling him comfortably.

Her lips parted, and she moaned as his tongue brushed against hers. Sam was a goodkisser. His hands pulled her waist closer, and Aelin lowered herself onto his lap, feeling the bulge in his pants and gasped as he lifted his hips against her. She had never felt _that_ before.

It was different than her kiss with Fenrys, which had made her bubble up with giggles. This kiss made her feel… needy. She squirmed against him, feeling desperate to touch him more. To be felt everywhere. She tilted her head back, and she moaned loudly as his hands ran under her shirt, coming into contact with the underside of her bra. Oh gods. This was happening fast.

Her head swam as he stood, his hands going under her skirt as he moved them to his bed.

As Sam climbed on top of her and situated himself between her legs, Aelin’s head caught up with her body.

“Wait,” Aelin gasped, needing a slight breather.

Sam pulled back, confused, but she was grateful for the pause. She straightened out her shirt and took a deep breath.

“I need to pee,” she said, and Sam laughed, his brown eyes warming as he pressed another kiss to her lips.

“You’re in luck,” he said. “We have our own bathroom.”

He stood and pulled her off the bed, leading her to the far side of the room and opened the bathroom door.

“Thanks,” she said, breathing heavily, still trying to slow her pounding heart and swimming head.

She closed the door and sat on the toilet lid. That was _a lot_. She hadn’t knowm what it felt like to be kissed like that. Her body prickled with the phantom sensation of Sam’s fingers all over her. She wondered what they’d feel like in other places. Places he was definitely wanting to explore.

She pulled out her phone and laughed at the text waiting for her. It was a picture of Lorcan and Lysandr, posing as Charlie’s Angels. The caption read: **Missing our third angel. Have fun, babe!**

She was grateful for the momentary distraction until she noticed a tall head of blonde behind Lorcan. She zoomed in and frowned. Rowan and Lyria walked hand in hand, up the stairs together. And in that moment, the small seed of doubt which had grown into a sizable plant became a jungle of confusion in her head. 

Rowan was having sex. There was no way he was taking Lyria up to a bedroom to talk again. And if he and Lyria were making out the way she and Sam were… well, there was no more doubt in her mind.

Not stopping to think about it, she dialed the familiar number and put it up to her ear. It unsurprisingly went to voicemail, and Aelin took a deep breath and began.

“RO,” she slurred. “You’re not answering the phone because you’re with Lyria right now,” she laughed humorlessly to herself. “But that’s okay because you know what?” she asked rhetorically. “I’m at a frat party right now, and I’m going to have sex. With a boy, who wants to have sex with me. SAM!” she shouted. “You met him.” She breathed deeply again. “You wanted to know when it happened, so I’m telling you. It’s happening. Right now.” She paused, thinking if there was anything else she wanted to say, but she felt like she’d said what she needed to and abruptly hung up.

She stood and smoothed out her skirt, confident in her decision. If Rowan was having sex, then she could, too.

When she stumbled out of the bathroom, she was unsurprised to see Sam waiting on the side of the bed for her, smiling nervously.

Not wanting to think about it anymore, she bounded over to him, climbing onto his lap with a loud squeal.

“Aren’t you an eager little thing,” he said, returning to kissing her. Aelin nodded. She was. She’d never been this eager for anything. Ever. She wanted to have sex right now and stop thinking about Rowan forever. She could do it. She could.

She pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it over the side of the bed, and Sam’s mouth lowered to her cleavage as his hands unclasped her bra, leaving her completely topless.

Her back arched as his mouth went over her nipple, and she could feel the room start to spin as his hand went under her skirt to pull off her underwear.

She had barely taken another breath before her underwear was around her ankles. She barely processed the sound of a zipper before he was pressed against her folds, parting them slightly.

And in that moment, Aelin’s heart took off in a panic. She looked above her at the brunette, his chestnut eyes probing her face as he moved his hips toward hers, and she broke.

This wasn’t what she wanted.

Not at all.

This was wrong. Everything was wrong.

All the times she’d imagined this it was green eyes and blonde hair staring down at her. It was slow and sweet, and just the two of them. There’d be an indie soundtrack and a comfortable bed – not the smell of cheap beer and another horny couple shaking the bed above her. And she definitely wouldn’t be drunk; she’d want to remember every moment. Her breath caught as nausea poured into her stomach.

“Stop,” Aelin said, pushing him off of her. He rolled to his side, his face the picture of confusion as Aelin struggled to pull her underwear back up as tears formed at the corners of her eyes.

“What the fuck?” she registered Sam’s voice on the outskirts of her panic, but she felt like the room was closing in on her as she searched for her top. Her bra was nowhere to be found.

She leaned down and put the top on, and she looked over her shoulder at the bewildered expression on Sam’s face.

“You’re the one who came onto me,” he scoffed, annoyed, and Aelin’s face turned red with anger and embarrassment and horror. “Can you at least finish me off?” he asked, gesturing to his still prominent erection, and Aelin shook her head, disgust with herself flooding her body as she exited the room, closing the door behind her with a loud slam.

What the hell was she thinking?

On shaky legs, she attempted her way back downstairs to find Aedion, but the frat house twas too much of a maze. She felt herself getting lost in the hallways, trapped forever in a nightmare of her own making. Her breath came in shallow gasps as she thought of Sam between her legs. Of what she’d almost done in a shoddy attempt to get over Rowan. She was horrified with herself. Aedion was right. She was too young. She was a complete idiot. She had almost just done something that she really didn’t want to. And Sam was a jerk for making her feel bad about it.

Her feet trudged forward, using her best memory to get to Aedion’s room, needing an escape, but when she reached into her bra for the key, she realized it wasn’t there – the bra or the key. It must have fallen to the floor in Sam’s room. And there was no way in hell she was going back there.

She pulled her phone out again and texted Aedion.

**Are you still here?**

“Heyy!” Ren slurred, throwing his arms around Aelin from behind. She flinched, and it didn’t go without notice. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Is Aedion here?” she asked, and Ren nodded.

“He is, but I lost him in the crowd.”

“I need to go home,” Aelin said, needing to leave immediately.

Ren frowned. “It’s barely even midnight,” he said. “Are you okay?”

Aelin shook her head. “I’m just cold and tired and drunk and stupid,” she ranted.

“Let’s wait for Aedion, and we can wait for us to sober up, and we’ll take you home.”

“No. I’m going to call an uber,” Aelin said, and Ren nodded, not quite understanding.

“Here!” he said, reaching for a stray fraternity sweatshirt. “Don’t freeze,” he said. “And text us when you get home?”

She nodded and threw the sweatshirt on. It smelled like stale beer, but Ren was right. It was better than nothing.

“Tell Aed I’m sorry,” she said and ran out the front door.

Outside, she felt like she could finally breathe again, the panic finally starting to subside. Nothing had happened. She had removed herself from the situation, and she could go home.

Except an uber on Halloweekend with surge pricing was nearly $400 to get home. She shook her head. Of course. She hadn’t even thought of that. She’d need someone to come pick her up. She shivered. She really was an idiot.

She pulled out her phone and took a deep breath, waiting as it rang over and over. Relief flooded through her as she heard the click of someone picking up on the other line, and she exhaled nervously.

“Hi,” she whispered, trying to control her wavering voice. “Can you come get me?”

“Give me an hour,” the voice replied, and Aelin let her shaking legs bend, sitting on the front stoop as she waited for her ride to arrive and remove her from this horrible night.


	21. Chapter 21

Aelin stood on practically numb legs as the car pulled up to the frat house. The cold Terrasen winds had started up, and she was practically a block of ice when she opened the car door.

Thank gods her dad had already turned up the heat.

“Hey…” she said slowly, and Rhoe breathed out a long, steady breath before turning to his daughter.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded.

“Where’s Aedion?” he asked, looking around, and Aelin shrugged.

“With his boyfriend. I lost track of him.”

Rhoe frowned. “That boy is going to get a piece of my mind…” He sighed. “I knew this wasn’t a good idea, to let you go off to college. And if that irresponsible boy let anything happen to you, I’ll murder him myself.”

“Dad?” she asked nervously. “I’m okay. Can you just take me to my spot?”

“Aelin, it’s after midnight,” he sighed.

“Please?” she begged, “I just… please?”

She could tell her wanted to ask more, but he nodded tersely and put the car into gear. She was grateful that he let them slip into silence, but she could feel the tension with every second she remained closed-lipped.

As the car creaked to a half in front of Maeve’s, Rhoe finally broke.

“Aelin,” he said seriously. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Aelin nodded, biting her lip and looking up toward the sky out the window.

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

Rhoe cleared his throat and tugged at his hair, clearly uncomfortable in the small car so wrought with tension. He’d been silent the entire ride back to town, and Aelin was grateful for it. Her heart was heavy and any alcohol that had been muddling her brain had been replaced with a low aching throb. She really just wanted to burrito herself in her thick blankets under the stars and have a good cry where no one could hear her.

She bit her lip and a tear welled at the corner of her eye, rolling onto her cheek with a thick plop.

“Aelin,” her dad repeated calmly. “Did someone… make you do something you didn’t want to?” he asked nervously, and Aelin whipped her head toward her concerned father. His eyes were narrowed carefully, devoid of any judgment, and his breath was steady, but she could see the tension roiling beneath his large firefighters’ muscles.

“No!” she assured him. “No.” She watched as he exhaled, the anger slipping from his shoulders as she continued. “The only person who tried to make me doing something I didn’t want to was me,” she admitted. “But I managed to stop her before she did something she really regretted.”

Rhoe nodded, almost imperceptibly, his chin lowering and raising back up as the usual glimmer reappeared in his bright eyes. “Impressive you shut her up,” he said with a laugh. “She’s kind of pushy,” he whispered conspiratorially.

“Dad…” At that, Aelin finally laughed herself. And it unleashed the next round of tears, sliding down her cheeks and dripping onto Aedion’s sweatshirt.

Rhoe sighed as he brought his hand up to his face, trying to wipe the distress away from his eyes. She knew crying girls made him uncomfortable. “Please let’s go back home.” He stared at her. “It’s freezing cold.”

But Aelin waved him off. “There are heaters up there,” she reassured him. “I’ll be fine.” He looked at her dubiously, which, considering the neverending stream of tears running down her cheeks, he had every right to. “I’ll be fine!” she laughed thickly through her tears. “I just need a good, long cry where no one can hear me.” She paused and crinkled her nose. “And to text Rowan to delete his voicemail.”

Rhoe cringed. “That kind of night, huh?”

Aelin shook her head, laughing harder through her tears. “Oh my god. I should do that immediately…”

She pulled out her phone, which had remained in the hoodie pocket since she called her dad two hours ago. It beeped in her hand and faded to black. She shook it, as if that would somehow bring it back to life. But it was no use. The phone was dead.

“Motherfucker!” she shouted, earning a glare from Rhoe. “Sorry,” she sighed. “It died.”

“I’m sure Rowan’s asleep anyway,” her dad suggested. “You can text him in the morning and smooth everything over.”

Aelin looked conflicted. She was sure Rowan was asleep. It was after 2am. She’d just have to be sure to wake up extra early and make sure he knew that nothing had happened.

Rhoe raised a dark brow. “Or I could break into his house and steal his phone while he’s sleeping?”

Aelin’s heart warmed for her dad, the person she could count on for anything, as she shook her head.

“Thank you,” she said, tears starting to form again. “For everything.”

“I told you,” he said, clearing his throat uncomfortably. “Any time. Anywhere. No matter what. If you need me, I’ll come.”

Aelin leaned over the console and gave her dad a quick squeeze before assuring him that she would be home first thing in the morning.

She opened the car door and waved him goodbye, shivering as the winter winds whipped through her thin sweatshirt and chilled her to the core. She rushed to the keypad and entered the code, relishing in the stale heat that hit her as the door clicked open.

She rummaged through the dark to make her way behind the counter, wondering if there was anything leftover to fill her grumbling stomach. No wonder she’d gotten so drunk so fast, Aelin thought. She couldn’t even remember the last time she ate. Luckily, there was a piece of apple pie with her name literally on it. She knew it would have been drastically improved by heating it up, but she was too hungry to wait the extra minute. She shoved the applely goodness into her mouth quickly, finishing the whole piece in four large bites.

She hummed happily and made her way to the back staircase, climbing slowly and letting the food settle as she made her way to the roof, feeling remarkably better already. Maybe she wouldn’t need that cry after all. Maybe she’d fall right to sleep under the stars, comforted by her favorite place in the world.

But as she pushed the roof door open, she froze like a block of ice. She held her breath as two silhouettes came into focus, just barely lit by the strand of twinkle lights and reddish orange heaters on the ground.

She blinked as their voices wafted across the roof, her heart pounding with each word as she struggled to figure out what was happening.

“I’m sorry,” Rowan said, shaking his head. He sighed, taking a step towards someone else, their silhouettes merging into one giant shadow as Rowan wrapped his arms around them.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lyria’s too-sweet voice replied, cutting into Aelin like a dagger. What the _hell_ was she doing up here?

“We’ll be fine,” Lyria replied, lifting herself onto her toes and pressing a soft kiss against Rowan’s lips, and Aelin shook her head again. Still not processing, until Rowan leaned down and struggled to straighten the blankets which were a mess on the floor. Aelin’s eyes flashed between the mess of blankets, and Rowan and Lyria, who watched him with her arms crossed, and suddenly Aelin thought she was going to be sick.

Because it seemed that her fears weren’t unfounded. That Rowan _had_ lied to her. Had _been_ lying to her. All in her sacred spot. The one spot he knew she wouldn’t be at tonight.

It was bad enough that he had lied to her, but to bring Lyria here…

She bit her lip so hard her tooth pierced through the skin, a small dribble of blood running into her mouth, making her nauseous.

“Let me drive you home, at least?” Rowan asked from his crouched spot, arranging the blankets how they’d been before he’d moved them. Lyria must have nodded, because he stood suddenly and smiled guiltily. “And let’s go quickly because if Aelin knew you were up here, she’d…”

“Freak the fuck out?” Lyria teased.

“Understatement, definitely,” Rowan said, ushering Lyria toward the door.

“So, what’s the deal with her ‘special spot’?” Lyria asked, and Aelin watched the exact second Rowan spotted her, because his face paled in the moonlight, and he rushed toward her.

“Aelin?” he said her name, confused and urgent, but Aelin couldn’t hear him. All she could hear was her own stupidity mocking her over and over again. Her inner-self saying, “I TOLD YOU SO.” Screaming it at the top of her lungs. Calling her names for being too much of a coward to go through with having sex with Sam. Because Rowan wasn’t a coward. He was just an asshole. “What are you…?”

“No,” Aelin interrupted with a too steady voice. “I want to hear what you have to say. What is the deal with my special spot? My special spot where you bring your girlfriend to have sex?!” Her voice rose in pitch as she shouted at him. “Please, I want to hear you tell your girlfriend what a loser I am,” she sniffled. “I guess you didn’t have time to her that I’m just an immature child who needs a special place to go because her mommy left her while you were _fucking her_.”

“Aelin, Gods no,” he shook his head. “You have the wrong idea, that’s not what—"

“How could you?” She took a step toward him. She expected him to move back, but he didn’t. He stood there, looking pained, his brow crinkled as he tried to come up with the words. She took another step forward and shoved his chest. He stumbled backwards at the force, but she didn’t stop. She shoved him again and again, repeating the words, “How could you?!” until her voice was hoarse. “I trusted you,” she said, her voice cracking over the last word, causing Rowan to snap as he stumbled over the pile of blankets.

“That’s not what happened!” Rowan finally shouted back, his green eyes swirling with upset. “If you would just _listen_ to me,” he pleaded, before steadying himself. “I got your voicemail, and I freaked out, so I came up here—”

“To get revenge?” Aelin cried in earnest now, the tears that had been on the verge of pouring out of her before making a full appearance. “Well, congrats.” She threw her arms up. “I feel betrayed.”

“No!” Rowan yelled. “I wouldn’t do that,” he frowned. “Come on. You knowme.”

Aelin leaned down and grabbed the closest thing to her, a book she’d discarded haphazardly the other night after work. She chucked at Rowan, and the pages hit him square in the chest.

“No, I don’t!” she screeched as she reached for another book to throw at him, anything to throw at him, hit him and hurt him like he’d hurt her. “I clearly don’t know you at all.”

“Ace…” he said, dejected, and his tone was enough to cut her straight to the bone.

“Don’t call me that,” she hissed, and Rowan recoiled, looking like he’d been shot. “You lost that right to call me that the second you brought someone up here.” He glanced at Lyria, who was still waiting by the door, and Aelin felt her anger explode.

“Don’t look at her!” Her heart was pounding so fast she thought it might explode. She was going to be sick. She was sure of it. “You should hear the names they’ve called me,” she shook her head, tears coming in earnest. “Talking about me behind my back.” She shuddered. “I knew they were assholes, but I didn’t think you’d be one, too.”

Rowan struggled not to look over Aelin’s shoulder as Lyria stepped closer. “Aelin,” she drawled in that sickly sweet voice that Aelin hated so much. “I would _never_ talk badly about you. I know how much you mean to Rowan.”

Aelin glared, her temper rising faster than she knew what to do with. “The funny thing about that is I can’t remember when the fuck I asked you?” she snapped.

“At least let her defend herself!” Rowan shouted, and Aelin lost any semblance of balance, her temper swirling out of control as she screamed.

“GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!” she threw whatever she could at the couple, a blanket, a pillow, another book. Tearing apart her special spot until it looked as if a hurricane had gone through it.

Lyria had the decency to flinch and retreat. “I’m gonna…” she pointed toward the door, and Rowan nodded. “I’ll talk to you later.”

The door creaked shut as Lyria clambered down the stairs, the soft pitter patter of her steps the only sound other than Aelin’s sniffling.

“Aren’t you going to chase after her?” Aelin asked coldly, and Rowan shook his head again.

“No, I’m not leaving until you hear me out,” he began. “I need to explain to you that this wasn’t what it looked like. Nothing happened, and—”

But Aelin was finished. She looked at the boy in front of her, the boy who she had once known what every crooked smile, every blink of his blonde lashes, every soft gesture and different laugh had meant, now a complete stranger. A stranger who would willingly lie to her face and hurt her like this.

She took in a shaky breath and let out a choked sob.

“Something _did_ happen, Ro,” she said softly. “Somewhere along the way, we just… fell apart.” She wiped at the hot silent tears that caked her cheeks. “Because the Rowan I know would never have brought anyone up here. Ever. Period. No matter what.”

“It was an accident!”

Aelin laughed sadly. “An accident? Do you think I’m stupid, Rowan?!” she sighed. “Lyria accidentally figured out Maeve’s security code and accidentally climbed up here all by herself?”

“Well, not exactly, but—”

Aelin sniffed loudly, “Or was it just an accident that I found you?” She shook her head at Rowan’s pained expression. Something inside of her broke. “And you can stand there and lie to my face, but I don’t have to listen.” She breathed in a shaky breath. “I can’t do this anymore, Rowan. I’m so tired.”

Rowan took a step forward, but Aelin stepped back, keeping the same distance between them, holding her hand up, and she watched as Rowan’s face crinkled, his frown prominent as he furrowed his brow.

“Please don’t do this,” he begged, but Aelin could only shake her head and cry more silent tears. Her anger had dissipated as quickly as it’d come on, and now all she was left with was a sinking hole of dejection. “I just broke up with Lyria.”

“You called her up here to break up with her?” Aelin laughed sadly. “Please, Rowan. You can come up with a better lie than that.”

He took another step forward, and Aelin’s shoulders slumped under the weight of her sadness. He took the opportunity to close the gap between them, his arms wrapped around her waist, causing her to shiver.

“I’m not lying to you, damnit, Aelin.”

“Let me go,” she mumbled, though internally she relished the feeling of his palms on her back. She let the heat seep through the fabric of Aedion’s sweatshirt, leaning back slightly into his touch as she lifted her chin.

“I can’t,” he said softly. “You’re my best friend,” he whispered resolutely. And it broke her all over again. All the times he’d said those words she’d heard the underlying ‘I love you.’ But it had disappeared as soon as she’d heard Lyria’s voice on _her_ roof.

“I hate you,” she breathed, stepping out of his stunned arms. They dropped to his sides as she turned on her heel, her vision blurred by her tears as she ran back down the stairs, tearing out of Maeve’s as quickly as she could. She could never go up there again. Her safe place was ruined. Her friendship with Rowan was ruined. Everything was _ruined._

It only took Aelin until the end of the block to hunch over and vomit. She braced herself against a telephone pole, as she heaved up the barely digested bites of apple pie, cloyingly sweet and disgusting in her mouth. She leaned over again, expelling the contents of her stomach, until there was nothing left. She spat and wiped at her mouth, disgusted with herself for becoming this pathetic mess of a person.

“Aelin,” Rowan called out his car window, pulling up beside her. “Please, just get in the car.”

But she shook her head and marched forward, despite the small glittering snowflakes which started to fall from the dark October sky and brush against her bare legs.

“You’re going to get sick in that outfit,” Rowan chastised. “Whoever’s sweatshirt that is isn’t warm enough,” he warned, and Aelin tipped her head back and laughed.

“Calling me a whore now, too, are we?” she asked as she ploughed forward, ignoring the slow roll of jeep tires beside her. “I knew it was only a matter of time…”

“What? Aelin, no, I would never call you a whore.”

“Why not?” she spat. “You’ve called me a bitch.” She chuckled with absolutely no humor. “I let that one slide, you know. Because the whole Lyria thing was so new, and I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”

She felt her hot tears start up against the cold wind of the night and shuddered.

“I let so much slide for you, and you’ve made me feel like shit, Ro.” She breathed, angry again. “Like shit. I let your girlfriend and her friends call me a dyke and a slut, but I never breathed a word. I just took it. Like some idiot.”

She wiped at her tears, trudging forward on numbing legs as she continued forward, turning onto her street.

“But I’m not going to be an idiot anymore.” She laughed to herself. “I could have slept with someone tonight. But I didn’t. Because I convinced myself…” She shook her head, sniffling loudly, her tears turning to icicles on her wind-chapped skin. “And now it doesn’t even matter,” she said, resolute. “Because I don’t want to talk to you ever again.”

She ignored his protests as she fumbled with the flowerpot next to the door, her frozen fingers struggling to get the spare key into the door.

She slammed the door behind her and leaned against it, letting the tears pour down her cheeks again, now that she was in the safety of her home. But a knock at the door against her back came too quickly.

The noise started the sleeping man on the couch – he clearly hadn’t made it very far after picking her up – and she watched as Rhoe blinked against the light, taking in his shivering, sobbing daughter.

“Aelin?” he rushed to her, rubbing his arms up and down her sleeves as she leaned into his warm, sleep-laden chest.

“Daddy,” she cried softly. His arms tightened around her shoulders as Rowan’s voice filtered through the door.

“AELIN!” he cried, and she was relieved when her dad shoved her behind him and swung open the door. Rowan’s hand was raised mid-knock, and in the light of their front hall she could see that Rowan’s cheeks were wet and splotchy with tears too. “Rhoe,” he said, quieting his voice immediately. “I’m so sorry, but I really need to talk to Aelin.”

“No you don’t,” Rhoe’s voice said in a tone that Aelin hadn’t heard him use with Rowan, maybe ever.

“Rhoe, I…” He tried to peer around Rhoe’s shoulders, but Aelin cringed. “Please, I just…”

“Go home, Rowan,” Rhoe’s deep voice echoed into the night. Rowan opened his mouth to protest, and Aelin felt her dad lean forward, challenging the boy in front of him to say something. “It’s the middle of the night, son. I don’t want to wake up your Aunt, but I will.”

Rowan opened his mouth again, but he had the good sense to shut it and nod. Rhoe could be extremely terrifying if he wanted to be.

“Apologies, sir,” Rowan said with a formality that shocked Aelin. “I’ll go home now.”

“Thank you,” Rhoe replied. Aelin wished she could see if he were smiling or not.

“I’ll be back in the morning,” Rowan said, she was sure for her benefit as well as her father’s, and it made her want to scream in retaliation, but she was far too cold and exhausted to begin again.

“I’m sure you will,” Rhoe said, starting to close the door. “But Rowan?” he added. “Not too early.”

“Yes, sir,” Rowan said with that same too-formal tone.

And Aelin finally released a breath when her dad shut the door behind him. They both listened to Rowan’s car door close and the jeep take off before Aelin took a step out of her dad’s grasp. She wiped at her cheeks again.

Rhoe cleared his throat as he took in her reddened face and pink legs. “I thought you were safe until morning.”

“So did I,” Aelin said sadly. Rhoe’s brow raised in question, and Aelin shook her head in return. She was hoping her dad wouldn’t press further, but the man wasa clearing awaiting some kind of explanation for the insanity of his evening. There was only so much he could take.

“Rowan and Lyria were… together. In my spot. And we got into a big, overdue fight. And then I walked home.” She paused. “Rowan followed me, obviously.”

“Okay,” Rhoe said slowly, processing the state of his daughter. But he didn’t ask any follow ups, seemingly satisfied, for now, at least.

“Dad?” He raised an eyebrow at her soft tone. “When Rowan comes back, I don’t want to talk to him. Not tomorrow, not the next day, not the next week, not the next year. We’re not friends anymore. Is that okay?” she asked, knowing that the boy Rhoe turned away was practically his son.

“Whatever you want, Fireheart,” he said, and Aelin exhaled, relieved.

“I kind of just want to take a hot shower,” Aelin said, and Rhoe’s face melted as he wrapped her in a giant hug again, his arms running up and down her back, trying to soak some warmth into her skin.

“Of course, sweetheart,” he sighed. “You’re practically an ice cube. Walking home during the first snow of the season…”

He shook his head as a flurry of flakes swirled past their window.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, but her dad shook his head as he led her upstairs and cracked open her bedroom door. He led her across her darkened room and flipped on the light to her bathroom, turning up the shower to the hottest setting.

He turned back to Aelin and frowned.

“You know I’ve always had a soft spot for Rowan,” Rhoe said, and Aelin felt her stomach clench nervously. “But, if you’re not friends with him anymore, then neither am I. Team Aelin, one hundred percent.”

Tears welled in her eyes again at her dad’s words. She didn’t know how much she needed to hear them.

“I love you,” he said as he left her to her shower. “Get some sleep, Fireheart.” He paused. “We’ll talk more in the morning.”

Aelin stripped quickly and made her way into the steaming shower, blinking away the rivulets of glitter and makeup that still caked her skin from a party that felt like a lifetime ago. The scalding water prickled her icy skin, thawing her quickly, and Aelin let her shaky legs collapse, unable to stand anymore. Sitting on the wet porcelain of her tub floor, she brought her knees into her chest and let her head hang. But no matter how hot the water ran or how long she sat there, she couldn’t scrub the night off her. She’d been hurt more than she could bear in a single evening. She’d thought that Sam would be the worst of it, but that was nothing compared to the pain Rowan had caused her tonight. She’d lost her best friend. Forever.


	22. Chapter 22

Aelin rubbed at her eyes, pushing the crusty remnants of her tears off her lashes uncomfortably. Her head throbbed with the amount of crying she’d done, and her eyes were dry and sticky.

She’d hoped last night was some kind of terrible nightmare, but as she took in the amount of notifications on her phone, she was assured it wasn’t.

Her eyes skipped past Rowan’s bolded name and landed on Aedion’s. She opened the string of texts and sighed.

**Wtf, Aelin? Ren told me you left????**

**RU OK?**

**Uncle Rhoe is gonna murder me, isn’t he?**

**I went to look for you outside but I couldn’t find u.**

**Plz lmk ur ok.**

She wrote him back a quick apology and assured him he was fine. She didn’t want him feeling bad. It wasn’t his fault, after all. And Aedion was the least of her problems, to be honest.

Her finger hovered over Rowan’s name. She could only see part of his last text, which read: **If you read this far, then you know everything**

As her finger hovered, another text popped up from him. A link to a playlist called – Rowan’s An Idiot, Please Accept This Apology Playlist.

Tears burned at her eyes as her finger swiped away the conversation, deleting it without reading a single text. She didn’t care about his apology. Words or songs could never erase what he did.

She rubbed at her temples and sighed. She wished she could just wallow in bed all day, but looking at the late time on the clock, she knew that her dad would be waiting downstairs to talk.

Not bothering to change, Aelin pulled up her hair into a high ponytail, which she was grateful it was finally long enough to do.

As expected, Rhoe was waiting for her at the kitchen table. Only what wasn’t expected was the giant cake box in front of him. Aelin raised an eyebrow in question.

Rhoe smiled sadly. “I didn’t let him in. He left it on the front stoop and asked that I take it inside so it didn’t freeze.” Rhoe shook his head, laughing to himself. “He’s been waiting outside since seven.”

Aelin let her eyes slide to the front window where she could see the front of Rowan’s jeep in the driveway. A soft dusting of snow coated the hood – last night’s flurries had covered Orynth with her favorite magical white blanket, making it appear soft and ethereal. “But it’s after eleven.”

Rhoe nodded, rubbing at his scruff with his hand. “Pretty sure he’s freezing his ass out there to talk to you.”

Aelin frowned and turned toward the stove to make herself a cup of tea. “Well, that’s just too bad.”

Rhoe cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around Aelin’s side, tugging her close and pressing his lips against the top of her head. “I’m not getting involved. At all,” Rhoe said. “But I did tell him I’d pass this to you.”

Rhoe held out a thick envelope with Rowan’s neat handwriting across the front, reading her name.

“That’s the opposite of not getting involved,” Aelin said, fury rising back up inside her. Of course her dad would help Rowan out. Well, that was just too bad. Because she had no intent on reading whatever Rowan had written to her. It didn’t matter. Words didn’t matter. They were empty. Just like her heart.

She moved the tea kettle aside and held the envelope over the flame, letting the tendrils of fire consume the corner of the paper and breathing, satisfied as the papers inside curled into black ash.

“AELIN!” Rhoe bellowed, pulling the envelope from her hand and putting the smoking papers under the faucet. “Trying to light our house on fire again, I see,” Rhoe muttered to himself as he doused the papers in water. “Hope this wasn’t important,” he laughed to himself, but Aelin refused to feel guilty. Even as she watched her dad throw the sopping wet envelope into the trash. She knew whatever was in there wouldn’t change anything.

Aelin went back to the stove and poured her tea before coming to sit with her dad at the table, sipping at her caffeine quietly as she eyed the giant cake box in front of her.

“Fireheart,” Rhoe sighed, and Aelin snapped.

“What happened to Team Aelin?”

Rhoe held up his hands defensively. “I am, I am.” He paused. “But… I don’t want to be responsible for the kid getting frostbite or pneumonia, you know?”

“Traitor,” Aelin hissed, but she went to the front door regardless. She grabbed her coat and wrapped in around her shoulders before swinging open the front door. Might as well get this over with.

She watched as Rowan scrambled to attention as she opened the door. A cold gust of air whipped through the doorway, and she shivered as Rowan approached. He looked… exhausted. His eyes were bloodshot, rimmed in red, and his hair stuck up on its ends as if he’d been tugging at it all night. Aelin was surprised that the instinct to comfort him was completely gone, though. She crossed her arms across her chest and waited for him to approach.

As he made his way to the front stoop, he lifted his foot, as if to step up and meet her in the doorway, but her expression must have told him that was not what he should do. Instead, he dug his hands into his coat pockets and sighed, looking up at Aelin. She struggled not to look away as his green eyes flashed with too many emotions to decipher.

“You look awful,” Aelin said, and Rowan blinked and stood up straighter. “Did you sleep at all?” she asked, even though it was clear what the answer was. He didn’t respond as she expected, though. Instead, he lifted his chin and bit his lip nervously.

“Did you get my letter?” he asked, his voice lilting with a hopefulness. “And my playlist…?”

Aelin frowned. _That’s_ what he wanted to talk about? His barely there apology? He had something coming to him if he thought that was enough to change her mind and erase the cutting betrayal of last night.

“Yes,” Aelin replied coldly. She did get them. She didn’t need to tell him that they’d been burned and deleted, respectively.

Rowan took a deep breath. “I know it’s a lot,” he began, “But I just wanted you to know everything,” he said quickly. “And it doesn’t excuse what I did, fuck, I know that.” He grabbed at his hair again as he stuttered. “I’m a complete idiot, but if we could at least talk about it.” His chest heaved with the effort behind his words, his brain seemingly racing in a million different directions as Aelin watched him closely. “Eventually!” he spluttered. “I don’t expect you to have a response right now, but—"

“Rowan,” she interrupted his rambling, and his wide eyes snapped up to her again. He held his breath, his front teeth pulling at his bottom lip again. She didn’t know what he wanted her to say. Waiting with such eagerness at her words. But she didn’t have any for him.

“It doesn’t change anything,” she finally said. “What you did can’t be fixed. Not by a letter, not by a playlist… not even by cake.”

His lip freed itself into a sad smile as he exhaled slowly, nodding mostly to himself. She watched as his posture slumped at each of her words, his eyes falling to the snow-covered ground beneath his feet.

“Oh.” He sighed. “Right. Okay.” He shook his head sadly as his voice fell again. “That’s… that’s okay.” He laughed at himself. “I kind of figured that would be the case.” His shoulders rose and fell with a defeated shrug. “It’s fine.”

Aelin raised an eyebrow and watched as Rowan grappled with something, before a look of steely determination appeared on his face.

“It might not change anything,” he said. “But I don’t care. I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me forever,” he said resolutely, and Aelin couldn’t help the dry laugh that escaped her mouth.

“That’s such a lie!” she yelled. “You left me for the last two months, Rowan.” She frowned. “And now you just want to pretend that you didn’t?”

Rowan growled as he tilted his head back, and she watched as his pine eyes lit up with a fury she’d never seen before.

“You were the one who wanted me gone!” he yelled. “I was trying to respect your boundaries, but I’m _done_ with that.”

“You’re done respecting me?” Aelin laughed. “Yeah, that’s clear.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it!” She watched as the usually solemn boy let his hands gesticulate wildly. “FUCK! You’re so infuriating sometimes, you know that?”

“Thanks,” she deadpanned, but inside her stomach was in knots. She’d never seen Rowan get this worked up about anything.

He frowned. “I’m not letting you cut me out of your life anymore,” he said resolutely. “I was an idiot for ever letting you try,” he continued. “And I’m so incredibly sorry I ever hurt you or made you feel like shit,” he said, repeating her words from the night before. “Because you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Aelin. No one compares to you. No one,” he repeated, causing her heart to thud with her racing pulse. “You’re my family. My home. So, I don’t care if I’m the only one fighting to keep this friendship. I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you until you finally believe I mean it.”

His breath came in short puffs, as if he’d just run a marathon, and for Rowan, that was saying something. Aelin almost couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her mind swirled, trying to make sense of the determined boy in front of her; what she wouldn’t have given to have him fight for her two months ago, but now it was too little and too late. Her heart had been shattered into a million pieces, and she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to talk to him again.

“I hope you’re prepared to be disappointed,” she said, watching the fire in his eyes grow even brighter.

“I hope you are, too,” he quipped, and Aelin shivered as another whip of wind hit her cheeks.

“Goodbye, Rowan,” she said, closing the door. She peered through the window and watched as he made his way back to his jeep.

“How’d it go?” Rhoe asked as Aelin headed back to the kitchen. “I don’t see any blood,” he joked, but Aelin’s fury was coursing through her once again. How dare he come here and say those words to her… after _everything?_ She opened the cake box and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes at the sight of her favorite chocolate hazelnut cake from Maeve’s, adorned with Rowan’s neat handwriting, in white frosting across the top, which read: _**I’m sorry.**_

In a rage, she lifted the box and carried it to the trash, dropping it in with an unceremonious thud.

“That good, huh?” Rhoe chuckled.

A wave of regret filled Aelin as she looked at the cake in the trash. That cake really was her favorite.

She examined the box; the cake was still safely enclosed inside. Despite it being surrounded by coffee grounds and other various pieces of trash, Aelin pulled the box back out and put it on the table, causing Rhoe to smile widely. Though it was a little smooshed on the sides, it was still pretty much as good as new.

He got up and brought back two forks, handing one to Aelin, and she couldn’t resist smiling as she dug into the cake, bringing the rich chocolatey goodness up to her mouth.

“I deserve this,” she said, scooping up an even bigger bite and ignoring her dad’s soft laughter.

. . .

True to his word, Rowan showed up the next day.

He pulled into her driveway at 7:30am sharp on Monday morning, surprising Manon, who pulled up behind him in her truck with a raised eyebrow. Aelin had carefully stayed off the map for the rest of the weekend, despite her phone blowing up with the group chat wondering how her time at college went. She really had no plans to relive that night.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Aelin grumbled as she slid into the cab of the truck, watching as Rowan trailed behind them the entire way. She was grateful that neither Manon nor Elide questioned her. She wasn’t ready to cry this early in the morning.

She felt his shadow hovering over her as they made their way from the parking lot, all the way to her locker, where she expected him to peel off to his own. But instead, he leaned down and pressed an envelope onto the front of Aelin’s locker. The bright green envelope was labeled with a bolded 1.

“Day one of forever,” Rowan said, nodding succinctly at Manon and Elide, who stared with open mouths. Rowan’s lips formed a thin line as he left for his own locker, leaving Aelin staring at the envelope in front of her.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Elide asked.

“Nope,” Aelin said, heading toward the trash.

“Whoa!” Manon laughed, jogging up beside her to intervene. “I want to know, even if you don’t!”

Aelin rolled her eyes but sighed anyway, handing the envelope to her friends. “Fine.”

Manon ripped the envelope open, and Aelin watched as her eyes trailed across the words, orbs of gold darting back and forth across the paper with interest as a small smile curled up her lips.

Her smile landed on Aelin, looking more feral than usual as she pointed a long taloned nail at Aelin and asked, “Did he and Lyria break up?”

Aelin’s brow furrowed. “Yes…” She shook her head. “I think so.” And sighed deeply. “I don’t really know. Why?”

**Manon flipped the paper around, and Aelin couldn’t help but smile softly at the words across the top, written in bolded capital letters: REASONS WHY I HAVE THE BEST BEST FRIEND.**

In smaller print, below, was written:

_#1. She makes the best playlists. Every moment of my life is marked with an incredible playlist, and I will always have song memories for the best and worst days of my life. The playlists are so good that it’s intimidating trying to make one for her, because I’m pretty sure she knows every artist and every song. Mine could never compare. Which is why I always play hers in the car. Because I know mine are far inferior._

“This reads like a love note,” Manon said confidently, and Aelin rolled her eyes as she reread his tiny scrawl.

“No it’s not.” A rush of annoyance filtered through Aelin as she shook her head. “He’s just feeling guilty that I caught him with Lyria on my rooftop,” she said. “Which, no, I don’t want to talk about.” But as she said it, a tiny tendril of hope bloomed in her stomach. She immediately squashed it, though, and tossed the note into the trash where it belonged, shutting up her friends.

Words were cheap, she thought again to herself.

. . .

But the words were never ending. Each day, Aelin watched as Rowan pressed a new envelope to her locker door, her brow crinkling in annoyance as he’d announce “Day whatever of forever.” And each day, she’d pull the sunny colored envelope off the door and throw it directly into the trash. She didn’t want to read his words. She wanted to stew in her misery and ice him out. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, not after such a breach of trust. She couldn’t get over it. No matter how many numbered envelopes were left on her locker.

The days passed in a blur of annoyance, tinged with sadness that Aelin immediately pushed back down. She was finished being sad about Rowan Whitethorn, she thought to herself as she pulled today’s envelope from her locker. She shoved it into the trash angrily, flipping the envelope to hide the bolded #15 from her view. When she looked up, she tried not to gasp at the sad green eyes that were locked on her. She hadn’t noticed him lingering, so caught up in her self-indulgent anger. His body drooped at the sight of her disposing of the envelope, and she could see the hurt in his eyes even across the hall. As he turned and walked away, she shoved down the small ache that formed in her stomach.

But overnight the ache grew. It was approaching Thanksgiving – their least favorite holiday, the one they loathed together, and Aelin couldn’t ignore the sad tug in her chest as he placed #16 on her locker door.

To her friends’ surprise, instead of making her way directly to the trash, Aelin tentatively pulled the note from the door and opened the envelope.

She inhaled a shaky breath as she read through the words on the note, her chest constricting tightly with each emotional confession.

#16 - _She was the only person who made me smile after my parents died. Aunt Maeve had tried everything, but I barely knew her. She tried cooking for me and painting my room and getting me a racecar bed (do you remember that bed?). But nothing worked. Until one day, this giggling bundle of blonde sunshine raced through the dining room, headphones in her ears, bopping her head and twirling as her dad ordered lunch for them. She saw me looking at her – because how could I not? And came up to me and said, “You look sad. This is the happiest song I know,” and shoved an earbud into my ear. She hauled my sad ass off the chair and danced until I danced with her. And she was right. It is the happiest song I know. And I’ll never be able to listen to Dancing In The Moonlight without thinking of her and smiling._

Aelin wiped at the tear that rolled down her cheek, remembering a small scowling Rowan sitting in the corner of Maeve’s, feet dangling off his chair, working on math problems as the Saturday lunch crowd boisterously ate around him.

Another tear pricked at her eyes, and another. And suddenly, she was crying. Right in the middle of the hallway. They poured from her eyes as she let herself miss her best friend. The best friend who he _used_ to be.

As she swiped angrily at the tears, her anger returned. How dare he make her cry _?_ It wasn’t fair of him to do this to her.

She swung open her locker door and let her eyes roam across the lyric art adorning the inside. She sniffed loudly as she found what she was looking for, and ripped the lyrics from the door, crumpling them into her hand as she marched down the hall to Rowan’s locker.

His eyes widened at her approach, and she was sure she looked insane, but she just didn’t care anymore.

She threw the crumpled piece of paper at him as another tear rolled down her cheek. “You wanted this, right?” she breathed. “Have it. It’s yours. I don’t want it anymore.”

Rowan smoothed out the page and opened his locker door. “Thanks,” he said, clearing his throat. “I did want this.”

As Aelin turned around, she heard his soft voice call out behind her. “Aelin? Have a Happy Thanksgiving.”

Her shoulders tensed at the mention of the holiday that she’d tried so hard to forget was approaching, but she didn’t give him the satisfaction of looking at him. Instead, she stalked back to her locker, trying to forget that this would be her first holiday season without the support of her best friend.

. . .

“Do I look okay?” Aelin asked for approximately the seven hundredth time that morning. Aelin tugged at her faded pink locks and cringed. She wished she’d never cut her hair or dyed it. She was sure her mom would have a few things to say about it. But, she’d overcompensated for her pastel hair with her most Evalin Ashryver approved outfit – a high waisted cranberry colored corduroy skirt, a black cabled turtleneck sweater, her black boots and a pair of patterned tights. It wasn’t quite up to Evalin standards, but it’d have to do.

It didn’t help that she was spending the day with her mom without the promise of returning to Rowan after.

That was their Thanksgiving tradition.

Aelin would be shipped off in a black car to whichever activity Evalin chose for a few hours – usually some play or art exhibit that had caught her fancy, forgetting all about the traditional meal that most families partook in – and then Aelin would return, exhausted and hungry and irritated, but be rewarded with Thanksgiving leftovers from Maeve’s and a holiday movie of Aelin’s choosing. Not this year, though.

This year, Aelin would be returning to an empty house and an empty fridge. Rhoe had apologized at least ten times, but apparently it was his turn to work Thanksgiving, and no matter how hard he’d begged, no one would trade shifts with him.

Aelin wasn’t looking forward to it.

She wasn’t looking forward to Evalin, either. Her mom was… well, interesting. She hadn’t wanted a child ever, as she often told Aelin. She’d been looking to be a globe trotter, using her family’s extensive wealth to create and appreciate art, skipping from city to city with the best and brightest. But the best and brightest had fallen in love with a local firefighter and accidentally become pregnant. She’d tried to be a mom, she really had. But she just couldn’t stand still for that long. And after six years of standing still, she took off, not caring about the child she left behind. Despite her flightiness, though, her old money habits were entrenched in everything she did. Aelin didn’t think she’d ever seen her mother without a strand of pearls around her neck. And she insisted that this one day a year they spent together was integral in informing Aelin’s cultural knowledge. She was practically rolling her eyes at the thought of whatever bizarre exhibit Evalin would take her to already.

“You look beautiful,” Rhoe reassured her again. He glanced at his watch. “You have five minutes until the car arrives. She said noon sharp. Do you have everything you need?”

Aelin nodded and patted her purse. “Phone, phone charger, headphones and emergency book in case I get bored?”

“Lipstick?” Rhoe asked, and Aelin’s eyes widened in panic.

“Oh my god. Lipstick. Thanks, Dad,” Aelin said as she rushed upstairs to grab the berry colored makeup from her vanity. Evalin had a _thing_ about lipstick. According to her bizarre set of life rules, a woman isn’t fully dressed unless they’re wearing lipstick. Aelin swiped the color onto her lips and pressed them together carefully before pocketing it and running back down at the sound of a horn honking outside.

Rhoe opened his arms, and Aelin rushed into them, relishing her dad’s tight embrace as he whispered into her hair.

“I love you,” he said, pressing a kiss into her straightened hair. “And if you need anything at all tonight, Maeve is on standby.”

“Dad,” Aelin whined, but she was grateful. Maybe she’d get her plate of Thanksgiving food after all.

“I know,” he sighed. “I’m not cavorting with the enemy, I promise.” He kissed her head again. “I just didn’t want you to starve today.” He paused. “Or eat McDonalds. That would be too sad.”

Aelin agreed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said as the car honked its horn again.

Aelin nodded and made her way out to the car. She opened the door, prepared to greet her mother, but there was no one in the car but the driver.

He noticed her looking around and gave her a swift nod. “Ms. Ashryver wanted to let you know that you have a bit of a drive, and she apologizes.”

Aelin’s stomach twisted as the car took off, wondering where she was headed to. She hated that she’d relied on Rowan to drive her places, and she hadn’t bothered to learn how to drive herself. If she knew how to drive she’d be able to escape whenever she wanted, not when Evalin deemed her ready. She sighed. First thing over Christmas break, she’d ask Rhoe to teach her.

The drive continued past the Staghorn Mountains and up the coast. Aelin couldn’t help but stare out the window with interest as the snow peaked mountains faded into the distance and were replaced with the white capped waves of the North Sea.

Three hours later, the black car rolled to a stop in front of a large house in a seaside neighborhood. Aelin wondered if there was an art exhibit inside.

But she was shocked when Evalin opened the wreath decorated front door, wearing a flour dotted apron and holding a small toddler on her hip, waving at Aelin with a wide smile.

Aelin stumbled out of the car, her surprise traveling through her body in waves at her mother looking so… motherly.

“Aelin!” she cried, “Welcome!”

The scent of cinnamon and butter and baking bread wafted out the doorway as Aelin approached.

She placed a perfectly manicured hand on Aelin’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “We’re so thrilled to have you today.”

“We?” Aelin asked, and her mother ushered her inside.

“Come in, come in.”

Aelin stepped inside and gasped at the beautiful home, already decorated for the holidays with thick garlands swirling up the large front banister, small lights twinkling happily with the sound of Christmas carols. Stockings were already hung over the ribbon draped mantle, each one with a carefully embroidered name across the top.

“Aren’t those beautiful?” Evalin cooed as she followed Aelin’s eyeline. “I sewed them myself.”

“You… sewed?” Aelin gaped.

“I did,” Evalin chuckled. “I needed some way to occupy myself while this one napped,” she said, boosting the toddler up on her hip again. “Imogen, this is Aelin, say hi.”

The toddler shoved her little face into Evalin’s shoulder, and Evalin barely even flinched as her dress was smeared with leftover peanut butter from the little girl’s cheeks.

“She’s shy,” Evalin explained quietly, and Aelin nodded, trying to make sense of anything that was happening. But she couldn’t. “Murt!” Evalin called out to the thin, nerdy-looking man who was crossing through the room with a plate of cheese and meats and veggies. “Come meet _my_ baby.”

She handed off the toddler to the man, who immediately put the girl on the floor, laughing as she took off in a peal of laughter. He stuck out his hand and pushed up his glasses with his other, smiling nervously at Aelin.

“Murtagh,” he said as Aelin took his hand, shaking it tentatively. “But you can call me Murt. Everyone does. Welcome to our home. I’m so glad I could finally meet you.”

“Murt and I are engaged!” Evalin said, flashing a giant glimmering rock in Aelin’s direction.

“Wow…” Aelin said, completely unprepared for what was going on in front of her. Her mom was getting married? To a man with children? By her own choice?

Two more kids shot through the living room, a girl with long dark braids and a younger girl with auburn ringlets, holding a wooden crossbow.

“No running in the living room!” Murt yelled, but he said it with such cheer that the pair just giggled and nodded and headed back upstairs where they’d presumably been playing before.

As the man wrapped his arms around Evalin, and Evalin leaned back into his embrace, Aelin felt a lump in her throat form. Her mom was _happy_. With a new family. It hurt to see more than she could really process in the moment. What was so wrong with her and Rhoe that they weren’t enough to keep Evalin in Orynth? But this family somehow could?

“Have a seat!” Murt insisted, placing Aelin in front of the large plate of appetizers. “Can I get you something to drink?”

Aelin shook her head as her mom leaned in and pressed her lips to Murt’s, asking if he needed help in the kitchen. “You sit and catch up with your daughter. Dinner will be ready in about an hour,” he said, scurrying back to the kitchen.

Evalin sat at the opposite end of the couch, leaning in with a brightness Aelin had never seen before, asking her daughter all about school.

“What grade are you in now?” she asked, and Aelin nearly laughed. That sounded more like the Evalin she knew.

“Eleventh.”

“Ah, junior year,” Evalin nodded. “A great year. It’s so nice to see what a lovely young lady you’ve become. Fallon and Vesta are so young, you look so old in comparison. You’re such a grown up,” she said with such admiration that Aelin wasn’t sure how to respond. She certainly didn’t feel like a grown up. In fact, she felt smaller than she had in a long time. It was shocking how quickly just a look from her mother could do that. “And are you still dancing?” Evalin asked, and Aelin shook her head.

“I quit dance in middle school.”

Evalin frowned. “Oh.”

The silence was deafening between them without an activity to keep them distracted. They were usually able to sit in silence the whole day without ever truly having a conversation. It seemed that they weren’t so lucky this year.

“Immie!” Evalin said warmly as the toddler came strolling out of the kitchen, gnawing on a roll. The little girl climbed into Evalin’s lap and cuddled into her arms. Aelin couldn’t remember ever cuddling with her mom. But she was grateful for Imogen’s interruption, because then all the attention was faced on the little girl, who turned out was quite the ham when she wanted to be.

As Evalin fussed over the little girl, Aelin pulled out her phone. It was blinking with several text notifications, wishing her a happy thanksgiving – one from Lys, one from Elide, and one from Lorcan. She was in the process of writing them back when an unfamiliar number filled up her screen. Frowning, she disregarded it. It was probably a sales call. Or spam.

But within seconds, it buzzed again in her hand, the same number. She let it ring through and was surprised when an alert for a voicemail came through.

Holding up a hand, she excused herself from the bustling living room back into the quieter front hall and held the phone to her ear.

Her heart pounded and her throat dried at the formal message waiting for her.

“Aelin,” the gruff voice began. A voice she’d know anywhere. “This is Fire Chief Darrow,” he began, and Aelin could feel her throat closing in as she tried to swallow, willing the tears that threatened to pour out to stay where they were as she took a shaky breath. No. _No._ Not yet. Not today. Not now. “There’s been an accident.”


	23. Chapter 23

Tears blurred Aelin’s vision as she scrambled to get her jacket.

“Aelin?” Evalin asked, seeing her daughter’s distress.

“I have to go,” Aelin panted. “Dad…” A tear dropped from her eye. “…hospital.” She choked out.

Evalin’s rosy cheeks paled at Aelin’s words. “Is he alright?” she asked, and Aelin’s control snapped.

“I DON’T KNOW!” she yelled, swiping away a hot tear. Her hand trembled against her cheek.

At the most inopportune moment, Murt stuck his head into the living room and cried out cheerfully, “Dinner’s ready!”

“At least stay for food,” Evalin insisted, but Aelin’s coat was already on. “It’s our first family Thanksgiving!”

“I have to go,” she repeated, ignoring her mom’s use of the word family. This wasn’t her family. Not even close. “I’m three fucking hours away, and he’s…” She barely noticed Evalin’s flinch at her use of coarse language, already on her way out the door, her mind racing with all kinds of possibilities. 

Aelin rushed to the black car, still waiting in the driveway for her, and mumbled out the address to Orynth Memorial Hospital.

Three hours away, and she couldn’t do a damn thing but listen to Chief Darrow’s voicemail, over and over. The words lost any meaning as she replayed the message, blending together into an incomprehensible wave of panic that made her empty stomach turn.

Three hours.

She was sure she was going to be sick. She wished she could teleport back to Orynth. She should have been by his side immediately. Without Rhoe, she’d have no one. Gods, she needed him to be okay. She just needed it.

Aelin tried to take deep breaths and think of something to do, but nothing helped. Panic clutched at her chest the closer they got to town. As the Staghorn Mountains finally came into view, Aelin began to hyperventilate. She tried to breathe, but it wouldn’t catch properly. Instead, she was constantly inhaling staccato breaths that never quite reached her lungs.

“Ma’am?” the driver asked, looking back at her. “Do you need me to pull over?”

Aelin shook her head. She didn’t. “N-no,” she stuttered. “Jus-just… drive… fa-faster.”

She felt the speed on the car increase, propelling them faster as the late afternoon twilight faded into darkness outside her window. Needing something to do with her hands, she replayed the voicemail again and tried to calm her breathing.

“Aelin,” the voice began. “This is Fire Chief Darrow. There’s been an accident.” She bit on her lower lip to stop herself from starting to cry again as the message continued. “A fire compromised the integrity of the building we were in, and your father and another civilian were trapped under collapsed stairs. His injuries were severe, but you know your dad. Had to go ahead and play hero and give his oxygen to the civilian.” An awkward throat clearing. “He inhaled quite a bit of smoke, as well as some burns to his neck. But your dad is one of the strongest people I know. His condition is critical, but stable. He’s at Orynth Memorial in the burn unit receiving the best treatment available. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to the me, personally, if you need anything.” His gruff voice paused. “Anything at all. This is my cell.”

Her bottom lip shook with the effort it took not to give into her tears. She’d never known Darrow to be sentimental, and the effusiveness in his voice shook Aelin to her core. She remembered the Chief as a stoic, bearded presence in most of her childhood memories, constantly chastising her for running around the fire house and asking her dad to let her slide down the pole. She’d never heard him be personable with anyone, always a constant frown beneath his thick mustache. Her dad must be in _really_ bad condition to warrant that kind of call. Her lip wobbled again, and she inhaled quickly, biting the wave of tears back. There would be time for crying later. For now, she had to focus on getting to her dad.

Aelin stared out the window, counting her heart beats until the car finally pulled into the hospital parking lot.

She didn’t even wait for the car to come to a complete stop before wrenching the door open. She was sure the driver called something after her, but all she could hear was the rush of her own pulse thrumming in her ears.

She sprinted to the lobby, heart pounding as she gulped in the cold winter air, letting it burn her lungs as she made her way to the front desk.

“How can I help you, darling?” the woman cooed, completely oblivious to Aelin’s anguish.

“Burn unit?” She gulped in a deep breath.

“Fourth floor, and all the way to the right.”

Aelin didn’t wait before rushing to the elevator bank. She aggressively pressed the button, and breathed a small sigh of relief that the doors opened right away. The slow climb of the elevator to the fourth floor felt like a lifetime as the carefully pushed away tears threatened to appear again. Her eyes burned with the effort to keep them at bay, her slow, shaky breath the only thing steadying her.

As the elevator dinged, announcing its arrival at the burn unit, Aelin took a deep breath and ran. She tripped over her clunky boots, struggling to get to the nurse’s desk in one piece. She must have looked a sight because the woman behind the desk stood, eyes wide as she watched Aelin’s clumsy approach.

“M-my dad-d? Rhoe?” Aelin gasped. “Galathynius?”

The woman nodded, her fingers flipping through charts quickly, as Aelin stood, arms wrapped around her chest, nervously awaiting any kind of direction. She jumped as she felt a delicate hand on her shoulder.

“We came as soon as we heard,” Maeve’s soft voice swept over her. “How are you doing, hon?”

Her heart pounded harshly against her ribs, despite the soothing tone of the woman in front of her. All she could focus on was one word.

“We?” Aelin asked, the word bouncing around her head rapidly until her eyes landed on the tall boy slightly behind his aunt. His deep green eyes were filled with apology and trepidation as he looked at her, his shoulders slightly hunched, as if not to announce his presence. Aelin let herself take a deep breath, not realizing how much she’d needed him to be there until she saw him with her own eyes.

She launched herself around his neck before she could tell her brain that she was supposed to be mad at him. Because in that moment, it didn’t matter anymore. Her anger melted away as his body sagged beneath her, his arms tentatively wrapping around her waist as she tucked her head into his shoulder. Her control on her tears broke as she let the emotions from the last month consume her, a shuddering sob wracking through her entire body as she let go.

“I’m so sorry,” his low voice rumbled against her cheek as his arms squeezed her tighter as her tears came in droves, soaking through his soft sweater. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated.

Now that she’d let the tears start, Aelin couldn’t stop them. Even as she pulled back to look up at Rowan’s face, a steady stream of tears coursed down her cheeks, dripping from her chin onto her neck.

“I’ve been s-so mean to you,” she cried, shoving her face into his chest again, and she couldn’t explain the relief she felt at the soft rumble of his laughter she felt against her cheek as his hand slowly rubbed circles into her shoulders.

“I deserved it,” he said, squeezing her tighter.

“Sweetheart?” the nurse called, having found the right chart. “Your dad’s in Recovery Room 439,” she said, and Aelin nodded as she turned toward the voice, though never stepping away from the boy, who had showed up when it counted. She leaned into his side and was grateful that Rowan didn’t pull away from her touch. “He’s awake and ready for visitors,” the nurse explained. “But, family only.”

Aelin let her hand slide into Rowan’s, her fingers lacing with his as she grasped it firmly and squeezed. “They are family.”

It wasn’t a lie. Rowan and Maeve were more her family than anyone else.

Rowan squeezed her hand back and didn’t let go as the nurse led them in the right direction.

She gasped as she rounded the corner into her dad’s room. He looked worse for wear, his soot-covered face, smeared with sweat, and his neck wrapped in a thick white gauze, covering what she was sure were terrible burns. And tubes running into his nose, connected to a large oxygen tank. She’d never seen her larger than life dad look anything less than unshakable, and to see him like this was more upsetting than she could truly process.

She locked Rowan’s hand in a vice grip as she took in the scene in front of her, her heart pounding uncomfortably at the glazed look in her dad’s usually bright blue eyes.

He smiled upon seeing her, his lips twisting into a wry smile. “If I’d known all it’d take to fix this friendship was going to the hospital, I might have done it a few weeks ago,” he laughed, which quickly became a hacking cough. She could see the pain wrack through his body with the effort it took to cough, and without a second thought, she rushed to his side.

“Not funny,” Aelin said, blinking away the remnants of her crying episode as she pulled up a chair to his bedside.

“Kind of funny,” Rhoe said, letting his thumb trail across her tear-stained cheek. “Hey, did you hear your dad was a hero?” he asked, and Aelin frowned.

“I heard that my dad was an _idiot_ ,” she snapped, and then it was Rhoe’s turn to frown. He turned to Rowan.

“She’s so mean,” he jested, obviously in good spirits at seeing his daughter reunited with her best friend. “How do you deal with her?”

“Happily,” Rowan said far too seriously for her dad’s good-natured jab.

“Good man,” Rhoe laughed and relaxed back into his pillow. “Fireheart, I’m fine,” he assured her, but Aelin didn’t want to hear it.

“You could have died,” she whispered, blinking back another wave of tears. “And left me alone with Evalin and Murt!”

Rhoe’s ash-covered brow crinkled at her words. “What’s a murt?”

Aelin shook her head. “Mom’s new fiancé.” Her lip wobbled again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

If Rhoe was surprised, he covered it well, his eyes darting across Aelin’s face, examining her thoroughly, even though he was the one in the hospital bed. “Did you eat?” he asked, and frowned again as Aelin shook her head. “Well, that’s why you’re so cranky.”

“Dad,” Aelin said, another tear leaking out of her eye. “Can you stop making jokes for one minute?”

Tears filled Rhoe’s eyes as he looked at his daughter, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “The other option is that I cry, so no.”

“I’m going to see what I can scrounge up in the cafeteria,” Maeve announced, pulling attention away from Rhoe, which he rewarded with a terse nod.

“I’ll come,” Rowan said, pushing himself off the wall where he’d been quietly leaning and observing the father and daughter.

Aelin had a rush of appreciation for them both, giving her a moment alone with her dad. Though she didn’t want Rowan to leave, she knew he wasn’t going very far. She smiled appreciatively at the pair as they exited the room.

“Fireheart, I promise, I’m going to be fine,” Rhoe sighed, capturing her attention again. “I’ll only look more roguishly handsome with some burns, if I do say so myself.”

Aelin laughed at her dad’s positive spin on his new scars. She didn’t know how he always managed to stay so relentlessly optimistic. Why hadn’t she inherited that trait? She was so incredibly relieved, she couldn’t help but start to cry again. She was like a fucking fountain by this point, her face so tear-stained it’d probably never regain it’s normal color. She didn’t even want to think about what her makeup looked like.

“I love you so much,” she said quickly. She just needed to, needed him to hear it. Rhoe’s face melted at his daughter, the one who’d been through the emotional ringer.

“I love you more,” he said, sweeping his hand against her cheek. “Now, tell me more about this Murt…” he said, causing Aelin’s whole nose to crinkle again.

…

Though it wasn’t the Thanksgiving Aelin had anticipated having, it turned out to be strangely okay. She never left her dad’s side, telling him all about the strange experience of the hour she spent with Evalin and her family. By the time Maeve and Rowan returned with cafeteria turkey sandwiches and vending machine apple pies, Rhoe and Aelin were both laughing at the unexpected image of Evalin in a white picket house with three children. They both agreed it probably wouldn’t last the year. Evalin’s flight or fight tendencies tended to lean toward the former.

Rhoe watched as the three of them ate their sad hospital food, eating jello, to his dismay. He told the story of his heroics, as the room listened with rapt attention to his raspy voice, still thick with remnants of smoke. 

Though Aelin didn’t want to leave, she watched as her dad’s eyes drooped, heavy with exhaustion. It was getting late, and she could feel her heart pounding nervously at the idea of leaving him again.

“When do you get to come home?” Aelin asked, and Rhoe looked nervously up at his daughter as he cleared his throat again.

“A few days,” he said. “Just to monitor my oxygen levels.” Rhoe smiled sadly. “And it’s a good thing you two have made up, because you’re going to stay with Maeve until I’m back on my feet.”

“No, Dad,” she protested, “I’m staying here.”

But Rhoe insisted. “I won’t be able to rest well if you’re sleeping in a chair, Fireheart.” He cleared his throat. “At Maeve’s you’ll be well taken care of.” He sighed at Aelin’s face. “Please, for me.”

Aelin glanced between her dad and Rowan, gulping nervously. She wanted to protest further, but she couldn’t refute her dad while he was lying in a hospital bed. But… she didn’t know how she felt about being suddenly thrust back into Rowan’s orbit. Into his space. Having him nearby was one thing, but staying at his house was quite another.

She nodded tentatively as her dad yawned again, his pain and discomfort evident on his face. “I’ll be back first thing in the morning,” she said, and he smiled warmly.

Putting on a brave face, Aelin stood and pressed her lips to her dad’s cheek. Maeve ushered them quickly out of the hospital, and Aelin followed, exhaustion seeping into her body with every zombie-like step until she reached their small townhouse.

She barely even processed that she was inside Rowan’s room until he handed her a shirt and a pair of old sweatpants. She blinked, looking around at the space that she’d practically grew up in, now completely changed.

“You redid your room,” she said of the lack of movie posters on his walls, now replaced with a dark green paint.

He rubbed the back of his head, his elbow hovering mid-air awkwardly, unsure of how to respond. “Uh, yeah.”

“You got a TV,” Aelin said, noticing the sleek screen placed across from his bed, covered in gaming consoles. “And video games?”

“I had a lot of free time,” he replied. “Without lacrosse and, uh…” Aelin blinked again at him, hearing his unspoken words. Without her hanging out with him, he’d been alone. He hadn’t been filling his afternoons with Lyria. He’d been playing video games. She watched as his cheeks reddened, and he turned around quickly, hiding his face as he dug into his cabinets for his own pajamas. “I bought it with my lifeguard money,” he rambled, and she unwittingly let out a sharp gasp as he pulled his shirt off, revealing his bare back. She watched as he awkwardly stumbled forward, apologizing softly. “Sorry, I’ll go change in the bathroom,” he said, before fleeing his own room, not giving Aelin a chance to say anything, as he shut the door behind him.

This was so strange. She felt like a stranger in Rowan’s room. It was unsettling and horrible, and she wanted that feeling to go away immediately. The long day finally caught up to her, and her whole body suddenly felt faint and weary with exhaustion, and all she wanted to do was lie down. She peeled her Thanksgiving outfit from her body and pulled Rowan’s t-shirt and sweats on. She had just folded her dirty clothes into a small pile when there was a soft knock at the door.

Rowan popped his head back in, wearing his own matching t-shirt and sweats. “Do you need anything else?” he asked just as Aelin took a deep breath, steadying herself. But the scent was so specific and pervasive; she wasn’t prepared for it. The smell of Rowan’s laundry detergent clouded her brain, and before she knew what was happening, she was crying again.

Rowan looked on, mouth agape, wondering what to do as Aelin’s tears streamed down her face.

With a shuddering breath, she choked out. “It…smells…like…you.” Her shaky voice barely getting the words out as Rowan’s face melted into one of understand.

“C’mere,” he said, tentatively walking toward her. “You need a hug.”

She nodded, laughing softly as she made her way to him, winding her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek against his chest.

“I m-missed you,” she mumbled against his shirt.

“He’s going to be okay, Ace,” he assured her, freezing at the use of his affectionate name, unsure if he was allowed to say it. But Aelin simply nodded. He squeezed her tighter in response before finally stepping away.

“I’m going to be downstairs on the couch if you need anything,” he said, and Aelin’s heart began to pound with panic again.

“Downstairs?”

She didn’t want to be alone. Not yet.

“I’m not letting _you_ sleep on the couch,” he insisted. “Maeve would murder me.”

“But you’re too tall!” she cried. “And, I’m not tired,” she lied through her teeth. Rowan could see it, too, because he cocked his head and raised his eyebrow in that way she usually hated, but seeing the expression on his face comforted her in a way she didn’t know she needed. “Can we watch tv?” she asked and watched as Rowan’s green eyes darted between his bed and the tv.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded uncomfortably. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Fuck.

“Unless it’s too weird,” she said quickly, and Rowan’s mouth opened and closed and opened and closed again.

“It’s not weird,” he said. This time was his time to lie as he climbed onto his side of the bed. It was _so_ weird. Aelin had never felt this kind of discomfort with Rowan. They were usually so in sync, but it had been too many months apart. She couldn’t just cuddle up next to him and pretend like the last two months hadn’t happened. Things were different. _She_ was different.

She watched as he fluffed his pillows up and got comfortable on the bed, relaxing back against his new striped comforter. As he busied himself with turning on the television, Aelin climbed onto the bed, situating herself as far away from Rowan as she could. The foot between them felt like a mile, a wide chasm of awkwardness.

“What do you want to watch?” he asked, flipping through channels, his eyes studiously fixed on the screen in front of him, not sliding to the girl stiffly placed beside him.

“Food network,” she answered decisively, and Rowan dutifully scrolled to the channel where Bobby Flay was competing against some foolish chef, who thought they could challenge him to a battle of breakfast burritos.

Aelin barely watched sixty seconds before her eyes fluttered shut, the long day finally catching up with her.

She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep when she stirred awake. The room was dark, except for the soft flickering of the television, and she was warm and cozy, covered in a thick fluffy blanket. She attempted to adjust her position on the bed when she felt someone move beneath her.

“Go back to sleep,” Rowan whispered. Somehow in her sleep, she’d curled up against his side, her head resting in the crook of his shoulder. She couldn’t deny how perfect it felt.

She closed her eyes again, breathing in his scent, surrounding her again, and she whimpered as he attempted to extricate himself from her sleepy grasp. But Aelin refused, gripping his shirt harder.

“Don’t leave me,” she rasped in her sleep, not even caring how pathetic she sounded.

She felt Rowan relax back into the bed, his fingers making their way through her tangled hair, stroking it back off her face as he whispered, “I’m not going to leave.” She relaxed the hold on his shirt as they settled back into their position. “I’ll stay as long as you need me to.” He paused, and she could feel his heart pound against her cheek as his hand twirled the short ends of her hair. “Aelin?”

“Mm?” she replied, eyes still closed.

“I’m so sorry. For everything,” he said resolutely, and Aelin nodded.

“S’okay,” she mumbled. “Families fight sometimes,” she said. “It doesn’t mean we love each other any less.”

The sound of his heartbeat centered her, thudding continuously against her ear as sleep pulled at her consciousness again. She vaguely heard Rowan talking more, apologizing more, wanting to explain, but she was too close to passing out again.

“We can talk about it tomorrow,” she mumbled, sighing into his chest as his arm wrapped around her shoulder, running down her back softly.

With Rowan’s fingers playing with her hair, she was asleep again before she knew it.

…

Except they didn’t talk about it the next day, or the next. She woke up to an empty bed, the spot where Rowan had laid conspicuously cold, but other than that, it was almost as if they’d reverted into their former selves, just content to pretend the last two months of their lives hadn’t happened. It seemed that was something they did particularly well – pretending.

Aelin couldn’t exactly complain, either. Every day she spent at the hospital by Rhoe’s side, Rowan would hover beside her, until they were ready to go back to Maeve’s. Where they would climb into bed, all pretenses gone, cuddled next to each other, watching Food Network until Aelin would pass out.

Their former awkwardness had dissolved in the three nights that Aelin had spent in his bed, and Aelin began to wonder if they’d never have to talk about it at all. If Lyria and that whole night would just be like a bad nightmare.

But of course, Aelin should have known better.

Rhoe was cleared to come home that Sunday, and Aelin finally returned to her own bed. It was strange and lonely, and she missed Rowan’s arms around her. She tossed and turned until she finally fell asleep, and Monday morning arrived far too soon.

She stumbled out of bed, being sure not to wake her sleeping dad, who still needed more rest time. But upon heading out to her driveway, she froze.

She should have expected it. She didn’t know why she _hadn’t._

Per usual, Rowan waited in her driveway, his jeep idling behind Manon’s black truck. And Aelin looked between the two cars, knowing that if she did what she wanted, it would raise a huge slew of questions that she wasn’t sure she was ready to answer yet.

But she also knew she couldn’t get into Manon’s truck.

Not today. Not anymore.

She watched as Manon’s mouth dropped as she walked toward Rowan’s jeep, sliding into the passenger seat beside him.

His smile was blinding as he turned to her and handed her a hazelnut coffee.

“Shut up,” she mumbled as Rowan put the jeep into drive.

“I didn’t say anything,” he laughed, but the happiness in his eyes was all too clear. As he stared at her, his face morphed into one of upset, his fingers stumbling over his phone to change the song that had just started playing.

“No, don’t change it!” Aelin exclaimed. “I love this song.”

It wasn’t Rowan’s usual style. He wasn’t much of a country boy, but Patsy Cline was undeniably great. He let his hand fall from his phone, but the scowl on his face never left, much to Aelin’s confusion.

“I fall to pieces each time I see you again,” Aelin sang out. “I fall to pieces, how can I just be your friend?”

Rowan’s fingers flexed over the steering wheel, tense as the song continued. When the song ended and segued into Phil Collin’s “Can’t Stop Loving You,” Aelin hummed happily, while Rowan’s scowl became further etched on his face. She glanced at him with a confused expression, wanting to call him out for his strange behavior, but instead she chose a different, less invasive option.

“This is a great playlist,” she commented casually, and she watched as Rowan’s shoulders tensed further, his smile turning sad as he chuckled softly.

“Ha… thanks.” He paused. “I worked really hard on it.”

Aelin finished the rest of the ride in silence, listening to the playlist and happily humming between sips of hazelnut coffee, until they pulled into the parking lot.

Rowan trailed slightly behind Aelin as they made their way to her locker, as they had for the last month, and Aelin nearly gasped as Rowan leaned down and pressed another envelope to her locker door.

She turned to him, surprised. “What?” he asked. “You thought I’d just suddenly stop?”

“Yeah, kind of,” she laughed.

“Day eighteen of forever,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets as he took off toward his own locker. Aelin’s smile brightened as he threw a giant beaming one over his shoulder at her.

“Ummmm…” Manon’s sharp voice cut through Aelin’s own dreamy smile.

“What?” Aelin asked, pulling the envelope from the door and shoving it into her bag. She didn’t fail to notice Elide’s excited smile.

“Uh uh, no way,” Manon said, her sharp nail pointed in Aelin’s direction. “Details. Now.”

Aelin’s cheeks flushed under her friends’ scrutiny. “There aren’t really any details to tell?” she said quietly. “We made up.”

“Obviously,” Manon quipped. “But how’d you hash it all out?”

“We didn’t really,” Aelin said with a frown on her face. “We just kind of went back to being friends.”

Manon’s golden eyes gleamed more wickedly than usual as she pressed. “You just stopped being mad at each other and didn’t talk about anything?”

“Yes?”

Manon snorted. “You two are idiots.”

Aelin crossed her arms protectively. “My dad was in the hospital—” She stopped short at her friends’ panicked faces. “He’s fine.” She took a deep breath. “But Rowan was there, and…” She blinked her forming tears away. “I just wasn’t mad anymore.”

Elide smiled softly. “Oh, you love him so much.” Manon made an unkind noise, but Elide laughed. “What? It’s true.”

Aelin sighed. She couldn’t deny it. It was true. “Yeah.”

But it didn’t feel bad anymore. The feelings she had for him felt like coming home. It didn’t feel like that horrible nervous tug in her stomach that had been present since she decided to kiss him all those months ago. Because Aelin had grown, she had changed. And this new Aelin loved Rowan just as much as the old one. And it felt good. She didn’t want to fight it anymore.

Elide squealed happily, clearly ecstatic for her friend. “Okay, don’t be mad but…” Aelin watched nervously as Elide slung her backpack over her shoulder and took out a bundle of very familiar looking envelopes. “I couldn’t bear to let you throw them out.”

Aelin took the numbered envelopes from her friend, insanely grateful at her foresight. Angry Aelin hadn’t cared about Rowan’s words at all, but tonight she would go home and pick apart each one. “Thanks,” Aelin said, her voice suddenly thick with gratitude.

But she should have known Manon would feel otherwise. Especially after encouraging her to leave Rowan behind.

The platinum blonde scoffed. “K. Well,” she chuckled. “Let’s see how long you two can maintain this whole semblance of normalcy without talking things through.” She shook her head. “Good luck with that.”

But clutching the wad of envelopes to her chest, Aelin couldn’t help but feel like she was owed a bit of good luck.


	24. Chapter 24

Aelin should have heeded Manon’s warning, but she didn’t have time. She was so deep in her feelings, she couldn’t think straight. That night, she’d gone home and devoured each of Rowan’s notes. They ranged from the silly -- #4, _She always gives me the cherries from her milkshakes because she knows I like them,_ to the sentimental -- #13, _She loves an excuse to celebrate anything. She makes every minor achievement feel like an epic win_ , to the absolutely breathtaking -- #7, _She makes my life better, simply by being in it._

She spent each night rereading her notes and placing them in her night table to get out her journal and scrawl her resurfaced feelings in them. It was somehow harder than before to keep them to herself. Because everything felt slightly different, slightly off. They were both dancing around each other, afraid to truly be themselves again. Not quite back to normal, but still pretending perfectly. 

Each morning, Rowan would pick up Aelin for school, smartly playing the Christmas playlist Aelin made for him last year, and each afternoon he’d drive them back to Maeve’s where Aelin had resume working.

It turned out she’d truly missed it, and Maeve was infinitely grateful for the extra help. As their routine resumed, she couldn’t help how good it felt just to be with him, especially as the holiday season was rapidly upon them.

Aelin’s favorite time in the world was Christmas. She loved the way the whole world lit up at night, and despite the cold winter nights in Orynth, usually spotted with snow flurries, she’d take long walks through her neighborhood with hot cocoa in her gloved hands to admire the colorful lights.

But mostly she loved it because it was her favorite time with Rowan. The amount of Christmas traditions they had were varied and plentiful. Becausee when eight-year-old Aelin learned her brand new friend’s parents had passed away just after Thanksgiving and he’d be in a new place with a new family and no friends, she pledged to make sure the small boy would still have an incredible holiday season. As a small girl, she had been horrified at the prospect of this shy boy spending the month of December mourning and upset and feeling alone, so she made sure he never felt that way. And he never had.

Their winter always included a walk around the Terrasen Arboretum to see the paths lit up with fairy houses and exquisite lights, as if elves had put them up all night, going to see the Nutcracker – Aelin’s favorite, decorating the tree at Maeve’s and helping her get ready for her town-wide holiday party, which Aelin had insisted she start doing nearly a decade ago, and it was still Rowan’s favorite event of the year, even though he claimed he “hated parties.” 

“I can’t believe you still make me do this,” Rowan grumbled as she mixed her final bowl of icing, pouring the green dye into it until it was a bright hunter that rivaled the color of his eyes. “You and Aunt Maeve are tyrants. Decorating over a hundred cookies? This is slave labor, not a fun holiday activity.”

“Shut up. You love us,” she teased, smirking as Rowan frowned.

She had been trying to coax the old Rowan back out, slowly but surely with her teasing comments, but it barely seemed to be working. Their routine had resumed effortlessly, but she knew Rowan was walking on eggshells around her, nervous to be his usual self with her. She didn’t exactly blame him. They’d never fought like that before, and she knew he was worried another misstep would set her off. Little did he know that all she wanted was for him to be _himself_ again around her.

“Whatever,” he mumbled, his tensed shoulders conveying his annoyance with her. It only made Aelin smile harder. She loved Rowan, even when he was annoyed with her. Sometimes she loved him even more that way, because no one else would put up with her antics the way he did. That was just the gods honest truth.

She looked over at him and smiled, letting the soft sounds of the Beach Boys’ voices soothe her as he pulled out all the tree shaped cookies to frost. “What?” he asked, catching her staring. She should have looked away, abashed at caught looking at him, but she couldn’t help the way her cheeks hurt as her smile widened.

“I’m just really happy,” Aelin said, shaking her head and finally looking away, her hair creating a curtain between them as she admitted. “You make me happy.”

She peeked back out from her hair curtain and was rewarded with a small smile from Rowan as he pulled the bowl of frosting toward him.

“Wait!” she exclaimed, pulling the bowl back. “I need to put it in the piping bag for you.”

“I forgot to put the tip on _one_ time,” he attempted to defend himself, but Aelin wasn’t having it.

“You ruined a whole tray of cookies! We had red stars, red snowflakes, and red trees all because of that _one_ time.” She glared at him. She wanted these cookies to look perfect. Years ago, it hadn’t mattered if Rowan over iced the cookies and turned them into a colorful mess. But now that she was working for Maeve, It felt important to make them look as professional as possible. 

Her eyes slid to him in disbelief, grabbing the bowl back and scooping the green icing into a piping bag, making sure the nozzle was on tightly before handing it back to the chastised looking boy beside her.

“Outline first—”

“Then flood,” Rowan finished for her, knocking his hip into her stomach, nudging her purposefully as his lips curled into an easy smile. “I know. We have been doing this for almost a decade, you know?”

Aelin couldn’t help the blood that rushed to her cheeks at the soft contact from him. Maybe her teasing was working, after all.

“She bossing you around again?” Maeve laughed as she looked at the two teens in her kitchen.

“Always,” Rowan said, smiling widely.

“Good,” Maeve said, leaning over the counter to press a loud kiss to her nephew’s cheek.

“Aunt Maeve,” he grumbled, pulling away, and putting his head down to get work on decorating the hundred cookies in front of them, his cheeks dotted with the most adorable rosy blush Aelin had ever seen. She wished she could lean over and kiss it, too. 

“So touchy,” Maeve laughed again. “And why is it so quiet in my kitchen?” she asked, hands on her hips. “Turn up my Christmas playlist,” she demanded, though she was the one clearly in control of the sound system.

Rowan snorted as his aunt rushed to the speakers and pumped up the volume on Darlene Love’s “Christmas.” She spun back to the counter, her arms flailing wildly with the beat as she danced as spastically as possible. Aelin snorted as she watched Maeve bust out her dorkiest dance moves, clearly happy to have Aelin and Rowan back together in her kitchen.

“Come dance with me,” Maeve begged, reaching a hand out to each of them, and Aelin was shocked to see Rowan accept his aunt’s hand, sliding next to her and swaying his hips side to side as he joined her in the twist.

“Rowan, are you dancing?!” a peel of laughter escaped Aelin’s mouth as she watched them dance together. “We have cookies to decorate!” she insisted, looking at the trays of uniced cookies on the counter, but Rowan was unfazed. He reached out his hand to her, never stopping his movements.

“The cookies can wait two minutes, Ace,” he said with such a coy smile that Aelin couldn’t refuse him, even if she wanted to.

She skipped out from behind the counter and joined the aunt and nephew in their horrible dance moves, titling her head back with uncontrollable giggles as Rowan grabbed her hands in his and twisted them back and forth, getting lower to the ground as they went. She couldn’t remember the last time she danced with Rowan like this, and it brought her more joy than she could truly process. Just having her hands in his made her heart beat a little faster.

She yelped loudly as he unexpectedly swung her under his arm, spinning her and bringing her closer. Her cheeks flushed as her spun her again, even closer, and her hands landed directly on his chest, his hand grazing the small of her back as the song faded out and transitioned into the slow romantic opening chords of Nat King Cole’s Christmas Song.

Despite the warmth flooding her body from the dance and the heat of Rowan’s body so close to hers, she couldn’t help but shiver. She tried not to pout when Rowan took a step back, letting her hands fall to her sides.

“Those cookies aren’t going to frost themselves,” Maeve said, and Aelin nearly jumped, forgetting the dark-haired woman was still in the room with them.

“Right!” Aelin said, smoothing out her hair and pulling it into a bun and away from her flushed cheeks as she scurried behind the counter where Rowan was already piping trees.

Maeve smiled all to knowingly as she looked at a very flustered Aelin start to scoop the red frosting into her own piping bag. “I have to go run a few more errands,” Maeve explained. “Can I count on you two to lock up when you’re finished?” she asked, pointedly staring at Rowan.

He narrowed his eyes at his aunt. “Yes.”

She pursed her lips and cocked her head to the side. “Are you sure? Because I don’t need any more random girls wandering into my restaurant after dark because you accidentally left the door open.”

“Lyria wasn’t a random girl,” Rowan said lowly, barely audible under his breath. “And I apologized for that.” His eyes flicked to Aelin. “A lot.” He sighed loudly. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Aelin’s lips parted in surprise at that nugget of information. If what she was hearing was to be believed, then Rowan had forgotten to close the door behind him, and was already at Maeve’s before Lyria joined him? Uninietd? She took a deep breath. It seemed like they had a lot more to talk about than she initially thought. The anger had dissipated, but just hearing Lyria’s name reminded her that there was a lot she still didn’t know about that whole night. So much she’d refused to hear. It nudged at the corners of her brain, but she pushed it back down.

“Well, make sure you think tonight,” Maeve warned, looking between him and Aelin again, and he nodded tersely and got back to piping.

“Sorry,” he finally said after the bell rang behind a departing Maeve. And Aelin looked at him seriously.

“You don’t have to keep apologizing, Ro,” she assured him. “We’re good.”

He nodded again, but a strange tension corded around them as they sank back into silence. Aelin wanted to ask more, but at the same time, she didn’t want to at all. She ignored it, focusing on her piping until they’d somehow managed to frost all hundred cookies. Her hands hurt from hours of squeezing piping bags, but she couldn’t help but admire their hard work; the cookies looked amazing.

“I think we deserve to eat at least one tonight,” she finally said, breaking their silent trance as she put the empty bowls of frosting in the sink.

“Definitely,” Rowan agreed, flexing his own cramped hands. “Tree, star, stocking, snowman, or snowflake?” he asked.

“Snowman, obviously,” Aelin responded, grabbing the largest cookie of all the shapes and taking a big bite. She mumbled through a mouthful of crumbs. “So good.” The side of Rowan’s lips curled upward as he watched her finish the cookie in only two more bites. “What?” she asked, feeling self-conscious with his eyes on her, studying her face.

He stepped forward, and she could feel her heart pounding as his eyes flicked to her mouth. Oh my gods. Was this really happening? Was Rowan about to kiss her? Her pulse raced as he leaned forward, her eyes fluttering closed as his thumb brushed at her cheek, wiping a spot of colorful icing away with his finger. Her eyes opened at the soft sensation of his skin against hers, and she had to bite back a gasp at the look in Rowan’s eyes. He wanted to kiss her. She was sure of it. She blinked again, readying herself to tilt her chin up to his.

But before she could so much as move a millimeter, he stepped away suddenly, wiping his hand on a dishtowel as he mumbled something about her being a damned mess and being unable to take her anywhere. Her cheeks flamed with embarrassment as the wave of desire drained from her body.

Of course he didn’t want to kiss her. That was just her own wishful thinking. She should have known better.

“I’m going to walk home,” Aelin said, rushing to grab her coat, needing to flee the premises and not be alone with Rowan, choking on her own feelings anymore.

“Oh,” Rowan said, nodding to himself. “Okay.” He cleared his throat, running his hand through his hair as he busied himself with cleaning already clean counters. “I’ll see you at the party?”

“Yup.” She didn’t wait for another goodbye before peeling out of the restaurant. She exhaled, laughing to herself as the cold air hit her warm cheeks. Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. She was a gods damned idiot.

She stuck her cold hands into her coat pockets, shaking the awkwardness of the moment off, letting the bright lights of the neighborhood streets calm her down. She’d just have to remember herself tomorrow.

. . .

Aelin looked at herself in the mirror, proud of her work. She’d found a dark green sweater dress on sale, the perfect shade of pine green. Just looking at it made her happy. And instead of her usual red holiday lipstick, she decided to opt for a dark smokey eye instead. The pink dye from October had almost all faded back to her natural blonde, only the last few inches holding onto the color, and just barely. She’d been so flustered by her moment with Rowan, that she knew she needed to walk into tonight’s party feeling as confident as possible.

She shoved her feet into her boots and placed her hands on her hips. Only one finishing touch was missing.

She rummaged around her jewelry box and pulled the delicate snowflake necklace from its special pouch. It was her favorite thing that she owned, and it was only taken out for special holiday occasions.

After she finished clasping it around her neck, she heard her dad from the doorway. “You look very pretty, Fireheart.” She smiled widely at her dad, who was still recovering from his accident. He was on medical leave until the new year, allowing him proper rest time. She looked above the neckline of his own holiday sweater where the bandages had finally been removed, and the faintest traces of scars were starting to form.

“So do you,” Aelin said with a soft smile, and her dad laughed loudly.

“You tell all the boys that.”

Aelin pretended to gasp, horrified. “I do not!” she assured him. “Only the pretty ones.”

He laughed loudly, linking his arm around hers as she made her way to him. “Let’s get going. We don’t want to miss all the eggnog.”

She laughed, but Rhoe was right. By the time they arrived, Maeve’s was chock full of people. Her eyes widened at the crowd, forgetting how many people came each year, feeling slightly overwhelmed, when Maeve appeared out of thin air to greet them.

“Don’t worry,” Maeve whispered conspiratorially as she saw Rhoe’s eyes land at the long crowd surrounding the bar. “I saved a special stash for close friends out back.”

“Bless you,” Rhoe laughed, leading Aelin through the crowds of party-goers.

Sure enough, the back patio had its own pitchers of eggnog and a plate of Aelin’s holiday cookies separated for them, and her group of friends had found it. Rowan was already leaning over the table, pouring a large glass, and handing it to a waiting Elide, who sipped it immediately.

“Me next,” Rhoe called out, causing Rowan to stand up straighter as his head whipped toward the doorway where Aelin and her dad stood waiting. He smiled warmly at seeing them there, his eyes darting to Aelin, lingering slightly on the necklace sparkling against her dark dress. His smile widened exponentially, and Aelin felt herself warm, despite the cold patio air.

“Yes, sir,” Rowan said, grabbing another glass and pouring a generous amount into it.

“Thanks, kid,” Rhoe laughed, slapping a large hand onto Rowan’s shoulder and squeezing gently. 

“Me too?” Aelin asked, sliding under his arm. She sighed deeply as it fell around her shoulders, draping casually across her back.

“You bet,” he said, filling her glass next. As soon as it was in her hand, she brought it to her lips and moaned. Maeve’s eggnog was the best thing in the entire world. It had just the perfect amount of alcohol in it, and it wasn’t too thick or gloopy. Just. Perfectly creamy.

Rhoe rolled his eyes at his daughter’s overzealous antics, waving the kids goodbye and rejoining the party inside.

“Hey we match!” Lysandra said, rushing up to her friend. Aelin giggled as she posed next to her, in her own green blazer. She’d been so focused on making up with Rowan that she realized quickly she hadn’t spent that much time with her other friends, but they didn’t seem to mind. They struck up a conversation immediately, each person talking about what they’d done with their week of vacation so far. Elide hadn’t done much, spending most of her time being dragged to religious activities with her cranky uncle. And Lys and Wes were predictably getting busy in Lys’s empty house. Apparently her parents were vacationing on the coast until after New Years.

“Typical,” Elide said, scrunching her nose. “Ugh,” she complained. “I need some real food so I don’t fall over. We started drinking too early,” she laughed, as the others agreed. “Are there any good canapes this year?” she asked.

Rowan nodded enthusiastically. “So many.”

Wes smiled loosely, his red eyes betraying his lack of sobriety. “I’m fucking starving.”

Lys laughed loudly. “I’ll bet you are, baby.”

As they all headed off, Rowan called out, “Bring us back some of the goat cheese tarts!”

“You’re a tart!” Wes called back, causing Rowan to roll his eyes.

Alone with Rowan again, Aelin was suddenly feeling all kinds of nervous again. He looked so incredibly handsome in his cream-colored sweater, sipping at his eggnog slowly.

She took a larger sip of her own, hoping it would calm her frayed nerves, but it didn’t help.

“So…” he began, and Aelin’s body shuddered as a shiver ran up her entire spine, causing Rowan to laugh loudly. “Cold?” he asked, and she nodded.

He walked them toward the door jam where the closest heater was set up and leaned against it.

“Much better,” she sighed, leaning against the other side of the door and relaxing back into it as she let the large sip of eggnog provide a bit of a blanket. She looked into the packed restaurant, surveying the party and couldn’t help but smile at the happiness she was witnessing. Gods, she loved Christmas.

As she looked back at Rowan, she couldn’t help but smile bigger. He looked so damn cute tonight, and she watched as a small smile curled at the edges of his lips in return.

His bright eyes gleamed under the twinkle lights, and she raised her own glass of eggnog to him, hoping he’d do the same with his. Instead, she was surprised at the look of determination that flashed across his face as he took a step toward her. Her stomach fluttered in anticipation; it was the same look as last night.

“Mistletoeee!” Lysandra’s drunk voice sang as she pressed her lips against Aelin’s mouth. Aelin laughed into her friend’s giddy smile, her cheeks flushing as Lys pulled away, giggling loudly. “I can’t believe you two were standing under mistletoe and not kissing,” Lys snorted.

Lysandra pointed up, and sure enough, Aelin and Rowan had been standing directly under a large sprig of mistletoe. She barked out a laugh as Lysandra leaned in for another kiss, stepping out from under the plant and securely into the restaurant. Her cheeks flushed as she looked up at Rowan, who was looking at her with the oddest expression on his face.

“What?” she asked, poking at his arm.

He seemed at a loss for words as he glanced between the two girls, until finally he rolled his eyes and huffed loudly. “Such bullshit,” he scoffed, and Aelin quirked a confused eyebrow up at him. “I’d never be allowed to just… kiss you like that.”

Aelin wasn’t sure if it was the rum running through her system, but it finally occurred to her that maybe Rowan had wanted to kiss her and was waiting for an invitation. If he said no, at least she could laugh it off as a joke.

“I mean, you could,” she said, laughing gently and capping off her suggestion with a wink. “You just _haven’t_.”

Aelin thought that would earn a smile or a laugh out of Rowan, maybe even a look of surprise. What she hadn’t anticipated was the absolute look of fury that appeared on his face. He was _fuming_.

“Are you serious?” he hissed, causing Aelin to take a step back and cross her arms even tighter around her chest.

“Ummm, yes?” she said, though it came out a bit more like a question, which was not what she’d anticipated.

“Aelin,” he drew out her name in a way he’d never said it before, and it made her shiver with the intensity of it. “Stop. I’ve let you quietly poke fun at me all month, but, the least you can do is spare me the indignance of being laughed at.” He scrunched his nose in frustration at her utter confusion, and she watched his chest start to rise and fall rapidly as he worked himself into a frenzy. “It’s fine that you don’t feel the same way, but taunting me for not being allowed to kiss you when you know I’m in love with you is just mean. This is mean.”

He breathed heavily, as if he were winded, and she could see the upset plainly written on his face.

“I’m gonna go look for more tarts,” Lys whispered and turned back into the party, leaving a stunned Aelin alone with Rowan.

She blinked. And then blinked again. She could feel her heart beating faster at his words, but she couldn’t make sense of them. She was trying, but nothing was computing. “I… what?” She felt like she couldn’t breathe all of a sudden. “You’re in love with me?” she squeaked.

Rowan’s face crumpled, clearly frustrated with her reaction, both of them so wound up she felt as if she might break at any second. “You said you got my letter and playlist?” Aelin nodded, and Rowan’s face fell again. “I think the ten-page annotated playlist filled with sappy love songs speaks for itself,” he deadpanned. “And I knew it was a hail Mary at the time,” he laughed disparagingly at himself. “I felt so desperate and pathetic, especially when you’d already rejected me like five times last year, but I just needed to tell you and see if maybe you felt the same way.” He paused. “I should have given up when you were shouting at me about wrecking your kissing plans with Nox, but no, I was like, she just needs to know then maybe she’ll change her mind, even though you gave me absolutely no indication that was true.” At Rowan’s rambling, Aelin couldn’t help but laugh.

She felt insane as the laughter came in droves, tears forming at the corners of her eyes as Rowan stared at her, clearly feeling laughed at and shrinking away.

“Rowan,” she breathed, feeling like a maniac. “No.” She placed her hand on his arm, and he looked at it confused. “I burned the letter. I never opened the playlist.”

His eyes widened, and she could see his mind racing as he struggled to process her words. “So, you never listened to the playlist? Or read the letter?” She shook her head as Rowan’s eyes narrowed.

“I can’t believe you thought I would ever reject you like that?” she said in complete disbelief. “Rowan…”

“I mean, when turned your cheek in detention it didn’t feel so far-fetched,” he mumbled.

“I only did that because I didn’t want you to kiss me on a dare!” she explained, exasperated. “Not if you didn’t actually want to kiss me.”

Her voice sounded quiet even to her own ears – maybe because all she could hear was her own pulse thrumming, rushing through her body as she struggled to make sense of Rowan’s words.

“Of course I wanted to kiss you!” he yelled.

“What do you mean, ‘of course?’” Aelin hissed, her voice rising in pitch. “You dated Lyria,” she yelled. “For months!”

Aelin’s heart pounded louder as Rowan rolled his eyes, scoffing again in frustration.

“Because you _clearly_ weren’t interested, and I was so tired of getting rejected,” Rowan chuckled, but there was no humor behind it. “And, Lyria kept talking about how into me she was, and I thought – may as well try moving on. But, even Lyria knew, so that was pretty short lived.”

Aelin shook her head, but the movement brought no clarity. She didn’t understand what was happening. “Knew what?” she asked, her voice suddenly wavering. “That you liked me?”

Rowan tugged at his hair as another wry laugh escaped his lips. “Like you?” He shook his head. “Aelin, I’ve been in love with the first day I met you, you idiot!”

Her body swayed at his words. She was trying so hard to process what was happening, but it was too much. At Aelin’s silence, Rowan sighed loudly and frowned. As he took a step away, his shoulder slumping, blood rushed to Aelin’s head, making her feel dizzy.

He groaned loudly, tilting his head up and laughing with absolutely no humor. “Fuck. You didn’t know this whole time, and now you do, and I’m sorry if this fucks everything up again and makes it awkward. Fuck! But—"

“Rowan, shut up,” Aelin interrupted. “I was never screaming about kissing _Nox_.”

He raised his eyebrow in that way that she’d come to love. “You weren’t?” he asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Definitely not,” she breathed, leaning up on her tip toes and tilting her chin toward his. Her fist grasped at his sweater, and she watched the second he computed what she was doing, his eyes going comically wide in shock.

Their lips were magnets, moving toward each other slowly, when Elide came bounding up to them, hand outstretched and filled with canapes. “Jackpot!” she exclaimed, before seeing the precarious position Rowan and Aelin were in. Aelin let her hand drop as her head whipped toward Elide, who was already trying to walk backwards. “Whoops… I’m…”

She pointed back into the party, but it was too late. Maeve spotted them, smiling widely. “There you are!” she sighed. “I need you for pictures.”

Aelin wanted to protest, she wanted to shove everyone back into that party, slam the door and finally put her lips on Rowan’s, but it seemed like that wasn’t part of the plan. Rowan smoothed out his sweater from where she’d clutched it and smiled at his aunt.

“Of course.”

She jumped as she felt his hand at the small of her back, ushering her back into the restaurant, his touch suddenly burning into her. She glanced up at him and watched a small smirk pull at his lips, and she couldn’t help but blush and look at the floor as he guided them to where Maeve wanted to take pictures in front of the beautifully decorated tree.

“All of you get together,” she insisted, motioning for the group to huddle together.

Aelin’s mind raced as Rowan slid his arm around her side, tugging her closer. Rowan _loved_ her. He was _in love with her_. She couldn’t believe it. She longed to clutch him desperately, but they were now forced to look anywhere but at each other.

As she smiled for the picture, she laned into his heavy touch, silently assuring him that they weren’t finished talking. He didn’t want to let her leave his side. They both wanted to finish their conversation. But as soon as their photos were finished, Aelin was accosted by the Orynth Fire Department, pulled into several different conversations about what a hero her father was, and how proud she should be of him.

She smiled politely and chatted with her dad’s coworkers, who obviously loved him, but with each minute, her chest tugged with the desire to launch herself at Rowan’s face. She could feel his eyes on her as she flitted from conversation to conversation. She wasn’t sure what was making her feel warmer – his intense scrutiny, the eggnog she kept sipping, or the crowds of people surrounding her. Who was she kidding? She knew it was him.

As the crowds began to dissipate slightly, she was able to pull herself away, claiming to need the bathroom. But really she just couldn’t be separated from Rowan any further. They needed to be somewhere alone and talk. Just the two of them. There was only one place where that was possible.

She caught his curious eye for a brief moment before heading to the back of the restaurant again, pushing open the heavy door that led to the staircase to the roof.

Though she heard him following her, she didn’t turn around at all. She stayed focused until she reached her special spot, surprised that it was lit and the heaters were already on. She’d left it an absolute mess two months ago, but everything was neatly organized, the blankets and pillows in an orderly stack.

“You cleaned it up…” she whispered, walking across the floor to surround herself in the middle of the heaters.

“I couldn’t leave it like that,” he admitted. “I wanted it perfect if you ever came back.”

She nodded. “It is perfect.”

She took a deep breath as he walked toward her. “Rowan,” she breathed softly as his arms wrapped around her waist. “We need to talk.”

“I know,” he said quietly.

“Like _so_ much,” Aelin laughed, smiling widely.

“We will,” he said, his eyes darkening as he began to lean down.

“I can’t believe you wrote me an annotated playlist, and I burned it,” she said. “That’s my dream.”

“I know,” he repeated again.

“I need to listen to it,” she rushed out, her heart pounding as the gap between their faces lessened.

“You’d better,” he croaked. “I worked really hard on it.”

“And everything in the letter? And Lyria? And every time you thought I turned you away when all I wanted was for you to see me like—"

She felt his fingers dig into her back, her pulse racing wildly as he whispered, “Tomorrow.”

She nodded, all thoughts in her head disappearing as he closed the gap between their faces and pressed his lips to hers.

Though his nose was cold against her face, his lips were warm and soft as they parted against hers. Her hands clutched at his neck, tugging him closer, never close enough as their mouths met again and again. If touching Rowan was an electric jolt, then kissing him was like being put through an incinerator. Her body buzzed, sparking a flame all over as she pressed herself tighter against him. When his tongue brushed against hers gently, she was sure she was going to die. Her heart beat wildly against her ribs, so hard it was almost painful. She hummed happily into his mouth as it opened for her, and nearly passed out at the sound of his replying moan. His efforts increased, kissing her as thoroughly as she’d ever been kissed, their walls finally lowered to each other in a way she had only dreamed of.

She didn’t know how long they stood there, arms wrapped around each other, mouths moving in tandem, until she felt a soft flurry of snow brush against the top of her head. They finally pulled apart, breathless, as they smiled matching grins at each other, giddy with relief.

Aelin couldn’t stop smiling. And neither could Rowan.

“In case I wasn’t clear,” she said, voice shaky. “My heart has been yours for a long, long time.”

“Good,” he said, and Aelin couldn’t help but smile even wider. She wasn’t even sure she knew she could smile that much.

“I bet you’ll always love Christmas now,” she teased, causing him to laugh and rest his forehead against hers. She could feel his own heart pounding against hers, and she couldn’t help but lean even closer to him. She didn’t want to ever stop kissing him. Ever.

She laughed softly as he tilted her face up and pressed kisses all over, scattered across her cheeks and eyes and forehead and nose and finally landing back on her mouth, two matching grins pressed against each other.

“Should we go back downstairs?” she asked quietly, refusing to drop her arms from his neck.

“No,” he said definitively, causing Aelin to shiver as snow fell around their entwined bodies and his lips crashed to hers again.


	25. Chapter 25

Aelin never wanted to leave this moment. For as long as she lived, she would never forget the way Rowan’s lips felt on hers for the first time. Her stomach was a jumble of butterflies as their frantic kisses slowed, just barely moving against each other, but too relieved in their closeness to pull away completely. Each soft press against her lips made her feel like she was at the top of a rollercoaster, her stomach flipping with excitement at the rush of his touch.

“I’m really glad I didn’t wear lipstick tonight,” Aelin mumbled against Rowan’s lips, and she could feel the curve of his smile against her mouth as he chuckled softly.

“Why?” he asked, pulling back just enough to peer down at her. “You don’t think I’d look good with red lips?”

She let her cold finger trace the bow of his upper lip, and she watched as he shivered slightly beneath her touch.

“You always look good,” she whispered, and she could feel her cheeks start to heat with an incoming blush as Rowan grinned widely under her finger. He so rarely smiled so unabashed, so unselfconsciously, his green eyes sparkling with joy as he let his hands fall from her neck to wrap around her back.

“Really?” he asked, his smile unflinching as blood rushed to Aelin’s face under his intense scrutiny. She covered her face with her hands and shoved herself against Rowan’s chest, hiding from his prying eyes.

“Shut up.” She could feel his chest rumble with laughter against the backs of her hands, and she couldn’t help but yelp as he squeezed her sides.

She looked up at him, flashing him a glare of annoyance, but she couldn’t help but smile again as she looked at his contented face. She’d never seen him look so happy, so carefree. She’d done that. Her. Her best friend in the world just been brave enough to tell her that he was in love with her; she figured the least she could do was tell him she thought he was attractive.

“Yes, Rowan,” she grumbled, “I think you’re hot,” she admitted, watching Rowan’s smile grow impossibly wider at his words.

“Really?” he asked again, and she rolled her eyes as she whined.

“You’re enjoying this far too much.” She sighed as he stared down at her, not disputing her statement one bit. She huffed. “I mean, we’ve been standing in the snow for…” She paused, not even knowing what time it was. “A while, and you still look amazing,” she said of his flushed cheeks and red nose and bright eyes. She reached up and brushed the snow off the top of his head. “Like, how can you possibly look this good with snow in your hair?”

“It’s a talent,” he laughed, leaning forward and pressing another kiss to her cold lips. His hands cradled her face as if she were something precious, and she shivered as he let his thumbs rub against her cheeks.

At her shiver, Rowan pulled away with a sad smile. “As much as I would love to stay up here forever, I think we need to go back inside before my fingers fall off.” He flexed his stiff fingers, frigid from the cold, and Aelin gasped in feigned horror.

“Not your fingers!” she said, laughing and pressing his hand between hers and breathing on them gently, attempting to warm them. “I’m going to need those.”

Rowan’s mouth opened and then closed as he looked at her, a dark red flush creeping up his neck as he looked at his best friend.

“Ace, did you just make a sex joke about us?”

Aelin grinned as she threaded her fingers with his and leaned into his side, looking up at him. “Who said it was a joke?”

“Oh my gods,” Rowan laughed, tucking his chin into his chest.

Aelin was slightly nervous she’d maybe made things weird. Just because they’d kissed once – well, a few times – didn’t mean Rowan was already thinking about stuff like that. She had no idea what their new boundaries were. What their expectations were. She forced herself to take a deep breath. Yes, they definitely needed to talk.

“Sorry,” she apologized quickly.

“Don’t be,” Rowan reassured her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as they headed toward the door. “It’s just going to take some getting used to, you know?”

Their feet paused outside the thick metal door, and Aelin gulped. “So…. what happens when we leave the roof and go downstairs?” Rowan squeezed her shoulder. “Do we tell everyone?”

She could feel Rowan tense beside her, and she tentatively looked up to glance at his face, his smile noticeably gone. “Do you _not_ want to tell people?” he asked quietly. “I’d understand if this was just… a tonight thing or you felt bad for me or you’re not sure about me or you just wanted to see what it was like or—”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Buzzard, did you listen to me at all?” she sighed, exasperated with his insane train of thought. “I want you. Only you. Forever and ever.” She watched as his smile reappeared, curling with relief as he blew out a warm breath into the frosty air. “This is not going to be some sordid secret.” She paused. “I was more thinking like, maybe we shouldn’t tell my dad and Maeve,” she continued. He quirked his eyebrow into his eyebrow, and Aelin leaned up and pushed it back down, causing him to laugh. “I just don’t know they’d let us have our Christmas Eve sleepover if they knew we were, um… kissing,” she said, another blush blooming on her permanently heated cheeks.

For a moment Rowan seemed speechless, and then he leaned down and kissed her again. It wasn’t a soft, sweet kiss. It was rough and hard, teeth clanking against each other as Rowan opened his mouth, kissing her thoroughly.

“What was that for?” Aelin breathed, feeling slightly dizzy from the kiss as Rowan finally pulled away, leaving both of them panting and breathless.

“I’ve been waiting so many months for you to call me Buzzard again.” He paused. “And because I can.” He looked at her seriously. “I can, right? Because, we’re…um…kissing?” He repeated her words, and the question was clear to her.

Aelin smiled shyly, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, needing something to do besides stare at Rowan and feel her swirling stomach. “You can kiss me whenever you feel like it. Forever and ever,” she repeated, causing him to grin again. Then it was her turn to pause. “I stopped calling you Buzzard? When?”

He paused. “Tomorrow,” he assured her, and she realized that maybe that was part of a bigger conversation than they had time for at the moment.

“Okay,” she breathed.

As Aelin reached to open the door, it swung open of its own volition, causing both parties to gasp. She clutched at her rapidly beating heart, fear of being caught suddenly coursing through her body as she stepped away from Rowan’s side.

“Maeve!” she gasped, startled. “Hi!”

“I had a feeling this is where you two ran off to.” Maeve smiled, looking between Rowan and Aelin. “How long have you been up here?” she asked. “You both look like Rudolph,” she laughed, tapping the tips of their cold noses, which were bright red from standing in the snow.

“Just enjoying the snow,” Rowan said, shaking the flakes from his hair again.

“Without your jackets?” Maeve chastised. “Come back inside where it’s warm.”

Aelin nodded and scurried down the stairs quickly, her heart hammering in her chest as she left Rowan to talk to Maeve by himself. She groaned as she made it back into the restaurant, immediately relishing in the blast of heat that hit her face as she crossed the threshold. She hadn’t even realized how cold she was until she started defrosting.

Back downstairs, the party had dwindled to the last few close friends. Maeve had pulled her cozy couch and armchairs back out from where they were pushed against the wall, and Aelin smiled upon seeing her friends inquisitive, drunk faces.

“Where have you been, young lady?” Lys asked, wagging her finger at Aelin.

“Nowhere,” Aelin laughed, trying not to have a visible reaction as Rowan sat on the couch next to her and draped his arm across the back of the couch. As his hand drooped lower, tracing circles on her shoulder, she chanced a glance up at him, but he was fully engaged in conversation with Elide about their history term papers, not sparing her a moment’s notice.

Annoyed that he wasn’t looking at her, she shoved herself into his side, leaning aggressively onto his shoulder, nuzzling her head against his sweater like a godsdamned cat.

Rowan laughed as he leaned back, turning his head toward her, his eyes flashing with curiosity. “What the hell are you doing, Ace?”

“Using you as my pillow,” she laughed, adjusting his sweater to smooth it beneath her head. “I’m tired.” She knocked her head against his chest again. “Can you scoot down more? You’re too tall,” she complained, and Rowan rolled his eyes.

“So needy.”

“You love it,” Aelin snapped back, and she watched as Rowan struggled with finding the words to say in return. Instead, he huffed, annoyed, and she watched as their friends’ faces lit up.

“They’re baaaackkk,” Lysandra sang of the two best friends, sparring like usual.

“Damn right we are,” Aelin laughed, closing her eyes. She really was exhausted. This night had shocked and overwhelmed her, and she was content to drift off as her friends gossiped around her.

She didn’t know how much later it was when she felt herself being moved. She barely let her eyes open as she realized she was being shoved into the back seat of a car.

“Rowan?” she reached her hands out, grabbing for her best friend, but he’d already extracted himself from her grasp. “Sleep over,” she mumbled.

“That’s tomorrow, Ace,” he replied softly. He tapped the roof of the car and sent them off, and Aelin fell asleep with that one word ringing in her head.

 _Tomorrow_.

…

Aelin had never been so stressed in her entire life.

Usually, Christmas Eve was her favorite day of the year. It was a lowkey, relaxing evening, filled with ancient best friend traditions, established their very first holiday season. Rowan would come over for dinner, already wearing pajamas, and they’d set up a tent in the living room next to the tree and watch _Elf_ and _The Muppet Christmas Carol_ and put out cookies for Santa and stay up late, pretending to sleep as Rhoe would traipse through the living room and place their presents beneath the tree. But tonight, Aelin was feeling anything but low key.

She’d barely spoken to Rowan today after their big kiss, and she was making herself sick with her racing thoughts. She’d put on last year’s Christmas pajamas – a white and red plaid long sleeved set – and put a bright red bow in her still-straightened hair. But she couldn’t help the nerves that swirled and settled in her gut as she examined herself in the mirror. Did she look cute? Or stupid? She couldn’t put on makeup; her dad would be far too suspicious if she wore eyeshadow to their pajama party, but she did put on an extra padded bra. Something to give her a tiny boost of confidence in the presence of Rowan. She was just stuffing her feet into some fuzzy slippers when the doorbell rang.

“I’ve got it!” Aelin shouted, scrambling down the stairs to beat her dad to the front door.

“Hi,” she said too quietly, upon seeing Rowan on her doorstep.

“Hi,” he returned softly, and Aelin could feel her heart beat faster as his cheeks pinked.

“Hi,” she said again, unable to come up with anything else. Oh gods, why could she not think of anything else to say?

“Can I come in?” he asked tentatively, and Aelin felt a rush of embarrassment wash over her. Why was she acting so non-functionally? It was as if her brain had short-circuited, and she’d forgotten how to be a human in the presence of Rowan.

“Of course!” she said, stepping aside and letting him enter their house. “I can take those,” she said, of the tray of wrapped leftover cookies in his hand.

She reached for the cookies and nearly jolted at the feeling of her fingers brushing against Rowan’s. By the look on Rowan’s face, he felt similarly, and she was breathing slightly harder as Rhoe appeared out of nowhere, a large smile on his face for the boy in front of him.

“Trying to steal Santa’s cookies, are we, Fireheart?” he laughed, stealing the tray for himself.

“I would never!” Aelin scoffed, plastering a smile on for her dad, trying to calm her fast-beating heart.

“A likely story, right, Rowan?” Rhoe asked, nudging Rowan in his side as he pulled off his jacket and kicked off his boots.

“Very likely,” Rowan laughed, his eyes crinkling as he smiled widely. Aelin bit her lip as Rowan slung his arm over her shoulders, squeezing her tighter and making her breath stutter and her cheeks warm. She was in so much trouble. How was she going to keep herself from giving them up to her dad?

“I hope you’re hungry,” Rhoe said, leading them all into the kitchen, where a veritable feast was spread across the counter.

Rhoe had made his traditional Christmas Eve filets, mashed potatoes, and roasted veggies. One of Aelin’s favorite meals, but she could barely taste it as she watched Rowan and her dad interact across the table. All she wanted was to get Rowan alone, but she knew that wouldn’t be happening for hours.

After dinner, the three of them made their way into the living room where Rhoe had already pulled out the tent. They all got to work setting it up, but per usual, Aelin was mostly in the way, constantly distracted by the way Rowan’s shoulders and arms tensed as he held the fabric taut. Gods, what happened to her? She was a mess.

She tried to refocus on the task at hand, leaning over to click one of the rods into place while Rowan held it up, but she yelped loudly as her butt collided with the front of Rowan’s thighs, dropping the rod completely and letting it collapse.

“Aelin…” Rowan groaned as she stood up too quickly, her cheeks flushed with horror as she moved away from him.

“Sorry,” she apologized, looking between Rowan’s pained face and her dad’s amused one.

“Why don’t you go make some hot chocolate, Fireheart?” Rhoe suggested. “I think we’ll be finished quicker without your help,” he chuckled, and Aelin frowned, though she knew he was right.

By the time Aelin had finished fixing their hot chocolates, with extra whipped cream and extra marshmallows, the tent was completely set up. A stack of pillows were piled high, along with multiple blankets, and Rhoe and Rowan had moved the television onto a small stack of books, _Elf_ already cued up on the screen.

“After you,” Rowan said, gesturing to her, but Aelin frowned.

“No, I sit next to the door,” Aelin insisted. “So I can see Santa.”

Rowan rolled his eyes but acquiesced, climbing into the tent and getting comfortable under the thick blankets.

Aelin put the hot chocolates down on the ground and climbed in after him, suddenly hyper aware of how close they were to each other under the covers.

“Hi,” Rowan said softly, smiling as she scooted closer to him, settling into her spot against the pillows. Apparently that was all they could say to each other today.

“Hi,” she repeated, both their smiles fading as their eyes flicked to each other’s’ lips.

Her heart pounded as his head moved slightly toward hers, her breath catching as she waited for his lips to touch hers. But he reared back quickly as Rhoe ducked down next to the tent, handing them both their hot chocolates.

“Don’t stay up too late,” Rhoe grinned as Aelin looked anywhere but at Rowan beside her. “Remember, Santa only comes to good boys and girls who are fast asleep,” he said, causing Rowan to snort loudly.

“You got it, Santa,” Rowan laughed, turning the movie on.

Aelin held her breath as her dad made his way back to the kitchen, where he’d be wrapping presents for the next few hours, doing his Santa duties, while Rowan and Aelin were distracted by their movie.

Except as soon as Rhoe was gone, a thick layer of tension formed between the pair, and Aelin found it hard to think about anything else but the feel of Rowan’s body heat radiating under the blanket.

She tried so hard to watch the movie that brought her so much joy, but she inevitably found herself letting her head turn and look at the boy next to her. She was surprised to see that he was already looking at her, though he turned back to the screen as soon as she caught him, his cheeks blooming with a glorious red.

She couldn’t resist reaching out and poking his cheek. Instead of snapping his teeth at her, like he’d usually do, he grabbed her finger and pulled it to his lips, pressing them softly against the pad of her finger, causing her to shiver all over.

“Oh.”

A wide grin appeared on Rowan’s face again, and Aelin didn’t think she’d ever seen him smile so continuously before. It thrilled her.

He placed their hands between them, under the blanket, fingers threaded together as his thumb swiped back and forth. Aelin felt everything. Every slightest movement made her body light up, even the softest touch ready to set her on fire. She was going to die if she didn’t get to kiss him again soon. She was sure of it.

By the time they’d finished their second movie, Aelin was a lust-addled mess. She’d crossed her legs, trying to abate the throbbing that had started pulling deep in her stomach. But it didn’t work. Not even as she got out of the tent, giving herself some air did her body calm down. She gathered the leftover cookies and put it on a plate and poured a glass of milk and placed it on the table next to the tree, but one look at Rowan, stretched out in the tent, arms under his head, and she was right back to feeling that strange warm current circulating throughout her body.

She took a deep breath and turned off the lights before rejoining him in the tent, the room only lit by the colored lights on the tree, twinkling gently.

In the dark, things were even worse. She turned on her side and closed her eyes, breathing as steadily as she could with Rowan just a few inches behind her. She tried not to gasp as she felt his hand rest in the dip of her stomach, and she wished that she could move it a little further north or south, to touch the places she was aching to be touched.

But she was pulled out of her fantasies by the loud footsteps of “Santa.”

“What delicious cookies,” Rhoe’s voice boomed between crumb-filled bites. Aelin cracked an eye open, watching her dad in his element. He’d been doing this for as long as Aelin could remember, and she loved it more than she could properly express. She hoped he never stopped; not even when she was a full-grown adult. She watched as he thundered around the tree, placing their presents beneath the lowest branches, before squatting down and placing a kiss onto Aelin’s forehead.

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night,” he whispered, dimming the tree to its lowest setting, before heading back upstairs.

Aelin exhaled as she heard his bedroom door close, turning toward Rowan in the darkness.

“Ok, let’s talk,” he said as she blurted out, “I need to kiss you right now.”

Her stomach fell at his words. She wasn’t ready to talk, and he must have seen it on her face. Because he closed the gap between them, and pressed his mouth to hers softly. His hands cradled her face, letting his lips trail soft patterns across her mouth and cheeks and nose. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it’d do for now.

“Better?” he asked, and Aelin nodded, scooting even closer to him. “I have a proposition for you,” he whispered, his voice low and gravelly, his eyes searching her face.

“Propositioning me already?” Aelin asked, her cheeks flushing at the words.

“Ace,” he whined. “You’re killing me.”

“Sorry,” she grinned, her eyes flashing with glee. “Back to your proposition.”

He paused and sighed loudly. “You were right yesterday. We really do actually need to talk.” He cleared his throat. “I have a lot of questions, and I think you probably do, too?”

Aelin nodded. She absolutely did.

“So, my proposition is…” Her smile widened without prompting, and she could see the frustration in his eyes at her reaction to the word. “We get one kiss for every question we answer successfully.”

Aelin’s cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. “Okay,” she whispered. “Do you want to go first?”

He shook his head. “No, you.”

He looked like he was bracing himself for something as Aelin got comfier on her pillow, her face merely inches away from his. “Is this weird?” she asked.

“What?” he asked, surprised. “Weird?”

“Yeah,” Aelin said, twirling a piece of her hair with her fingers. “Like, touching me? Kissing me?”

“Not at all,” Rowan laughed. “In fact, I can’t believe how _not_ weird it is. I kind of can’t believe this is real. I feel like I’m dreaming.” He paused. “That’s really what you wanted to ask?”

She shrugged. “I’m so nervous,” she said, laughing to herself. “I feel crazy. I’m lying next to my best friend, and my entire body feels like it’s about to explode,” she rambled.

“You’re not alone,” he said, leaning forward and kissing her softly. She sighed into his mouth, but he pulled away too soon, his eyes darkening as he perused her face.

“Can we talk about the other guys?”

Aelin stared at him, confused. “What other guys?”

Rowan’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “What other guys?” He shook his head. “Uh, Nox? Lorcan? Sam? Chaol? Fen?”

Aelin’s stomach flipped. “That’s what you want to start off with?” She laughed. “Not something more interesting like, hey, Aelin, how long have you liked me?”

Rowan’s brow furrowed. “How long _have_ you liked me?”

“Since sixth grade,” she answered quickly, pressing her lips against his. “My turn.”

His hand darted out and grabbed her shoulder. “Sixth grade?!” he hissed, and Aelin couldn’t tell if he was upset or not. His eyes were wide and wild. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“Why didn’t you?!” Aelin turned it on him, brushing his hand off her. “Mr. I’ve been in love with you since the first time I saw you.”

Rowan scrunched his nose and rubbed it between his index finger and thumb. “I was working up to it!” He breathed deeply as he looked her over. “I was going to tell you on your birthday this year,” he said. “But then I got distracted by you wearing my shirt to bed,” he laughed. “Do you know how good you look in my clothes, Ace?” He groaned, and she could feel herself flush at his words. “And then I was going to tell you at your party, but there were too many people there, and you danced with Chaol, and I don’t know! I got in my head.”

Aelin had never heard him speak so bluntly, and though she wanted to interrupt him and tell him how ridiculous that was, that she would have been elated if he’d confessed to her at her birthday party and that Chaol was not even on her radar, she knew she needed to let him keep going.

“So, then I decided if we won the lacrosse championship, I’d tell you.” He laughed again at himself, and Aelin couldn’t even believe what she was hearing. “But, then at Lorcan’s party, you were flirting with Nox, and—”

“I was not!” Aelin insisted.

“You totally were!” Rowan insisted. “You let him help you throw all these shots, and you were laughing at all his jokes, and I get it,” he sighed. “I’m not Nox Owens.”

“Ro, you’re an idiot,” Aelin groaned, pushing her best friend’s shoulder. Maybe a little too hard. But she couldn’t help it. She was so fucking frustrated. If only they’d _talked_ back then, they would have had a very different year. “I kept waiting for you to come back with our drinks because I wanted to feel brave enough to kiss _you_.”

“At that party?” Rowan croaked, and Aelin nodded.

“At that party.” She frowned. “And when I went to go find you, you were all cozy in a corner with Lyria, looking like you were going to jump each other.”

“What?!” Rowan choked out. “No way. I was sulking alone in the kitchen, and Lyria pulled me over to try and ask me what was wrong, but I refused to tell her.”

Aelin felt annoyance spread across her body. “She asked you to prom, and you said yes!”

Rowan groaned, tilting his head up and away from Aelin, trying to steady his breathing again. “She asked why I was sad, and I said not to worry about it. So she asked if I’d go to prom with her, if that would make me feel better, and I was going to say no until you walked into the kitchen holding hands with Nox.” He breathed again, finally looking back down at her, his eyes clouded with emotion. “I knew I’d never stand a chance against Nox, so I said yes.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to go, and I even left prom to go be with _you_. And I tried to tell you that night, but you seemed so mad at me. It was like you’d already decided to leave me behind, and I didn’t want to risk losing our friendship, too.”

Aelin blinked. And then blinked again. “I think… we might both be idiots.” She took a deep breath. “I never even remotely liked Nox,” she said softly. “I talked about you the whole night. And I kept wondering why you never came back. Because I was working myself up to kissing you, and then…I saw you with Lyria and went insane, so I let it go. Because I also didn’t want to risk losing our friendship, either.”

Rowan’s eyes narrowed as he leaned forward. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Okay,” Aelin whispered, and she was so relieved when his lips touched hers, she practically felt like her chest would explode.

Her hands wound themselves in Rowan’s hair, letting herself breathe him in as their mouths opened to each other. Her stomach fluttered as his hand ran down her side, and feeling emboldened, Aelin lifted her leg and hooked it behind his, getting as close as she possibly could.

Rowan gasped, his hand gripping her waist, pushing her away until her leg unhooked. He rolled to his back, staring up at the ceiling, and Aelin felt like she was going to cry. She thought they’d moved past him pushing her away, but apparently not.

“Why do you keep doing that?” she said through a thick frog in her throat.

“Huh?” Rowan asked distractedly, and it only made Aelin feel smaller.

“Pushing me away,” she explained. “You’re always pushing me away.” She took another deep breath. “I thought you said it wasn’t weird?”

Rowan snorted loudly, much too loud for the small space, covering his mouth with his hand. He turned his head toward her with a dopey smile on his face, but it disappeared quickly as he saw her face.

“Aelin,” he started to laugh softly, but it bloomed into a longer laugh as he looked at her. “I’m not pushing you away because it’s weird.” She watched as his cheeks flushed as he searched for the word. “I..uh, I…” He stared back at the ceiling, and she propped herself up to get a better look at his face, which was scrunched up in frustration. “It’s just—"

“Spit it out, Buzzard,” she said, poking at his stomach through the blanket, and his eyes went wide as he squeaked out.

“Can you just not touch me for a second?” His eyes darted down, and then back up at Aelin, his lips pursed into a pained smile. “Sometimes when you touch me, I….” he tried again, and it finally clicked for Aelin what was going on.

“Rowan Whitethorn,” she hissed. “Are you hiding your boners from me?”

His entire face reddened as he slapped his hand over his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Aelin could feel her own face redden as her mind started to wander about when else that had been the case for Rowan pushing her away.

“It’s my turn to ask,” she pressed, “Otherwise you don’t get a kiss,” she giggled at his strife.

“I don’t need a kiss,” Rowan said, and Aelin raised her eyebrow at him.

“How often does that happen?” she asked as Rowan’s eyes shot open as he looked at her in incredulous disbelief.

“You want to know _every time_?!”

Aelin peered down at him harder. “Is it that many times?”

Rowan groaned as he shut his eyes again, looking like he wished the floor would open and swallow him whole. “Yes.”

“So, all those times I thought you just didn’t want to touch me, you were _excited_?”

“I hate you,” he groaned, causing Aelin to smile again. “You’re a demon, sent to torture me.”

Aelin’s memory flipped at a rapid pace, thinking of all the times Rowan shoved her away, and she couldn’t help but start laughing. She’d been so hurt by those motions, and the whole time, her best friend had really just been trying to hide away his erections. It was actually kind of sweet.

“Well, the good news is you don’t have to hide it from me anymore,” Aelin said, her mind racing with possibilities. “I want to feel it,” she whispered, a blush rising in her own cheeks as she imagined it pressing against her.

“Right now?!” Rowan squawked, his voice high with panic.

“You still have it?” Aelin whispered, and Rowan narrowed his eyes at her.

“It’s not like it goes away that easily,” he mumbled. “Especially not with your boobs in my face,” he whined, and Aelin laughed. She leaned down and kissed him, humming happily against his mouth, but was careful to keep her body away from his, letting him have his space.

They pulled away, both breathing hard, and Aelin smiled, unfettered joy coursing through her.

“Can I ask about the other dudes now?” Rowan asked as Aelin settled down into the spot next to him. He pulled her closer to his side, and Aelin rested her head against his shoulder happily.

“No,” she said. “I want to make out now.”

“Aelin,” he laughed. “Your dad is upstairs.” He paused. “Please?”

Aelin sighed as he squeezed her tighter. “There were no other guys,” she said. “Nox was no one. Chaol I already told you was the worst kiss ever. And Lorcan is… I can’t even believe you think I’d ever like Lorcan. He’s disgusting.”

Rowan frowned. “You were talking about his dick, and then had me drop you off at Lys’s to learn to…” His frown became more pronounced as he spoke. “What was I supposed to think?”

“That Lorcan said I was stressing his dick out because of how horny I was for you as a lifeguard and that I needed to alleviate some of the tension, otherwise he was going to die?”

She watched as Rowan’s mouth opened and closed, and then opened and closed again. “Oh,” he said, and then burst into a brilliant smile. “So, you thought I made a hot lifeguard?” She could practically feel his chest puff up.

“I’m going to sleep,” Aelin huffed, tucking her head into Rowan’s shoulder. She knew they’d only barely scratched the surface of what they needed to talk about, but she was liable to burst into flames if they talked any more about _that_. “I know we’re not done, but can we be done for tonight?”

“Fine,” Rowan acquiesced, kissing the top of her head softly. “Merry Christmas, Ace,” he whispered.

“Merry Christmas,” she mumbled back, eyes already closed. “What do you think Santa brought us this year?” she whispered, and she could hear Rowan’s chest rumbling beneath her ear.

“I don’t know,” he whispered into the dark. “I already got everything I asked for this year,” he said, smiling against the top of her head.

“Cheeseball,” she laughed sleepily.

“You love me,” he joked, his voice just as tired.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I do,” she replied, and promptly fell asleep, agreeing with Rowan. She couldn’t imagine Santa would bring her anything better than the gift she’d wished for every year. For Rowan to love her back.


	26. Chapter 26

“Don’t wake them yet,” a light voice pulled Aelin from her deep slumber. “They’re so cute when they’re asleep.”

Rhoe scoffed loudly. “Maybe if they’d gone to bed earlier they wouldn’t need to sleep in…”

Aelin could hear Maeve’s chastising voice reprimanding her father. “Don’t be mean, Rhoe. It’s Christmas.”

“I need coffee,” Rhoe’s voice grumbled, trudging back to the kitchen, causing Aelin to finally blink her eyes open. She couldn’t help the grin that appeared on her face when she realized that during their sleep, Rowan had curled himself into her side, his heavy arms flung over her waist, pinning her down on her back. But the best part, the part that she was sure her father had not been a fan of, was Rowan’s face, completely burrowed into her chest, face first, his soft breath coming in warm puffs against her curves. Despite the tufts of silver hair that tickled her nose with each inhale, she couldn’t be happier. She’d expected Rowan to wake first – he was always the early riser of the two of them, but if the weight of his head against her was any indication, he was still deeply asleep.

Aelin lifted her free arm and ran her hands through his soft hair, letting her fingers trail patterns against his scalp, trying to gently rouse him from his sleep. His nose twitched, burrowing even further into her cleavage as he started to wake.

“Rowannn,” she sang. “It’s Christmas…”

“Mmmph,” he mumbled, tugging her closer.

Aelin’s lips twitched upward, holding in her laughter as she continued her gentle head pets. But as Rowan moved against her, his limbs stretching out as he straightened his long legs, she couldn’t hold in a small gasp as she felt something poke into her hip.

They both froze at the same time, eyes widening in shock as Aelin whispered as quietly as she could.

“Rowan…” she paused, suddenly nervous. “Is that your dick?”

“Ummm…” Rowan scrunched his eyes back shut and angled his hips away from her body. “Yes.”

“It’s really, um…” Aelin struggled to grasp for words, settling on the most obvious one she could think of. “Hard.”

Rowan groaned and rolled over onto his back, his cheeks dotted with red. “It’s the morning, Ace,” he said, as if that were an explanation.

“That happens every morning?!” she gaped. “Is this normal?”

“Yes,” he mumbled.

“Huh.”

Aelin’s mind raced, wanting to reach out and touch it.

“We know you’re awake!” Maeve sang out, interrupting her less than innocent thoughts. “Don’t you want to know what Santa brought you?”

Aelin poked her head out of the tent and laughed at the ridiculous expression on Maeve’s face. Christmas was also _her_ favorite day of the year. It was the one day of the year she didn’t cook at all, letting Rhoe and Aelin make a large brunch, and then Chinese takeout at night.

Aelin couldn’t help but smile back at the woman, who was waiting so patiently for her Christmas festivities to begin.

“You didn’t peek, did you?” Aelin asked, climbing over the empty hot chocolate mugs to get out to the living room, which was now dotted with presents.

“Never,” Maeve smiled.

Aelin stretched her own arms overhead, pulling from side to side and letting her back crack to release the tension from sleeping all night on the floor next to Rowan. As she tugged her shirt back down, she glanced over her shoulder at where the boy was still laying, unmoving and staring at the tent roof.

“You coming?” she asked, raising an eyebrow in question, and Rowan’s lips twitched downward as he puffed out a frustrated sigh.

“Did you really have to stretchlike that?” he hissed.

And Aelin’s mouth curled into a sly smile as she realized that his pained reaction was actually a physical response to _her_. She felt a thrill of empowerment as she leaned over, pretending not to notice the way the neckline of her pajamas gapped.

“Demon,” he chastised, and Aelin couldn’t help but laugh. She was having maybe a little bit too much fun.

“I want to know what Santa brought me!” she said excitedly, rubbing his shoulder and reigniting the pain on his face. “Come on, Ro!”

“Give me a minute to wake up!” he called out, so his Aunt could hear him, and Aelin bit back a laugh as her eyes flicked to his lap and then back up to his face. She couldn’t hear whatever he was muttering under his breath as she made her way into the kitchen, though she was sure it was some form of cursing her name.

“Don’t take it personally, hon,” Maeve laughed, wrapping Aelin in a tight hug. “He’s always cranky in the morning.”

“Ooh, cinnamon rolls!” Aelin said, sprinting over to the counter where the iced buns were still in their tin. Rhoe slapped her hand away as she reached for one.

“Presents first!” Rhoe chastised, but Aelin couldn’t help herself, she dunked her finger against a glob of icing, and she licked it off with glee. Icing was a perfect food. Sugar and more sugar.

“Yum,” she moaned, licking the sticky substance from her skin.

Rowan stared at her from a few feet away, his eyes darkening as they flicked between her finger and her lips still wrapped around the tip. Though he’d just emerged from the tent, he turned on his heel, quickly stalking toward the bathroom as he shouted, “I have to pee!”

Maeve snorted loudly, and Rhoe just shook his head. “Who needs coffee?” he asked, holding up the full pot.

By the time Rowan returned from the bathroom, everyone had congregated around the tree in the living room, coffees in hand, looking much more relaxed than when he’d initially left.

Despite the friends’ dynamic, it felt like Christmas as usual. The two exchanged their traditional – who can find the most offensive Christmas card – card. And Rowan deemed Aelin the winner, which she was extremely proud of. The card was a drawing of a reindeer, whose antlers looked suspiciously like someone holding up their middle fingers. Aelin received a new eyeshadow palette from Maeve, and a few new pieces of clothing from her dad.

All in all, a very successful morning.

“Thanks, Santa,” Aelin had said, pressing a kiss to her dad’s pink cheek. He waved her off and turned on a _Die Hard_ marathon, letting the television entertain them as he folded the tent back up and Maeve picked up all the trash of the presents.

Aelin curled into Rowan’s shoulder and was asleep again, crashing from her copious amounts of sugar in the morning.

As the day wore on, and morning bled into afternoon and the first hint of darkness appeared, Aelin realized the day was nearly over and she was still in pajamas.

“I guess I should put on real clothes, huh?” she asked, and Rhoe rolled his eyes.

“If you plan on picking up our dinner, I highly suggest it,” he snarked, and Aelin couldn’t resist at sticking her tongue out at him. The town’s only Chinese restaurant had one delivery person, and they’d be waiting all night for their dinner if they tried that.

“I should, too,” Rowan added, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

“Last one upstairs is a rotten egg!” Aelin called, running up the stairs as fast as she could, but it was no use. Rowan’s long legs were able to skip multiple stairs as he rushed past her, leaving her in his wake. “CHEATER!”

Laughing, Aeiln rushed into her room, slamming the door behind her, only to freeze when she realized that she and Rowan were alone. Upstairs. In her room.

Her laughter trickled away, replaced with an overwhelming feeling of self-consciousness as she stared at her best friend. Her arms crossed over her stomach as she bit down on her lip, wondering what she should wear. And how she was going to possibly decide that with him standing right in front of her.

“I’ll change in the bathroom,” he said quickly, shoving himself into her small bathroom.

She sighed, relieved for the moment of reprieve to decide what to wear. She rifled through her closet, pulling out a pair of comfy leggings and a long sleeved t-shirt to wear under her oversized sweater. Of course the one she wanted to wear was in the very back corner of the closet and nearly impossible to reach.

She was still trying to reach for it when Rowan knocked on the other side of the bathroom door. “Can I come out?”

“Yup,” she said succinctly.

“What are you doing?” he asked, amusement evident in his tone, but Aelin couldn’t focus on that. All she could feel was his entire body pressed against her, his hands on her waist, burning through the thin fabric of her t-shirt. He leaned over, trying to see what she was doing. She was torn, wanting to lean back and kiss him, and also keep reaching, feeling his breath against her neck, his body wrapped around hers.

“Can’t reach,” she said, choosing to lean forward more, pressing her hips back into his. Apparently that was as far as Rowan could be pushed, because he stepped aside and reached to the back of the closet, pulling the hangers toward them so the sweater could be more easily reached.

As he pushed, though, he revealed a box that Aelin had forgotten was in her closet. Or how she’d scribbled ROWAN in large black letters and DO NOT OPEN beneath it – a reminder to herself not to be weak all those months ago.

She felt him tense beside her, handing the sweater to her but never letting the fabric in his hands fall back, eyes trained on the box.

“Uh… what’s that?” he asked.

“It’s nothing,” Aelin said, hoping he’d let it go as she pulled the sweater over her head, but she wasn’t in luck. His eyes pierced into her as she met his waiting gaze.

“it has my name on it.”

Aelin sighed, knowing he was far too curious, and she should probably answer him anyway.

She leaned down and pulled the box from the back corner where she’d shoved it and handed it to him. She watched as he tentatively pulled the top off the box, nervous of whatever contents waited for him. He placed it on her bed and pulled the hoodie that rested on the top out first. His eyes widened as he rifled through the rest of the fabric, his eyebrow shooting to the middle of his forehead.

“This is all my clothes.”

“Yes.”

Her stomach churned uncomfortably, trying to decipher his facial expressions as he let his fingers trail over the fabric slowly.

“And you put it all in a box in the back of your closet and labeled it ‘do not open’?”

She could hear the hurt in his voice, and as she saw it reflected in his eyes, she knew that their conversation the night before had been a precursor to so much more. They had months and months of hurt to wade through.

“You started dating Lyria,” Aelin explained, “And… I needed to move on.”

“Oh,” he said, nodding in understanding, but the pain didn’t dissipate from where it clouded his usually bright eyes.

“You can have it back if you want,” Aelin said, but that seemed to be the wrong thing to say. His eyes darkened further, turning a stormy pine, as he shook his head, shoving the box back into her hands.

“No, Aelin,” he sighed and rubbed at his face. “It’s yours.”

Aelin sighed in return, accepting the box back. “I honestly forgot it was back there.” She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, hoping he’d return the gesture. Her smile of relief was instant as she felt his arms reciprocate, pulling her closer. She placed her chin on his chest and looked up. “I really didn’t think this was ever going to happen,” she said quietly. “I don’t know if that’s something you relate to…” she trailed off as a soft laugh bubbled up in his chest. “So, when you started dating Lyria, I decided to go cold turkey. On you.”

“I hate all of that,” he admitted.

“Would it make you feel better if I wore your lacrosse hoodie?” she asked, mostly in jest, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him it had been a joke when he smiled back widely.

She pulled her sweater off and replaced it with the hoodie, which wasn’t nearly as warm, but she wouldn’t point that out. “Much better,” he grinned, causing Aelin to shake her head. “So, do you want to talk about Lyria, or…”

She put her hands on her hips and stared at him. Talking about Lyria was the lowest on her list of things to do today. It was fucking Christmas. Their hurt feelings could wait a tiny bit longer.

“Rowan?”

“Hmm?”

“It’s Christmas,” she said, shooting down his idea, and she watched as the tension disappeared from his shoulders. She had a better idea of how to spend the rest of their night.

“Let’s go makeout,” she announced.

He inhaled so quickly, he started choking. “Both our parents are downstairs!” he squeaked as Aelin got closer to him.

“And?” she smirked, placing her hand against his chest. “You have a perfectly good car.” She bit her lip nervously as she admitted something that’d been tugging on her brain incessantly for the last forty-eight hours. “I also thought maybe we could listen to my playlist…”

His eyes flashed with excitement as he realized the truth of her statement. “Let’s go.”

The pair ran down the stairs quickly, making a ruckus as their heavy feet raced to the bottom.

“We’ll be back!” Aelin called out, but Rhoe stopped them quickly.

“Where are you going?”

“On a drive,” Rowan said.

“To look at the lights!” Aelin added, so as not to completely arouse suspicion. Although she had a feeling that neither of their parents were as oblivious as they’d hoped when her dad looked at her sternly.

“Be safe,” he said. “It’s icy out there.” His eyes glanced to Rowan, narrowing slightly. “Remember, when you leave my house with my precious cargo, I expect her to be returned in one piece,” Rhoe warned, and Rowan nodded succinctly.

“Yes, sir.”

Aelin barely paused to grab her coat before rushing out the door, not giving her dad a chance to say anything more.

Rowan slid in after her, his cheeks flushed and smile wide, and Aelin wanted to lean over the center console and kiss him right then, but she had a feeling her dad was peering through the window at them. So instead, she reached for his hand. He squeezed it gently and then hooked up his phone.

“I know the lights were an excuse,” he said. “But…it’s kind of a long playlist.” He cleared his throat. “It might be nice to drive around and look at the lights while we listen.”

“That sounds perfect,” Aelin said, recognizing the nerves that were starting to form in her best friend’s shoulders, punctuated by his free hand tapping on the steering wheel. She realized she was finally about to listen to the playlist he’d put together to tell her his feelings, and she couldn’t help the nerves swirling in her stomach as well.

He put the car into drive and pressed play, letting the emo tones of Death Cab For Cutie fill the jeep. Aelin bit her cheek to keep from smiling too hard.

“You started off strong,” Aelin said, her smile threatening to break through at any second.

“Shut up,” Rowan grumbled.

“Rowan,” she said as affectionately as she could. When they hit their first stoplight, he managed to glance over at her. He looked so nervous, he almost looked ill. And that just wouldn’t do. “Turn it up.”

He turned the volume up, and Aelin let her head rest against the window as he trailed through the brightly decorated streets of Orynth. Song after song filled her heart, making her chest clench as she parsed through the lyrics, wondering what Rowan had possibly said in his letter to her.

After about an hour, Rowan changed directions, heading up toward the Staghorn Mountains. She watched with curiosity as the Christmas lights faded into the distance as the houses grew more sparse, dark trees covering the street on both sides, until they reached a clearing.

“Whoa,” Aelin said as Rowan parked the car. It was a perfect overlook, a bluff that looked out to the entire town of Orynth. It twinkled with colored lights, a perfect Christmas scape.

He cleared his throat. “This is my special spot.” He paused. “I found it one night, driving around aimlessly, trying to stop myself from texting you, I’m sure,” he added with a humorless chuckle. “I thought you might like to see it.”

“I love it,” Aelin whispered, looking over her shoulder. “Thank you,” she said, clearing her throat which was thick with emotion. “For bringing me here.”

Trying to lighten the mood, which had threatened to dip again, Aelin decided to take things into her own hands. She pushed herself up and shimmied backward over the center console.

“What are you doing?” Rowan asked, his eyes widening as she plopped into the back seat. She crooked her finger at him, beckoning him to join her, and she relished in his crooked grin as he swung the driver’s door open and joined her in the back.

She leaned against his side immediately, curling into his warmth as his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and Aelin finally took a deep breath and closed her eyes, focusing on the playlist again.

Each song hit her like a shot to the chest, knocking her out like an emotional wave that threatened to pull her under with the raw pain and upset and regret and love she heard. It was breathtaking.

They sat there, curled into each other for what must have been another hour, listening as the songs of regret morphed into ones of begging her not to leave. Her eyes burned with unshed tears, her heart pounding rapidly as she processed what Rowan had done for her. And how callously she’d turned him away.

She inhaled a shaky breath, but it came out as a choked sob, her tears finally releasing and pouring down her cheeks as she listened to the familiar guitar opening of “Wonderful Tonight.”

“Aelin?” Rowan asked, his arm rubbing at her shoulder, which raised and fell with her tears. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head, feeling stupid. “It’s just… so…. p-perfect,” she cried. “And I fucked it up.” Her tears came in droves now as she released her guilt, pressing her face into Rowan’s chest, surely soaking him with tears.

“No, Aelin,” Rowan whispered softly. “I fucked it up.” She felt his lips press into the top of her head. “This was supposed to be my apology, remember?” he said, and Aelin choked out a laugh as she tilted her tear-covered face up at his worried one.

“Well, it was a really good one,” she smiled through her tears. She felt a fresh wave of tears coming as the next song came on. “I’m so-sorry,” she stuttered,” I’m-m s-so st-stupid.” She could feel another sob building in her chest, and she no longer held it back. “I c-can’t believe I burned my first love letter.”

“First of many,” Rowan assured her, kissing her nose, which she was sure was disgusting. It only made her love him more.

“And you n-never gave up,” she managed to get out between her fresh round of tears.

He hugged her tighter, letting her tears fall freely as they listened to the next few songs. “Ace, nothing in this world could make me stop loving you.”

As she glanced up at him, she realized the truth in his words, and her regret and guilt washed away, only to be replaced with pure desire for the boy beside her. The boy who had confessed his love to her, had fought for her, fought for them.

She launched herself at him.

Her arms wound around his neck, pulling his face to hers and pressing her lips to his thoroughly. He was surprised for about one whole second before she felt him melt into her, his hands working quickly to push her winter coat off her shoulders.

Aelin felt as if she were exploding from her skin, needing to be closer to him as their lips met frantically. Rowan’s hands were everywhere, but not nearly enough. She broke their kiss to reach down and pull his bulky hoodie off, leaving her in her thin undershirt, before immediately returning to his mouth. They both panted against each other as they struggled to wrap arms back around each other.

Needing to be closer, Aelin climbed over his lap, her knees precariously placed on either side of the leather seats as she lowered herself onto him, their kisses never ceasing as she resituated herself.

Gasping for air, Aelin finally broke the kiss, tilting her head up, struggling to catch her breath, so overwhelmed with sensations. She wasn’t prepared for the feel of Rowan’s lips on her neck, his tongue laving at the sensitive skin below her ear and sucking gently.

“Oh,” she breathed. She’d never felt like this. Touching herself never felt even close to this. Unable to stop herself, she leaned into him further, her hips moving slightly on top of him.

One of his hands squeezed at her waist while the other tugged at her neck, pulling her mouth back down to his. She’d never seen Rowan so demanding, so self-assured, and it thrilled her. As their lips clashed, Aelin boldly reached for the hand on her waist, pushing it up slightly. Either Rowan was too distracted to notice or get the hint, because it barely moved an inch from where she’d pushed it.

Taking matters into her own hands, Aelin lifted his hand and placed it on her chest. He froze slightly, pulling away to look at her and then looking at where his hand had landed.

“Oh my god,” he mumbled. He was about to remove his hand, but Aelin stopped him, pushing her hand on top of his and trapping his there. He groaned as she leaned down and kissed him again, his hand moving slowly beneath hers against her curves. She felt as if she’d been lit on fire with Rowan’s thumb moving slowly across her chest and his tongue circling hers.

Her hips ground into his lap, needing any kind of relief to the burning heat that coursed through her body at his touch, and she needlessly moaned into his mouth at the sensation. She could feel _it_. And it was just as hard as this morning.

“Mmm,” Rowan mumbled against her lips, his hand coming back down to her waist as he gulped for air this time. But Aelin was undeterred. Her lips went anywhere they could reach. His cheek, his neck, his ear. “Aelin,” he groaned, spurring her on further. “I—” He breathed hard, but Aelin wasn’t really listening, too consumed with these new sensations and the sounds she could coax from him. “Aelin,” he groaned again, and she felt a surge of confidence as she pressed her lips against his again, resuming their kiss.

His fingers dug into her sides, clenching at the fabric of her shirt, as he pulled away from her mouth, his eyes squeezing shut. She watched as his entire body shuddered beneath her, shaking as he gasped for an unsteady breath.

When his eyes opened, they were both shocked and staring at each other. “I…” he began, but it seemed as if he were speechless, unsure of what to say.

“Did I just…” Aelin tilted her head in question. “I mean, did you just…”

He tucked his head into his chest, his cheeks reddening quickly as she struggled to find something to say. The awkward silence was broken by “Dancing In The Moonlight,” coming over the speakers, and without a second wasted they both burst into laughter.

“Oh my god, that was amazing,” Aelin said, letting her fingers scratch at the base of his scalp, causing him to shiver again. She couldn’t help but smile at the wave of satisfaction and pride that rushed through her. She’d done that. With nothing more than kissing.

“Maybe for you,” Rowan joked, pushing her hips away from his, but Aelin refused to get off his lap entirely.

“Really?” Aelin asked. “Because it looked pretty good for you,” she sassed back, and Rowan barked out a loud laugh.

“I love my playlist,” she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, and she could feel as they smiled against hers. They resumed their kissing, at a much slower pace, simply enjoying the ability to kiss one another, until finally Rowan pulled away. “Why’d you stop?” Aelin pouted, knowing that if he never stopped them, she’d be content to kiss him for the rest of the night.

“Because…” She could feel the heat from his blush even a few inches away. “Things are drying, and starting to get really uncomfortable.”

Aelin snorted loudly.

“Don’t laugh,” Rowan pouted. “It’s your fault,” he chastised, and Aelin smiled brilliantly as she nodded.

“Yes, it is.”

“So proud of yourself,” he grumbled, and Aelin practically rolled her eyes.

“As if you won’t be gloating the first time you get me off,” she laughed. Rowan cleared his throat uncomfortably, as if the idea of that hadn’t quite crossed his mind, and she was sure his already deep blush deepened even further. She hadn’t realized how easy it would be to rile him up, and it brought her more joy than she’d even anticipated.

“Demon,” he whispered again, which she knew she’d be hearing more and more often, if she had any say in it.

She resisted giggling as Rowan waddled back to the front seat, tugging the fabric of his jeans away from his skin, as she wriggled back to the passenger side. He threw her a glare, but it was so filled with love she couldn’t resist leaning back in and kissing him again.

“So,” she began as he headed toward Maeve’s condo. “About our, um…kissing?” She paused. “When do you want to tell people?”

He reached out his free hand and squeezed it. “Whenever you want.”

She bit her lip. “I’m pretty sure my dad knows,” she admitted. “But, if we haven’t explicitly told him…” She cleared her throat. “Then, maybe you could sleep over on New Year’s?”

Rowan glanced at her, his hands clammy with sweat as he coughed out a small laugh. “I think we could try that.”

Aelin grinned widely.

“We can keep this a secret for a few more days,” she said, mostly to reassure herself. “I have faith in us.”

But looking at Rowan’s forearm as it flexed against the steering wheel, she wasn’t entirely sure that was true.

~*~

**just a reminder, i am very active on tumblr as @charincharge and love chatting about theories/stories/etc!**


	27. Chapter 27

Aelin watched as her father paced circles in the living room rug, his finger accentuating each point toward her face. Each day leading up to the new year Rhoe had become exceedingly more and more tense. She didn’t know why he was so stressed – she’d been celebrating New Year’s Eve at Lysandra’s house since middle school.

Okay, that wasn’t _exactly_ the truth. Aelin knew his grumpy demeanor might have something to do with the “drives” she and Rowan had started going on every day, and her return to their house, cheeks flushed and smile wide. Or the way Aelin couldn’t stop listening to her playlist, hips swaying as she belted out the lyrics to the heart wrenching love songs. Or the way every time Aelin’s phone buzzed with a text from Rowan, she couldn’t help the soft pink hue that would appear on her cheeks. She was just… really happy. And she knew it hadn’t escaped her dad’s notice. But still, he hadn’t pressed her on it.

If he wanted to live in denial, then Aelin felt perfectly fine with that. It gave her a perfect excuse not to let Rhoe know about her and Rowan’s sleeping arrangement for this evening.

Aelin wondered if maybe he was nervous about his shift. It was his first back since his Thanksgiving scare, and he seemed more on edge than usual. That fact had actually worked to Aelin’s advantage completely by accident. She and Rowan would be able to have their sleepover with no one in the house. She took a deep breath, swallowing nervously at that thought. She and Rowan. Completely alone. All night.

“If there is drinking, which I know there will be,” Rhoe grumbled. “Because despite what you think I was not born yesterday,” he added, causing Aelin to roll her eyes. “There will be _no_ driving,” he ordered, as if Aelin hadn’t already heard this same lecture a thousand times. “New Year’s Eve is the fifth highest day of the year for car related fatalities, and the number one for alcohol related.”

“Dad,” she sighed loudly. “I told you like, four times. Manon is our designated driver tonight.” She continued. “And if she has something to drink, I can always sleep over at the Caverre’s.”

Rhoe frowned, his hand running over his stubbled chin as he pondered saying something, but he ended up shaking his head and sighing loudly. “Fine.”

“Now, can I go get ready?” Aelin asked.

She had so much she needed to do before Lysandra’s party tonight. She planned on meticulously shaving every inch of her legs, donning a face mask while she did her hair, doing a full face of makeup with her new eyeshadow palette, and then she still needed to decide between the two dresses Manon had helped her pick out.

Aelin felt somewhat bad that she’d been MIA since she and Rowan had become…whatever they were, but she was thoroughly relieved that Manon didn’t seem to harbor any ill will. She’d happily gone shopping with Aelin, complaining about the holidays the whole time. Apparently Elide’s Uncle had her on lockdown for most of the month, leaving Manon alone with her half-sister, Rihannon, who was a freshman in college. They didn’t seem particularly close, and Manon sounded… a bit lonely? Though she’d never admit it, Aelin thought Manon was excited to spend time with Aelin, even without their mutual friend. Tonight, though, they’d all be reunited for a large party at Lys’s. Their usual small group hang was transforming into a mega bash, since her parents were out of the country for the holiday. Aelin was looking forward to a big party. Lots of places for her and Rowan to sneak off to.

She should have felt guilty, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She was just too happy.

At her dad’s wave, Aelin bounded up the stairs without a moment to lose. 

She showered as quickly as possible, being sure to carefully shave her legs. And she let her face mask sit as she blew dry her thick hair, which was sadly back to blonde – the pink completely faded out.

“I’m headed out,” Rhoe yelled over the loud whir of the blow dryer. He popped his head into the bathroom, and Aelin gave him a thumbs up and turned the dryer off.

“Hey, Dad?” Aelin said softly. “I know you’re all worried about me, but…” She took a deep breath. “Can you be careful, too?”

A wide smile appeared on his face as he took Aelin in for a tight hug. “Always am, Fireheart.” He squeezed her shoulder, patting it gently.

As her dad headed out, her phone buzzed with an incoming text. And Aelin was sure he was texting her some warning about drunk driving again, but she was delighted to see it was actually a text from Rowan.

She’d been missing him.

**What time do you want me to come over?**

Aelin’s grin widened further as she replied.

**Whenever! Dad just left for work.**

**I have another hour or two of getting ready, but you’re welcome to hang out.**

**TWO HOURS?!** He replied quickly, causing Aelin to giggle.

She started up the hair dryer again, finishing her blow out as she waited for Rowan to arrive. She was just washing her face mask off when she felt his arms wrap around her waist. His lips pressed against the exposed base of her neck, and she shivered at the feeling.

“That was fast,” she mumbled against her towel, wiping away the water from her face, trying not to smile too widely. “Eager to see me?” she asked, finally standing up straight and leaning into Rowan’s chest.

“Nope,” he lied, squeezing her waist tighter as he smiled at her in the mirror. Her stomach fluttered at the way his eyes darkened as they glanced down her tank top and shorts covered body. “Definitely didn’t break several traffic laws getting here. Because I haven’t missed you at all.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Aelin laughed, stepping out of his arms, causing a small frown to crinkle the corners of his mouth. “I was kind of hoping I’d have someone to kiss at midnight, but if you’re not interested, maybe I’ll find someone else…”

Aelin gasped as Rowan recaptured her in his arms, hugging her tightly as he swooped down and kissed her. She moaned as his tongue slipped through her lips, and she tightened her grasp around his neck, tugging him closer. She couldn’t help but smile at his eagerness, though it was harder to kiss through her grin. Rowan didn’t seem to mind, smiling back until both of them pulled away laughing.

His smile fell, and she watched as he nervously ran his hand through his hair. He cleared his throat and looked down at her. “So,” he paused. “Do I get a kiss at midnight?”

Aelin bit back her grin at Rowan’s sudden onslaught of nerves. How could he possibly think she would be kissing anyone other than him to ring in the new year? Still, she enjoyed teasing him far too much, and couldn’t resist saying, “Depends,” turning back toward the mirror to start applying her makeup.

“On what?” Rowan frowned, and it took everything in Aelin not to kiss the pout off his lips.

Aelin tapped her chin thoughtfully. “If I’m still awake,” she sassed.

Rowan’s frown deepened. “You’re going to fall asleep before midnight?”

Aelin shrugged. “Maybe.” She yawned over exaggeratedly. “I’m very tired.” She looked over her shoulder at the frowning boy. “What?” she asked, nudging his stomach. “I could use a good night’s sleep.” She paused again, raising an eyebrow at him. “Why? Did you think we were going to do anything else but sleep in my bed tonight?”

Rowan crossed his arms across his chest as he stammered, “No, of course not, I just—”

Aelin finally let her smile burst through, a slew of giggles accompanying it as Rowan’s cheeks blossomed with a deep red blush.

“I hate you,” he muttered, and Aelin couldn’t resist wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. She glanced up at his face and smiled widely.

“Rowan,” she breathed. “There’s no one else I’d rather kiss at midnight. Or any other time.”

“Cool,” he replied, trying to be nonchalant but his returning grin was blinding, giving him away.

“Now, let me finish getting ready,” she ordered him out of the bathroom, and he plopped onto her bed with a loud groan. As Rowan got comfortable in her room, Aelin returned to her preparations. Tonight was going to be a night she’d remember. She just knew it.

. . .

Aelin nervously stepped out of the bathroom, ready to show off her final look. She’d decided on a short black velvet dress, which glimmered slightly with iridescent thread in the right light. It was a little bit shorter than she would normally wear, but she hadn’t decided whether Rowan was into her butt or boobs, and she needed to test it out. Her hair had been straightened and then curled at the ends, and her eyes were bright with her new glittery eyeshadow.

“Whoa,” Rowan said softly as he spotted her.

“Yeah?” she asked, nervously spinning around to show off the low dip of the dress, which went halfway down her back.

“Uh huh,” he said, his voice quiet as he took her in.

Aelin bit her lip. “Well, I had to make sure I looked my best in case any of Lyria’s friends are there tonight.”

“You don’t think they will be, do you?” he asked, his eyes widening in surprise at the mention of the L word, which they’d studiously avoided the last week.

“I don’t know,” Aelin shrugged. “But they need to know I’m not to be fucked with.”

“So petty, Ace,” he laughed.

Aelin scoffed. “Damn right I’m pretty.”

Rowan snorted as he corrected her. “I said petty, not pretty.” He paused. “But you are. Pretty, too, I mean,” he stumbled over his words, and Aelin couldn’t help but smile at him. She had always loved Rowan, but this new stumbling, blushing version she was getting to know was even better.

She was about to lean and kiss him when a horn honked outside, signaling Manon’s arrival.

“You ready to see everyone?” she asked, and he shook his head immediately.

“No.”

“Yeah, me neither, she replied, causing him to smile earnestly. She could so easily blow this party off and spend the whole night alone with Rowan. But. She knew they couldn’t. “Let’s go,” she laughed, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him down the stairs.

. . .

Outside, Manon was waiting impatiently, Elide already in the cab of the truck. And as they opened the door, Aelin realized for the first time that there wasn’t really enough room for all of them. Aelin had forgotten to mention that Rowan would be coming with them, and for them all to fit it would be fairly squished.

“I can drive myself,” Rowan was quick to say, but Aelin just rolled her eyes in protest.

“We can all squish,” she insisted, nodding her head. “Go on.”

Then it was Rowan’s turn to roll his eyes, as he slid in next to Elide. His eyes roamed the small cab, which was entirely filled. “Should we strap you to the roof?” he asked, eyes gleaming. “I think you’d be a little cold.” Aelin bit back a grin as his eyes fell to the short hem of her dress and lingered on her bare legs.

“Don’t be stupid,” she scoffed. “I’ll just sit on your lap.”

Without waiting for a reply, Aelin hoisted herself into the truck and onto Rowan’s lap, fixing her skirt so she wasn’t giving them all a free show before the night had even started. “Kay!” Rowan managed to squeak out, and Aelin ignored Elide and Manon’s soft laughter as he struggled to figure out what to do with his hands, barely touching Aelin’s thigh before slapping them back down on the seat by his butt.

Aelin laughed, leaning down to pick up his arms and wrap them around her waist, giving her a shoddy excuse to lean closer to him. “I need you as my seatbelt, Buzzard.” She tightened her grasp on his hands, locking them into place and looked toward Manon. “Try not to kill me.”

Manon just shook her head and pulled up the edges of her darkly painted lips into a wry smile. “Noted.”

Luckily, the drive to Lysandra’s was fairly short, and they were all piling out of the car before Aelin could even get really comfortable.

“Just a quick reminder before we go in there,” Elide spoke up. “We need to head out immediately after midnight, otherwise my uncle _will_ go ballistic.”

They all nodded saying that was fine with them as they headed into the giant house. Aelin didn’t know what she’d expected, but it wasn’t a completely empty foyer. The only change to the large room were bolded signs that said DO NOT ENTER on the matching twin staircases, which twisted up to the second floor.

Another sign read COATS, leading into the living room, where piles upon piles of outerwear were spread across the usually pristine couches.

“Where’s our host?” Elide asked as she tossed her jacket onto the closest pile.

“Party’s this way,” a familiar voice called out from behind them, and Aelin couldn’t help the face-splitting grin that appeared on her face at the sound.

“BABE!” She took off in a gallop, throwing herself around Lorcan’s neck, hugging him tightly. “I didn’t know you were going to be here!”

“Couldn’t miss Lysandra’s big debut party,” he laughed, chuckling softly in her ear as she pulled away. She wanted to catch up with him – she hadn’t even realized how much she’d missed seeing him.

“Come on, Leelee,” Manon said, reaching for Elide’s hand. “This house just got crowded.”

Aelin wanted to inquire about what was going on there – she’d thought Manon and Lorcan had managed to put aside their differences and coexist, but it seemed like that was a temporary truce that was no longer in action.

As the pair of them headed down to the party, Lorcan raised an eyebrow and whistled low, regaining Aelin’s attention.

“Baaaabe,” he drawled. “You looking to land a man tonight?”

Aelin flipped her hair over her shoulder and smirked. “Always,” she laughed, trying to ignore the way Rowan stepped closer to her side.

She could feel his body heat radiating from him as he took another step toward her, and she could practically hear his teeth grinding. She couldn’t resist looking over at him, just a tiny glance. His body was rigid, fists clenched as he glared at Lorcan, practically vibrating out of his skin, looking like he was liable to pounce at the slightest provocation. It was … extremely hot.

“Ro,” she whispered, poking at his arm, trying to calm him down, but it was useless.

She glanced nervously between Lorcan and Rowan, wondering which one would break first, and she watched as Lorcan’s dark eyes widened, rapidly bouncing between the two of them, before bursting into a wide smile.

“NO!” he gasped, reaching out for one of Aelin and Rowan’s hands. “It finally happened, and I missed it?” His eyes never stopped bouncing between the pair of them, and Aelin could feel a warm flush creep up her neck. “I can’t believe you didn’t text me immediately. I’ve been waiting months for this!” he ranted excitedly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aelin mumbled, feeling strangely self-conscious.

“Babe,” he drawled again, and Rowan tensed further beside her. “Come on.”

“Can we stop with the ‘babe’?” Rowan interjected, his voice strained.

Lorcan’s grin widened. “You don’t’ like ‘babe’?” he asked, and Rowan took a deep breath beside her. “What would you rather? Daddy?” Lorcan taunted, and Aelin watched as Rowan’s hand formed a quick fist, ready to throw down.

“Rowan!” She reached out and grasped his forearm, stopping him before he could raise his hand. “Oh my gods, he’s kidding!”

“Am I?” Lorcan continued to taunt, and Aelin threw him a warning glare, telling him to back off. She was nervous Rowan was so high strung that he might actually land that punch.

“Yes.” She shook her head as she felt Rowan slide his arm around her waist and tug her closer, his fingers digging into her side. “Territorial bastard,” she muttered, watching Lorcan’s smile grow again.

“So, tell me everything,” Lorcan smirked. “When did it finally happen? And where? And what now?”

Aelin glanced up at Rowan, who was already staring down at her, both of them kind of at a loss for words at Lorcan’s reaction.

Lorcan laughed again. “Okay, fine, don’t tell me yet.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Once I get enough drinks into you, I’m sure you won’t be able to shut up about kissing this dreamboat.”

Aelin’s face flushed red as she tucked her chin into her chest. She knew he spoke the truth, but Rowan’s accompanying laugh was enough to mortify her.

“Lor…”

Unexpectedly, he threw his arms around the pair of them, tugging them into a tight hug. “Happy New Year, babes,” he said, causing Aelin to snort loudly. “Now let’s get those drinks.”

Rowan let his arm slip from Aelin’s side as they walked to the basement door, which was adorned with a large sign reading PARTY DOWNSTAIRS, but Aelin couldn’t help but reach out and squeeze his hand. Her stomach fluttered as he lifted it to his mouth, pressing his lips gently against her knuckles, before following Lorcan down the stairs to where a loud drumming bass boomed through the overhead speakers.

If Aelin thought she’d have a hard time finding Lysandra in the midst of the crowds, she was sorely mistaken. Her friend was donned in a bright red sequined dress, dancing under the dimmed lights like a shimmering fiery disco ball.

Aelin was impressed with the way Lysandra had managed to transform her family’s basement into party central. The lights were dimmed, and streamers were everywhere. Music blared overhead, and there were bars at both ends of the room. She’d truly outdone herself.

Lysandra squealed when she spotted Aelin walking down the stairs, pushing through the throngs of people dancing, until she made her way to her best friend. She spun Aelin under her arm, letting the skirt of her dress flare around around her thighs as she took her in.

“Um, excuseeee me, but who allowed you to be this gorgeous?!” Lysandra exclaimed, clearly already a few drinks in, if the slight slur of her voice was any indication. “You’re glowing!”

“She is, isn’t she?” Lorcan laughed, poking at Aelin’s red cheek.

Aelin was so distracted, she barely caught the tail end of Wesley’s greeting to Rowan as he slapped his shoulder in that way all teen boys seem to do. “RoRo! Where’s your girlfriend?” he asked, and Aelin could feel her mouth dry as Rowan’s eyes flicked to her nervously and then back to Wesley. They hadn’t used those words yet, and she couldn’t bring herself to ask if she was. If _they were_. You know. Boyfriend and girlfriend. A flash of insecurity rushed through her as Rowan stumbled with his answer.

“Uhh…um, my girlfriend?” he asked nervously, causing Wes to laugh.

“Yeah, you know. About yay high?” He demonstrated, holding his hand up. “Brown hair? Bambi eyes and an ass that won’t quit?” he said, earning a smack from Lysandra.

But Rowan’s eyes widened at the realization that Wes wasn’t talking about the girl standing beside him, but a girl they had barely mentioned in weeks.

“Oh!” Rowan shook his head. “No. Um. Lyria and I broke up at Halloween.”

“You did?!” Wes seemed shocked. “Shit, man. I’m sorry.” Rowan merely shrugged, and Aelin could feel her stomach clench nervously. But Rowan simply waved Wes off, assuring him he was fine. More than fine, he added, his eyes flicking back to Aelin. Wes slung his arm over Rowan’s shoulder, insisting that Rowan had been way too MIA for someone who was single, and that they needed to go smoke and catch up.

“Thank gods,” Lysandra laughed. “Now that we’ve dropped the boys, let’s go dance!”

“Drink first,” Aelin insisted. She laughed as Lysandra pulled a flask from her bra and handed it to Aelin.

“Special for you, m’lady.”

Aelin unscrewed the flask and shuddered as the liquor burned her throat. “Ew,” she said with a grimace.

“Daddy’s premium tequila!” Lysandra laughed, tilting some into her own mouth.

After a few sips back and forth, Aelin was feeling loose and great. She’d forgotten how much fun Lysandra was. They didn’t have to talk about anything real – they were both just content to enjoy each other’s company and dance to the raucous music. It was the perfect release after an emotionally overwhelming week.

The room became slightly blurry as they danced in circles, giggling endlessly as their limbs flailed about.

“Do I get a dance?” Rowan’s low voice whispered in her ear as his hands slid around her waist. She grinned and leaned back into his chest, looking up at his bloodshot eyes, which were squinting down at her.

She snorted loudly. “You are so high.”

“Only a little,” he giggled, ducking his face into Aelin’s shoulder and bit down gently.

“Rowan!” she yelped, her face flushing with the feel of his teeth scraping against her bare skin.

“I’m hungry,” he laughed, and moved his teeth up to her neck. Her shoulder lifted, pinning his face there, and she shivered despite the warmth coursing through her body.

“Maybe you need to go get a snack.”

“I already have one,” he giggled, snapping his teeth against her skin again, and Aelin laughed loudly.

“Did you just call me a snack?”

Instead of answering, though, he just laughed softly and pulled her closer, moving her hips in time against hers. As they continued to dance, Aelin tilted her head back and took a deep breath, perfectly buzzed and oblivious to the world around them. She grasped his arms tightly, never wanting him to let her go.

As the music blared overhead, Aelin pressed herself against him, her breath stuttering as his hands rubbed against the soft velvet of her dress. She wanted him to lean down and kiss her so badly in front of everyone, but she knew he wouldn’t. Not until they’d explicitly discussed it. And they hadn’t.

They just kept… not talking.

Her head swam with confusion, her happy thoughts floating away and replaced with a barrage of insecurities as the song ended and he pulled away. She wanted to pull him into a corner of the room and just talk, but she knew neither of them were sober enough for that conversation.

She gasped as Lysandra’s hand tugged at her elbow, pulling her out of Rowan’s grasp. She waved a short goodbye, leaving him standing on the dance floor alone as Lysandra hissed in her ear. “Oh my god, lock it up, you horn dogs.”

“Huh?” Aelin asked, the room coming back into focus again.

“I thought you were going to hump each other right there on the dance floor,” Lysandra cackled.

“What?!” Aelin squeaked. “Lys, no,” she laughed, but Lysandra just narrowed her eyes. “We were just dancing.”

“Sure,” Lysandra snorted. “Dancing.” She paused. “All I’m saying is that sure as hell didn’t look like best friends to me.”

Aelin gulped at her words. They were doing so badly at hiding their relationship; she didn’t even remember why they were anymore.

“Come on,” Lys said, tugging her hand harder. “There’s a giant game of Spin The Bottle happening over there,” she said, pointing to the corner of the room where, sure enough, a large circle had formed on the floor. “Let’s go find someone for you to kiss at midnight.”

Aelin’s eyes widened as she glanced over at her shoulder at Rowan, who still stood alone among the crowds of people, watching her go with a frown on his face.

. . .

“Make room!” Lysandra giggled as she plopped down, scootching between a few football players Aelin barely recognized from her time spent at Lorcan’s parties. She wanted to just stand and watch the game, but Lysandra was drunk and oblivious and tugged her down until she was sitting next to her.

Aelin sipped at Lysandra’s flask nervously as she watched the game from her spot on the floor. One by one, people took turns spinning the empty liquor bottle, leaning across the circle to kiss whoever it landed on. But with each person who spun, approaching Aelin’s turn, she could feel her stomach turn.

She didn’t want to kiss anyone other than Rowan. She glanced around, though, and he was nowhere to be found.

“I need another drink,” Aelin announced suddenly, causing Lysandra to frown.

“But it’s almost your turn.” She furrowed her brow. “And it’s almost midnight!”

Aelin’s heart pounded as she told Lysandra that she’d be back shortly. She hadn’t realized how close it was to midnight, and she needed to find Rowan. She got up as gracefully as she could, trying not to trip over the people in her way as she headed toward the bar at the far end of the room. Her eyes searched high and low for her favorite familiar head of silver hair, but she couldn’t find him anywhere.

Her pulse raced as her eyes darted around the room, still coming up empty. Was it possible that he had left her there? That he’d seen her go off to play spin the bottle and bailed? No, she shook her head. He wouldn’t do that. He would at least tell her if he were leaving, right?

But the longer Aelin looked, the worse she started to feel. The more she started to doubt everything.

She and Rowan were… horrible at talking. They had spent most of their week kissing, instead of talking. And she knew all those gnawing insecurities were just waiting beneath the surface, ready to pounce, because she really didn’t even know where they stood. What if Rowan had found someone else to kiss at midnight?

At that horrible thought, Aelin started feeling lightheaded. The basement was clouded with heat and the smell of alcohol, and she needed a breath of fresh air. She stumbled toward the long sliding door, which opened to the giant infinity pool and hot tub.

The night outside was frigid, but Aelin gulped the frosty wind down, needing to clear her lungs, desperate for fresh air.

“Ace?” a small voice called from behind her, and she spun on her heel, clutching her chest at the intrusion to her moment of peace. She couldn’t help but smile as she saw Rowan, hunched over, leaning against the exterior of the house, arms crossed over his chest as he blew hot breaths into the cold air.

“Ro,” she breathed softly, relief flooding her body at the sight of him. “There you are.”

She wrapped her arms around herself, the nighttime chill wracking through her barely there dress.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Sorry. I needed some air to sober up,” he laughed, shaking his head.

“Same,” she said quietly. Her eyes flicked up at him, wondering what he was thinking. The tension between them was thick and strange and tinged with something she couldn’t put her finger on, and it was deeply unsettling.

“You were looking for me?” he asked, his eyebrow quirking all the way up, and Aelin nodded. “I thought you were looking for someone to kiss at midnight,” he grumbled, and Aelin bit back a smile as she realized Rowan was jealous.

“I found someone,” she said, taking a step toward him, and she watched as Rowan’s shoulders tensed, his eyes narrowing as he looked her over.

“You did?” he asked, and Aelin nodded again.

She was about to tell him she was looking right at him, when Rowan exploded.

“What the hell, Aelin?” he sputtered. “Are you not my girlfriend? Because if you’re not then we’ve been thinking really different things for the last week,” he huffed, and Aelin could feel her heart swell with excitement at his words. “I thought you wanted to kiss _me_ at midnight, not some stranger,” he grumbled, and Aelin finally let a smile burst through.

She walked toward him slowly, wrapping her arms around his neck as she took a deep breath. “You want me to be your girlfriend?”

He frowned, despite her hands in his hair, which he usually loved. “Well, yeah. I thought that was obvious,” he sighed.

Aelin felt like her heart would burst. She didn’t know she could feel this happy ever. As she leaned up on her tippy toes to kiss her boyfriend, she couldn’t help but release a soft, “I love you,” before pressing her lips to his.

“You do?” Rowan asked, pulling back suddenly.

Aelin blinked, confused as to why her kiss wasn’t being returned. “What?” she asked.

“You love me?” Rowan asked, seemingly perplexed, though Aelin couldn’t figure out why. Of course she loved him. She’d told him multiple times in the last week, hadn’t she? But the more she thought about it, she realized that maybe she hadn’t said it. Hadn’t said those words. She’d insinuated it.

“I love you more than you could ever wrap your head around,” Aelin admitted, her heart still thumping wildly.

A crooked smile appeared on Rowan’s face as he finally leaned down and reciprocated her kiss, mumbling against her lips. “I highly doubt that.”

Aelin sighed into Rowan’s mouth as he grasped her tighter around her waist, pulling her up, up, up, onto her tippy toes, never close enough. Somewhere in the distance, Aelin could vaguely hear a countdown start, but it didn’t matter. Her new year had already started. She was Rowan’s girlfriend. Rowan Whitethorn was her boyfriend, and she was kissing him as if it were the end of the world.

His hands ran up her back, tangling in her hair, clutching her closer as their kissing intensified, making Aelin’s toes curl. She moaned softly against his mouth, her entire body thrumming with desire with each press of his lips.

They only parted when she heard Elide’s shrill voice squeal, “I KNEW IT!”

Aelin pulled her mouth away, looking over her shoulder at her gloating friend, before shoving her flushed cheek against Rowan’s chest, which was rumbling with laugher.

“Ugh,” Manon groaned from the doorway. “They’re going to be way more insufferable now.”

“Shush,” Elide warned her girlfriend, who to her credit, backed off immediately.

But Aelin couldn’t bring herself to care as Rowan ran his fingers through her hair. She glanced up at him, his eyes already shining down at her, his cheeks ruddy from the cold and their kissing.

“Yup,” he said loudly. His arms rubbed against her cold arms, and Aelin realized for the first time that they’d been standing out in the cold for quite some time. She shivered as Rowan leaned down and whispered in her ear. “Now, let’s go home so I can warm you up.”

. . .

By the time Aelin and Rowan were back home, Aelin’s nerves had kicked back up. Tequila still clouded her head, making her feel warm and fuzzy, and slightly jittery at the notion of being alone in bed with Rowan. In an empty house.

They got ready for bed like it was just another normal night, as if they hadn’t been making out, hands all over each other, wanting to be touched less than an hour ago. Rowan stripped down to a t-shirt and boxers, while Aelin decided to forego pajama pants, wearing an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. But as she crawled under the covers, she immediately kicked the pants off. They were making her feel claustrophobic.

“Should we turn the light off?” Rowan asked, and Aelin gulped. “We don’t have to,” he assured her, but Aelin knew she was being silly. How many times had she slept in the same bed as Rowan?

And now she was allowed to kiss him. And … maybe even more.

She rolled over and turned the light off, plunging them both into darkness, and she could feel her heartrate increase as they turned to face each other.

“Hi,” Rowan whispered, and Aelin smiled.

“Hi.”

They both lunged for each other at the same time, teeth clanking loudly as they resumed their kissing. Aelin shivered as Rowan’s hand grabbed at her bare thigh, pausing when he realized what had happened.

“Are you not wearing any pants?”

“No…”

He groaned, his teeth nipping at her jaw as he mumbled against her skin as his hand trailed circles up her smooth thigh, which she had so meticulously shaved. “You’re trying to kill me.”

“Maybe,” she laughed, tugging him closer.

“Good thing I brought extra boxers,” he whispered, and Aelin burst into giggles. “Shut up,” he laughed, self-consciously.

Aelin’s head spun as his hands searched upwards, meeting the edge of her panties. She felt as if she were on fire as they panted into each other’s mouths, nothing more than a frantic flurry of kisses and clumsy touches.

She moaned softly as Rowan climbed on top of her, rolling her to her back, caging her in with his wide arms, spurring him on. Her thighs widened, making room for him between them, and she gasped as she felt him between her legs.

Her excitement swirled with something else, something tinged with confusion and pain as she struggled to focus her eyes on him. But in the dark, mind muddled with tequila, all she could feel was a large body pressing against her, pinning her down to her bed, and something poking at her, pressing against her underwear.

Panic gripped at her chest as he rocked his hips against her. A loud gasp ripped from her mouth as she gulped for air, struggling to breathe. His lips moved down to her neck, and she took another shallow breath, not quite reaching her lungs. She was going to hyperventilate.

“Rowan,” she managed to whisper, though it was barely audible to her own ears. “Rowan,” she tried louder, but she couldn’t. Tears burned at the corners of her eyes as she blinked, trying to verbalize what she needed, but she couldn’t. She was frozen. “Stop,” she finally choked out, pushing against his shoulders.

Confused, Rowan immediately rolled off of her, watching as Aelin sputtered for air, never quite catching her breath.

“Ace?” he whispered. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head as he reached out to stroke her shoulder.

“You’re shaking,” he said, and Aelin knew she needed to remove herself from the bed immediately before she lost all sense of reality.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, fleeing the bed on shaky legs and slamming shut the bathroom door. She slumped over the toilet, hands still trembling as she rested them on her bare thighs. Her tears finally rolled down her cheeks, silently pouring forth with each one of her slow blinks.

She finally took a deep breath. Counting to three, she held it and then released. Over and over until she finally calmed down.

Pinned down, her head swimming with alcohol, her body could only remember the last time she’d felt that way – when the wrong eyed had scoffed at her, putting her in a position so uncomfortable that she’d literally fled. So much had happened since Halloween, she forgot that was the last sexual experience she’d had. And she hadn’t really thought about how utterly petrified she’d been. How _not_ ready she’d been for that. How easily she could have done something she didn’t want to do at all.

If Rowan had known about any of that, she had a feeling that this would have gone a lot differently. She just hadn’t even realized she needed to talk about it. But clearly, she did. Even if her brain didn’t realize it, her body definitely did.

“Aelin?” Rowan’s soft voice came from the other side of the door.

“I’m okay,” she reassured him as much as she could with her voice still scratchy from her drying tears.

She got up and cracked the door open, revealing Rowan’s worried face.

“What just happened?” he asked, and Aelin took a deep breath.

“I think it’s time we talked about those other guys.”


	28. Chapter 28

Aelin took a deep breath and waited for Rowan’s reaction. Through the dark, she could see him barely nod, his chin dipping slightly as he struggled with a reply. She watched as he crossed his arms across his chest and then immediately dropped them to his sides.

“Oh gods, it’s bad, isn’t it?” he burst.

Aelin bit her lip and shrugged, still letting her pounding heart come down from her moment of panic.

“Right.” He paused. “Should I sit down?” he asked, his words running together with how fast he said them. “I feel like I should sit down.”

She’d never heard him sound so nervous or flustered, and she suddenly wondered if she’d be able to have this conversation. He was _so_ nervous; it was making her even more nervous. And he had no idea what she was about to tell him. She watched as he quickly sat at the edge of the bed, his back ramrod straight.

“Yeah, sitting is good,” he mumbled. 

He took a deep breath and slumped over, his hands on his own knees, nervously staring at her from his new awkward perch. 

“It’s okay, Aelin,” he continued. “You can tell me.” He paused again. “I knew you were, uh, doing stuff with other guys.” He swallowed loudly, and she listened as his voice raised in pitch with each word he managed to squeak out. “You don’t have to feel bad or guilty, or whatever. If I suck, just tell me, because I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing. Like, at all. I’ve definitely never touched anyone like that before, and if I did something wrong or hurt you I’m really sorry, or, if you’ve changed your mind about us…”

He gulped a large breath in, having used up all his air on his ramblings, and Aelin’s mind raced, trying to process what he was saying. He thought she’d pulled away because she was more physically advanced than him? He thought he was… bad? How did he _possibly_ come to that conclusion? Sometimes she and Rowan were on such different pages, she had no idea how they managed to stay friends for so long. It had never been clearer to her that they desperately needed to talk.

“Rowan,” she whispered, shaking her head slightly. “That’s not… not at _all_ what’s going on.”

“It’s not?”

She shook her head again. “Not even close?”

“Okay…” he replied, but his voice was filled with doubt. “It’s just, I let you feel my…” He trailed off, and despite the dark, Aelin was positive her best friend was blushing. “And you pushed me off and ran into the bathroom.” He paused. “So, if that’s not it, what is it?”

“Can we,” she began, tugging at the hem of her sleep shirt, feeling overly exposed even in the dark, “get back into bed?”

The pair wordlessly climbed back into the bed, and Aelin pulled her covers over her shoulder, tucking the comforter under chin as she rolled toward Rowan. His nose was only a few inches away from her, and she couldn’t resist leaning forward and pressing her lips against it softly. She felt it scrunch beneath her touch, and she shivered as the warm exhale of Rowan’s breath ghosted against her skin.

“I’m not changing my mind, Ro,” she whispered, settling back onto her pillow. “I’m never changing my mind,” she continued. “I just…” She took a deep breath and relaxed slightly as she felt Rowan reach for her hand beneath the covers. It was a small gesture of comfort, but it meant everything. She squeezed back, lacing her fingers with his as she struggled with how to begin. “Do you remember the night I found you and Lyria in my spot?” she asked.

Though he let out a low chuckle, there was no humor to it. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that night.”

Aelin gulped as her heart started pounding again, her body starting to tremble slightly as she continued forward. “Did you ever wonder what I was doing there? In the middle of the night?”

“I…” Rowan shook his head. “No.” She felt his hand tense around hers as he continued. “I mean, I did for a second, but then—” He cut himself off. “I had, um, other things to think about.”

“Yeah,” Aelin croaked. “Me too.” She felt a tear start to burn at the edges of her eyes again as she took a stuttering inhale. “So much happened that night, I kind of ignored what led me there…” She ignored the tear that rolled down her cheek as she squeezed Rowan’s hand harder, hoping to stop the trembling that had reached her own. “I was so mad at you, I pushed everything else away.” Aelin breathed softly, her pulse thrumming loudly in her eardrums as she finally said the words out loud. “I think I was almost assaulted.”

Rowan inhaled sharply, his grasp on her hand slackening in surprise. He opened his mouth to say something, but now that Aelin had finally said the words, she was an uncontrollable river of emotion, finally ready to talk.

“There was a rumor going around school that you and Lyria had slept together after Homecoming, and even though I knew it wasn’t true, I don’t know. I felt like it _could_ be true. Eventually, and I was so stupid. I wanted to get there first, I guess? So, I visited Aedion, and I got way too drunk, and then I saw Sam—” Rowan’s hand tightened around hers at the other boy’s name, his vice grip betraying the calm expression he wore on his face. “And he invited me up to his room, and—” Aelin cringed as Rowan’s grasp tightened again. “I should have said no, but I was just so desperate to prove I could, and so I went upstairs, and I called you so I’d have to follow through with it, but then when it was actually happening, I knew I didn’t want to do it at all, that I never did, and so I just left. I called my dad to come get me, and I left.”

By the time Aelin finished speaking, her whole body was shaking again. Adrenaline coursed through her limbs as they remembered her need to flee, the fear she felt at having Sam pressed between her legs, his hand snaking up her skirt and removing her underwear, and the way he scoffed when she asked him to stop.

“When you say, ‘it was actually happening,’” He cleared his throat. “What… actually happened?” Rowan asked, his voice strained. His grasp on her hand was so tight now, it was practically cutting off circulation in her fingers.

“Nothing,” Aelin insisted. “Nothing actually happened.” Rowan’s eyes never left hers as she sorted through the jumbled memories of that night. “We made out on his bed,” Aelin admitted. “And he took some of my clothes off, and he was lining up to—” She paused. “But before he could, I stopped him.”

“Aelin,” he breathed, his hand suddenly on her cheek, which was wet with tears she hadn’t even been aware she’d shed. “You weren’t almost assaulted.” He paused. “You were. Assaulted.” He cleared his throat as he swiped away another tear. “That’s assault.”

Her voice was quiet to her own ears as she breathed. “It is?”

“You were drunk, not to mention underage,” he added. “And he didn’t even ask before trying to…” Rowan breathed deeply. “Did he even know it would have been your first time?” She shook her head, emotions running wild as Rowan talked her through it. “He didn’t ask because he didn’t want to know, and he was just going to…” Rowan let out a choked noise, and Aelin realized that he was swallowing back his own tears. “Was he even wearing a condom?”

“I don’t know,” Aelin whispered. “I didn’t notice,” she paused. “I just wanted to get out of there.” Her chest cracked as she let out a sob. “I was really scared.”

Rowan’s arms were around her in an instant, tugging her into his chest as his long arm wrapped around her back and rubbed soothing circles between her shoulder blades. She sniffled loudly as she finally let out the droves of terror she’d been holding onto for months, lingering in her consciousness, unprocessed. Her body shook with relief as she cried into Rowan’s shoulder.

“If I ever see that asshole ever again, you know he’s dead, right?”

She shook her head. “Please don’t kill anyone. I need you not to go to jail,” she said through her sniffles. “And I’m fine,” she said. “I really am. I just didn’t expect when I felt you that I’d feel _him_ …” She shuddered. “I knew I had to tell you. Before we try… anything else.” 

He paused. “Am I the first person you’ve told?”

Aelin nodded. “So, Aedion doesn’t know?” She shook her head. “Your dad doesn’t know?” She shook her head again. “Lorcan doesn’t know?”

She tilted her head back at that one. “No, no one knows.” She paused. “Like I said, I hadn’t really thought about it since. I had…. other things on my mind.”

“Fuck,” he groaned into the stillness of the room. His voice was thick as he continued. “I should have been there for you.” His heart pounded beneath her cheek. “But instead I pushed you out of your safe place when you needed it the most. No wonder you said you hated me. I hate me, too.” His voice was hard, and Aelin knew he was probably thinking the worst of himself, but she wanted to put an end to that immediately. That wouldn’t do either of them any good.

“Hey,” she poked his cheek. “You’re here now.”

“What can I do?” he asked, and Aelin sighed as she realized what she really needed to say.

“I think,” she began quietly. “I just need to go slow.” She swallowed nervously. “Um, physically.” Her heart pounded wildly as she remembered the feeling of Rowan between her legs. “I want to do _all_ those things with you,” Aelin assured him, and herself, if she was really being honest. “But maybe we should stick to kissing for now?”

She could feel more than see Rowan nodding through the dark. “If all you wanted to do was kiss for the rest of eternity, it’d be more than enough,” he whispered, and Aelin could feel her heart swell in gratitude for the boy in front of her.

“Thanks,” she sighed. “But, I’m pretty sure I’m going to want to do more than that,” she laughed. “I already want to do more than that,” she added, causing Rowan to snort. “I want you to touch me so bad, sometimes I think I’m going to combust,” she admitted, causing Rowan to sigh loudly into his pillow. “But, I guess I don’t know how I’m going to react anymore. I thought I’d be fine, because it’s you, you know?” She took a deep breath. “Maybe we should have some kind of word to use if either of us is feeling uncomfortable as we start… touching?”

Rowan peered down his sloped nose at her. “Like a safe word?”

Aelin shrugged. “Yeah.”

Rowan bit back a smile. “I had no idea you were so kinky, Ace.”

She shoved his chest. “Shut up and hold me, Buzzard.”

He did happily, opening his arms to her as she flopped over to face the door, her back against his chest. She was a perfect little spoon. And as Rowan tucked his head next to hers, she felt safe and comforted in a way that she didn’t know she could.

“So, what should our safe word be?” Rowan asked at the same time Aelin asked, “So, you and Lyria really never had sex?”

She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt Rowan peer over her shoulder. “Aelin,” he said quietly. “Aelin, look at me.” She cracked an eye open. He was hovering over her, his face way too serious for his next words. “I’d never even touched a boob before last week. Every time I kiss you, I feel like I don’t know where to put my hands because I’m afraid if they touch your butt I might explode again.”

Aelin snorted loudly. “Understandable,” she said contentedly leaning back into his chest further. “It’s a good butt.”

“It’s a great butt,” Rowan corrected her, finally relaxing and moving his hand to rest on her hip. Aelin inhaled sharply as his thumb dipped to the curve of her thigh. “Sorry!” Rowan said, yanking his hand back up to her stomach, but inadvertently pushed his other hand into her chest, his whole hand cupping her braless boob. He yelped as he rolled to his back, breathing hard. “Sorry!” he squeaked again. “You just asked to move super slow, and I just groped the fuck out of you. Fuck! What’s wrong with me?” Rowan said, his eyes screwed shut. “I’m sorry.”

Aelin pushed herself up to look at his face. He looked miserable, as if he’d just committed a great atrocity. But all she could think about was the feeling of his hand against her chest. It had _not_ felt bad.

“Rowan, it’s fine,” she insisted. “I will tell you if something is too much. I promise.”

He cracked an eye open and slid it toward her, looking dubious. “Safe word?”

“How about standard stop light rules?” Aelin asked. “Green for go, yellow for slow down, and red for stop?” He nodded, and Aelin smiled widely. “Good. Now, can you put your hand back on my boob because that was definitely green for go.”

Rowan shook his head. “Ace…”

Aelin rolled her eyes at the moody boy beside her. She knew he was fully in his head, ready for self-flagellation at the smallest hitch of her breath.

She pressed her palm against his chest. “Feel that?” she asked, and Rowan furrowed his brow, shaking it gently.

“Feel what?” he asked as her hand bunched up his shirt gently.

“Your shirt,” she said. “Know what that’s made of?” She asked, and he frowned harder. “That’s boyfriend material, right there,” she said, hoping he cracked a smile. She couldn’t’ see it, but she knew he was rolling his eyes. So, she tried again. “Do you have a band-aid?” she asked, and he cocked his head at her, wondering what she was getting at. “Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.”

“Aelin,” he said, but she could see the small curl of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Are you a parking ticket?” she asked, “Because you have fine written all over you.”

He finally smiled widely, a deep laughing pulling from his chest as she leaned down and pressed her lips against his softly.

He laughed loudly as he tugged her onto his chest. “Lay down,” he insisted. “I’m supposed to be the one comforting _you_ , remember?”

Despite her earlier admissions, Aelin was trying her very hardest not to remember. Unleashing that wave of fear and beginning to parse through it hadn’t been on her plans for this evening, and she’d felt more than she could handle tonight. All at once, exhaustion hit like a wall of bricks. She stretched, her limbs suddenly heavy with fatigue as her emotion drained from her body, leaving her limp and in need of the comfort Rowan was offering.

“I’m just going to hold you for a while,” he said softly. “I’m not ready to joke yet,” he admitted. 

“Fine,” she sighed, conceding defeat and snuggling back into Rowan’s arms. She threw a leg over his as she burrowed her face into his chest, smiling as he whispered, “I love you,” into the darkness.

She no longer doubted the words. She felt them all the way down to the tips of her toes.

…

Aelin awoke early the next morning. Far too early to be awake, given how late the pair had been up. So, she was surprised to see Rowan’s eyes open and on her already.

“Have you been watching me sleep?” she yawned, rolling onto her side to face him.

“No…” he mumbled as a soft shade of pink crept up his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

“Creep,” she laughed.

“Shut up,” he laughed, his nose scrunching uncomfortably under Aelin’s intense gaze and poking her with one of his feet.

Aelin sighed happily, loving the way Rowan looked in her bed first thing in the morning, all rumpled and sleep creased and flushed and happy. She wished she could have him there always.

“Happy New Year,” she whispered. “It’s nice that your voice is the first thing I heard today,” Aelin said, suddenly self conscious about… everything. Everything she’d shared of herself with him. The way she looked, with tangled hair and most likely makeup remnants below her eyes. But Rowan didn’t seem to care. He just smiled and leaned forward.

“I really want to kiss you,” Rowan said, “But my mouth tastes like something died in there, and I think you’ve been through enough trauma.” His face scrunched up in the most adorable way, and Aelin couldn’t help but bark out a too loud laugh for the early morning hour. His joke was made to put her at ease, that what she’d told him last night hadn’t changed anything; that it was okay – that _they_ were okay. She didn’t know she needed him to do that until he did, and she was insanely grateful.

“Why don’t we go brush our teeth and then get back into bed to make out?” she suggested, wanting to take him up on his kissing as soon as possible.

“Deal,” Rowan said, quickly rolling out of the bed and running into the bathroom. Aelin squealed, following him and rushing to wet her toothbrush and shove it into her mouth.

She smiled into the mirror as she and Rowan brushed their teeth, side by side. Shy glances were exchanged as Rowan’s eyes dipped to her bare thighs, immediately glancing back into the mirror and away from her legs. She giggled as he leaned down and spat his toothpaste into the sink, heading back into her room and muttering, “Demon,” under his breath.

She finished cleaning the remnants of last night’s tequila from her tongue and made her way back into her room where Rowan was already stretched out on top of the comforter, arms behind his head, propped up on the pillow, waiting for her. As his eyes dipped to her legs again, Aelin couldn’t resist teasing him.

“So, Ro…” She smirked as she leaned down and pulled her pajama bottoms back on, much to his disappointment. “Now that you’re my boyfriend,” she watched as his face split into a giant grin at her words. “I think I have the right to know. Are you a boobs or butt guy?”

“Aelin,” he groaned in a tone that she’d been hearing more and more frequently.

“What?” she asked all too innocently as she climbed onto the bed beside him, stretching her arms above her head and arching both the parts of her body in question. His eyes slid to her chest, and she watched as a deep red color splotched his cheeks, betraying his answer. “Boobs? Really?”

He covered his face with his hands, shoving them into the pillow to hide himself, and Aelin couldn’t help but laugh at his discomfort.

“I mean, yours in particular,” Rowan mumbled into his hands. “But, yeah.” He laughed, pained. “You have no idea how hard this summer was for me.”

“Hard like… _hard_ , hard?” Aelin goaded him, poking at his fingers which were still covering his face.

“Yes,” he admitted from behind his hands, causing Aelin to preen with pleasure.

“Wanna touch them?” she whispered, and Rowan’s hand left his face as his eyes widened and darted to hers, fear clouding them.

“I thought we were sticking to kissing?!” he squeaked, his voice tight with surprise, and Aelin bit her lip, holding back a wicked smile.

“No time like the present to try out those safe words,” she said with a wink, watching as Rowan became more and more flustered, unsure of what to say or do – his arms wanting to reach out, but staying firmly on the mattress between them. “Seriously, Rowan,” she said, capturing his attention with her firm tone. “If you stay on top of the comforter, and I’m under it, I think it’ll be okay?”

“Okay,” he said nervously, but he pushed himself up so he could more easily crawl over her, his hips raised up and away from the blanket as she climbed underneath. His arms caged her in, one on each side of her shoulders, one knee was placed between hers, the other to the outside, and she breathed in deeply as he leaned down to kiss her. The kiss was soft and tentative, barely pressing against her, before pulling away.

Aelin watched as his hand slowly slid down the edge of the comforter, pushing it down until it reached her stomach. Over her sleep shirt, Rowan placed his hand on the upper curve of her waist, his thumb resting only an inch below her rapidly beating chest. His eyes sought hers out, wide and questioning, as Aelin breathed the color that surrounded her in droves. “Green.”

He leaned down again, his mouth pressing harder this time as her lips parted beneath his. But he felt too far away, and Aelin wasn’t having that. Her hands reached out for his neck, pulling him closer and closer, but Rowan remained upright above her.

“Rowan,” she whined against his mouth, tugging harder until he collapsed on top of her with a grunt.

As he settled between her legs, he looked at her again, checking in with worried eyes, but it was for nothing. Just knowing that he was concerned was enough to have Aelin squirming beneath him. Through the comforter, she couldn’t quite feel anything as intensely as last night. So, she deemed this position a complete success.

“Green,” she breathed, pulling him down to her mouth again. As they kissed, Aelin could feel them both becoming more comfortable, mouths moving against each other, Rowan’s hand placed precariously on her waist, and her hands running through his hair. She moaned happily as Rowan’s hand started to inch up, closer to where she wanted him. But as his thumb pressed against the bottom of her boob, Rowan reared back, surprised.

“Ace,” he croaked. “Are you not… wearing a bra?”

Confused, Aelin quirked an eyebrow at him. “Why would I wear a bra to bed?”

“Ohmigod,” he mumbled as his hand covered more of her chest, pressing his palm against her. “They’re so soft,” he groaned, letting his head fall against her neck. His lips ran against her skin, and Aelin couldn’t help but arch into his hand, pressing against him more fully.

“Green,” she gasped as his thumb swiped across her chest. “Green,” she sighed again. It felt… so good. She thought she might explode from how hard she was breathing and the rush of heat circling through her. Was this how it was supposed to feel?

“Green,” she moaned, this time. She didn’t know if it was her tone or the safety of their new words, but Rowan stopped holding back, falling down to his side as his other hand came up to join, palming her roughly.

Their kisses grew sloppier with their excitement, but she didn’t care. Everything felt perfect in the light of day with Rowan’s hands on her, his body against hers, their mouths moving rapidly. She wanted to live in this moment forever, happiness overwhelming her as they continued to kiss.

“Aelin, I thought I heard you up—”

She and Rowan parted and looked toward the door at the same time and saw her dad’s ice blue eyes flash with dread, the door slamming shut as he shouted, “NO!” as loudly as he could.

Aelin wiped at her mouth as Rowan scrambled as quickly as he could off her, pushing back onto all fours and scurrying backwards, when the door swung back open. She sat up quickly, pushing her shirt back down from where it’d ridden up, trying to calm her breathing from their marathon kissing as her eyes flicked to the time. How had so much time passed? Oh man, they were going to be in trouble.

“Downstairs.” Rhoe said, shoving the door back open as far as it could go, so it hit the inside wall. At the sound, Rowan backed off the bed, tripping over his too long legs and falling onto the floor with a thud. If Aelin hadn’t been absolutely horrified at their situation, she would have laughed heartily at Rowan’s struggle. But she couldn’t get her dad’s face out of her mind. Or the sound of his infuriated voice. “NOW,” Rhoe added as he made his way down the stairs. Rowan and Aelin ran after him, trying not to slip down the stairs as they hurried.

“Sit,” Rhoe ordered, pointing to the kitchen table. Aelin scurried to sit as her dad poured himself a cup of coffee, her stomach churning with nerves. She reached out to grab Rowan’s hand beneath the table, but he pulled it away, placing it firmly in his lap, causing Aelin to frown. She knew he was panicky. This was not exactly how they’d planned on telling Rhoe about their new couple status, but her dad would just have to deal. And so would Rowan. All her guilt and horror morphed into annoyance at the way her dad’s shoulders hunched, tension running through them as he avoided looking at them yet.

Rhoe’s mug clinked onto the table as he pulled up a seat for himself, his frown marring his face as his free hand rubbed through his longer than usual winter beard. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out – just a long sigh.

“Dad,” Aelin tried to begin, seeing as no one was saying anything.

“No,” he repeated again, his eyes hardening as they rested on Aelin’s face. He sighed loudly again. “There are going to be some new house rules,” he said firmly, and Aelin tried not to roll her eyes at Rowan’s paled face nodding.

“Dad, this is stupid—” Aelin tried, but Rhoe wasn’t having any of it. His list of rules was forming, rolling off his tongue with the firmest tone he could manage.

“Doors stay _open_ ,” Rhoe began. “Always.” Aelin scoffed. Like he’d be able to enforce that. Her dad was at work most of the time. “If Rowan is over while I’m not here, you stay _downstairs_. _”_ Aelin sighed at the insanity of that request. “And absolutely _no_ sleepovers.”

“Yes, sir,” Rowan said with a serious nod, but Aelin thought everyone was overreacting just a bit.

“And if you’re out together, you will check in every twenty minutes,” Rhoe added, causing Aelin to bark out a loud laugh. That was excessive. And insane. She’d never known her dad not to trust her. Okay, maybe she’d breached that trust slightly, and she would spend time apologizing to him for that, but he was being ridiculous.

“Twenty minutes?” she asked, incredulous. “Why twenty minutes?”

Rhoe scrunched up his face, as if he were in pain and shook his head. “That’s all it takes.” He paused. “I’m too old to take care of another baby. And too young to be a grandparent.”

Aelin knew she should have actually been listening to her dad’s worries – after all, he’d just caught them in her bed while he was out of the house – but he and Rowan seemed so stressed out at their situation, she couldn’t resist pushing their buttons.

“Twenty minutes?” she scoffed. “Please, it would take way less than that. It’s not like you can stop me and Rowan from having sex in the back of his car if we want!”

Rhoe’s face turned as red as she’d ever seen it, fury boiling under his skin as Rowan flailed an arm out, and then immediately pulled it back. “Rhoe, s-sir,” he stuttered. “No. That’s… not happening.” His eyes darted to Aelin’s with sheer panic written in them. “Aelin,” he warned her. “We’re definitely not doing that. Ever.”

Aelin sighed loudly, slumping onto her elbow exaggeratedly and flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Fiiiine,” she drawled. “I guess I’ll cross car sex off my bucket list.”

“Aelin!” Rowan hissed, his panic now tangible. Rhoe’s eyes flicked between the couple, and despite his former fury, she could see the corners of his lips unwittingly tug upwards.

“You’re doing this on purpose to stress him out,” Rhoe said with a smirk, finally taking a sip of his hot coffee, and Aelin smiled at her dad, realizing he was finally calming down.

“Obviously,” Aelin quipped, causing her dad to chuckle softly. The chuckle morphed into a groan as he looked at the teens on the other side of the table from him. He ran a hand through his hair, pausing to tug slightly, a sure sign of his stress, and sighed, ultimately resigned. “Aren’t you happy?” Aelin asked, flashing a small smile at him. “You love Rowan.”

“I did,” he grumbled. “Until I saw him mauling you…”

“I wanted him to maul me!” Aelin shouted, causing Rhoe to hold up his hand, shaking it back and forth to silence his daughter.

“I don’t need to hear this.”

“Sir,” Rowan interrupted. “I’m _so_ sorry. What I did was completely disrespectful. I never should have been here without telling you what was going on between me and Aelin. And I definitely shouldn’t have spent the night.”

Rhoe sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Enough with the sir crap, Rowan.” His eyes flicked to Aelin. “And I have a feeling the sleepover was not _your_ idea.”

Aelin felt her cheeks warm and looked down at her lap, away from her dad’s stern glare. Yes, she would definitely be apologizing for this for a while.

“So…” Rhoe paused. “This is happening, huh?”

Aelin smiled, her heart racing as she caught Rowan’s nervous gaze. “Yup.”

“I thought I had more time,” Rhoe lamented, and Aelin exhaled her nerves as Rowan finally reached for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers, dangling between their two chairs, causing her smile to widen further.

“I love Aelin a lot, sir… Rhoe,” Rowan said softly.

“No shit,” Rhoe scoffed, and Aelin couldn’t help but duck her chin to her chest as Rowan laughed in agreement with the statement. “All right,” her dad sighed. “Let’s call your Aunt.”

“What?” Rowan asked. “Why?”

Rhoe’s blue eyes pierced into both of them as a sly smirk appeared on his face, reminiscent of one that Aelin wore so often. “I’m exhausted, but I need nothing more than to see Maeve’s face when you tell her that you’re dating.”

Aelin’s stomach swirled with nerves. “I guess it’s time to tell people, huh?” asked, turning toward a still-pale Rowan.

Rowan frowned. “Can’t I have another week of you to myself?”

As their eyes locked, Aelin felt comforted in a way she didn’t know she could be. He made her believe that everything was going to be okay. He made the rest of the world fade away, so all she felt was her quickening pulse, daydreams of being wrapped in his arms swimming in her brain.

“A week?!” Rhoe interrupted, and they both turned toward her once again infuriated father, who’d they’d forgotten was just across the table for them. “So, Christmas, you’d already…” He swore under his breath. “Maeve was right.”

“Sorry, dad,” Aelin apologized, though she wasn’t feeling particularly apologetic. Despite her flash of embarrassment, she was feeling buoyant.

“Go get dressed, and let’s get some breakfast, and then you’re telling me everything,” Rhoe ordered, and both of them stood simultaneously. “Not together!” Rhoe snapped, causing Aelin to laugh. She pressed a kiss to her dad’s cheek, and then to Rowan’s, who froze under her affections, ready to apologize to Rhoe once again. She watched over her shoulder as the pair stared at each other, unsure what to do without Aelin between them.

Oh man. This was going to be an adjustment for sure.


	29. Chapter 29

Rowan’s hand gripped Aelin’s tighter as Rhoe swung open Maeve’s restaurant door, the bell tinkling loudly overhead, announcing their arrival. His short nails dug into the back of her hand as Maeve spotted them. She must have had hawklike vision, because even from across the room, it somehow took her less than one second to look at Rowan and Aelin’s intertwined hands and then to Rhoe and then back to Rowan and Aelin, before a dangerously satisfied smile appeared on her face.

“Come in,” she said, stepping aside. Rowan nearly jumped out of his skin when Maeve laid a delicate hand on his shoulder, ushering them toward an empty table. “Take a seat…”

Rowan perched on the edge of the wooden seat, and Aelin couldn’t help but notice the way his shoulders tensed and his posture became stiffer as she took her place in the chair next to him. She attempted to comfort him by placing her hand on his knee, but he went completely rigid at her touch, pushing her hand away and making her frown. She didn’t get what the problem was. Although, she guessed he might also be in trouble for spending the night in his new girlfriend’s bed. Suddenly, Aelin’s stomach turned with nerves as well. She really hadn’t thought this one through, had she?

“Aunt Maeve…” Rowan said, his face pale with worry at his Aunt’s expression.

“Rowan…” She said his name as if it were a threat, and Aelin watched as the Aunt and nephew stared at each other, unblinking, waiting for the other to make a move.

Without warning, Maeve ran to the other side of the table, wrapping her arms around Aelin and Rowan’s shoulders, her head propped up between their shoulders as she squeezed harder. “I’m so happy,” she squealed.

A throat cleared loudly beside them, but Maeve ignored it and hugged the pair tighter, mumbling her excitement. Aelin’s heart swelled at the woman’s enthusiasm. It was such a stark contrast to the awkwardness she’d felt sitting across from her father, she couldn’t help but smile in relief.

“Maeve,” Rhoe sighed, exasperated.

“Shush you, I’m basking in their love and my rightness,” she said, hushing Rhoe without even looking over her shoulder, causing Aelin to giggle.

When she finally stood, Aelin spotted tears in the corners of her eyes. “Maeve, are you… crying?” Aelin asked.

“No,” she said, sniffling loudly.

Rowan finally slouched back into his seat, breathing easier as Maeve took a moment to grab the three of them menus.

“Maeve,” Rhoe sighed again, even louder and more exasperated. “We need to sit down and have a real talk.”

Maeve barely concealed her eye roll as she waved Rhoe off. “We can’t talk on an empty stomach.” She nodded to Rowan, then to Aelin. “Veggie breakfast burrito and Nutella French toast?” She turned to Rhoe. “And what will you have sir? Country breakfast extra bacon or a breakfast sandwich?”

Rhoe huffed, but pushed the menu back towards Maeve as he mumbled. “Breakfast sandwich. And a coffee.”

“Coming right up.” Maeve sent him a wide smile as she poked him in the shoulder. “Oh, also, I hope you stopped for cash on the way here. Because I think someone owes me a cool hundred.”

“For what?!” Aelin gawked. Her dad didn’t have a hundred dollars to be throwing around. Especially not right after the holidays.

“Oh, hon,” Maeve said in such a heartbreaking manner that Aelin was suddenly worried that Maeve was about to tell them she was dying. “You thought I didn’t know what happened on Christmas Eve?” She cackled. “I knew exactly what was going on up on that roof.”

Rhoe’s face reddened as his knuckles gripped at the edge of the table. “Which is why we all need to have a _conversation_ ,” he continued, his eyes flashing with warning as Aelin’s cheeks flushed. She tried to cover her face with her hands, and she could feel her skin warming beneath them.

“How?” Rowan somehow squeaked out, and Aelin was sure if she looked at him that his face would be just as red as hers.

“Your dad, bless his heart, insisted that you two would never sneak around behind our backs.” Rhoe huffed loudly at that one. “But an Aunt always knows. You two are not nearly as subtle as you think you are,” Maeve laughed, and Aelin finally chanced peering through her fingers. “Don’t be embarrassed, sweetie,” Maeve said, tugging Aelin’s hands away from her eyes. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long, long time.” She smiled wider. “Ever since Rowan turned to me after meeting you and said – and I quote – Aunt Maeve, I’m going to marry that girl.”

“Aunt Maeve!” Rowan squawked as a dark red flush crept up the back of his neck all the way to his ears. “I was eight,” he rushed out, as if that explanation would somehow make the words Aelin had just heard would make her heart pound less.

“What?” She nudged his leg with her knee. “Now that she’s your girlfriend I’m allowed to tell her all these embarrassing stories about you.” She paused, her eyes narrowing at Rowan suddenly. “She _is_ your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

“Yes!” Rowan yelled too loudly for the small restaurant. “Yes,” he repeated again, more quietly as he finally reached for Aelin’s hand beneath the table. A flood of relief washed over her as their hands linked and he said, “yes” one last time. His green eyes slid to hers, and her breath caught at the look she saw there. Gods, how did she ever exist without him looking at her like that? She felt warm all over, and she couldn’t resist leaning in and pressing her lips to his for a quick kiss. He gasped as Rhoe grumbled something unintelligible under his breath, and Aelin couldn’t help but release a nervous chuckle.

“Um. I guess we should talk, too,” she said, self-consciously pushing a stray hair behind her ear. “About, like, how you feel about PDA and stuff before we go back to school, huh?”

“Oh, please don’t talk about that until I get back,” Maeve said, waving their breakfast ticket in the air. “I want to be part of all of this.” She pointed between the two of them before scurrying off to the kitchen quickly.

“It’s fine,” Rowan assured her. “I was just surprised,” he continued before lowering his voice to barely a whisper, “that you’d kiss me in front of your dad, after, uhh… this morning.”

“Yes,” Rhoe said at a normal volume, clearing his throat. “Your dad is surprised about that, too.”

Aelin resisted the urge to throw her middle finger up at her dad, who she knew would not receive the gesture well, and instead scooted closer to Rowan and laid her head on his shoulder. “Sorry, Dad,” she said, the edges of her lips curling into a small smile as Rowan stretched his arm across the back of her chair. “But, you’re going to have to get used to me kissing Rowan. Because I’m going to do it every day for the rest of my life.” She paused. “And maybe other stuff too.” She could feel Rowan tense behind her, and decided to put him out of his misery quickly. “Like hug,” she added. “So many hugs.”

“You two are going to shave years off my life,” Rhoe grumbled, letting his eyes wander upwards, as if begging the higher powers to hear him and help him out.

For all the pain Rhoe seemed to be outwardly experiencing, as soon as Maeve rejoined them with their breakfast, the rest of the conversation wasn’t actually too terrible, much to Aelin’s relief. Maybe they all needed some food in their system.

By her dad’s attitude, she’d assumed that he would restrict the amount of time Rowan could see Aelin, but Rhoe seemed more flexible with some bacon in his stomach. They all agreed across the board that there would be no more sleepovers – unless in case of emergency, and in that case, Rowan would sleep on the couch. They also agreed that both teens would have a weeknight curfew of 10pm and a weekend curfew of 11pm. As for the roof, Rhoe was determined not to take Aelin’s safe spot away from her, but he did insist that when she was up there with Rowan that the door needed to be open. As if that would matter. Aelin knew Maeve would never go up there while she was up there with Rowan, and as if to completely assure her, Aelin didn’t miss the small wink Maeve threw her way after she agreed to that rule. Rhoe was also talked down from his twenty minute check in ledge to an every two hour text when the pair were out and about. All in all, not too terrible. And completely livable.

“So we’re good?” Maeve asked the group, taking in everyone’s solemn nods. “Great.”

Rhoe pushed his chair back, standing and pulling a wad of cash out of his pocket. “Keep the change,” he grumbled as Maeve pocketed the bills with a coy smile.

. . .

The few days between New Years and school starting were a complete blur. Aelin didn’t know that she could feel so overwhelmed with happiness, but still, somehow, every time Rowan kissed her, the feeling of butterflies swarming in circles in her stomach surprised her.

She felt it even before, if she was honest with herself. All he had to do was look at her and she felt like the most stunning, confident girl in the world. He made her feel beautiful.

Which is why she practically ran out to his jeep the morning of their first day back to school. Aelin had never been a morning person, but today she found herself waking up early to do her hair and makeup before her boyfriend arrived to pick her up. Today was going to be a big day. Their school debut. And she wanted to look and feel her absolute best.

She swung the jeep door open, smiling at Rowan’s matching expression as he leaned forward. “I’m here for my daily fix of hugs and kisses,” he joked as she threw her arms around his shoulders. Those pesky butterflies tumbled around as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. He pulled away all too soon and held up his hand to wave at the man that was surely lingering in their doorway, watching closely. Sure enough, when Aelin turned over her shoulder, Rhoe was standing there, sly expression on his face, waving back. Though their talk had gone over well, he still liked to remind them that he was there to chaperone when he was home from work.

“You look, wow,” Rowan said suddenly. And Aelin remembered that she looked a little fancier than the last few days they’d spent together.

“Oh, this old thing?” she said, twisting a carefully curled piece of hair around her finger.

“Any special occasion?” Rowan asked as he put the car into drive and took off for school. His hand automatically reached across the center console to hold Aelin’s hand, and she smiled as she took it in hers. She leaned back into the seat and titled her head to look at his face, which was now focused on the road in front of them.

“Not really,” she answered, causing Rowan to glance over in her direction. His lips tugged downward at whatever he saw there, and his grasp on her hand tightened as he laced his fingers with hers.

“Talk it out,” he said, and Aelin shrugged. She didn’t want to bring down the mood in the car.

“No, it’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Aelin,” he said, his voice low with warning, and she bit her lip, worrying at the skin as she debated what to say. “Just talk it out.”

“Fineee,” she drawled, and took a quick breath before letting her words rush out of her in long stream, hoping that Rowan could keep up. “It’s just, it’s our first day at school as a couple, and I know we talked about being okay with ‘light PDA,’ but I’m kind of really nervous about everyone at school knowing. Your last girlfriend was a cheerleader, Ro. A perky, popular, sweet as pie cheerleader, and you’re a varsity athlete, and I’m… the girl who gets into fights and gets sloppy drunk and cuts all my hair off and dyes it pink. What are people going to say when they see us together?”

Rowan’s frown widened as he listened. “Where is all of this coming from?” He paused. “I thought you were okay with everyone knowing.” He paused again, and Aelin watched his throat bob as he swallowed nervously. “Have you changed your mind?”

She could hear the effort it took to keep his voice calm, and she couldn’t believe that he was still doubting her. Every single time. “Ro,” she said, squeezing his hand again. “No. I haven’t changed my mind. I’m just…” She let her eyes fall to their linked hands, and she focused on rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb, centering herself as she continued. “Lyria is going to be back at school today. And I know we’ve kind of talked about her, but we haven’t really. She hates me, Ro. And she and her friends have the annoying ability to make me feel… small. And annoying. And stupid. They make me remember every reason I doubted you’d ever want to be with me. She’s so _sweet_ , and I’m so… not.” 

Rowan sighed as he shifted the car into park, and Aelin was surprised when she looked up that they’d already arrived at school. He looked at her seriously, his green eyes swimming with concern as he rested his own head against the back of his seat.

“The reason we’ve barely talked about Lyria is because she meant nothing to me. And I think she may have taken that out on you, and I’m sorry for not believing that or seeing it.” He tilted his head closer as he continued. “But Ace, you’re the opposite of small. Or annoying. Or stupid.” He leaned in closer as he whispered. “You’re larger than life.” He pressed his lips against hers, and she sighed back into them as he pulled away far too quickly. “And brilliant. And ambitious. And determined. And I don’t care that you’re not sweet. Sweet is overrated.” Aelin frowned as he kissed her again, still too quickly. “I love you. And if you need help remembering that, I will be around to remind you.”

“Even if it means pushing me against my locker and kissing my brains out until I forget to feel that way,” Aelin goaded him, tilting her chin up towards his hovering lips again.

“Especially then,” he laughed, brushing his lips just barely against hers. That bastard knew exactly what he was doing. “And the short pink hair?” he whispered against her lips. “So hot,” he chuckled as Aelin whined against his barely there touch.

“Really?” she sighed, attempting to lean forward and close the gap between their lips, but Rowan refused, keeping the slightest distance between their mouths.

“It may have made a few hundred appearances in my fantasies,” Rowan whispered, causing a small shiver to run down Aelin’s spine. “Oh,” he laughed, brushing his lips just barely against hers again, driving her to absolute insanity, until all she could think of was desperately needing to be kissed by him. And thoroughly. “Did you want to know about those?”

She reached out and grabbed the back of his head. “Shut up and kiss me, Buzzard.” His laugh quickly morphed into a pleased hum as her mouth moved against his. And true to his word, Rowan kissed her until she forgot why she was nervous in the first place.

He pulled away with a soft kiss, placing his hands on either sides of her pink cheeks and smiled. “Ready?”

“Let’s do this,” Aelin smiled, running her hands through her hair as Rowan kissed her one more time.

A loud smack against Aelin’s window made her jolt back as she heard Lorcan’s dark voice rumble, “Come on, babes, you can steam up the windows later,” followed by a high pitched peel of laughter.

Sure enough, the windows were clouded, just as Lorcan had said. “Whoops,” Aelin mumbled, gathering her backpack.

As she pushed the door open, Lorcan and Elide stood beside the jeep, applauding loudly, Manon silently rolling her eyes beside them – but Aelin saw the small tinges of a smile curling on her lips.

Aelin took a low bow, ignoring the flush that crept up her cheeks at her friends’ enthusiastic cat calls. She smiled as Rowan slid her hand into his, engulfing it in his grasp and led them into school, ignoring the knowing looks between Elide and Lorcan.

“So… about those fantasies,” Aelin said, her eyes up to Rowan, who shook his head knowingly. “I do _definitely_ want to know.”

“Later,” he said with a wink, but Aelin couldn’t help but poke his reddening cheek. It seemed that the two of them could barely go a few minutes without blushing these days. Not that she minded. She kind of loved that she could make him blush. And that he could make her do the same. There was absolutely nothing wrong with getting a little flustered by each other. In fact, Aelin thought it was kind of fun. She hoped no matter how comfortable they got with each other they never stopped blushing.

Aelin’s heart pounded as an absurd amount of eyes turned to her as she walked through the hallway with her hand in Rowan’s. This is what she’d been terrified about; this was why she’d spent extra time doing her hair and makeup this morning. She needed a shield against the prying eyes of Rowan’s teammates and the low scoffs coming from the cheerleaders they passed by. By the time they reached Aelin’s locker, her hand was clammy from all the attention, and she could feel her heart pounding rapidly against her chest. She thought she’d evolved beyond caring what her classmates thought of her, but apparently she’d regressed.

“You okay?” Rowan asked, finally letting go of Aelin’s hand so she could drop her books into her locker. She closed the door and leaned back against it, tilting her head up to look at the concerned boy in front of her. She shook her head.

“I think I could use a reminder that you love me right about now,” she said, and Rowan’s eyes widened as he looked around the crowded hall.

“Right here?” he asked. “Against your locker?” His nervous gaze sparked with confidence as he leaned an arm against her locker door.

Rowan didn’t wait for an answer before leaning down and kissing her. Her hands tugged at the hem of his shirt, bringing him closer, and she couldn’t help but smile against his mouth, ruining his kissing efforts. But he didn’t seem to care.

“Whitethorn!” A voice yelled, causing Rowan to pull away sharply. “Galathynius,” Principal Havillard snapped. “Seems like you two are in desperate need of today’s assembly.”

As if on cue, an overhead announcement blared that all juniors were to report to the auditorium instead of their first period class for a mandatory assembly.

“Assembly?” Aelin asked as she and Rowan made their way down to the auditorium. “At least it’ll be better than class?”

“Definitely.”

. . .

It definitely wasn’t. Aelin was convinced she was going to die of embarrassment. She would have taken a hundred school days over today’s assembly. She sank further into her seat as Coach Hammel clicked to the next slide of his Sex Education slideshow. Of course he’d be the one who gave this assembly. HE was so weird and gross and creepy. Aelin bet he volunteered to teach them today. She clenched her arms tighter across her chest, for fear of even brushing against Rowan, who was sitting beside her in a similar position.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Rowan mumbled as the next image lit up the screen.

A wave of snickers spread through the auditorium at the sight of the male reproductive system. While the previous slide – the one of its female counterpart – had been awkward, there was nothing inherently graphic about the diagram of fallopian tubes and ovaries and uterus. This slide, however, showed a distinct erect penis, complete with balls and pubic hair.

Aelin flushed as she looked over at Rowan, who was staring at his lap, his cheeks the darkest shade of red she’d ever seen. She couldn’t help but let her eyes flick to his lap, wondering what Rowan’s actually looked like. She’d felt it through his clothes, but she had no idea what to expect when she saw it for the first time.

“Don’t look at me,” Rowan whined softly, causing Aelin to snap her eyes back to the screen, which had somehow become even _more_ graphic.

“This is the male reproductive system,” Coach Hammel boomed. “It’s made up of the penis, the scrotum and testicles.”

Another wave of laughter at his words. “Yeah yeah, laugh it up. Penis. It’s hysterical.”

The kids laughed again, somehow relaxing the room slightly before he continued.

“These organs work together to produce, maintain and transport sperm and semen. They’re responsible for sexual intercourse. The penis is made up of three parts,” he continued, completely oblivious to anyone’s embarrassment. If Aelin knew she was in for a full day of sex education, she probably wouldn’t have sat next to her brand new boyfriend.

She cringed as Coach Hammel broke down the anatomy of the penis, describing in excruciating detail of how an erection happens, and what happens when a man orgasms. When he started talking about foreskin, Aelin thought her skin would burst into flames.

She had never thought to wonder if Rowan was circumcised before. She wondered if it was too soon to ask. Judging by his horrified face, she assumed yes.

Coach Hammel paused and looked out at his audience, most of which had their faces in their hands or looking anywhere but the giant penis taking up the entire screen.

“Listen, I’m not going to stand here and tell you to abstain from sex. I’m a realist,” he laughed. “Almost half of all high school students are reported to be sexually active. So, I am going to spend the next hour talking about the consequences of being unsafe. Yup,” he laughed louder. “Time to talk pregnancy and STIs.”

The room gasped as he turned to the next slide, a particularly gruesome picture of a rash-covered penis.

“One in four sexually active teens get sexually transmitted diseases every year. And they’re not fun, guys, I should know.”

If Coach Hammel had been expecting a laugh at his bad joke, he was sorely mistaken. The room was silent as he talked them through the most disgusting slides Aelin had ever seen. Somehow, each picture was worse than the next. Herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis… wasn’t there an STI with a name that didn’t sound like an alien species? She was never going to recover from this.

She risked a glance at Rowan, who looked a little greenish. Not that she blamed him. She didn’t know why all the pictures were STIs on penises. She shuddered, trying to erase the terrifying images from her mind as the slideshow continued into possible pregnancy.

“Are you okay?” she whispered, knocking her knee against Rowan’s. He practically jumped out of his chair, a high pitched squeak escaping this throat as his head whipped toward her.

He nodded rapidly, but the green pallor didn’t dissipate from his skin.

“I can’t be touched right now,” he breathed, causing Aelin to inhale a large snort of laughter as he gripped at his knees with his large hands.

By the time Coach Hammel had finished listing his teen pregnancy stats, Aelin was positive that she and Rowan were never going to have sex. Mostly because she was worried that Rowan was going to die of heart failure the more he listened to the lecture. His eyes widened exponentially through the slides, rapt with attention, even though Aelin was sure all he wanted to do was look away.

“And don’t forget that a sexually active teen who doesn’t use contraception has a ninety percent chance of getting pregnant within the first year of having sex.” He paused. “So, let’s talk contraceptives.”

As the assembly took a turn away from anatomy, and into male and female sexual health responsibility for safe sex, Aelin took a deep breath. They’d made it through the worst. She could think about birth control. Which made her think – should she go on birth control? Was she ready for that? She should at least go to a gynecologist, she guessed. To talk about it. She felt responsible just thinking about that.

“Though birth control pills are effective against preventing pregnancy, condoms are the only contraceptive that also reduce the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.” Coach Hammel sighed as he made it to his final slide. “Condoms are readily available in gas stations, pharmacies, groceries, and there is no age limit, so you shouldn’t have any excuse for not using them.” He paused and looked around. “Any questions?”

Aelin was shocked at how many hands went up around her. Students had questions aplenty – from how to properly put on a condom (pinch the top and roll onto an erect penis), to if it was possible to get pregnant from anal sex (no, but disease can definitely be transmitted that way). She assumed that everyone would want to get out of there, but it seemed that their young minds had been activated, thinking about the consequences of sex, and their inquiries were never-ending.

He smiled widely. “And thus concludes our assembly.” Aelin could hear Rowan release a shaky breath, the relief coursing through him palpable. “There are baskets of condoms in the back of the auditorium. Please feel free to take one or two. And stay responsible, kids,” he concluded, turning off the screen.

She and Rowan walked silently, the tension thick between them as they approached the basket of condoms.

“Should you…?” Aelin asked, and she watched as Rowan’s eyes widened in shock.

“We’re not having sex!” he hissed under his breath, and Aelin couldn’t’ help but roll her eyes at her incredibly stressed out boyfriend. Yes, that assembly had traumatized him.

“I know,” she sighed. “But, like… for the future?” She paused. “It’s free condoms. Why not?” She bit her lip and raised her eyebrow at him. “I don’t want to be ready and risk not having any.”

Rowan huffed. “I’m not touching the basket,” he whispered. “Everyone knows we’re together, and they’re all looking at us. And you heard Coach Hammel, we can get them anywhere. Later.”

Aelin looked around, and true to her boyfriend’s word, a large amount of eyes were, in fact, on them, as they approached the bounty of condoms.

“Whatever,” she announced as she reached into the basket and grabbed a handful. She ignored the snickers around her as she shoved the condoms into her pocket.

Rowan’s cheeks flushed red again, and Aelin smirked as she leaned against him, wrapping her arm around his waist as they walked back to the cafeteria for lunch.

“Do _you_ need a kiss now?” She laughed as Rowan’s hand squeezed her waist, pinching her skin in warning. “You looked like you were going to puke back there.”

“I almost did,” he laughed.

“Aelin!” Lysandra’s shrill voice came shouting from behind her. Aelin dropped her arm from Rowan’s waist, ready to hug her friend, who also seemed upset from the assembly, if her frowning face was any indication. “What the fuck?” Lys moaned, and Aelin couldn’t help but laugh. She thought her sexually active friend would be less scared by that assembly, but apparently it got to everyone.

“Yeah, I know. That was scarring,” Aelin laughed. But Lysandra just frowned harder.

“What?” she shook her head. “No, Aelin. You are Rowan are a couple?” she asked, pointing to the tall boy lingering behind them. “Since when?”

Rowan opened his mouth to answer, but Lysandra shushed him.

“I wasn’t asking you.” She paused. “No offense.”

“None taken,” Rowan said with a terse nod. “I’ll see you at lunch,” he said, fleeing the scene quickly.

Aelin looked at her other best friend and cringed guiltily. Lysandra wasn’t just mad. She was hurt. She hadn’t intended not to tell her before their big school debut—she’d honestly forgotten. She felt like everyone found out on New Years… but everyone hadn’t extended to the host of the New Years party.

“I’m sorry,” Aelin apologized immediately, but Lys pulled her signature annoyed move, pulling her hair into a messy bun and looking anywhere but at Aelin. “It _just_ happened. I swear I wasn’t keeping anything from you.”

Lysandra frowned and tugged at the edge of her jacket. “I had to find out through people who saw you making out at your locker this morning. And then I went to Elide, and she told me she and Lorcan and Manon knew at New Years? So. It doesn’t really feel like that.” She paused. “And what the hell happened to moving on from Rowan? I thought you had grown beyond him. With that college dude, and Fenrys and…” She shook her head. “Whatever.”

Aelin’s jaw dropped at her friend. She knew she was hurt, but she was being so combative. She always thought Lysandra liked Rowan, but it didn’t really sound like she did. Now that Aelin was thinking about it, Lysandra had always been the first to encourage her to leave Rowan in the past. Did Lysandra… not like Rowan? That couldn’t be possible, right? They’d spent the last five years all hanging out together. There was no way.

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” Aelin said, now annoyed with her friend’s reaction to learning about her new relationship. “This is all I’ve ever wanted, and you _know_ that.”

Lysandra sighed loudly, and Aelin watched as she toed the floor with her sneaker. “I am happy for you,” she said, her green eyes warming as they locked onto Aelin’s. “I just thought I was part of the inner circle, you know?” She paused. “You could have told me.”

“I was so afraid to tell anyone,” Aelin admitted. “It didn’t feel real.” She paused. “It still doesn’t.”

Lysandra smiled sadly. “You nervous Lyria is going to swoop back in there now that she’s back in town?”

Aelin’s stomach plummeted at the words. “Yeah. Kind of?” She looked at her friend, who saw all her insecurities more clearly than anyone else. She had an uncanny ability to see through her bravado – because Lys used it too. “I just wanted to pretend no one else existed for a while.”

“I get it,” Lysandra said, nudging Aelin’s shoulder with her own. “It just sucked.”

“I’ll tell you everything else going forward,” Aelin insisted. “Every detail.”

Lysandra snorted as she wrapped her arm around Aelin’s shoulders, leaning her head against hers as they walked toward the cafeteria. “Not necessary. I’m… glad you’re happy.”

“So, we’re okay?” Aelin asked.

“Yup,” Lysandra assured her.

But as they arrived at the cafeteria, Lysandra was called over to a table of girls that Aelin had never talked to before – an assortment of athletes and cheerleaders – junior Lyrias. Since when had Lysandra started hanging out with them? Her stomach sank oddly as Lysandra peeled off to sit with them, leaving Aelin to find Rowan by herself.

He was eating with Lorcan, who was giving him hell about the sex education assembly, laughing at Rowan’s still sickly expression. Aelin settled next to him and looked over at the table where Lysandra held court among her new popular group of friends. She couldn’t help but frown. Despite Rowan’s welcoming smile, she felt oddly unsettled. She’d never felt less sure that things were okay.


	30. Chapter 30

Though Aelin felt bad about Lysandra finding out about her and Rowan via the school gossip machine, she didn’t have time to dwell on them. Because Rowan’s birthday was fast approaching, and it was occupying almost all of Aelin’s brain space. She had absolutely zero idea what to do to commemorate his seventeenth year on earth. It wasn’t as if she had to do anything big; Rowan actively disliked celebrating his birthday. In fact, if Aelin hadn’t insisted that he celebrate every year, he probably wouldn’t. But she couldn’t just get him _nothing_. This year was different. But it was only two days away, and she was stumped.

Aelin chopped her carrots extra roughly as she let her mind wander to all the things she could possibly get for him, but nothing felt right. She felt utterly and hopelessly distracted as she prepared dinner for her dad.

“Everything okay, Fireheart?” Rhoe asked as he entered the kitchen with a raised brow and picked a rogue piece of carrot from the floor where it’d flown off Aelin’s cutting board. “You and Rowan aren’t already fighting, are you?”

Aelin let her knife clatter to the counter as she whipped her head toward her dad. “What? No. Why would you even say that?” She paused, letting her nerves get the best of her as she quickly asked, “Did Maeve say something?”

Rhoe chuckled softly as he grabbed a small orange slice from her prep station and plopped it into his mouth. “No,” he assured her. “I just didn’t see him here, and you seem… tense.” He squeezed her shoulder, and Aelin exhaled and groaned loudly, letting her head fall back as her stress lifted slightly.

“He’s at school late tonight,” Aelin said, answering her dad’s unspoken question of where Rowan was. “He gets to help plan lacrosse tryouts or something, I don’t know. He was excited about it.” She paused. Maybe her dad would be of use to her. After all, he was a guy.

She picked up her knife and began cutting her potatoes, letting the methodical motion soothe her as Rhoe cracked himself a beer from the fridge. After taking a long sip, he looked over the top of the can and smirked.

“So, if you were a seventeen-year-old boy, what would you want for your birthday?” Aelin asked as nonchalantly as she could, and she felt her shoulders stiffen as her dad barked out a loud laugh.

“Oh, Fireheart,” he mumbled, kissing the top of her head. “ _That’s_ what you’re stressed about?” Aelin tried to shrug him off, but he was unfazed, coming to stand beside her, arm clapped onto her shoulder. “I thought you two didn’t do gifts,” Rhoe interjected. “Isn’t that your whole _thing?”_

Aelin pushed away from the counter with a shove, letting her arms fly up, annoyed. “But that was _before!_ I don’t know the rules anymore!” she sputtered, letting her inner turmoil rise to the surface with slightly too much volume for their small kitchen space. “And every year for his birthday, he says all he wants is to order pizza and watch a movie, but if we do that then it’s like nothing has changed, and _everything_ has changed.”

“Well,” Rhoe said, clearing his throat, clearly trying not to laugh at his daughter’s panic. “Did you ask him what he wants?”

“Yes,” Aeln sighed, putting the cut vegetables on the baking tray with their chicken, and shoving it into the oven. “He just looked at me like I was crazy and told me pizza and a movie.”

“It sounds like that’s what he wants, then,” Rhoe said, causing Aelin to growl loudly.

“You’re useless!” she huffed, stomping out of the kitchen. “Dinner is ready in an hour,” she called out as she traipsed up the stairs to her room, where her open laptop waited for her. She’d been scrolling endlessly, trying to see if the perfect birthday gift would appear in all the searches for “gifts for seventeen year old boys,” but nothing did.

Then it hit Aelin. That maybe her search had been wrong.

She went back to her search engine and typed in, “How to celebrate boyfriend’s birthday,” and clicked enter.

The first article that popped up in a blue bolded font read, **_5 Special Ways To Celebrate Your Boyfriend’s Birthday._** That seemed perfect. She clicked on the link and waited as the page loaded.

#1. Prepare his favorite dessert.

Aelin let her eyes flit across the description, wondering if that was something she could do. Rowan wasn’t necessarily a dessert person, but he did love ice cream. She didn’t have an ice cream maker, but maybe she could get a bunch of different fun toppings? A sundae bar? The only thing that made her pause was remembering her own birthday, and his amazingly perfect breakfast cake for her. She didn’t think she could top that. But so far the list was on the right track.

#2. Plan a romantic getaway for the weekend.

Aelin sighed. That wouldn’t work. Even if Maeve and Rhoe approved of them going away for the weekend (which, they absolutely wouldn’t), there was no way she could afford something like that anyway. She didn’t even bother reading the blurb before scanning the next item on the list.

#3. Rent a sexy movie.

Aelin didn’t even need to read the details below that idea to know that it was all wrong for Rowan. In fact, she was fairly certain he’d be really disappointed if he didn’t get to watch _The Princess Bride_ on his birthday. It was his secret favorite movie – only Aelin and Maeve knew about it, and he watched it once a year on his birthday. Aelin was nervous if she tried to put in another movie he’d revolt. Also, what constituted a sexy movie anyway? She had no clue.

She frowned. Maybe this list was a dud. None of these were feasible.

#4. Give him a striptease.

Aelin’s cheeks warmed as she let her eyes skim over the copy below that suggestion.

_Buy yourself some fancy lingerie, and let him unwrap YOU!_

Aelin bit her lip, thinking about taking off her clothes for Rowan. He _had_ called her his present before, but she was pretty sure he hadn’t meant it quite that literally. Though the idea of him unwrapping her was enough to have her crossing her legs and squirming slightly in her chair. She let her mind wander – did she have any underwear cute enough to warrant Rowan seeing it? She had a feeling if she came home with a Victoria’s Secret shopping bag her dad might have a heart attack.

No. She couldn’t strip for Rowan… right? She shook her head again. No. She wasn’t nearly confident enough to pull that off. Sighing, she looked to the final number on the list, praying it had her answer.

#5. If all else fails, nothing says Happy Birthday more than giving your man a birthday blowjob!

She gasped. Birthday blow job?? Was that a thing?? She hadn’t even considered it, but according to the comments, it was absolutely a common practice. Could she…? Would Rowan even want…?

_Literally blow your man’s mind with top-notch oral. Though this can be enjoyed at all times of the year, taking your time and giving him 100% of your attention is exactly what he wants. Need tips? Click here._

Aelin’s heart thundered as her mouse hovered over a link to **_30 Tips On How To Give An Amazing Blow Job_**

The page loaded, and pictures sprung up with step-by-step detailed diagrams. Like, very detailed.

She slammed her computer shut, squealing. Her face was hot as she picked up her phone and put into her separate search engine, afraid to reopen her computer quite yet: “Does my boyfriend want a blowjob on his birthday?”

As her eyes scanned through the list of articles, each one more suggestive than the last, she discovered that the answer was a resounding YES.

Switching to her texts, she scrolled down to her last interaction with Lysandra. It was from before New Year’s, getting all the details of the party, and Aelin was nervous that Lys would still be mad at her from finding out about her and Rowan through the grapevine. She really hoped not because she could use her experienced friend’s advice. Nervously, she typed in her text, trying not to second guess herself.

**Are birthday blowjobs a Thing?**

Without so much as a moment’s pause, Aelin received a message back.

**DID ROWAN ASK FOR ONE?! OMG THAT DOGGGGG.**

Aelin finally cracked a smile, relieved that Lys didn’t seem to be acting weird, and exhaled.

**NO! Of course he didn’t.**

She paused and then messaged a follow up.

**I was just Googling, and that suggestion came up…. A lot. Do guys expect that???**

Her heart stuttered as she realized how nervous she was about that. Of course Rowan would never _ask_ for something like that. But, what if he did expect it? She had no idea how to do that.

**Wes def does. But he also calls when I have my period “blow job week.”**

Aelin laughed at that. She hadn’t even contemplated that. Her heartbeat slowed as she calmed down slightly. Even if Rowan didn’t expect it, she should know _how_ to do that, right?

She relayed her nerves to Lys, saying that even if she didn’t do that for his birthday that she was interested in learning about it. But she was terrified of the pictures on her computer. She needed something lower key.

Aelin sighed in relief as Lysandra sent back another text.

 **GOTCHU, BB. THIS WOMAN IS A GENIUS**. She said, with an attached link to an article, and another link to a podcast episode.

The link was significantly less scary – no diagrams at least, just a brief step by step for oral sex.

Before she knew what she was doing, Aelin switched to the podcast, leaning back in her computer chair as she listened to the voice describe in incredibly thorough detail exactly what to do with her mouth and hands and tongue and how to angle things, and wow. Aelin’s face was starting to flush with the specificity of detail she was listening to.

“Penises come in many different shapes and sizes and colors,” the sexologist explained, sounding far too light-hearted for the topic at hand. “Bigger is always going to be more intimidating with this particular act. But don’t worry. You can always keep your hand wrapped around the shaft for the entirety of time to help ensure no one is choking. Since, that can really ruin the mood.”

Aelin squirmed again in her seat as the voice continued. “Once your mouth is over the head of the penis, hollow your cheeks and suck gently. Gently being the key word. If you’re a person who has watched porn, please, for the love of God, don’t take any cues from them. Porn is great for _ideas_ but not so much for actions. So, if you’re a fan of sexy movies, that’s fine, just remember they undergo a lot of edits and cuts to make things look the way they do.”

Aelin’s cheeks went red hot at the words “sexy movie.” Is _that_ what the other list had been suggesting? Oh my god, she was such a moron. She was glad this podcast advised against that. She wasn’t sure she could handle porn. But, there was something in the tone of the sexologist that convinced Aelin that she could do _this_. She kept saying how it was the ultimate act of giving – how special it was to convey your own lust and happiness at your partner’s pleasure. And that’s what Aelin wanted. To please Rowan. She wanted to give him a birthday he’d start looking forward to.

As the sexologist continued talking about eye contact, Aelin started taking her own notes. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it _right_. The more she listened, the more confident she became. Yes, this was going to be the perfect present to Rowan.

…

As the following day passed, though, Aelin’s head started to feel foggy. It was probably with how much pressure she was putting on herself to give this perfect present. She went over her notes again and again, practicing the slight twisting motion of her wrist until it became second nature. But by the end of the day on Friday, her head was throbbing.

She rubbed her temples, hoping to quell the pain, but it didn’t work. It’d been forever since she’d had a migraine; they were usually associated with stress, and clearly this intense focus on how to give the perfect blowjob had somehow triggered it.

“Are you okay?” Rowan asked as he drove them home, eyeing her cautiously.

“Yeah,” Aelin sighed, leaning back into her seat. “Just have a headache.”

Rowan frowned and caressed the side of her temple, making her smile and lean into his hand. “Stress or sick?” he asked.

“Stress,” she said. “I forgot how hard school is,” she laughed, hoping he wouldn’t press her for more details.

“Do you want me to let you rest tonight?” he asked as he pulled into her driveway.

“No,” Aelin whined. “I missed you this week.”

Rowan’s lips twitched up into a small smile. “I missed you, too,” he said.

“And I want to finish all my homework tonight, so I can focus on _you_ tomorrow,” Aelin said with a smirk, causing the tips of Rowan’s ears to go pink. She poked his cheek as they entered her house, slinging their bags over by the kitchen table.

“I don’t know if you heard,” Aelin continued, “But it’s my boyfriend’s birthday tomorrow.” She didn’t fail to notice the smile grow on his face at the B word. “And he happens to know I love birthdays…”

“You didn’t plan, like, a surprise party or something, did you?” he asked, his eyes flitting to hers nervously.

Aelin snorted as she led him to her front door. “Oh yeah. Did you not want that?” she laughed. “I planned a _giant_ party for you tomorrow. Everyone from school will be there. There will be rounds of Rowan trivia, and you’ll have to sit in the middle of a stage with everyone learning personal info about you. Hope that’s cool?”

She raised her brow, and Rowan shook his head, knowing she was lying her ass off. She would never. Plus, she didn’t want to share Rowan with anyone anyway. It was bad enough that Maeve got him all morning, but they had their own birthday tradition of cleaning out Rowan’s closet of too-small clothing and gifting them to a local homeless shelter. She couldn’t get over those two do-gooders. But, Aelin knew it brought Rowan too much joy to interfere with. Plus, it meant that Maeve would be at the restaurant for the whole afternoon and evening, leaving their townhouse completely empty. Which was perfect for what Aelin actually had planned.

She reached up on her tippy toes and pressed a kiss to Rowan’s cheek. “It will be just me. And Princess Buttercup,” she assured him, flashing him a grin.

“I do love Princess Buttercup,” he said, pulling his books out of his backpack and getting situated at the table.

Aelin pulled out her own things and attempted to get to work, but as she stared at her math problems, her vision started to blur. Stupid headache!

She closed her eyes and placed her head against the cool table, groaning at the sensation against her warm skin.

“That bad, huh?”

She nodded, eyes still closed. “Can you get me some Aleve from the cabinet?”

Rowan returned with two pills and a glass of water, and she threw them back, quickly returning to her place on the table, head in her hands, trying to breathe through the pain.

But before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

When Aelin awoke, it was to the voices of Rowan and her dad talking quietly above her.

“Happy Birthday, kid,” Rhoe whispered, and Aelin could feel Rowan’s hands lift off her ankles, which were laid across his lap, to grab something. The crinkling of ripping wrapping paper hit Aelin’s ears harshly, but she could hear the smile in Rowan’s voice as he thanked her dad for his gift. “Maeve said you wanted some games. I heard The Witcher is pretty good.” Rhoe paused. “She okay?” he asked, clearly of his sleeping daughter.

“I think she might be getting sick,” Rowan answered. “She passed out doing homework hours ago.”

“Uh oh…” Rhoe laughed. “You know how she gets when she’s sick…”

Rowan laughed. “Oh, I know.”

Aelin shifted gently and opened her eyes, groaning at the bright lights overhead. “I’m not sick,” she insisted. She wasn’t; it was definitely just a stress-induced headache. And once she gave her boyfriend his mind-blowing blow job, her head would be back to normal she was sure of it.

…

Aelin was a hundred percent sick. She woke the morning of Rowan’s birthday with the beginnings of a sore throat, and she knew she was about to be hit with a killer cold. But that was _fine_. She wouldn’t get the cold fully until tomorrow – her congestion was still very much in her head and hadn’t sunken into her nose yet. Which meant that she could still enjoy Rowan’s birthday before her face turned into a leaky faucet.

She rolled onto her side and reached for her phone. She groaned – she’d slept in late. Like, really really late. It was almost afternoon.

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY** she texted with the balloon effect. **Just woke up. What time do you want me?**

 **I always want you** he replied with a wink, causing Aelin to blush. He’d never been so forward before. That made her incredibly hopeful that her gift would be well-received.

**But actually 2 is good. Maeve and I are just heading back home now.**

Aelin sent him two thumbs up emojis and stood slowly. The room only swam slightly, so she figured she was still okay. She showered thoroughly and dried her hair, letting it fall in gentle waves past her shoulders. She could feel the congestion start to move lower into her nose and chest and frowned. She reached into her cabinet and pulled out two DayQuil pills. She was hoping they’d give her a boost to get through the day.

She made her way downstairs and made a big cup of coffee, putting in enough sugar to shock her dad, had he been there. Luckily, he seemed to already be off at work, so he couldn’t pass judgment on her slightly too low cut sweater, which showed off her cleavage in a way he surely thought would be inappropriate. But. It was Rowan’s birthday, and he deserved an outfit with some cleavage.

By the time she made it to Rowan’s, Aelin was feeling much better – the DayQuil finally kicking in to the point that she felt almost back to normal. Yes. Today was going to be a success, she could just feel it.

“Happy Birthday,” Aelin said, swinging her arms around Rowan’s neck and tugging him closely. He smiled widely and pressed his lips to hers.

“Thanks,” he said, ducking his chin shyly into his chest, which was covered in a thick navy sweater that was so soft that Aelin was reluctant to let go of it.

They silently eyed each other as Rowan led her into the townhouse, until Aelin’s stomach interrupted them by gurgling loudly. He laughed, tipping his head back in glee.

“Guess I should order pizza?”

Aelin’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “I only had time for a shower and coffee,” she said, biting at her lip.

He kissed her cheek softly. “Pepperoni and olives?” he asked, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“And bread sticks?” she asked. “And cinnamon knots?”

He rolled his eyes but added them to the order regardless as Aelin stretched out on the couch and turned on the TV.

The couch dipped as Rowan sat beside her and let her know the food would be there in an hour.

“Movie?” she asked, nodding toward the screen, and Rowan’s face reddened as his eyes dipped to her cleavage and then looked back to her waiting face.

“I thought maybe we could watch upstairs?” he stammered out, causing Aelin’s jaw to unhinge slightly.

“Rowan Eugene Whitethorn, are you suggesting we break our house rules and go upstairs when Maeve is at work?” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “What ever would we be doing up there?”

“Don’t Eugene me!” His eyes flicked to her cleavage again, and Aelin grinned as he stood up, self-consciously. “I thought you were all for breaking the rules!” he huffed, and Aelin decided to put him out of his torture, standing beside him and wrapping her arms around his stomach again.

“I love breaking rules,” she said. “I’ve clearly been a bad influence on you.”

She squeezed his sides, causing him to yelp slightly. “You have,” he laughed, squeezing her tighter. “Also, you look… really… nice.”

“So you want to go upstairs and touch my boobs?” she asked, surprised at her own confidence rushing through her. But that’s what happened in the presence of Rowan now. She became a whole other person. A person who was in control and knew that she was beautiful and _sexy_. It was such a stark contrast from how she felt when she was alone and her mind ran off to the most insecure places still. She was grateful for the boost. Or maybe that was the caffeine in her DayQuil. Either way, she was running with it.

“Aelin,” he said, his cheeks exploding with red as he ducked his head lower. “Yes,” he said as quietly as he could, and Aelin giggled, pulling his hand as she raced up the stairs to his room.

Aelin plopped onto his bed, bouncing slightly as she stretched out, and she sighed as Rowan crawled over her and lowered his face to hers, kissing her gently. His hand ran over her sweater, finding her curves instantly, and she couldn’t help but arch her back off the mattress, pushing herself into his palm further.

She let her mouth open beneath his as she pulled his head closer, knotting her fingers in his shaggy hair.

“You’re feeling better today?” Rowan mumbled against her mouth, and Aelin nodded.

“Just needed sleep.”

“Good,” he sighed into her mouth, kissing her thoroughly until she forgot anything but the way he felt hovering over her, his warmth seeping into her, covering her like the best weighted blanket she could possibly imagine.

But the more they kissed, and the more Aelin started to ache for something more, she quickly realized it was the perfect time to give Rowan his _gift_.

She pushed at his shoulder, and he rolled onto his back. She wasted no time climbing over him and straddling his lap, his eyes going wide at their new position.

“Whoa,” he muttered under his breath as Aelin removed her sweater, revealing a thin camisole beneath, her cleavage even further on display now.

She smirked, her lips pulling up into a confident smile as she looked down at Rowan’s heaving chest. He struggled to catch his breath as she took the hair tie from her wrist and pulled her waves into a high pony tail. That was the sexologist’s first tip. Get your hair out of your face. She was glad for it – as she would never have thought of it herself, and she could imagine her hair getting in the way being a real downer.

“Uh, what are you doing?” Rowan asked, his green eyes darker and wider than she’d ever seen before as she scooted down his lap slightly, her hands resting gently against his stomach. She could feel his muslces tense beneath her hand, and she breathed hard. Oh man. She was really going to do this, wasn’t she?

“I just remembered I need to give you your present,” she said, and Rowan’s eyes warmed as he looked up at her.

“Do you have a playlist you want to put on?”

She shook her head, surprising Rowan. She usually made him a playlist for his birthday – that was true. But she hoped he liked this present even better.

“I actually got you something different this year,” she said, her hands slowly trailing down his stomach to where his pants were.

“I thought we said no physical gifts,” he breathed nervously.

“It’s not a physical gift,” Aelin assured him. “I mean it is _physical_ ,” she said, clearing her throat as confidently as she could. “And it is a gift.” She paused. “I want to give you a blow job,” she said, her heart racing.

“WHAT?!” Rowan squawked, sitting up suddenly, and nearly throwing Aelin off his lap.

She reared backward with his motion, and Aelin grasped his shoulders to stop herself from falling backwards onto his legs, watching as his eyes searched hers as if to say _Are you serious?_

She nodded slightly, the tip of her chin ducking slightly, and he inhaled sharply.

“Unless you don’t want me to?” she asked, suddenly unsure of everything. She’d felt so sure that he’d want that. Why _wouldn’t_ he want that?

“No, Aelin,” he groaned into her shoulder. “Of course I want that,” he laughed, but the humor was leeched from the sound. “I think about that… a lot,” he said, looking at her nervously. “Like, probably more than is healthy.”

“You do?” she asked, sounding far more nervous than she thought she would.

He looked at her as if she were an idiot, bringing a small smile to her lips.

“Ro, I’m giving you a birthday blow job, and you’re going to enjoy it,” she said succinctly, and he nodded in return.

“I’m sure I will.”

Her confidence surged slightly. She tugged her ponytail tighter and lowered her hands to the waist of Rowan’s jeans, unbuttoning them slowly, giving him a chance to stop her. But he didn’t. He simply watched, a small o on his lips as his vision focused on her hands.

He lifted his hips, pushing his pants down slightly, but as Aelin reached for the waistband of his tented boxers, Rowan shouted out, “YELLOW!” loudly, causing Aelin to snatch back her hand.

Rowan breathed hard. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I need a second.”

She waited, hands to herself as she stared at the lifted fabric, realizing that she was finally going to _see it._ IT!

Her cheeks flooded with warmth as she looked back up at Rowan, who was taking another steadying breath.

“Okay,” he said. “Green.”

She reached for the waistband of his boxers again and looked back up at his wild green eyes. He repeated the color, assuring her it was fine, and so Aelin reached into his boxers and wrapped her hand around something thick and warm and hard and oh my god. She was touching it.

“Green,” he said again softly as Aelin pulled the appendage from the fabric, letting it see the light of day.

She kept her hand on it as she examined it. It pulsed under her hand; she could feel the blood rushing there, and she was _fascinated_ by it. It wasn’t pretty? But it almost was? And it was _much_ bigger than she had anticipated. Thank goodness the podcast had given her tips for that. Although, she guessed she didn’t really have anything to compare it to. 

“It’s so pink!” she said, leaning closer to the erection, curiosity flowing through her as she examined body part resting in her hand. Under her gaze, it twitched to the side, causing Aelin to giggle. It was so weird. And cute? She couldn’t’ wait to show Rowan what she could do with it.

Rowan gritted his teeth and looked at the ceiling, away from her, but she remembered the tip about eye contact. That was important. She knew that.

“Rowan, look at me,” she said as she continued to lower her face to what she had learned was the head of the penis.

She was about to lower her mouth to it when Rowan’s eyes widened further than she’d ever seen them. “YELLOW!” he shouted again, but it was too late.

Before Aelin could pull back fully, something sprayed at her, shooting into her eye and dripping down her face.

She wiped the offending substance from her cheek, but it stung her eye, making it water. “OW!” she screamed as she tried to blink it out.

“Oh my god,” Rowan panted, but Aelin couldn’t even see his face through her squinting, watery eyes.

She ran down the hall to the bathroom to try and rinse it out, lowering her head beneath the sink as she blinked continually. She heard Rowan behind her, muttering intelligibly, but she was too focused on cleaning out her eye.

Finally, the eye stopped stinging, and she stood back up, wiping her face clean. Rowan stood in the doorway, his entire face and neck a deep shade of beet red.

“Aelin, I’m so sorry, I—”

She blinked, her eye red and scratchy from where water had poured over it, but she could at least see again.

The doorbell echoed through the townhouse, and Rowan sighed. “Saved by the bell,” he muttered, rushing down the stairs to pay the pizza guy.

She grabbed her sweater from Rowan’s room and made her way to join him downstairs, where he was opening boxes of delicious smelling pizza.

“We can try again?” she suggested, and Rowan actually paled at her words.

“You want to try again after _that?_ ” Rowan tugged at his hair. “Aelin, I came in your eye.”

They stared at each other for approximately two seconds before Aelin let the discomfort she’d been holding back burst forward, a string of raucous laughter falling from her lips. Rowan looked at her in horror, but Aelin couldn’t help herself. She was laughing too hard. She gasped for air as she doubled over, leaning onto Rowan’s shoulder for help steadying her, until she finally, _finally_ felt his chest shake under her touch. She looked up at him, and she smiled harder as his small chuckle turned into explosive laughter.

“Oh,” she said, clutching at her side. “Oh my god…”

She wiped at her face, which had tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard.

“Happy Birthday?” She cocked her head to the side, causing Rowan to burst into another round of giggles. She was so relieved they could laugh – both their cheeks were flushed as they breathed through it.

“I think I might have been too ambitious,” Rowan chuckled, pulling Aelin down with him onto the couch. “Can you take your hair down?” he whined, and Aelin laughed heartily at the implication.

“You were ambitious?” Aelin laughed. “I…” She snorted back a laugh as she pulled the piece of pizza from the box and shoved it into her mouth.

“I think maybe we should, uh…work up to that,” Rowan said, and she couldn’t help but smile as she shoved her face against the soft material of his sweater.

They settled into an easy silence as Rowan turned on the TV, finally turning on _The Princess Bride_.

“You know,” Rowan said, running his fingers through her hair and making her shiver. “Buttercup has always reminded me of you.”

Aelin sat up, looking at her blushing best friend. “Really?” she asked, and he tipped his chin down to press his lips to her forehead as he nodded.

A distant memory made its way to her consciousness, and she couldn’t help but smile widely.

“So, when you were little and used to say ‘As you wish…’ when I asked you to do something?”

He squeezed her shoulder. “I was saying ‘I love you,?” he laughed. “Yes.”

“I always assumed it was because you loved the movie,” Aelin said, grinning wider.

“Ace, I’ve been telling you I love you for a really long time. You just… finally started hearing it.”

“I love you, too,” she said, brushing her lips against the side of his jaw and loving the way he shuddered slightly beneath her. She snuggled back into him as they watched the movie, but something about Rowan seemed… off. She wondered if maybe their round of laughter hadn’t cleared the air between them. But she hoped it was her imagination.

However, when it got to his favorite scene, the “Mawwiage” scene, he didn’t even crack a smile, and Aelin cringed. He’d totally been faking. He was deeply not okay.

She sighed as she ate more of the pizza, but it didn’t even taste good, turning gummy and gluey in her mouth as she chewed. Though, that might have a little to do with the congestion that had finally started to settle into her nose. And her headache was definitely back. She wished she’d brought more DayQuil with her. She was fading fast. She sniffed loudly, and Rowan looked at her, concerned.

“Are you crying?” he asked.

“No!” she snapped, and he leaned back onto the couch, eyeing her warily. “I just…” She sighed. “You’re upset.” She paused. “I ruined your birthday.” She paused again. “And I’m definitely sick, and I feel like crap.”

“Ace,” he choked out a small laugh, wrapping his arms around her shoulders tighter, pulling her into his side. “You didn’t ruin anything.”

“So, then why are you so quiet,” she whined, tucking her head into his chest, pressing her cheek against his soft sweater again. She closed her eyes as she sighed deeply. “I can hear you thinking from here,” she mumbled.

“It’s not your fault I can’t last more than fifteen seconds with your hand on me,” Rowan laughed. “But, uh…” She looked up at him, holding her breath, waiting for him to tell her he’d been pushed too far and he wanted to slow things down with her. “You’ve made me…” He paused, letting her fill in the gap. “Like, three times.” He cleared his throat. “And I haven’t been able to, uh…” She bit her lip. “Reciprocate?” He huffed.

“OH!” she gasped, sitting up more fully to look at him. His eyes were scrunched into narrow slits, and his skin was tinged red, as it had been all afternoon. Her mind was racing with the implications of his words. “You want to reciprocate?” Aelin said, her cheeks heating to match his own.

“Baby,” he drawled, causing her heart to thump erratically against her ribs. He’d never called her that before, and she couldn’t help how good it felt to hear it. “How could I not want to?”

“Now?” she asked, and he snorted loudly.

“Not if you’re not feeling well,” he said, rubbing her back.

But Aelin wasn’t having any of that. “I’m fine,” she said. “I just need to take another dose of DayQuil!” she insisted. Without waiting for an answer, she rushed to Maeve’s bathroom, where she was sure the woman had some.

She saw the pills out of their box, sitting in the drawer, mixed among several other medications in their foil packaging, and plopped two into her mouth.

But as she put down the plastic, she gasped loudly. No no no. Across the back of the foil, it distinctly read NyQuil instead of DayQuil. She’d totally forgotten to check, and now she’d taken the medicine that would surely knock her out within fifteen minutes. And it was barely 5pm.

On unsteady feet, made her way back to Rowan, the room starting to get a little hazy. “Rowan…” she called out, and he appeared before her, eyes widening with concern. He rushed to her, arms sliding beneath her armpits to help steady her.

“Whoa, what happened?” Rowan asked. “You’re swaying on your feet. Sit down,” he said, leading her back to the couch.

“I took NyQuil instead of DayQuil, and I’m about to pass out,” she mumbled. “So, you better get to work quickly.”

Rowan chuckled softly and kissed her forehead as he laid her out on the couch, pulling her head onto his lap and throwing a blanket over them both.

“Ace, I’m not touching you while you’re comatose,” he said.

“No,” Aelin whined. “It’s your birthday. Touch me, baby,” she mumbled, but she could feel the pressure of the sleep meds pressing against her head, dragging her under quickly. She must have been sicker than she thought.

He laughed again, running his fingers through her hair, and she felt her eyes close of their own volition, betraying her.

“I’m going to have many, many more birthdays, Ace.”

“Tell me about your worst birthday,” Aelin slurred. “So I know this wasn’t it.”

Rowan chuckled softly as he played with her hair. “Not even close.” He paused. “Don’t you remember my thirteenth birthday?”

Aelin sleepily shook her head. And as Rowan launched into the story of his terrible birthday, Aelin fell asleep quickly.

When she awoke, it was hours later, and Rowan was asleep above her, both of them covered in blankets. She stretched her aching body and sniffled. The cold had fully sunken into her body, and she felt… awful. She rolled to her side and saw that someone had put out more cold meds and a box of tissues on the coffee table in front of them. She sneezed, her whole body shaking with its power and reached for a tissue. She must have woken Rowan with her insane sneeze, because she heard him yawning behind her.

She sneezed again and blew her nose into the tissue loudly.

“You’re really sick, huh, Ace?” he asked, and Aelin groaned and nodded into his leg, where her head still lay.

“And I totally still made out with you, fully aware,” she said guiltily. Rowan scooted down onto the couch, pulling her flush against him as he pulled the blankets up to their shoulders.

“Don’t care,” Rowan said sleepily.

“You’re definitely going to get sick, Buzzard,” she laughed, her voice thick with sleep and sickness.

“Worth it,” he said, nuzzling his face into her neck and letting his hand come up beneath the blanket to rest on Aelin’s boob. Aelin laughed softly; he did really love her boobs. He didn’t even remove his hand when Maeve came to check in on them, letting them know that Rhoe had been informed of Aelin’s cold, and that it was fine for her to spend the night.

“Best birthday ever,” she heard Rowan mumble before she passed out again.


	31. Chapter 31

“Ace… you look like shit,” Rowan laughed, causing Aelin to huff and roll onto her side to hide her face into her pillow, holding out her phone so she could still see her boyfriend on the other side.

Her huff morphed into a hacking cough, which pressed against her chest. She struggled to sit up to abate the coughing, but it barely worked.

“Yeah, well, you don’t look that great either,” she lied.

He didn’t look bad at all, actually. It was annoying, really. How totally fine Rowan looked, even with the cold she’d given him. He looked as handsome as ever, his bright eyes staring at her through the screen with pure, unadulterated pity. Meanwhile, Aelin was huddled under layers upon layers of blankets, her nose dry and red from coming into contact with too many tissues, feeling like death warmed over.

“I’m dying,” she croaked. “This is the end.” She sighed loudly. “I’m glad I’m dying knowing you love me. But I’m very sad I’m dying a virgin.”

Rowan’s ears pinked as he smiled at her. “It’s a cold, let’s not be dramatic.”

Aelin raised a brow at him, as if to say _Me? Not be dramatic?_ He shook his head, realizing his mistake. Aelin was nothing if not dramatic.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Rowan said, pausing to blow his nose into a tissue. “You can take more meds now.”

Without pausing, Aelin tipped her head back and called out, “Daaaaad!”

Her voice cracked and split with the volume she tried to put behind it, and she frowned at Rowan’s small laugh.

The door creaked open, and Rhoe tentatively popped his head in, looking at his daughter with narrowed eyes. “Yes, Fireheart?”

“I need more medicine,” she said, emphasizing her point with another throaty cough.

Rhoe rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You two are pathetic,” he laughed. “Can’t spend one day apart?”

Rowan laughed on his end of the phone. “Some of us are trying to play their new birthday present,” Rowan said, holding up his game controller. “But others of us insisted I could not leave them because they were lonely.”

Rhoe snorted loudly.

“Stop ganging up on me!” Aelin whined, burrowing back under her covers as far as she could with one hand still extended in front of her. “I don’t have a tv in my room like some people.”

“You could always go downstairs. Where there is a television,” Rhoe laughed, but Aelin shook her head and groaned.

“Too cold down there.” She tucked her chin over the pile of blankets covering her and watched as her dad rolled his eyes but sat beside her regardless. Aelin was the worst sick patient in the world according to him. She refused to admit she was sick for as long as possible, stubbornly getting worse and worse until her body gave in on itself. And once she gave into the sickness, Aelin wallowed in her bodily discomfort for days. She was currently on day three of wallowing.

“Blankets are transportable, Ace,” Rowan commented, causing Aelin to stick her tongue out at him.

“You’re transportable,” she quipped as Rowan sneezed loudly on the other side of the screen. She looked to her dad. “Daddy, can’t Rowan come over? I need snugs.”

Rhoe rolled his eyes at his daughter’s antics. She’d begged for Rowan to be allowed to come over so they could wallow in their sickness together, but Rhoe had killed that idea immediately.

“My teenage daughter and her boyfriend snuggling in bed together?” Rhoe shook his head. “Somehow, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Aelin huffed again, a frown marring her face. “It’s not like we’re going to do anything. We’re sick!”

Rhoe laughed. “And I wonder how exactly Rowan got sick in the first place. Swapping germ-filled spit, perhaps?”

Rowan inhaled so sharply that it set off a chain reaction of raucous coughing.

“No,” Rhoe said, assured. “You both need to get better separately, otherwise you’ll be passing this thing back and forth all damn winter long.” Rhoe smoothed her hair out of her face and pressed his palm against her warm cheek. “Okay, sickie?” She sighed but nodded. As unfair as she thought his decision was, it did make sense. She just felt so, so awful.

“Daddyyyy, my medicine,” she croaked, widening her eyes as far as they could go, silently pleading.

Rhoe laughed as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Why am I only ‘Daddy’ when you need something, hmmm?”

As her dad disappeared into her bathroom to pour her more medicine, Aelin fluffed her pillow behind her, trying to get more comfortable, but it was useless. Her head ached and her face was a drippy mess. At least after her next dose of cold meds she’d be likely to fall asleep again.

“Aelin….?” Her dad’s low voice interrupted her adjustments. “Why are these in your bathroom cabinet?”

Aelin looked over at her dad and her jaw dropped in horror as he pulled out the handful of condoms she’d taken from their health assembly. She totally forgot she’d put them under her sink… right next to her extra bottle of cold medicine.

“I thought you two were nowhere near _that_ ,” Rhoe’s voice was far too quiet as she stumbled to explain.

“We’re not!” Aelin said, her heart racing. Her head was too cloudy to make sense.

“Ace, what’s going on over there?” Rowan asked, curious. “What aren’t you near? What’s in your bathroom?”

“Condoms,” Rhoe said calmly, dipping his face into the frame next to Aelin. “Do we need to have another talk?”

Rowan’s eyes widened comically, his cheeks burning with embarrassment as he looked to the side, the phone fumbling in his hands.

“Uh, what’s that Aunt Mave?” he asked quickly. “Gotta go!”

His face disappeared as he clicked out of Facetime, leaving Aelin alone with her dad and his reddening face.

Aelin pulled up her texts and typed out a message to her boyfriend in all caps.

**COWARD!!!!** It read.

He replied with the shrug emoji immediately, causing Aelin to throw her phone down. Her dad stared at her patiently, his deep blue eyes boring into the side of her skull as she gave him a weak smile.

“Dad, don’t freak out.” She needed to explain, but her head was groggy and her body ached, and her dad was practically vibrating with stress.

Rhoe pinched his lips together into a straight line. “I’m not freaking out.”

“You totally are!” Aelin let out another hacking cough as she rushed to explain.

“Aelin.” Rhoe’s patience was on the verge of breaking.

“They were from our health assembly,” she sighed, flopping back onto her pillow. “Rowan got clammy just looking at them, so I grabbed a bunch to see if he’d get even paler.”

“So you don’t actually need them?” he asked, voice strained.

“Dad,” she sighed again, her head starting to throb. “No. Not even close.” She sniffled loudly and reached for her box of tissues and blew. Ew. Wait, what was she doing? Oh yeah. Reassuring her dad. “I forgot they were even there.”

“Good,” Rhoe exhaled quickly. “Not, good good. Obviously I want you to be safe when you do—but I’m glad you’re not, that you don’t need—yet—” A soft red crept up the back of Rhoe’s neck, and Aelin watched in amusement as her dad literally tugged at the neckline of his shirt, trying to cool himself down. “Anyway.” He cleared his throat. “You still need your medicine.”

“I do,” she nodded, widening her eyes again to show how pathetically sick she felt. Rhoe returned with a cap full of cherry smelling liquid, and Aelin knocked it back quickly, taking a long sip of her water to wash it down. “Thank you, Daddy,” she mumbled, getting comfy in her bed again and burrowing beneath the heavy blankets. She was about to close her eyes when she spotted the corner of a foil packet sticking out of Rhoe’s pocket.

She sat up suddenly, pointing at his pants. “Oh my god, are you really confiscating those?” Aelin asked in disbelief.

He shook his head and chuckled softly. “Well, if you’re not going to use them any time soon, I figured someone should before they expire.”

Aelin’s cheek paled as her dad laughed harder. “EW! What?! No. You don’t do that.” She inhaled sharply, spurring another round of coughing.

“Oh, so you can talk about having sex, but me, a grown adult can’t?” Rhoe lifted an eyebrow, and Aelin thought she was going to be sick. Well, sicker than she already was.

She covered her ears. “La la la,” she sang, screwing her eyes shut. “I don’t want to hear this. You are my DAD.”

He snorted loudly. “Yeah, kiddo, and how do you think you came to be, huh?”

“Not with condoms!” Aelin groaned, rolling over to face the other way as her dad laughed at her. Her face burned, and she wished for a quick death at Rhoe’s continued laughter.

“Get some rest, Fireheart,” he laughed, pushing her hair out of her face, and Aelin groaned.

“Leave me to my nightmares,” she huffed dramatically, burrowing her face into her blankets to sleep.

. . .

Thankfully, the medicine erased any kind of possibility for dreams. All that Aelin was left with was a dead sleep, body and mind stilling and attempting to heal. She groaned as she felt her phone vibrate against her face, rousing her from her medicine induced nap. Her head was still groggy, and somehow over the last few hours she’d become even _more_ congested. She had no idea how that was possible. Why did her body hate her?

She blew her nose loudly into a tissue and tossed it into the now-overflowing trash next to her bed and tried to prop herself up on her pillow, but she still felt weak with fatigue.

Her phone vibrated again, and she rolled to her side to view the slew of notifications she’d missed while she’d been passed out. The group chat was hopping, and she didn’t particularly have energy for them today. Until, she saw the most recent text pop up from Lorcan. Her panic spurred on an uncontrollable coughing fit as she scrolled back to the beginning of the conversation.

She was going to murder Lysandra.

**How’d the birthday blow job go, Ace?** With the slutty smirk emoji. She asked. IN THE GROUP CHAT.

**It’s not my birthday :(** Lorcan had responded, causing Aelin to choke out another cough slash laugh.

**Wrong text?** Elide asked helpfully, and Lysandra had sent back a facepalm emoji with an all caps apology.

**WAIT. ACE???????????** Lorcan texted, and Aelin was sure the heat in her cheeks wasn’t just due to her long nap or the sickness wreaking havoc on her body.

**BABE??????**

**Babe.**

**BABEEEEEEEEEE.**

**CAN SOMEONE CONFIRM WHEN ROWAN’S BIRTHDAY IS?**

Aelin was grateful for her group of friends, none of whom answered Lorcan’s all caps tantrum, but she should have known it would be for nothing.

**I HAVE FACEBOOK, BITCHES. JAN 9. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.**

Lorcan seemed to be having a single person meltdown in the group chat at this information, much to Aelin’s horror and amusement. She scrolled through his existential crisis.

**I mostly can’t believe Aelin went to Lys, and not to ME?!**

**I’m offended.**

**I’ve been called a sexpert before.**

**I have received a LOT of blow jobs. From many many people.**

**I am a wealth of knowledge.**

**I’m also the only other person here who has seen Rowan naked and could have prepared our sweet (NOT SO INNOCENT) babe for what she was about to be working with.**

Aelin’s cheeks flamed as her friends finally chimed back in.

**….what was she about to be working with?** Elide texted.

**…how big are we talking?** Lys asked.

And Manon shocked Aelin by texting three eggplant emojis. Aelin thought she was going to die. The group chat was devolving into discussing Rowan’s penis. How much embarrassment did she have to be put through today?

**BIG.** Lorcan replied, confirming what Aelin had thought on Rowan’s birthday.

**Long and skinny? Pencil style? He’s so lanky.** Lys asked. It was official. Aelin had died.

**LYS!** Elide had the good sense to chastise their friend, but Lorcan and Lys were unstoppable in their back and forth.

**A really ripe cucumber. Thick.**

**AELIN’S POOR JAW!** Aelin touched her jaw, which hadn’t even had the chance to wrap itself around… Her cheeks flamed again, and she could feel sweat forming on her brow. Though she hoped that was just her fever breaking.

**K, can we stop talking about this? It’s starting to make me nauseous.** Manon chimed in again.

**Also, we probably shouldn’t be talking about this without Aelin.** Elide added.

**Where IS Aelin???? Aelin, you can’t hide from us forever!** Lys texted.

**Probably playing with that cucumber of hers.** Lorcan said with a wink.

**AELIN – PSA: If you do masturbate with a cucumber, make sure you put a condom on it first!**

Aelin couldn’t even believe what she was reading anymore.

**I AM NOT MASTURBATING WITH A CUCUMBER!!!!** She typed, blushing furiously.

**No judgment if you do, though.**

Everyone welcomed her back to the group chat with excitement, and Aelin felt like she had to squash the conversation properly.

**I’m MIA because I am sick. Now leave me alone so I can go back to sleep. AND STOP TALKING ABOUT ROWAN’S PENIS!** She wanted this speculation to end immediately. She was horrified it had started at all, and she had a feeling if Rowan knew it was being discussed he’d be equally as upset.

**I’m muting you.**

**YOU WOULDN’T!** Lorcan texted, and Aelin followed through on her promise, silencing the text thread to give herself some peace.

She sighed as she exited the convo, reading through Lysandra’s apology texts she’d received immediately after accidentally sending to the group text. She knew it was an accident, but Aelin couldn’t help but be slightly annoyed. She really didn’t want her friends discussing _that_. Plus, she hadn’t even really done it? And she didn’t want to have to explain what had actually happened. She had a feeling Rowan would not be cool with _that_ at all. She decided to ignore the texts, hoping her one in the group chat would suffice for now.

At the thought of Rowan, she swapped to his text thread. His texts were much more innocuous than the group chat, and she was grateful for that.

**So…how’d that convo go with your dad?**

**Hello? Did he murder you? Should I send investigators to your house?**

**My investigator told me you’ve been sleeping all afternoon.**

**I’m sorry you’re feeling so terrible, Ace.**

**Okay, I’m finished playing my game, and I miss you again.**

**Text me when you wake up, Sleeping Beauty.**

Aelin knew her hair was a mess, and she hadn’t showered in two days, but she didn’t think twice before Facetiming Rowan back. He appeared on screen almost as quickly as she called, his flushed face coming into view with a small smile she knew was only for her.

“I’m awake,” she croaked. She rubbed at her eye, removing the remnants of sleep from the corners. “Kind of,” she chuckled, letting out another raspy cough.

“Oh, hon, you sound bad,” Maeve called from over Rowan’s shoulder, and he angled the screen to show her in the kitchen behind him. Aelin nodded weakly. “I left a very large container of my chicken noodle soup in your fridge and put an extra one in the freezer,” Maeve said. “Extra noodles and extra carrots.”

“You’re my favorite,” Aelin called out, and she laughed softly at Rowan’s small smile morphing into a frown at her words. “Your investigator?” Aelin asked, eyebrow raised, and Rowan shrugged. “Ro, are you pouting because I called Maeve my favorite?”

“I’m not pouting,” he said, but his jutted lip remained in place. Aelin smiled as Maeve laughed somewhere behind him.

“You’re beyond my favorite,” she said as effusively as she could with her sore throat, raw from coughing. “You’re my person, my other half. I love you to the end of the world.”

“Are we anticipating the end of the world?” he asked, his frown finally disappearing, replaced by a soft blush on his cheeks. She wished she could reach through the screen and kiss him. But making him laugh would have to do for now.

“Probably,” Aelin shrugged. “With global warming and fracking and deforestation and viruses mutating and making a hoard of zombies. Who’s to say when the end of the world will be?”

“Zombie virus?” Rowan cracked a smile, finally looking nothing but charmed with her antics. And Aelin nodded seriously.

“Will you rescue me from the zombies, Buzzard?” she asked, batting her still sleepy eyes at him, and a thrill of victory shot through her at his low laugh.

“Somehow I don’t think you’d need much rescuing,” he laughed. “But, yes.” His green eyes glowed with amusement as he shook his head and coughed his own hacking cough. “You’re ridiculous.”

“But you love me,” she said softly, suddenly feeling self-conscious with her face so close to the screen and huddled into her blanket.

“I do,” he said, his voice nothing more than a throaty whisper as they stared at each other. Her stomach fluttered at his gaze, filled with a shy joy that she now recognized as love. She was _loved_ by Rowan Whitethorn. Sometimes she still wasn’t over it. To be fair, it hadn’t even been quite a month since they’d first kissed, so she supposed the adjustment was still fresh. But somehow she thought she’d never get over being looked at like that by him. That he really would make her stomach do crazy flips until the end of the world. Whenever that was.

“You two are too cute,” Maeve cooed in the distance, and Aelin laughed as a dark blush spotted Rowan’s cheeks.

“Aunt Maeve,” he whined, clearly embarrassed, bringing a wide smile to Aelin’s face, despite how crappy she was still feeling.

“Rowan, you are sitting in the middle of my living room,” Maeve chastised. “I’m allowed to comment.”

“It’s fine,” Aelin laughed. “I need soup anyway. There’s no way to be cute while eating soup,” she said, placing the phone down so she could momentarily wrap herself in her blanket. She clutched it and picked the phone back up, telling Rowan to stay tuned for her adventure downstairs.

“You look like a jedi master,” Rowan laughed at her hooded blanket look, but she ignored him as she made her way down the stairs to where her dad was eating a burger and fries. It smelled so good.

“You alive?” he asked, holding back a smile at his blanket-wrapped daughter.

“Barely,” Aelin said, punctuating her feelings with a well-timed cough.

“At this rate you’re going to miss a whole week of school,” Rhoe frowned.

“That would suck. I’m going back tomorrow,” Rowan chimed in as Aelin replied, “I’d be fine with that.”

“Hi, Rowan,” Rhoe laughed, and Aelin groaned as she made her way to the fridge and poured the soup into the biggest bowl she could find. She was starving. She hoped that was a sign that she was on the mend. Because if she got worse than tonight, she was in serious trouble.

As the soup reheated in the microwave, Aelin sighed, staring at her beautiful boyfriend, who even sick, still looked as handsome as ever. She couldn’t bear to let him watch her eat soup. It really was _not_ a cute look to slosh liquid into her gaping mouth between sniffles.

“Ro, I’m going to go,” she said suddenly.

“What? Why?”

She frowned. “I’m going to devour this soup, and that’s not something I want you to watch,” she answered, causing her dad to laugh.

“Ace, I’ve watched you eat barbeque ribs before. I’m immune to your disgusting eating,” he chuckled, but it still brought a frown to Aelin’s face.

“it’s different now,” she mumbled, and she could feel her face warming. “Can’t we pretend I eat everything super delicately?”

Rowan’s eyebrow shot up to the middle of his forehead. “Do you also want me to pretend you don’t poop now?”

“ROWAN!” She was sure her face was on fire. “I’m hanging up on you.”

“I’m sorry,” he laughed. “I’m sorry! Aelin!”

But it was too late. Flustered, she ended the call and placed the phone on the counter, ignoring her dad’s choked back laughter.

“I hate you all,” Aelin grumbled, taking her soup back up to her room where she could eat in peace.

. . .

With an uncomfortably full stomach, Aelin fell asleep quickly, waking only in the middle of the night to drown herself in cold medication and pass out again.

When she woke, the sun was shining brightly through her windows. She glanced at the clock. It was already afternoon. She must have needed the rest, though, because she could slightly breathe through her nose again. Just barely, but it was enough to assure Aelin that she’d gone through the worst of the cold.

She rolled to her side and her face crinkled against something. She pulled the offending paper from her skin and read it quickly.

_Working until dinner tonight. Soup should last you through the day. Stocked up on tissues and juice. Hope you’re feeling better today, Fireheart. Text me when you’re up._

Aelin frowned. Without her dad around and with Rowan back in school, she’d be completely alone today. She supposed she could take more meds and go back to sleep, but she surprisingly didn’t feel the blanket of exhaustion that had been hanging over her for the last three days.

Capitalizing on her burst of energy, Aelin forced herself into the shower, letting the steam clear her head from the lingering congestion. With a clean body and clean hair, Aelin got dressed in her sweats and Rowan’s lacrosse hoodie. It didn’t smell like him anymore, but there was still something comforting about wearing it.

There was no use in getting back into her dirty bed, so she made her way downstairs, sighing dramatically into the emptiness of the house. What she wouldn’t do for some company. She texted her dad she was awake and feeling better as she heated up some soup and scrolled through her other notifications.

Most of them were from Rowan.

**Driving to school without you sucks.**

**I hope you’re feeling better today.**

**I miss you.**

**Text me when you’re up?**

**Elide has some homework for you. Can I deliver it to you later? I have a lacrosse meeting at 4, but I can come over after?**

**You’re not actually mad at me for yesterday, are you?**

Aelin texted him back that she was finally awake, feeling better, missed him too, and totally not mad. He didn’t text her back, but that was to be expected. She was fairly certain he’d just gone into Pre-Calc and wouldn’t be able to text her back for a while.

Sighing dramatically, she sipped at her soup and flicked aimlessly through the channels of the television. Nothing quite capturing her interest. She finally settled on a murder mystery movie marathon that investigated real life unsolved cases. The case was so obvious to her – the husband had absolutely murdered all three of his ex-wives. They’d all died in similar circumstances, but there was no concrete evidence, and no one could prove it. He played the mourning widower, again and again. She became so invested in the cases that she barely even noticed the time flying by until she was startled by a loud knock on the door. 

She squealed, her heart beating fast as she tiptoed to the door and looked out the peephole. She sighed deeply at the sight of white blonde hair, covered in a thick knit beanie and matching scarf.

“Hi,” she sighed, letting Rowan in.

“Is that my sweater?” he asked, tugging at the hem of her sweatshirt, bringing her closer, and Aelin smiled as she tilted her head upward. Was it possible that Rowan had grown even taller since the last time she’d seen him?

“Don’t you mean _our_ sweater?” she asked, and he smiled, leaning down to kiss her lips, but she moved her face to give him her cheek at the last second. She shivered as his cold lips pressed against her heated skin. “As much as I want to kiss you, my dad is right. We don’t want to be passing this cold back and forth all winter.”

His eyes widened and his lips protruded into a perfect pout. She couldn’t believe it. He was literally giving her puppy dog eyes.

“Don’t give me that face,” she warned as he leaned closer to her again. “You know I can’t say no to that face.”

“Good,” he laughed, rubbing his nose against hers.

“Rowan…” she whined. She was about to give in and just let him kiss her when she felt a slight tickle at the back of her throat. Quickly, she spun around, tucking her mouth into the corner of her elbow as she let out a deep throaty cough.

“Okay, point taken,” he laughed. “Go lie down. I brought you a surprise.”

Aelin smiled as he held up a shopping bag.

“Is it cake?” she asked, stretching out on the couch, and she watched as his lips curled up in amusement.

“No.”

Her brow furrowed as he pulled his gaming console out of the bag and hooked it up to the tv. After he’d finished setting it up, he turned to her with a flourish, but Aelin felt lost.

“I figured you could borrow it for the next few days. Until you’re back at school.” He cleared his throat. “To keep you company.”

“I don’t know how to play,” Aelin admitted, and Rowan smiled as he came to sit next to her on the couch.

“I can teach you?”

Aelin nodded as Rowan set up the game, showing her how to select a player and what all the controls meant. He handed her the controller and let her try.

Aelin watched as her player was killed again. And again. And again. She could see the effort Rowan was taking not to laugh at her, and Aelin was getting annoyed. She threw the controller at him.

“I suck.”

“You just need to practice,” he said. “Here, I’ll show you.”

She handed him the controller back, and she found that watching him play was strangely soothing. It was like watching an action adventure movie in real time. The more into it he got, the more Aelin did, too. She was completely captivated. And not only by the screen – but also by the way Rowan’s fingers moved on the control, or the way the muscles flexed in his forearm. She could feel herself warming the more she looked.

She decided to excuse herself for a glass of water, and when she returned, she was happy to see that Rowan had stretched out on the couch. She curled herself against him, leaning against his chest and becoming the perfect little spoon as he wound his arms around her, holding the controller in front to continue playing.

“So…” he started after a long stretch of game playing. And Aelin titled her head up to try and see him, but his eyes remained completely focused on the screen. “I know you said you’re not mad, but… I am, uh, sorry.” His eyes flicked down for a second, causing his player to narrowly miss being killed. She watched as he struggled to rebound. “About yesterday,” he continued, his lips pursed in concentration. “We just used to joke about stuff like that all the time.” He cleared his throat. “But, uh, I know things are different now.”

Aelin sighed as she leaned her cheek against his chest. She could feel his heart pounding nervously, and she couldn’t help but smile.

“It’s okay. I’m really not mad,” she said. “I just…” She paused, letting her fingers trail across his forearms as he continued to play. She watched as goosebumps prickled against her touch. “I know you’ve seen me burp and fart and covered in sick.” She could feel his laughter vibrate through her cheek. “I just want you to think I’m cute all the time.”

Rowan snorted loudly as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Ace, you really don’t have to worry about that. I _do_ think you’re cute all the time. More than cute.”

She smiled widely as she leaned into him further, and a contented sigh escaped her lips as he placed his chin on top of her head, tucking her against him further.

“Can I say something cheesy?” His voice was slightly strained, and Aelin wondered what else could possibly be coming. She nodded. “I’m really glad we can talk about how we’re feeling.” He paused. “It’s nice. To talk about. With you.”

Aelin stiffened. “You didn’t… before?”

Rowan shook his head. “I mean, I did, but not really.” He cleared his throat. “It felt like if I did, I’d end up telling you how I really felt, and I was way too scared to do that.”

She breathed a sigh of relief as his arms squeezed around her shoulders tighter. “I’m glad we can talk now, too.”

She paused. “So, in the spirit of telling each other things…do I want to know how Lorcan has seen your penis before?”

The game controller went flying out of Rowan’s hand as he fumbled, his player meeting an untimely death as Rowan coughed out a spluttered, “WHAT?!” His breath came in uneven pants as he pushed Aelin back so he could see her face, which was pinched nervously. “What did you tell him?” His eyes were wild with panic. “Is that why he kept asking me how good my birthday was? Oh god, Aelin. What did you say? Does he know that I—oh god, oh god,” he kept repeating.

Aelin placed her hand on her anxious boyfriend’s chest, feeling his heart thump erratically. “I told them nothing!” she assured him.

“You didn’t tell him that I…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, a sure sign of his stress, and Aelin reached for his hand, threading it with hers. “Because I know you guys _talk_ , but that’s not …cool…and I’m going to get better!”

“No,” she said calmly. “It wasn’t like that.” Her cheeks flushed as she remembered their activities from his birthday. “I went to Lys for advice, and Lorcan was offended I didn’t go to him. Since apparently he’s seen—” Her eyes flicked to his lap and then back up to his narrowed eyes.

“Lacrosse locker room,” Rowan croaked out. It’s what Aelin had figured – being on the same sports team, changing together, boys were bound to see things. An she knew Lorcan was _definitely_ not shy about looking. But clearly Rowan was. She felt awful. She should have never brought it up.

“As soon as they started talking about it, I shut them down,” she said, hoping to reassure him, but it did the opposite. His eyes widened as they flicked to his lap, following her gaze.

“They were talking about _it_?” he squeaked.

“Everyone was saying very flattering things, for what it’s worth…” Aelin trailed off, and she watched as Rowan’s mouth opened and closed, trying to form words but failing. He was mad. Oh god, he was furious. “Are you mad?” she asked, even though she was positive she knew the answer.

“No…” he began tentatively, “But—” Her heart leapt into her throat. “No. I’m not mad,” he reiterated. But Aelin knew he was. She’d wanted to tell him about it; she felt weird and guilty that they’d been discussing it in their group chat at all. She kind of wanted to murder Lysandra for texting her there, but she knew that was an accident. But she couldn’t help but feel awful that she’d made Rowan feel uncomfortable. “But, can we keep our my privates, um… private? Moving forward?” he asked, and Aelin nodded effusively. She knew he was going to be upset. Why had she done that? Purposefully upset him? She should have just kept it to herself. 

“I can show you the chat if it’ll make you feel better?” she asked, but Rowan shook his head. She was going to insist upon it when the door swung open, revealing a stern-looking Rhoe.

“I thought I said no visitors,” he said, looking at the two, stretched out on the couch. Aelin was going to protest when Rowan extracted himself from her grasp.

“I have to go anyway,” he said, and Aelin’s stomach had a strange sinking sensation in it. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead.

“Love you, too,” Aelin replied. But after the door closed, Aelin was left with a strange sensation that maybe she and Rowan weren’t totally clear about what they were doing. All their rules and boundaries of their friendship had been totally muddied by their new romantic entanglement, and though they’d constantly fought as best friends, this felt distinctly different. In fact, it felt like a fight, but no one had outwardly fought. It was strange. The two of them had always yelled. For someone who had just told her he felt so good about telling her his feelings, she felt like Rowan had suddenly retreated into himself, no longer honest with her. She felt off kilter. And she wasn’t sure what to do about it.


	32. Chapter 32

Aelin groaned as her player died on the screen. She’d been doing so well! She tossed the controller to the side, annoyed that she hadn’t been able to get to the next level after crushing the last one.

Rowan had been right – all she needed to do was practice, and she’d get better. And the game was doing exactly what Rowan had predicted it’d do, distract her so she wouldn’t have time to think about being alone all day. She stuck her nose into the neck of her sweatshirt and inhaled. After cuddling with Rowan, she hoped it would smell distinctly more like him, but it didn’t. And she missed him immensely.

He’d been busy with lacrosse tryouts every day after school this week, and Aelin felt like she hadn’t had the opportunity to clear the air with him. They’d texted and talked on the phone, but she hadn’t been brave enough to address his potential anger. She wanted to see his face. True to her dad’s prediction, she’d been home all week, but she was finally _finally_ feeling better. She’d rest up more this weekend, and then be back to school on Monday. Thank god. She was slowly going crazy sitting alone all day, left with her thoughts spiraling.

She hadn’t unmuted the group chat, either. She saw the group lit up with new texts, but she couldn’t bring herself to read them until she talked to Rowan. For real.

She glanced at the clock, wondering when he’d be over. He promised he’d hang out after school today, since he’d left Aelin to her own devices all week. But she couldn’t help but feel like she was being avoided slightly.

She decided to stop thinking about it and return to her game. Just as she was about to deliver the killing blow to the giant demon she’d been fighting, she glanced at the clock, distracting her and allowing the demon to kill her instead. It was well after 5pm. Rowan should have come by an hour ago.

She texted him, asking where he was and was rewarded with an immediate knock at the door.

As she opened it, she was very surprised to see a dark-haired giant next to her boyfriend.

“Sorry I’m late,” Rowan apologized, wrapping his arms around her waist. “We got held up at school..p.” She leaned against his chest, but she didn’t take her eyes off of Lorcan, who eyed her with a devious smirk. She leaned her head back and narrowed her eyes at the hulking boy.

“I… What the hell are you doing here?” she asked.

“Nice to see you too, babe,” Lorcan winked and poked Aelin’s arm. She watched in disbelief as he sauntered through her living room and flopped down on the couch, making himself immediately comfortable. There was something strange about having Lorcan in her home. She realized he’d never been there before, despite the fact that she’d been at his house almost every week since the beginning of the school year.

She tilted her head back and finally looked up at her boyfriend, who was smiling down at her nervously.

“I’m confused,” she said, causing Rowan to chuckle softly and squeeze her tighter against him.

“I can explain?” He paused, his eyes flicking to her lips. “But first I’m going to kiss my girlfriend. Because I haven’t seen her all week, and I’ve missed her.”

“You have a girlfriend?!” Aelin gasped. “Where? I’ll fight her.”

“Ha ha,” he deadpanned, looking over Aelin’s shoulder at the boy sprawled out on the couch who gave them a thumbs up.

“Don’t mind me. I’m not here.”

Aelin flicked her middle finger in Lorcan’s direction, but it fell to her side as soon as Rowan pressed his lips against hers. Her stomach tumbled and her breath hitched as his mouth parted against hers. Her mind emptied of all her worries as his tongue brushed against hers gently. She didn’t think someone who was angry with her would kiss her like _that._

“GET A ROOM!” Lorcan shouted from behind them, and Aelin could feel Rowan lift his hand to give her friend the same obscene gesture she’d previously given him.

Her lips unwittingly curled into a smile at the thought of Rowan flicking Lorcan off, and she couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips, ending their kiss. Rowan pressed his lips to hers one more time, cradling her face in both of his hands and look at her as if she were something precious, and her heart nearly skipped a beat. She never wanted to go a week without kissing Rowan ever again.

“You weren’t kidding when you said you missed me,” Aelin sassed, and Rowan shrugged.

“You missed me, too.”

“I did,” she laughed, kissing him one last time, causing Lorcan to make a fake gagging sound behind them.

“What are you even doing here?” she snapped, turning over her shoulder. “Can someone please explain?” she asked.

Lorcan rolled his eyes as her boyfriend laughed under his breath. They both knew her patience was waning quickly. “I will, but first, I brought you another present,” Rowan said, holding up the shopping bag she hadn’t even seen resting at his feet.

“Is it a new game?” Aelin asked, causing Rowan to smile wider as his eyes shifted to the television, which was still on his game.

“Have you been playing?” he asked, and Aelin nodded.

“I’m getting better,” she admitted.

“Told you,” Rowan said. “But no. It’s not another game.” He paused and bit his lip, gnawing at the skin there for a second, and she watched as his cheeks turned pink. “I was going to give it to you on my birthday, but we got distracted….”

Lorcan snorted loudly.

Rowan’s cheeks darkened as his bright eyes flicked to Lorcan, who simply held his hands up. His attention returned to Aelin, who was waiting for an explanation of, well, several things at this point. “I saved you a few things from my closet clean out…” He paused. “If you want them.”

Aelin’s heart pounded as she reached into the bag and pulled out a handful of Rowan’s old t-shirts and hoodies. She inhaled deeply, the scent of Rowan still strong on the fabric and groaned happily. She immediately pulled off his lacrosse hoodie and exchanged it for his lifeguard one. It was perfect. She breathed in again, relishing in the smell of pine mixed with Rowan’s laundry detergent.

“Orgasm much?” Lorcan laughed.

“That’s it,” Aelin huffed of the hulking boy with snide commentary. “I’m kicking him out.”

Aelin turned to the couch and lifted Lorcan’s hand to try and haul him off the couch, but he was way too large and cumbersome to even smidge an inch.

“Ace,” Rowan laughed, pulling her away from the couch and back into his arms. “I asked him to come.”

“Why?” Aelin whined. All she wanted was to talk to Rowan. To show him the group chat and talk about his totally justified anger. Now that her head was clear of cold meds she could actually talk with him, but she didn’t really want to with Lorcan hovering around.

Rowan perched himself on the edge of the couch, and Aelin looked around, wondering where she should go. She didn’t particularly want to sit between him and Lorcan. But she did want to be close to him. So, she sat facing him, knees knocking into his as she rested on the coffee table in front of him.

His eyes flitted to Lorcan’s, and Lorcan gave him an almost imperceptible nod, and when Rowan reached for her hands, suddenly Aelin felt a round of nerves she didn’t know she could feel.

“Are you breaking up with me?” she blurted out, her heart starting to race against her chest. Had Rowan decided this was too much? Was that kiss a _last_ kiss? Had he brought Lorcan to console her after he left?

“What are you…?” Rowan shook his head. “No?” He sighed loudly. “I want to be your boyfriend as long as you want me.”

“Okay…” Aelin drawled, his words not slowing her heart from its erratic thumping in the slightest.

“Oh, come on,” Lorcan laughed, looking at Rowan. “Just tell her.”

“Lorcan…”

Lorcan leaned forward and smirked. “He saw the group chat, babe.”

“You did?” Aelin gasped, looking at Rowan, petrified. She’d wanted to show it to him herself, but she had a feeling it wouldn’t help. But now, somehow Lorcan was involved? She didn’t know what to make of anything. She watched as a deep pink flush crept onto the edges of his ears. Aelin’s jaw dropped, her eyes flicking between the two boys on the couch.

“I wish you could have seen his face,” Lorcan piped up, pushing his long hair out of his face as he laughed. “I didn’t know someone could turn so red.”

“I wasn’t _that_ red,” Rowan grumbled, and Aelin squeezed his hands tighter in hers, trying to figure out what this meant.

Lorcan snorted loudly. “You were, but, to be fair, you shouted, ‘I have a big dick?’ in the middle of the hallway. I’ve never seen a busy hallway go so quiet so fast. It was the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”

Rowan pulled his hands away from Aelin’s, so he could bury his face in them, to hide the blush that had crept up so high it reached the top of his nose.

“Anyway, after the hallway debacle, your boy has become a chick magnet,” Lorcan snorted. “I haven’t seen so many girls batting their eyes and bending and snapping.”

“Oh?” Aelin asked, her mouth drying at the thought of Rowan walking without her in the hallways, available to anyone’s attentions. Rowan just glared at Lorcan through his fingers.

“Don’t worry,” Lorcan said with a wink. “I made sure he was well protected all week.” He smiled widely. “I’m a good bodyguard, right, babe?”

Rowan grumbled, his reddened nose scrunching at the name. “I told you not to call me that.”

“And I told you the only other option is ‘Daddy,’” Lorcan laughed, as Rowan pushed his shoulder.

“Never.” Rowan huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Whatever you say, Daddy.”

Aelin’s eyes flipped back and forth at the easy teasing repartee between Lorcan and her boyfriend, and something stuck in her throat. Was it…pride? Happiness? Their dynamic reminded her so much of the earliest days she’d spent in the Snack Shack with Lorcan last summer, when she realized his aggressive teasing and ribbing was the way he showed any kind of affection.

A wide smile crept across her face as she turned to Lorcan.

“So _you’re_ breaking up with me?”

“Babe,” he said, dramatically clutching at his chest. “I would never.”

“You guys are friends,” she said. Her eyes flicked to her boyfriend, who was looking at her nervously.

“Are you mad?” Rowan asked, his chin ducked low into his chest.

“That you made a friend?” she asked. “No, I love that you made a friend,” she reiterated. “I just kind of thought you hated Lorcan,” Aelin said, causing Lorcan to snort indignantly.

“I just figured, if you’re going to talk to Lys… I needed someone to ask things to, too…” His cheeks reddened again, and Lorcan’s chest puffed up as he squeezed Rowan’s shoulder. “He’s been…helpful this week.”

“And I’m happy to provide all kinds of help,” he said, eyebrows wriggling suggestively.

“I swear I didn’t tell Lys anything,” Aelin insisted, and Rowan nodded, a small smile on his face.

“I know you didn’t.” He paused. “But, I do think it’s okay… to um…” He stuttered slightly, tugging at his sleeve. “Ask for help?” Aelin’s cheeks burned at the insinuation that Rowan wanted to be _good_ for her. She bit back a grin, and emboldened by her reaction, Rowan continued. “I did… tell Lorcan, uhhh… some things. About _me_ , not you!” he quickly corrected.

A shit eating grin appeared on Lorcan’s face, and Aelin groaned as she realized that Lorcan had become not only a friend, but also Rowan’s relationship confidante. She was glad for it. She really was. Rowan needed other people to hang out with. She just had to now get used to Lorcan having details of her relationship that she hadn’t necessarily given him. That would be an adjustment for sure. She wondered how it would change the dynamic between them.

“So, should we get into round two of sex ed, or what?” Lorcan asked, looking between the two of them. “I have lots of tips and tricks.”

Aelin laughed, realizing that absolutely nothing was going to change. Instead of responding to him, she plopped between the two of them on the couch and picked up the controller.

“Shut up, Lorcan,” Aelin said, but out of the corner of her eye she could see Lorcan’s smile, matching her boyfriend’s on her other side as they settled in for a night of games, the three of them.

…

Having Lorcan around was absolutely for Rowan’s own protection, Aelin soon learned. Apparently her boyfriend screaming about his bigger than average appendage in the middle of the hallway had attracted all kinds of attention from people that Aelin thought she wouldn’t have to deal with again.

Namely, the group of cheerleaders, who were absolutely the bane of her existence. She watched with absolute incredulity as they leaned in, twirling their hair and batting their eyes, and saying hi to her boyfriend in the halls. They didn’t seem to be dissuaded by his fingers threaded through hers, which she clutched at tighter with every inch they leaned closer. At this rate, the back of Rowan’s hands would be permanently marked with the small crescent shapes of her nails digging into his skin. But he didn’t seem to mind.

The only true blessing was that Lyria didn’t seem interested in approaching either of them. Though, that might be because of the way Lorcan snarled at the cheerleaders who did to back off. Aelin was relieved, though. The senior seemed completely uninterested in them, not even making eye contact with them in the halls.

Aelin couldn’t say she was particularly disappointed about that.

In fact, the only thing she was really disappointed with as the cold days of January bled into February was the start of lacrosse practices, stealing her boyfriend from her. She’d forgotten how much time the sport took up in Rowan’s life – a two hour practice, immediately followed by another hour of weight training. Which meant that she didn’t get to see him until after dinner most week nights, if she saw him at all.

It also meant that she resumed her rides with Manon and Elide, though, which was pretty nice. She’d missed them a lot.

And it also meant that Rowan was kind of… filling out? Aelin couldn’t help but notice the way his formerly lean muscles had started to bulk up with each day of training. She was having a hard time tearing her eyes away from his widening shoulders, watching as they rippled through his shirts.

Maeve laughed as she caught Aelin’s widening eyes as Rowan pulled off his sweatshirt, revealing a long sleeved tee beneath.

“Hey,” he smiled, leaning over the counter where Aelin was sprinkling seasoning over a fresh batch of fries, and pressing a kiss to her lips.

Despite her hands being coated in remnants of spices, Aelin reached out and tugged Rowan closer, not letting his lips off hers until she’d been thoroughly kissed.

He pulled away and plopped a fry into his mouth, grinning widely.

“Wanna go up to the roof?” he asked, brow raised. Aelin was about to tell him _hell yes_. All she wanted to do was wrap herself up in Rowan for the next two hours until their curfew, but Maeve interjected.

“As much as I support this,” she said, motioning between the two teens, “You should actually take Aelin home. It’s supposed to start snowing any minute now, and I don’t want you driving on fresh snow.”

Aelin’s pout matched Rowan’s as they both looked at each other sadly. It was so rare that they spent time together on a weeknight these days, and she had wanted nothing more than to spend it kissing him. But it looked like that was being cut short by the universe.

“If you go now, I bet you you’d have time to makeout in Aelin’s driveway for a good twenty minutes,” Maeve laughed, ruffling Rowan’s hair as his cheeks turned pink.

“You know what they say,” Aelin laughed, grabbing Rowan’s hand. “Twenty minutes is all it takes,” she joked, causing Maeve to bark out a loud laugh.

“That’s not what Lorcan says,” Rowan mumbled, and Aelin shook her head.

“I don’t want to know what Lorcan says.”

True to Maeve’s word, the pair had about twenty minutes to make out over the center console of Rowan’s jeep before the snow started to fall from the sky.

“I miss you,” Aelin sighed, breathless as she leaned into his touch. Rowan had started getting braver with his hands, letting them roam over her curves with a more assertive touch. 

“I know,” Rowan groaned, beginning to apologize, but that wasn’t what Aelin had intended at all. She just knew they’d been spoiled by getting together during vacation, and school and sports were putting a serious crimp in their dating schedule. Actually, now that she thought about it, they hadn’t even gone on a date yet. Not really. “I miss you, too,” he sighed, reluctantly pulling his hands from under her sweater. “I love you,” he said, leaning forward again and pressing his hands against her chest again, this time over the thick fabric covering them.

Aelin giggled, breaking the kiss. “You’re just saying you love me because you love my boobs, huh?”

He paused and squeezed gently, causing Aelin to yelp. “I plead the fifth,” he laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, and her stomach fluttered again as he kissed her one last time, before sending her out the door.

She couldn’t stop smiling, even as she saw her dad’s perturbed glare as he looked up from the television at her flushed arrival. She was sure her hair looked a mess, too, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She would see Rowan again in the morning.

…

Except when Aelin awoke, it was well past her usual time. Sun streamed in through her windows, and she was shocked to see it was already after 10am. Had she missed Rowan this morning? She glanced outside and gasped. It hadn’t just snowed a little, not the usual consistent blanket that was present in the winter, but it had snowed… a LOT. Her dad’s car was covered in well over a foot of snow. She grinned as she saw a familiar blonde head next to her dad’s in the driveway, shoveling the many feet of white powder into tall heaps away from their feet.

She excitedly threw on her robe and sprinted downstairs, swinging the front door open. Her dad and Rowan looked over their shoulders, laughing at the excited blonde as she squealed, “Snow day?!”

Rowan nodded and laughed. “Go get dressed,” he shouted at her.

“Why?” she pouted. Getting dressed sounded awful. Snow days were for hot chocolate and pajamas.

“I want to go to Staghorn Lake,” he said, causing Aelin to raise one of her eyebrows. She _loved_ skating, but Rowan was not a huge fan. He’d always been too tall with too many limbs to balance on the ice. He looked like a baby giraffe learning how to stand for the first time every time he took off on the ice, and eventually they just stopped going. “I thought you could teach me?”

Aelin grinned widely, her heart pounding at the look in Rowan’s eyes. She rushed upstairs and put on her thickest warmest sweater and leggings and thick socks. She looked for her scarf and gloves, but couldn’t find her scarf anywhere. Annoyed, she decided to forgo the scarf, even though she was sure she’d regret it later and raced down to where her boyfriend was waiting for her.

She launched herself into his arms, kissing his cold lips, but not caring in the slightest.

Rhoe merely waved them off as they traipsed through the snow drifts, making their way the short walk to Staghorn Lake. Aelin shivered, the cold winds blowing down her jacket as they walked hand in hand, and Rowan looked over with a frown.

“Where’s your scarf?”

She shrugged, and she watched as he pulled the knit fabric from around his neck and placed it around hers. Aelin buried her nose into it, inhaling Rowan’s scent as discretely as she could, but she was sure the small smile on his face was because he knew exactly what she was doing.

“Won’t you be cold?” she asked, and he shook his head.

“Nah, I run hot.”

“Yeah you do,” Aelin laughed, relishing in the soft blush that appeared on his cheeks at her comment.

When they arrived at the lake, she wasn’t surprised to see it was completely crowded with other students, who were already enjoying their snow day, despite the early hour.

Aelin was about to step up and ask for skates when Rowan did it for her, leaning over and asking for a size 9 for her and handing over a handful of dollars for the rental fee.

As she tied up the skates, Aelin let her eyes drift to the boy sitting beside her, who was struggling to lace up his own.

She knelt down between his legs and snickered as he jumped at the sight of her on her knees in front of him.

“Demon,” he mumbled as she continued to giggle, lacing his skates up tightly. He helped her to standing, and laughed loudly as he stumbled immediately. Aelin caught him around his waist, trying to steady him, and managed, just barely to keep them upright.

“Ready?” she asked, her cheeks starting to hurt from all her smiling, and Rowan gulped nervously and nodded.

“You’ll hold my hand, right?” he asked, and Aelin squeezed it tightly.

“Of course.”

She stepped onto the ice and held out her hand for Rowan, who took it in his, squeezing so tightly it was almost crushing her hand.

“Just take super tiny steps,” she advised, starting to skate forward into the crowds.

Rowan’s feet moved in tiny strokes, barely moving, causing Aelin to laugh. She turned around and reached out, holding both of Rowan’s hands in hers as she skated backwards, pulling him toward her.

She felt so happy with the cold air blowing through her hair and Rowan smiling nervously as she pulled him around the ice, she couldn’t help but smile. She started moving slightly faster and spun around to put Rowan’s hands on her waist, so she could see where she was going, but she must have gone too fast because before she knew what was happening, her feet were sliding out from underneath her. She squealed as she landed on her butt, Rowan toppling down over her. His laughter was bright and happy, and she couldn’t resist leaning her head up and kissing him. The kiss was warm and cold all at once, and it was absolutely perfect.

As Rowan helped her back to standing, she couldn’t help but ask, “Hey, Ro, is this a date?”

He looked visibly shocked at her question. “Wait, what?”

“Are we on a date?” she asked again, and he looked absolutely dumbfounded.

“Of course it’s a date?” he said, his face crinkling up in offense. “Why wouldn’t it be a date?”

Aelin shrugged as she pulled him back around the ice again, her feet gliding backwards with practiced ease.

“I just wasn’t sure if we’d been on a date yet,” Aelin said, her voice unusually filled with nerves, and Rowan came to a complete halt behind her.

“We go on dates all the time,” he said, genuinely confused with her statement, making Aelin feel suddenly shy.

“We do?” She bit her lip. “I just wasn’t sure. We don’t really go _out_ , you know? We hang out at my house or your house or Maeve’s or in your car, but…”

Rowan looked like she’d kicked a puppy with how fast his eyes filled with worry and concern. “Have I not asked you out?” Aelin shook her head, and she felt her stomach tumbling with nerves as he skated closer to her.

He managed to cross the distance to her in one piece, only stumbling slightly as he wrapped his arms around her waist tightly.

“Aelin, do you want to go on a date with me this weekend?”

She smiled. “Like out out?” she asked, and Rowan nodded. “Yes.”

They grinned like idiots, until Aelin heard the familiar, “Hiiii, Rowan,” of a passing cheerleader. Rowan must have seen her smile fall, because he looked over his shoulder at the approaching pair of cheerleaders and leaned down to her to whisper, “They’re coming, kiss me!”

Aelin didn’t need to be asked twice. She wrapped her arms around his neck, tugging his wind-chilled face closer and pressing her lips against his. His mouth parted, and she sighed happily, forgetting they were in the middle of a very crowded place, kissing as if no one were watching, until a snowball hit the back of her head.

Aelin whipped around, only to see Lys grinning at her conspiratorially. Aelin skated to the other side of the lake, where Lysandra was standing and spun her friend around in a circle.

“Bitch, lock it up,” Lys laughed. “No one wants to see that.” Aelin stuck her tongue out at her friend. She looked over at her boyfriend, who was still in the middle of the lake, looking completely lost and unable to skate without her.

“Hold that thought,” she laughed, skating back to Rowan and pulling him back to the safety of the side.

“Cocoa break?” Lys asked, and Aelin nodded, her cheeks freezing from the wind outside. Cocoa sounded perfect.

She was surprised to see Lorcan and Elide sitting with Wes, already drinking their cocoa by the time she and Rowan and Lys joined them.

“Have you guys been here all morning, too?” Aelin asked, tucking herself under Rowan’s arm as she sipped her warm drink.

Lorcan snorted loudly. “Not surprised you didn’t see us, what with your face being attached to Rowan’s.”

“Where’s Manon?” Rowan asked, changing the topic immediately.

Elide sighed. “Sick. Actually, I should go,” she said with a small smile. “I told her I’d bring her lunch.”

“Mmm, lunch,” Aelin said, causing Rowan to laugh.

“Snowball fight first?” Lorcan asked. As soon as they’d finished their drinks, Lorcan took off sprinting into the knee-deep snow, hiding behind a tree and creating a supply of snowballs.

Lys and Wes took off in the opposite direction, seeking cover behind a snow bank, and Aelin and Rowan trailed after them, digging themselves a trench to hide behind.

The first snowball whizzed past her ear, and she squealed as Lorcan snuck up behind them, arm filled with packed snow and dumped it on their heads. Her heart pounded as she ran through the snow, trying to hit her friends. An all out war broke out as they hopped from tree to tree, running in circles until they ran out of snow balls.

“We need to regroup,” Rowan panted, ducking down to create a new row of snowballs.

“Yes we do,” Aelin laughed, pushing him into the snow completely and crawling over his waist to kiss him. She couldn’t resist it. Her blood was flowing, and she was feeling unstoppable. Clearly Rowan was feeling similarly, because instead of a shy blush appearing on his cheeks, he flipped them over, pushing Aelin into the snow and pinning her hands over her head. She could feel her jaw unhinge in surprise at his boost of confidence. And she was not complaining about it as he let his lips trail across her jaw, nuzzling against the fabric of his scarf. He leaned over her, settling between her legs, and she couldn’t help but tilt her hips up slightly, causing them both to gasp. She could feel him slightly through his pants and the thin fabric of her leggings, and it felt… amazing. Despite the snow seeping through her clothes and her freezing legs, she suddenly felt warm all over. She widened her legs, letting Rowan settle against her further, and her eyes fluttered shut as she felt his hips flex against hers.

_Oh._

So _that’s_ what that’s supposed to feel like.

She closed her eyes and let the feeling of him wash over her, feeling a building pleasure in her stomach as they kissed, bodies lined up perfectly and moving just barely enough to get friction going. She was sure she was on the precipice of something amazing when when she felt a blast of cold against her face. Her eyes widened as far as they could go as she sat up, realizing that her boyfriend had lulled her into a false sense of security, only to plop a snowball on her face. He was breathing hard, and she laughed as he grabbed a hunk of snow and rubbed it into his own hair, cooling himself down.

They sat there staring at each other with widened eyes and blown out pupils, until the cold trickle of snow fell down the back of her jacket, making her shiver. Her brain finally caught up to what had been happening, and she squealed loudly.

“You’ll pay for that!” she laughed, propelling herself forward as he ran from her.

As they chased each other across the snow, her stomach began to grumble, and Rowan finally stopped, running into Lorcan, who was similarly hungry.

“Should we go find Lys and Wes?” Rowan asked. Lorcan shrugged.

“They were over there last I saw,” he said, pointing to a thick brush of trees. Rowan sighed and said he’d be back shortly.

He came back more red-faced than she’d ever seen him before, spluttering that Wes and Lys would be joining them later. Lorcan cackled with overzealous laughter at Rowan’s beet red face, and even Aelin couldn’t resist teasing him.

“Don’t act so innocent,” she laughed. “You had me pinned under you five minutes ago!”

“Not like that,” Rowan mumbled, the red turning nearly purple it was so dark.

“How bad could it have been? It’s freezing outside!” Aelin laughed, but Rowan just shook his head.

“One of them is going to get frostbite,” he said. And even though Rowan seemed skeptical, Aelin’s mind wouldn’t stop racing with ideas of what her friends were doing behind some trees in the snow. And it was giving her some ideas of her own. After being stalled at kissing and sticking above the waist for the last month, things had suddenly taken off. She hadn’t ever felt like that before. And clearly Rowan was growing more confident with their physical relationship, too. She was going to be thinking about him pressed against her until she felt it again. She just knew it. It was time to take things to the next level, and she couldn’t wait.


	33. Chapter 33

“I have to go before my dad rips the door off the jeep,” Aelin tried to protest as Rowan pulled her in for another scorching kiss. But it was fruitless. He wouldn’t let her go, and she didn’t have it in her to really fight him. She let herself enjoy it for a few seconds; after all they were celebrating their first successful date out in public. They’d gone to see some action movie that Rowan had picked, but neither of them had seen very much of it. Well. Any of it, to be honest. As soon as the lights turned off, their faces had been completely attached. She was grateful for the half empty theater, allowing them some semblance of privacy. But they’d kissed for so long that she was honestly surprised they hadn’t been kicked out. Only when the lights had come back on did they part, panting, and then moved their makeout to Rowan’s car until curfew. God bless the jeep. But as their goodbye kiss in her driveway had lingered…she could start to feel her dad’s impatient gaze peeking through the window.

“No…” Rowan complained, not releasing her from his grasp. “Two more minutes,” he pleaded, but Aelin just laughed and pulled away, loving the way his lips followed hers, leaning forward until his seatbelt reared him back.

“You’ll see me tomorrow,” she said, biting at her surely swollen lips.  
  
“But your dad is home in the morning and Maeve is home at night and then we have school all week and lacrosse is starting, and I don’t get you alone for so many days,” he whined.  
  
Aelin’s cheeks warmed as he leaned closer, his hand placed against her neck where her pulse was thrumming wildly. “And you want me alone?”  
  
“Yes,” he spoke, his voice low and self-assured. It made Aelin shiver in anticipation.  
  
“Well, I have good news for you, then.”  
  
“You do?” he asked, his eyes flickering down to her lips as he leaned even closer.  
  
She nodded. “Next weekend is Valentine’s Day. I checked Rhoe’s schedule. He’s working until midnight. So we can still go out, and have plenty of alone time”  
  
“Oh.” She frowned as Rowan reared back, startled by her words. Had he not been thinking about Valentine’s Day? Aelin had just assumed he would plan something. It was less than a week away. But he also hadn’t realized they hadn’t been on an official date yet. So maybe she was giving him too much credit. Should she plan something? It was her first Valentine’s Day in a couple. “Yeah, uh…” His eyes flashed with guilt, and her stomach sank. “I told Aunt Maeve I’d help out the restaurant on Valentine’s Day…and I know you’re not the biggest fan of the holiday…”

“Oh.” Her lips tugged downward in disappointment. That was true. Aelin had been kind of a Valentine’s grinch in years past. She hadn’t ever really had a good one before, though. And she’d hoped that maybe this one could change that. But if he really _hadn’t_ been thinking about it…it looked like that wasn’t happening any time soon. “That’s okay,” she said, forcing a smile.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come help?” Rowan suggested, and Aelin nodded, accepting the invitation. It wouldn’t exactly be the Valentine’s Day she’d imagined, but that was okay. They’d be together, at least. And that was all that really mattered. “We can eat at Maeve’s and then hang out when dinner slows down? Just… low key?” he asked hopefully, and his tone washed away any disappointment she felt.

“Sounds great,” she said, leaning in and kissing him again. His lips parted against hers, and she couldn’t help but let herself get swept up again. There was nothing quite like kissing Rowan.

Their makeout was interrupted by a loud thump against the side of the jeep, causing them to pull apart with a strangled gasp.

“Jeez,” Aelin sighed, her heart pounding at the interruption. She stifled a laugh as her dad held out his wrist and pointed to his watch before stalking back inside their house. “I guess I have to go,” she laughed.

Rowan groaned as he nodded, giving her one more kiss as she slid out of the car.

“I love you,” he called out, and Aelin felt her cheeks warming at the words. She loved him so much, too. Sometimes it was the most overwhelming feeling in the world.

Ignoring her dad’s pointed glare, Aelin made her way up to her room and pulled out her laptop, starting to put together a playlist for Rowan. Even if their Valentine’s Day was just helping Maeve around the restaurant, she wanted him to know how much she loved him.

…

Aelin had come up with the perfect theme for the playlist, and she was surprised she hadn’t done anything like it for him before. She and Rowan had fought many, many times about ownership of songs and what constitutes a good cover. So, she decided to create a playlist of her favorite love song covers, sampling all kinds of genres and decades.

Each night she scrolled through, adding and subtracting songs until Thursday night, she deemed it absolute perfection.

She wrote out the playlist in her best handwriting, writing out a sweet note for Rowan on the inside. She was proud of it, if she was honest with herself. And even though their plans weren’t exactly conventional, she was excited to give it to him. And she couldn’t wait to see what he had planned for her at school.

Orynth High always went all out for Valentine’s Day. Aelin had always loathed it before. She wasn’t shy about talking about how annoying the blatant displays of relationships had been with obnoxiously decorated lockers and constant candy grams and flower deliveries, but… that was before she had a boyfriend of her own. She wondered how obnoxious he would be today. She hoped obscenely.

She donned a thick pink sweater, getting into the spirit of the holiday as she waited for Rowan to arrive. Her feet practically tripped down the stairs as she saw the jeep pull into the driveway, calling out a rushed goodbye to her dad as she ran out the door.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Aelin smiled as she leaned in to kiss her extremely handsome boyfriend.

“Someone’s feeling festive today,” Rowan laughed as she kissed his cold lips. “What happened to, ‘Its just a garbage holiday created by Hallmark’?” he asked, repeating back words she’d said on more than one occasion.

“A garbage holiday created to push chocolate sales,” Aelin reminded him, and he laughed and handed her a hazelnut coffee, which she sipped happily. “And you know chocolate is my favorite thing.”

Rowan raised his eyebrow. “What? You like chocolate?” He paused. “I had no idea.”

She smirked and took a large gulp of her coffee. She was already being so spoiled, and she had to say she absolutely loved it.

“So, tonight…” Rowan said nervously. “I have lacrosse until five, so I’ll just come pick you up after?”

“Sure,” Aelin shrugged.

“Oh, and Maeve wants us to look nice so, if you have a dress or skirt or something…”

“Fancy?” Aelin raised a brow in his direction, and Rowan shrugged, avoiding eye contact with her.

“Yeah, I don’t know,” Rowan said. “I’m just the messenger.”

He reached out and placed his hand on her knee, and as his finger reached slightly against her inner thigh, her thoughts started to run wild.

She’d been thinking long and hard about how to take things to the next level with Rowan. She wanted to be touched by him. So so badly. And tonight seemed like a perfect night. Especially if they were already at Maeve’s, after the dinner rush was finished they could head upstairs to the roof and get cozy under some blankets and do whatever they wanted.

Aelin’s lips curled up at the thought of Rowan’s hands roaming under her clothes, keeping her warm in the frigid weather. She had briefly contemplated getting a new bra and underwear – something that matched, something that Rowan would actually _see_ – but if they were just fumbling around under blankets, he wouldn’t be seeing anything anyway. Plus, she had browsed through bras briefly online and had gotten so overwhelmed that she immediately signed off. She figured that was a later problem she would deal with. For now, she was just excited by the thought of being touched. At all.

She was so lost in her dirty thoughts that Aelin completely forgot about giving Rowan his playlist until they arrived at school. Oh well, she thought. She’d play it for him tonight. As a thank you for whatever he had planned today at school.

Except, as they made their way to her locker, Aelin deflated. Her locker was as plain as it was yesterday afternoon when she’d left school, completely unadorned. Not a ribbon or heart in sight.

She couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment as she looked down the hall at the other decorated lockers. She opened the metal door, hoping that there’d be something waiting for her inside, but nothing but books remained.

The whole school buzzed, couples excitedly flitting back and forth between lockers and handing each other hand crafted Valentine’s. But Aelin felt just as left out as ever.

“Is everything okay?” Rowan asked, and Aelin shook herself out of her disappointed stupor.

“Yeah!” she insisted. “Just didn’t sleep well last night,” she lied.

“Okay, well,” Rowan cleared his throat as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “Maybe you can rest while I have lacrosse practice.”

“Yeah,” Aelin said again, looking up into the concerned green eyes she knew so well. He barely waited a second before leaning down and pressing his soft lips to hers, his hands pressing her closer, so she could feel his heart pounding against hers.

As they pulled away, Aelin smiled. She didn’t know why she was disappointed by the lack of locker decorations. This was Rowan. And he loved her. Decorations be damned. She kissed him soundly again, wishing him goodbye as she grabbed her books for her first class.

She slid into her seat between Lysandra and Elide and waited for the Valentine’s post to arrive. People could pay for roses to be sent to each period, and Aelin wondered how many she would get today. She was hoping it’d be one for each class.

The post finally arrived, a senior with a bundle of roses in his arms, and Aelin’s heart beat slightly faster as she waited for her name to be called. She watched as the roses started to dwindle, handed out to both girls on either side of her with small smiles, as Aelin continued waiting. As the last rose was handed out, Aelin looked at her own desk, completely empty. Had Rowan not sent her a flower?

Maybe he just didn’t want to overwhelm her with flowers first period, she thought to herself. But she couldn’t help the pang of jealousy she felt as Elide stuck her nose into the rose, smiling softly.

She waited again during second period, patiently tapping her foot and waiting for the post to arrive, and her stomach sank as the same thing happened. Over and over again. Each period.

She watched as girls around her giggled and flushed with glee at their deliveries, and each time, Aelin felt worse and worse. Rowan had forgotten about her. She knew it was stupid, that she shouldn’t be mad about a silly flower delivery or an undecorated locker, but she was.

With each period that passed, she grew more and more annoyed.

She even sought him out at lunch, trying to ask him if she’d done something wrong, but he was nowhere to be found.

“Have you seen Rowan?” she asked Lorcan, who had four empty red jello cups in front of him, and was working on his fifth.

“Rowan?” he asked, dark brow furrowed, causing Aelin to roll her eyes.

“Yeah, you know. Yay high,” she said, lifting her hand over her head. “Platinum blonde hair most girls would pay hundreds of dollars for? Usually extremely swoon-worthy?”

Lorcan snorted. “Not today?”

Aelin pushed around the meatloaf on her plate, not feeling particularly hungry, and shrugged.

“Yeah, haven’t seen him,” Lorcan said, leaving Aelin to her wallowing.

“Hey, babes!” Lysandra smiled as she slid next to Lorcan, opening a giant box of chocolates and plopping one in her mouth. “Want one? Wes got me three boxes.”

Aelin nodded, grabbing a caramel from the center and shoving it into her mouth. It wasn’t even good– just bad drugstore chocolate that tasted more like sweetened condensed milk than cocoa – but she was still jealous. Where was _her_ box of chocolates? She loved chocolates! Rowan knew that.

After gorging herself on half of Lysandra’s box, Aelin stomped off to her second half of classes. And sure enough, each one was the same. The Valentine’s Post would come and leave Aelin completely empty-handed. She held out hope until the very last period. But sure enough, nothing changed. She thought she’d be sadder that Rowan didn’t do anything for her at school, but honestly, she wasn’t sad at all. No, she was mad. Really, really mad.

She reached into her backpack at the painstakingly drawn playlist and tossed it into the trash. If Rowan hadn’t done anything for her, then she wouldn’t do anything for him either. She felt so foolish. Like she was the one who loved him more. Like the silly pining lovesick girl she’d always been. Completely unreciprocated.

By the time the end of the day rolled around, she was fuming. She could feel the fury hurting the backs of her eyes, and her cheeks were red with frustration. How dare Rowan make her feel like this?

She shoved herself into Manon’s truck with a loud huff, causing the two girls to look over at her with wide eyes. “Uh ohhhh, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Aelin said. “Nothing!”

The girls looked at her skeptically, but Aelin wasn’t in the mood. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she sighed. “Tell me something happy. What are you guys doing tonight?”

Manon wrapped her arm around Elide’s shoulders and tugged her into her side, pressing a kiss into her temple.

“We’re going to the drive in,” Elide said. “They’re playing Romeo + Juliet.”

“Fun,” Aelin said, trying not to stare at the way Elide played with the rose in her lap.

“What about you?” Elide asked.

“Ugh,” Aelin groaned. “Nothing. I don’t know. I told Rowan I’d help out at Maeve’s, but I think I might just stay home.”

As she said it out loud, she knew that’s what she was going to do. She needed to cool down, and she needed to not see Rowan tonight. She’d just text him that she was feeling too tired to help. It wasn’t even a lie. As she laid out on her couch and turned on the tv, she suddenly felt exhausted. The built up frustration had bubbled over, sapping her of all her energy and leaving her completely wiped.

She zoned out and watched the television, shifting between sleep and wake, until the doorbell rang.

Annoyed, she trudged to the door, her jaw unhinging as she saw Rowan waiting for her.

“You’re not dressed,” he said with a frown, looking her over. But she couldn’t help but do the same.

Rowan had _not_ just come from lacrosse. He was dressed up in a new pair of dark jeans and a thick grey sweater, and his hair was combed to the side, out of his face. He smelled strongly of his bodywash – pine and fresh and clean. And in his hands was a large bouquet of her favorite flowers: kingsflames.

“Are those for me?” Aelin asked quietly, looking at the rich exploding bouquet of reds and oranges, looking like the tendrils of fire they were named after.

“Oh!” Rowan exclaimed, startled, and holding out the flowers further. “Yes, of course.” He leaned down and kissed her gently. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Aelin’s heart tugged as she accepted the flowers and walked back to the kitchen to put them into a vase. He entered the house and shut the door behind him, and she could hear him shifting back and forth slightly, but she was too stunned to truly focus.

“Aelin,” he called out again. “Why aren’t you dressed yet?” His voice was unnaturally high, and as she placed the flowers into a vase, she finally chanced looking over her shoulder. His face was pinched in frustration, and he tugged at his hair. “We’re going to be late.”

Aelin finally turned all the way around and frowned. “Why are you freaking out? We’re just going to Maeve’s.” She could hear the attitude in her voice, and she wished she could take it back, but it was too late.

Rowan let out a low laugh and pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “You’re mad?”

“No…” Aelin lied.

“Why are you mad?” he asked, and she could feel the truth pressing against her tongue, ready to unleash, and so she let him have it.

“Because it’s our first Valentine’s Day as a couple, and you didn’t do _anything_ ,” she pouted. She knew she was whining. Especially after receiving a giant bouquet of her favorite flowers, she shouldn’t be complaining, but she’d held onto her annoyance all day, and she needed to let it out.

Rowan’s jaw dropped.

“You didn’t want to go out tonight, which is fine,” she insisted. “But, then you didn’t send me any roses at school…”

“You don’t like roses?” Rowan said, his eyebrow quirked upwards in the way that used to annoy her so thoroughly. He said it like it was so obvious, and Aelin shook her head, trying to make sense of her anger. He wasn’t wrong. She didn’t like roses. But she had wanted one anyway. “That’s why I brought you kingsflames.”

“And you didn’t decorate my locker…”

“How many times have you told me you hate couples who do that?”

“And you didn’t want to go out tonight!” she huffed, arms crossed over her chest. She sounded like a petulant child. But Rowan didn’t seem to care. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, tipping her chin up towards his, even when she tried to avert his eyes.

“You make it _impossible_ to keep a secret from you, you know that?” he laughed, eyes dancing with laughter.

“Wait, what?” Aelin asked.

“I planned a whole thing tonight,” Rowan sighed. “I was going to surprise you, but uh… I guess that didn’t work.” He rubbed at his chin, his cheeks tinting pink. “So, can you please go get dressed, otherwise we’re going to be late?”

Aelin felt her lips part in shock.

“Please?” he begged again, and Aelin let her thoughts race as she ran upstairs to change quickly. Rowan had planned a whole thing. Of course he had. She tried to let her residual anger fall away from her shoulders as she threw on the same sweater dress she’d worn for Christmas Eve and dotted her face with a little bit of makeup.

Rowan held out her coat for her as she made her way downstairs, and she sighed as he put it over her shoulders, squeezing her tightly.

Once they were in the car, Aelin finally broke.

“I threw out your Valentine,” she apologized, causing Rowan to shake his head back and forth, groaning softly. “I’m so sorry. I really thought you, um, forgot about me.” Even saying it out loud made her realize how untrue it had been. Rowan would never.

“No, it’s my fault,” he laughed. “I should have known better than to try and surprise you.” He reached out and grabbed her hand, and she twined her fingers with his tightly as he continued. “I just wanted to do something special, you know? You’re always making me feel so special, and…” He paused. “I honestly didn’t think about school because I was too busy trying to downplay what I planned.” He chuckled to himself. “You were really mad, huh?”

“No!” Aelin insisted, but he flashed her a knowing glare. “Okay, yeah. I was really mad,” she laughed. “But I love my flowers,” she said, and she did. She squeezed his hand again as she got her phone out.

“If I’d known you were upset, I would have just told you,” he said, shaking his head. “But I thought it’d be fun to surprise you.”

Aelin laughed. “I don’t think I like surprises,” she admitted. “I think I like knowing things.”

Rowan sighed and leaned his head back against his headrest. “Are we ever going to get better at talking?”

Aelin laughed and leaned over to look at him. “I hope so?” She paused, her heart beating nervously in her chest as she finally gave him his gift. “I threw out your Valentine, but luckily I still have the actual present…” she said, “Can I play it for you?” she asked. “I want to hear your thoughts.”

“It’s a bit of a drive,” he said with a large smile. “Put it on.”

She connected the playlist and put it on shuffle, loving the way Rowan’s lips quirked into a smile as he figured out the theme. They were content to listen to it in silence, just taking it in, as Rowan drove further and further away from Orynth.

“I love it,” Rowan said as they pulled into a small back parking lot. “Thank you, Ace,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion, and Aelin nodded. “Okay, we’re here.”

Aelin looked around. It looked like an empty restaurant int the middle of nowhere. Her stomach tumbled with nerves.

“Um… where exactly is here?” she asked. “Should I be nervous you’re going to kill me?”

Rowan laughed and exited the car, running around to her side to open the door for her in the most chivalrous move she’d ever seen him pull.

“I hope you like it,” he mumbled nervously, tugging her toward a back entrance. They made their way into a small room filled with tables, and Aelin practically groaned in satisfaction as she inhaled the delicious scent of rich chocolate.

The warm aroma blanketed the space, which was filled with small prep tables and mixing bowls. A small rotund man stood at the front of the room, and waved them over.

“You must be my younglings!” he cheered. “Rowan,” he said, holding out his hand to shake. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” The man looked at Aelin with a twinkle in his eye. “This is a good one you’ve got here,” he laughed. “He wanted to make sure you got an extra box to take home today,” he laughed. He directed them to the table they’d be working at, and Aelin smiled as the man took front and center.

“Everyone, my name is Rolfe and welcome to truffle making. Tonight we are going to be making three types of truffles,” he explained. “Dark chocolate raspberry, hazelnut, and milk.”

Aelin gasped. “Truffles?” Her eyes flicked to Rowan’s, who was smiling down at her already. “And you made me think you hadn’t planned anything?” she asked, her voice shaking with the hilarity of it all. “I don’t know whether to push you off a bridge or kiss you,” she mumbled.

“Can I pick?” he smirked.

She could have swooned right there with the way he was looking at her. It made everything in her body clench and her head swirl with joy. She felt like such an idiot for being mad at him earlier. He had already more than made up for it. He was not only getting her chocolates, but teaching her how to make them herself. She wanted to jump him right now. In fact, it was taking all her restraint not to pull him into some bathroom and touch him anywhere he’d let her.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Rowan breathed, his pupils dilating as they stared at each other. “We’re in public.”

“I don’t care,” Aelin said, tugging his head down to hers and kissing him thoroughly. They only broke apart when the older couples starting awwwing and hooting at their closeness. She pulled away, tucking her head into her chest, grateful that Rowan grasped her closely. She could feel the rumble of his laughter through her blushing cheek. And when she looked up, everyone’s eyes were on them.

Rolfe clapped loudly. “Excellent, lovers,” he drawled. “Now let’s begin.”

Aelin’s mouth watered as Rolfe gave them directions for their truffle making. They melted their chocolate over a double boiler, making confectionary treats to take home.

Chocolate covered their hands as they rolled the melted ganache into a ball, covering it in a deep powder to seal it.

“Yummm,” Aelin moaned, plopping another misshapen one into her mouth.

“Don’t eat too much,” Rowan warned as Aelin licked the powdered chocolate from her lips.

She raised an eyebrow. “More surprises?”

He nodded. “Do you want to know?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. Maybe it was because she was jacked up on sugar, but she didn’t mind not knowing all of a sudden.

They finished, poking and laughing at each other the whole time, and Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she’d had this much fun. It felt so good to let loose and laugh, and eating chocolate wasn’t bad either. She smiled as Rolfe dropped an extra box of truffles at their table at the end of class, this one wrapped in beautiful gold ribbon, and shook Rowan’s hand again.

“You’re a natural chocolatier, my dear,” he said. “Enjoy the rest of your evening!”

Rowan smiled and thanked the man, grabbing their chocolates as they made their way back outside. He pulled a basket from the trunk of his car and grabbed Aelin’s hand with his other, leading her around the block.

She couldn’t help the gasp that was released from her lips. A horse drawn sleigh waited, beautifully lit up in the snowy darkness.

“What?” Aelin squealed, looking at Rowan excitedly. She didn’t think her eyes could go so wide. She probably looked like a cartoon, but she didn’t care. She ran to the sleigh and hopped in, ignoring the driver’s hand as she dove underneath the large fur lined blanket.

Rowan scooted in after her, placing the basket at his side as he pressed himself flush against her.

“This is amazing, Ro,” Aelin sighed dreamily as the carriage took off, making its way around a nearby lake. Twinkle lights lit up a path around the frozen water, and Aelin leaned her head into his shoulder, feeling like the most special human in the world. If that had been Rowan’s goal, he’d accomplished it and then some.

She watched with interested eyes as he opened their basket, pulling out her favorite grilled cheese from Maeve’s and a thermos of her famous tomato soup. They ate their dinner in relative silence, enjoying the scenery – the moon glinting overhead, making the peaks of the Staghorn Mountains in the distance glow white. It was the most romantic date she’d ever been on, by far. She felt like a princess in a movie.

When they finished eating, Rowan pulled Aelin even closer to him beneath the blankets, tucking her under his arm and rubbing the side of her shoulder with his fingers in a way that made her feel like she was being lit on fire from within.

She looked over at him, a wave of guilt crashing over her at how needless her anger had been. How could she possibly have doubted this boy? This boy who made her feel like she was a precious gift, something to be treasured. She loved him so, so much.

“Thank you,” she whispered against his shoulder, causing him to look down at her.

“Not a bad date?” he asked, and she shook her head as the carriage came to a slow stop.

“Not at all.” She smiled. “Best date ever.” She glanced at the time. “And…it doesn’t have to be over either, right?”

“Why?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“I was promised alone time…” she said, her voice sounding breathy to her own ears. “And I think I’d _really_ like to be alone with you. Tonight.”

Rowan didn’t have to be convinced of anything. He pulled her from the carriage, his hands squeezing at her waist as he smashed his mouth to hers, stumbling blindly back to his car.

The ride home felt longer than she remembered as Rowan drove as safely and as quickly as he could, their hands intertwined over the center console.

“So, where are we going?” he asked, his voice tight with anticipation.

“Your house?” Aelin asked. She didn’t want to risk Rhoe getting home early and disrupting them, plus Maeve would be at the restaurant late tonight.

They sat, listening to Aelin’s playlist, the tension in the car ratcheting up with every mile they drove towards Orynth.

Rowan had barely put the car into park before he was rushing out and pulling her into the dark townhouse. She would have laughed at how enthusiastic he was being, but she felt the same utter sense of urgency. Their mouths crashed against each other’s as they tripped up the stairs, laughing between sloppy kisses until Aelin was laying back on Rowan’s bed with him hovering over her.

“Hi,” he said, pausing to turn a light on.

“Hi,” she breathed back. She could feel her heart beating all over her body. She was vibrating with excitement.

“So…” he said, his eyes looking everywhere and anywhere he could. Aelin felt a rush of heat under his gaze. “Umm…”

“Should we put music on?” Aelin asked, and Rowan exhaled suddenly and nodded.

“Yes, that’s a great idea.”

She watched as he hopped off the bed, looking back at Aelin, who was still stretched out on his comforter, with a soft blush on his cheeks.

“Phone?” he asked, and Aelin groaned, fumbling around the comforter for wherever her phone had landed. She found it under her thigh and handed it to him. He took another deep breath as he turned it on, and Aelin watched as his cheeks reddened further as the first song came on.

It was an acoustic cover of Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On,” and she watched as Rowan squirmed underneath her gaze, letting the music pour into the room.

Flustered, he pulled his sweater over his head, and Aelin had to hold back a groan at the way his defined shoulders looked under the thin cotton of his t-shirt.

“Rowan,” she sighed. “Come back,” she said, motioning for him to rejoin her on the bed. “I’m cold,” she continued, hoping it would alleviate some of the tension between them.

He chuckled softly, but followed her motions, coming to sit next to her, perched on the edge of the bed. Well, that was no good. He was much too far away.

She wriggled over, pulling him down next to her, and she could see the way his breath came in quick pants.

“Are you okay?” she asked, and Rowan sighed loudly, looking at the ceiling and away from her. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…”

He actually laughed at that. He rolled onto his side and pushed her hair out of her face, and she leaned into his gentle hand. “I really, really want to touch you,” he whispered, and Aelin’s heart stuttered as she nodded. “Like… touch you.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” he asked, running his hands through her hair. 

“Uh huh,” Aelin said, her pulse pounding as hard as she’d ever felt it. “Should I take off my tights?” she asked. If he was going to touch her _there_ , she probably shouldn’t trap his hand with her tights.

“Only if you want,” Rowan said, but Aelin hadn’t even waited for his answer to start pulling her tights from her legs.

Her breath hitched as his hand slid up her bare thigh, beneath the hem of her dress, his fingers creeping higher and higher.

“Green?” he asked, propping himself up on his elbow, and Aelin nodded.

She held her breath as his fingers reached the edge of her underwear. She was so excited she could barely function. He pressed his lips to hers, and she widened her legs, giving him more room, and she waited for him to make his move.

He finally did, his hand sliding under the cotton of her underwear until his finger reached its destination, making its way inside her.

She exhaled as his finger moved up even more, traveling further, prodding at her insides in a way that she hadn’t expected.

_Huh._

It wasn’t as if it felt _bad_ , it just didn’t feel particularly good either? Maybe he was too far inside her? It felt like he was poking at something deep inside her, and she was stretched in a way that she hadn’t anticipated.

Rowan adjusted himself over her, kneeling over her thigh as his hand moved back and forth inside her, curling the fingers in a way that felt awkward and uncomfortable. Kind of like they were just shoved up there and moving around a bit.

His eyes focused on where his hand was moving, and Aelin tried to breathe into it. She wasn’t exactly sure what to do to make it feel better. It certainly didn’t feel like when she did this with herself. Maybe he was coming at it from the wrong angle? She gasped as he inserted another finger, feeling strange and full as his fingers moved. He mistook the gasp for one of pleasure and moved his fingers faster, his brow furrowing as he concentrated harder. But it kind of felt like it was chafing the sides of her vagina. What the fuck?!

Wasn’t this what she’d been waiting for? To be touched by her amazing boyfriend? Why did it feel like her insides her made of sandpaper and she was being stabbed by two thick tampons, twirling around in weird shapes inside her? Was he writing out the alphabet with his fingers or something? Why were they moving so strangely??? 

As his motions continued, Aelin trained her face in the most neutral way she possibly could.

“Does that feel good?” he asked, and Aelin really didn’t even know what to say.

“Uh huh,” she nodded, attempting to adjust her hips with his fingers to get a better angle, but it was fruitless. She’d assumed she’d be wet and ready to go, but that did not seem to be the case, and she wasn’t sure what to do.

“Yeah?” he asked again, slightly out of breath.

“Mhm,” Aelin replied, her eyes fluttering shut, hoping that she could make it feel better by sheer will.

But Rowan abruptly stopped the motion of his hand, and she opened her eyes to see him staring at her in shock.

“It doesn’t feel good?” he asked, and Aelin couldn’t help the uncomfortable laugh that bubbled out of her mouth.

“What?” she breathed. “No, um… it’s great.”

She could feel Rowan’s fingers stiffen inside her as his eyes widened. “You’re lying!”

“I’m not!” she insisted, but Rowan could see through her. Always. She didn’t know why she tried.

“You totally are!”

She sighed loudly. “Okay, fine, but can we have this conversation with your fingers not inside me?”

Rowan shook his head, as if confused with her response. “I don’t understand,” he began. “Lorcan said—“

“Please don’t say that name right now,” Aelin laughed, but Rowan didn’t seem to see the humor in her reaction.

“I’m not taking my fingers out until you tell me how to make it feel good,” he said, his lower lip jutting out in concentration. “What am I doing wrong?” he asked, clearly frustrated. “Can you show me?”

“Oh my god!” Aelin squealed, her face surely beet red by now. “No. I cannot,” she said resolutely.

“What?!” he asked. “You do it to yourself, right?” His brow was raised, and he didn’t need her reply to know the answer was yes. “Just put your hand on top of my hand.” He breathed nervously. “Please, Aelin. I want to learn.” He paused. “Teach me.”

“I…” she began to protest, but she knew it was fruitless.

She saw the determined look in her boyfriend’s eyes, and she didn’t know why she wanted to fight him on it anyway. She wanted Rowan to make her feel good.

“Here,” she said, moving his fingers out from inside her and moving them up to her clit. She moved her hand in slow gentle circles, and finally, finally started feeling better.

“OH!” Rowan’s eyes widened as he felt around the new spot. “There?” Rowan asked, his fingers rubbing in soft circles as she’d shown him.

“Yes,” Aelin sighed as he continued to move his fingers against her.

“Better?” he croaked, and Aelin just nodded her head lazily. Much, much better. She reached down and pushed his finger back inside her, stopping him before he went too far.

“There,” she assured him as she showed him how to press his fingers in and out, curling them slightly against her lower stomach. She guided him until she was confident that he could do it himself, removing her hands to run through his shaggy hair and scratch at his scalp and keep him as close as possible. 

“Oh my god,” Rowan mumbled as she let him completely take over. “You’re so beautiful,” he sighed under his breath. “I can’t believe you’re mine,” he continued, as well as a slurry of words that Aelin stopped paying attention to because she was on the precipice of something great, she just knew it.

A wave of heat crept up her cheeks, and as she moved her own hand between her legs again, pleasure crashed over her, her whole body clenching and releasing with an unmistakable orgasm.

Rowan crashed his lips to hers, not removing his hand from her until she had to forcibly swat it away with how sensitive she was.

 _Whoa_.

So that’s what all the fuss is about.

“Whoa,” Rowan said, reiterating her own thoughts as he wiped his extremely wet hand on a nearby tissue.

“Do I want to know why you have a tissue there already?” Aelin laughed, and Rowan’s eyes widened until he finally burst into laughter with her.

“That was okay?” he asked, and Aelin nodded, breathless.

“That was more than okay,” she giggled, feeling a rush of endorphins flowing through her. Her legs were still shaky as he kissed her again, her body twitching under his touch, bringing a large grin to his face. “So, can we talk about what terrible directions Lorcan gave you?” she finally asked, causing him to laugh again.

“I was following the diagram!” he insisted, causing Aelin to laugh.

“You were following a _diagram?_ ”

She shook her head at her best friend, who she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen look so pleased with himself.

“Can we try again?” he asked. “Now that I know the technique I’ll be better.”

She laughed and glanced at the clock. “No need to rush,” she said, smiling crazily. “We have a few more hours…”

Rowan didn’t seem to care though. He pressed his lips against hers, ignoring her laughter as his hands glided up her dress again, where they remained for the rest of the night.


	34. Chapter 34

Aelin felt like she was going crazy. All she wanted to do was be touched by Rowan again, but their schedule was not lining up. Lacrosse practices and workouts had been extended in preparation for the team’s first game, and so all of Rowan and Aelin’s time together had been relegated to their morning drive to school. They didn’t even have weekends anymore with their mounds of homework and additional practices. It was absolute torture.

But with games resuming, it also meant post-game parties at Lorcan’s were going to resume, and Aelin could not wait. She couldn’t help but imagine all the uninterrupted time she and Rowan would have available to them under Loran’s roof, without the fear of Rhoe or Maeve walking in on them. It was way too cold to do more than make out in the jeep, and for the first time, Aelin realized that she might actually have the opportunity to show Rowan what was underneath her clothes.

After rifling through her underwear drawer, Aelin came to the conclusion that she should probably update that part of her wardrobe, especially if someone else was seeing it. Her bras were functional at best.

With that in mind, she turned to her friends after last period history and asked what they were up to for the rest of the day.

“Nothing,” Elide sighed with a small shake of her head. “I’m supposed to start go through literary magazine submissions, but I’m going to put it off until the weekend.”

Aelin looked to Lysandra, who shrugged.

“Mall?” Aelin suggested.

Lys nodded wildly. “Oh man, I haven’t been to the mall in too long.”

Elide raised her eyebrow. “Weren’t you there on Saturday?” Lys raised her brow back. “It’s Thursday.”

“Like I said. Too long,” Lysandra said, causing the other girls to laugh.

“Well, I need…” Aelin paused, wondering if she should just tell them outright what she wanted to shop for. But at the last moment, decided she’d tell them when they got there. If she stayed brave enough. “Something to wear to the game tomorrow. Wanna come?” Aelin asked, hopeful. It’d been longer than she could even remember that just the three of them had hung out, and it’d be nice to spend some time, just the girls.

Her request had been a total lie. Aelin had been preparing her game day outfit for weeks. It was one of the only perks of having time without Rowan. She’d been able to create the perfect outfit. She’d taken Rowan’s old lacrosse hoodie and stenciled his name and number to the back of it with fabric paints. It didn’t look as crisp as she’d wanted, but she thought it would make Rowan smile.

“You know I’m down,” Lys reiterated, and they both looked to Elide for confirmation.

“Why not?” she said with a shrug.

Lys whooped and linked her arms through her friends’, situating herself between them as they made their way back to their lockers.

“Lyssie!”

Aelin watched as Lysandra unhooked her arms with her friends to throw her arms around the approaching blonde. She was short and pale, her fair hair tied up into a long ponytail on top of her head. And though Aelin had never spoken to her before, she recognized the Orynth Cheer logo emblazoned down her leggings. 

“Remy!” Lys squealed back, causing Aelin and Elide to exchange a loaded glance. Lyssie? Never in Aelin’s life had she ever contemplated that nickname for her globe-trotting, high class friend. It didn’t seem to suit her at all. But she didn’t seem to mind the name, simply turning back toward Elide and Aelin with her arm slung around the small blonde’s shoulders. “Have you guys met Remelle?” she asked, making introductions. “Remy, this is Elide and Aelin.”

Aelin shook her head and was about to hold out her hand when Remelle’s pink lips slid into a small pout, her wide cerulean eyes landing on Aelin with some undecipherable emotion behind them.

“Of course _everyone_ knows Aelin,” the girl giggled, causing Aelin’s brow to furrow. What did thatmean? “I mean, when you’re toting around a boyfriend who looks like that, how could you not?” Her giggle ceased as she sighed and shook her head, looking to Lys for confirmation, but Lys merely gave her a tight-lipped smile in return. Aelin felt her entire body tense, ready to attack as the girl continued talking. She was an endless stream of chatter, as if she enjoyed the sound of her own voice.

“Gods, Lyria could not be more annoyed that he got so hot after they broke up, but like, she’s with Duke now so I don’t see what she’s so bitter about. And I’m talking _bitter_. She even took his jersey number out when we were pulling for spirit girls.” Her smile widened as she tugged at a loose lock of hair, pushing it behind her ear. “But, her loss is my gain, I suppose. Because that boy is fine with a capital F if you don’t mind me saying so,” she said, eyes narrowing at Aelin, who was trying her very hardest to unclench her fists as they locked by her sides. Because she _did_ mind. She did mind very much. “And he’s mine,” Remelle let her ponytail flick over her shoulder. “All season long.”

Aelin was about to launch herself across the hall. Who did this girl think she was? When she felt a strong pair of arms pull her back and a pair of soft lips brush against her cheek. It was almost enough to relax her, and she couldn’t help the relief that flowed through her as she heard the familiar timber of Rowan’s voice mumble, “Hi, baby,” against her skin.

She turned her face toward him and was surprised when his lips pressed against hers, kissing her enthusiastically and warming her entire body, right there in the middle of the hall. When he pulled away, she tilted her head up and him, still in a daze as she returned his soft, “Hi.”

“Rowan!” Remelle’s too-chipper voice called out, and Aelin wondered if all the cheerleaders talked like that. Like they were mid-cheer. Aelin turned, startled to see the cheerleader still standing in front of her, as if his kiss had been designed to make her forget about the blonde’s existence. Rowan tightened his grasp on her waist, and Aelin squeezed him back. “I wanted to talk to you,” she continued, completely unfazed by the couple’s amorous display. “I’m your spirit girl for the season, and I wanted to know what your favorite goodies were.”

“I’m not much for sweets, but Aelin likes chocolate,” he replied smoothly, causing Aelin to relax back into his chest.

Remelle’s blue eyes hardened ever-so-slightly before warming again, a smile spreading across her face as she looked up at Rowan. “Sounds good. See you at practice,” she said, her smile widening as she started to depart. “Oh!” she called out. “Lyssie, tell Wes not to forget to restock for tomorrow night,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “I’ll pay for the good stuff.”

Lys gave the girl a thumbs up as she made her way down the hall, swaying her hips unnaturally as she walked. Aelin’s eyes rolled so hard she thought they might come out of her head.

“What?” Lys said, arms crossed tightly. “She’s fun.”

Aelin was about to tell her all the reasons that absolutely wasn’t true, when they were interrupted yet again. At this rate they’d never make it to the mall, constantly sidelined by socializing.

“Smooth, babe!” Lorcan laughed, clapping a large hand to Rowan’s shoulder and appearing from out of nowhere. “I thought we were all about to witness a murder.”

“Put my sprinting practice to good use,” Rowan laughed, squeezing Aelin’s stomach and kissing the top of her head again, but Aelin scoffed. They were overreacting. She extracted herself from Rowan’s grasp and shook her head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Rowan’s pink cheeks widened with his wolfish grin. “I’m flattered. You’re jealous.”

“I’m not _jealous_ ,” Aelin replied, as if it were a dirty word. And it might as well have been. Because she was. She was so incredibly jealous. She could feel the blanket of hot rage still tingling up her spine and lingering in her stomach.

“Babes,” Lorcan pointed between Rowan and Lysandra. “Elide,” he added. “I think we can all agree you were jealous.”

Aelin was about to speak up and defend herself, lie through her teeth again when Elide huffed loudly. “Why am I not a babe?”

“Huh?” Lorcan asked, head whipping around to the usually quiet girl beside him.

“You call Aelin ‘babe,’ Lys too,” she said seriously. “And now Rowan. But I’m always just Elide.” Her lips pursed. “Am I not a babe?” she snapped, hands on her hips. “Is it because I’m seeing Manon? Am I something else?” Flames flickered in her usually dark eyes as they narrowed in on the giant boy in front of her.

Aelin didn’t think she’d ever seen Lorcan blush before, but sure enough a faint pink hue colored his neck and cheeks as he stumbled for words, completely lost. “What? No, you’re…” Lorcan began. “You’re just, uh…” He cleared his throat. “You’re definitely…” His mouth opened and closed, his brows raised as he continued to struggle, finally landing on, “It has nothing to do with Manon.”

“K,” Elide replied softly, returning to her usual quiet demeanor.

After a loaded pause, Rowan looked over to Lorcan and cleared his throat loudly. “Come on, man. If we don’t head out, we’re going to be late to practice.”

Sure enough, during their…well, whatever had just happened, the halls had almost entirely cleared out.

Lorcan seemed to realize it at the same time as Aelin, because he shook out of whatever stupor Elide had put him into and nodded back at Rowan. “Shit,” he swore. “Coach will bench me if I’m late to another practice.”

Rowan snorted loudly. “Empty threats. You’re the best goalie Orynth has seen in years.” Rowan’s lips pressed against her cheek one more time, her stomach flipping as he whispered. “Love you,” under his breath.

“Love you, too,” Aelin replied, the last flames of jealousy flickering out at his words. She stared as he walked away, her eyes checking out his even more defined backside.

“Come on,” Lys said, as if she were impatient with the display of affection between her two friends. “Wes said he’d give us a ride.”

The girls nodded and quickly gathered their things, ready for an afternoon of shopping, and now fueled with conversation topics. They clearly all needed to catch up much more than Aelin originally anticipated.

…

“OH MY GOD,” Lysandra burst as they walked in relative silence through the aisles of the large department store. “Someone say something!”

“Since when are you friends with every cheerleader?” Aelin asked at the same time Lys asked, “What’s up with you and Lorcan?”

Elide’s soft voice broke through the verbal clash, breathing deeply as she said, “I think Manon’s going to break up with me.”

Obviously the latter took precedence, and Aelin and Lys’s eyes widened as Elide’s eyes clouded over with upset. They both reached out, hands placed comfortingly on her shoulders as they asked they silently asked the girl to continue. Her hand clenched around the shirt in her hand.

Elide took a deep breath. “I…” She shook her head. “I’ve been keeping us a secret.” She swallowed. “From my uncle.”

She sniffled loudly as she shuffled through the hangers, her head focused on the flipping of fabric in front of her.

“I guess she didn’t realize I hadn’t told him we were more than friends?” She bit her lip, and Aelin watched as her shoulders tensed. Elide looked around and lowered her voice as she continued, and guilt gripped at Aelin as she realized what her friend was telling them. “But we were out the other night, for Valentine’s Day,” she sniffed again. “She planned the sweetest date. A picnic in her car at the drive in with all my favorite foods, and…” Her voice shook as she continued. “I saw one of the members of my uncle’s church. He was there with his wife, and I just…” Her voice cracked. “I freaked out.” Finally, a tear rolled down her cheek. “It’s just, if it got back to Uncle Vernon, I don’t know how he’d react. I’m _scared_ of how he’d react.”

“El,” Aelin said, squeezing her hand. “I’m _sure_ Manon understood. You’re not in a safe environment to come out. She wouldn’t hold that against you.”

“I know,” Elide whispered. “I know!” she repeated again, another tear falling. “I just…” She breathed in deeply, trying to shove her tears back in. “You didn’t see her face. She said it was fine, but it wasn’t. I’d never seen her look hurt before.” She crinkled her nose as she rubbed at it. “And it just got me thinking. It’s not like I do more than hold her hand in public.” She paused. “Do people even know? That we’re _together_?”

“Maybe you could kiss her in the hallway?” Lys suggested, but Elide physically blanched at the suggestion. “Reassure her that she’s not a secret?”

“I don’t know if I want that,” Elide whispered. “Am I a horrible person?”

“What?!” Aelin asked, shock running through her at her friend’s question. “How could you even think that?”

Elide shrugged. “I just look at you and Rowan all over each other, and I wondered if maybe there’s something wrong with me, that I don’t want to do that with her.”

“First of all,” Lsyandra said, “Never compare yourself to Rowan and Aelin. They’re gross.”

“Hey!” Aelin said, shoving her friend, but it was done with affection, hoping to lighten the darkness emanating from Elide. Given the small smile on her lips, Aelin considered it a success.

“Second,” Lys continued. “What you’re dealing with is so much bigger than what they are.” She paused. “You’re talking about not being ready to come out.”

“I just don’t even know what I’d come out as,” Elide sighed, suddenly exasperated. “I obviously like Manon, but then, sometimes, I don’t know. Maybe I’d want to kiss a boy, too.”

“A boy like… Lorcan?” Lys goaded, asking what was hanging at the back of her mind.

“No!” Elide insisted, but neither of them missed the blush that dotted her cheeks. “Just…a hypothetical boy.”

“Well, if we’re talking hypotheticals,” Lys drawled. “I feel like I could get into girls.”

Aelin snorted as Elide’s eyes turned into wide saucers. “Really?”

“Yeah, why not?” Lys shrugged. “I’ve kissed one or two, and it wasn’t bad.” She rolled her eyes at her friends’ stares. “It was totally just to get the guys excited at a party, but I wasn’t, like, opposed to it. So, who knows?”

“Yeah,” Aelin agreed, trying to contribute in a way that would make her nervous friend feel more reassured. “Sexuality is fluid, right? Who’s to say I couldn’t like a girl in the future?” But even just saying it made her friends laugh. She finally laughed, too. “Okay, fine. No. I think I might only ever like Rowan.”

“No shit,” Lys laughed. “But seriously, El. You don’t ever have to label yourself if you don’t want to. And it’s definitely not a race.”

“And if Manon doesn’t understand that, then she’s way less cool than I thought she was,” Aelin piped up, causing Lys to nod.

The girls faded into silence again as they browsed the rack of dresses in front of them, and Elide sighed loudly. “I totally brought down the mood.”

“No!” Aelin insisted. “You can always tell us anything,” she said. “Always.”

Seizing the moment, Lyys and Aelin wrapped their arms around Elide, surrounding her from either side with the biggest hug they could manage. She clearly needed a hug, because as they squeezed, they could feel the tension drain from her posture until she was a limp noodle, being held upright.

Elide sighed deeply. “Okay.” Her eyes zeroed in on Aelin. “So…are you going to tell us what we’re really shopping for?” she asked, causing a flush to appear on Aelin’s cheeks. “Because we’ve passed a bunch of green and gold things, and you haven’t looked twice at them.”

Aelin’s cheeks burned. But if Elide could share what was going on with her, she could absolutely be brave enough to tell her friends what was going on with her.

“I need a new bra,” Aelin said. “And maybe some underwear that matches,” she mumbled.

“Rowan cares if it matches?” Lysandra laughed.

“Well, no,” Aelin replied, trying to tamp down the heat radiating off her skin. “But if I show it to him, I want it to at least be cute.”

The girls paused, eyes wide, feet stopping. Aelin looked over her shoulder at the two shocked faces behind her.

“He hasn’t seen your bra?” Lys asked, brow raised. “Like, because he’s been pulling it off without looking?”

“What?!” Aelin’s blush was uncontrollable now. “No, because I haven’t taken my clothes off in front of him at all.”

“Really?” Elide asked. “But you guys are so… _into_ each other.”

Aelin felt herself getting defensive as her blush raged on. “So? We’re taking things slow.”

“So, it’s been three months?” Lys scoffed. “That’s not slow, that’s glacial. What’s taking him so long?”

Aelin’s skin prickled under her friend’s judgment. “It’s been two months, not three,” Aelin corrected. “And we decided to go slow together.”

“Sorry,” Lys apologized, hands raised. “I just figured if you were blowing him after two weeks you weren’t going _that_ slow.”

Aelin’s mouth gaped at the condescension dripping from her friend’s tone. Where was this attitude coming from? It certainly wasn’t present when she’d been consoling Elide. It seemed to be reserved for Aelin. And Rowan. “I didn’t actually end up doing that,” she hissed.

“Well, I wouldn’t know that, since you bailed out of the group chat,” Lys snapped back.

“That’s not fair,” Aelin replied, frowning. “I was sick for a whole week.”

“And you just never came back,” Lys replied, clearly annoyed.

“I text!” Aelin insisted, but she knew her friend had a point. Ever since the discussion of Rowan’s body parts, she’d become nearly invisible in the chat, replying with innocuous affirmations and emojis, and only barely. Lysandra’s eyeroll said it all. She looked to Elide for support, but her brunette friend just shrugged.

“We totally understand that you want to spend time with your boyfriend,” Elide said calmly, her eyes flicking to Lysandra, who was still tense. “But we also miss you, too.”

Aelin looked at Lysandra, who was conveniently looking at the ground, toeing at a piece of lint by her shoe.

“You miss me?” she asked, as if that couldn’t possibly be the answer to her friend’s sudden hostility. Surely it had more to do with whatever derogatory things the cheerleaders were whispering in her ear.

“Sure,” Lys confirmed, but Aelin could see her raised shoulders still filled with upset and frustration.

“So, do you not want to look for underwear with me? Because it’s for Rowan?” Aelin flushed. “I mean, it’s not _just_ for Rowan, but—”

Lysandra finally cracked a smile and grabbed Aelin’s hand, tugging her to her side as she led them toward the lingerie section of the store. “Come on.”

…

“No!” Aelin said, shaking her head at the contraption Lysandra held in her hands. “That is… way too advanced.”

Her brow raised at the red lace, which didn’t look like enough fabric to hold her boobs in, much less anything else.

“She’s not looking to give him a heart attack, Lys,” Elide snorted, pushing the fabric back at their friend, much to Aelin’s relief.

Lysandra groaned dramatically. “Oh come onnnn,” she drawled. “It’s the first game of the season. He’s going to be all jacked up on endorphins and testosterone. His hot, hot girlfriend asks him if he wants to go upstairs to fool around, and starts taking off her clothes…” Lysandra grinned wildly. “Pretty sure she’s going to kill him no matter what color’s underneath. May as well have your big Ali Larter Varsity Blues moment with this,” she said, shaking the red lace at Aelin’s face again.

Aelin snatched the scraps of fabric from mid-air with a flourish. “Fine,” she conceded, adding the red to her pile of blues and greens and pinks, which she’d deemed safer. “Let’s go try these on,” she mumbled as Lys squealed with joy, clapping from behind her as she made her way to the fitting room

Aelin closed the curtain behind her, leaving her friends out in the changing room to sit on the luxurious couches of the department. It was enclosed like a lush powder room with far too many mirrors, and Aelin gulped looking at the fabric in front of her.

She held up the first bra. She could do this. With a deep breath, she disrobed and started trying things on.

She was surprised at how much each bra varied from style to style. She learned very quickly that her boobs had grown even more than since the last time she bought bras at the end of last summer. Or that the fancier bras ran smaller. Because her cup was literally running over.

She was so overwhelmed.

The red lace had been shoved to the back of the pile, taunting Aelin with its bright color amongst the piles of less eye catching neutrals. She wondered if it could possibly fit. But despite taking it with her to the fitting room, she didn’t think she could pull it off. She was far too intimidated by the color and style.

“Everything alright in there, dear?” a sales associate asked, and she could hear Lysandra chime in as well with a, “Yeah, are you ever going to show us anything?”

Aelin huffed. “Nothing fits.”

“Can I come in?” the woman asked, and Aelin nodded and pulled the curtain open slightly. The woman’s brow furrowed immediately, focusing on Aelin’s ample cleavage. She turned Aelin around quickly, looking at the label on the inside of the bra and clucked her tongue. “This is absolutely the wrong size,” she stated. “Be right back,” she said, disappearing again, leaving Aelin in the ill-fitting bra and her jeans.

“Whewwww,” Lysandra whistled. “That is some cleavage, girl,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

Aelin’s cheeks warmed as she laid her hand over her top. “I know, right?” She pressed down on the cleavage, trying to push it back into the bra, causing her friends to laugh as she struggled. “Rowan is a fan,” she admitted.

“I knew he’d prefer your boobs,” Lysandra commented, causing Aelin to raise her brow in interest. What was that supposed to mean?

“Well, with an ass like his there had to be something on you to balance it out,” Elide said succinctly, and Aelin was so shocked she couldn’t help the round of giggles that burst forward, bubbling out of her mouth. Her laughter shook her boobs, jostling them uncomfortably in the ill-fitting bra, but they couldn’t stop.

“Elide!” she barked out through her laughed.

“What?” Elide said. “It’s true.”

Aelin shook her head. “I know.” She paused. “I just didn’t realize anyone else had been looking.”

“Oh, babe,” Lys said. “The whole cheer team has been looking,” she said, reminding Aelin of why she’d felt that pulse of jealousy earlier in the hallway. “Lorcan’s been swatting them away like flies.”

The tendril of jealousy flickered to life again at Lysandra’s words. All those girls, throwing themselves at Rowan, had multitudes more experience than she had. She was sure they wouldn’t be scared off by a little bit of red lace.

As the sales clerk reappeared with her new sizes, Aelin reached for the red first. Lys cheered wildly as the curtain slid close again.

She pulled the underwear on first and was grateful that the sales lady had brought back a more ass-covering option for her as well as the barely there thong Lys had pulled. The underwear actually wasn’t that scary. Though it was made of lace, it was stretchy and covered the majority of her butt. It rode low on her hips, but not too far that she’d be worried about them staying up. With a deep breath, she clasped the bra. It felt tight around her ribcage, and the cups were completely unlined, making it itch slightly against her sensitive skin. But she couldn’t deny it looked… good. Great, even.

She stared at the girl looking back at her in the mirror and gasped. Who even was that girl? It looked like the bra and underwear was wearing her, rather than the other way around. But she couldn’t deny the way it lifted her boobs perfectly. It was beautiful. The lace was a delicate floral pattern, clearly stitched by hand, sloping elegantly across her chest and around her back. She couldn’t deny that it made her feel some type of way. Like maybe she deserved to wear something this fine. She didn’t think she’d ever spent over $15 on a bra before. But this was certainly more than that. And it was worth every penny. It was even more stunning on her body than winking at her from the hanger.

She turned and looked at the side view, tossing her hair down her back, trying to imagine _showing_ this to Rowan. Her chest speckled with red as a deep blush made its way all the way up to her ears.

Oh my god. She was going to take off her clothes for Rowan. Tomorrow.

“Come on, Aelin, we’re dying out here,” Lys laughed loudly, and mustering up all the courage she could, Aelin pushed the curtain back open.

She draped her arms across her stomach, suddenly feeling way too exposed in the light of the fitting area, rather than confined to her small room.

“It’s way too much,” Aelin mumbled, her whole body feeling like it was lit on fire under the shocked gazes of her best friends. “I knew it.”

“NO!” Lys shouted. “Aelin, babeee,” she drawled. “You look hot. Like. Hotttt,” she reiterated, wiggling her brows.

“Really?” Aelin asked nervously. “I feel like an idiot.” She tried to cover her cleavage with the ends of her hair, using it as a curtain. But Elide just shook her head.

“You don’t look like an idiot.”

“Rowan’s going to blow his load, like, immediately.”

Aelin’s blush increased tenfold. “You did not just say that to my face,” she mumbled.

But Lys was on a roll. “He’s not even going to touch you. He’s just going to see you and be like—” She reached out her hand and braced herself on the side of the mirror, miming what Aelin could only assume was Wesley’s horrible orgasm face.

“Ew,” Elide said, a blush dotting her own face at their friend’s crass facial expression.

Unable to keep looking at her friends, Aelin disappeared back into the fitting room and exhaled when she finally took the bra off. She put her own clothes back on, but her eyes kept flicking to the red pile on the floor. Without double guessing herself, she pulled the fabric into her hands and brought it to the cashier. She thought Lysandra was going to pass out she was so excited. And despite Aelin’s nerves, she was too. She could do this.

She tried not to cringe as she handed over the wad of cash she’d pulled from her savings. But there was no way in hell she was asking her dad to fund the bra set. Absolutely no way. She’d rather die than tell him what she had planned for Rowan tomorrow.

At the thought of her boyfriend, she was pleased to see her phone light up with his name. “Hey,” she breathed into the phone.

“Hey,” he replied, sounding just as out of breath as she did. Though he probably had a valid reason, just getting out of practice. “Coach let us out early, since he doesn’t want us to be too tired for tomorrow,” he laughed, knowing that their coach had been running the whole team ragged for weeks. “What are you up to?”

“Ummm…” Her cheeks flushed as she clutched the bag in her hand tighter. “At the mall.”

“Really?” he asked, clearly not used to his girlfriend being a shopper.

“Yup. Lys and Elide wanted to go.”

“Oh,” he said, and through the phone Aelin could hear his car door slam. “So, are you not available for dinner?”

“Can we all join?” Aelin asked, noting her friends’ plea that they missed spending time with her. But Rowan didn’t miss a beat, accepting that immediately. “Want to pick us up?” she asked in her nicest tone, and she smiled at his deep laughter reverberating through the line.

“Sure.”

“I really do need to learn how to drive,” she laughed.

“Yeah,” Rowan replied, his voice suddenly sounding strained. “I’d love to get my turn to teach you something,” he said, and Aelin couldn’t believe the way her whole body heated at his words. Who was this Rowan, and what had gotten into him? “Ace?” he asked, suddenly tentative. “Are you still there?” He swore under his breath. “I’m sorry. I was trying a flirting thing, and it didn’t work. Just ignore me.”

Aelin nearly choked. “No, it definitely worked.” She felt warm all over.

“It did?”

“Uh huh,” she said, ignoring her friends’ inquisitive looks as she tugged at the collar of her shirt, which suddenly felt too warm against her skin.

“What did he say?” Lysandra asked, but Aelin just shook her head. She needed to cool down ASAP.

“I’ll be there in ten,” Rowan said, hanging up, but Aelin barely processed it. She was suddenly feeling all kinds of riled up. And for once, she was grateful that she’d made the bold decision. Because Rowan made her feel just as stunning as that red lace did. And she couldn’t wait to show him. He wouldn’t know what had hit him. 


	35. Chapter 35

Aelin stared at herself in the mirror and grinned. Her outfit looked perfect. She turned and admired her handiwork on the dark green sweatshirt, carefully examining the lettering she’d painstakingly stenciled to the fabric and couldn’t help but blush. She loved seeing Rowan’s name on her more than she thought she would. She felt marked. Like she was announcing to the whole world that she was completely and utterly his. And it felt good.

Though Rowan had outgrown the hoodie, Aelin still felt like she was swimming in it. She pushed up the sleeves and added her final outfit touch – tying two silky green and gold ribbons into a bow around her ponytail.

She was so pleased with her handiwork that she didn’t even notice the time until Rhoe called upstairs loudly. “Fireheart, your boyfriend is here!”

Grinning, she threw on her jacket and shoved her feet into her boots, and ran outside, waving goodbye to her dad as she went.

“Happy Game Day, Superstar!” she cheered, leaning in for a quick kiss. Rowan smiled against her mouth, laughing as he tried to kiss her back, clearly amused with her enthusiasm.

“Hey,” she drawled, picking up his phone, which was playing the pump up mix she’d made him for his championship game last year. “I know this playlist.”

“Yeah…” he laughed, his eyes glancing over at her quickly before looking back to the road. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Aelin couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face at his words. She loved being appreciated for her playlists.

He cleared his throat, as if there were something stuck in it, and when Aelin looked over she was surprised to see his cheeks reddening.

“What?” Aelin asked, poking at his warming cheek, causing it to deepen color beneath her touch.

“It’s just a pretty…” He paused, letting out a deep exhale, as if he was trying to will his blush away. “… _suggestive_ playlist,” he finally said, causing a matching flush to creep up Aelin’s neck. He cleared his throat again. “Was that on purpose?”

Despite the color warming her cheeks, Aelin threw her boyfriend the most confident grin she could muster. “Yup.”

“Really?” Rowan said, his voice strained with surprise.

“You’re surprised I want to do dirty things with you?” she laughed, loving the way his eyes darkened as they flicked to her again.

“Kind of,” he laughed. “You made this for me a year ago, almost.”

“I know,” Aelin said, winking at him, and loving the way his eyes dipped to her lips and then back up to her eyes before refocusing on the road in front of him, his blush still prominent on his tanned cheeks.

Gods, she couldn’t wait to get him alone after today’s game.

…

The day had never felt longer. Aelin could still feel the imprint of Rowan’s body pressed against hers, distracting her through each class. She’d never seen the look of desire on Rowan’s face as she had when she’d taken off her jacket, revealing the back of the hoodie she’d made. He’d spun her around so quickly, she practically fell back into her locker as he pressed kiss after kiss onto her lips, his arms wound tightly around her waist, pressing himself dangerously close to her for their public location.

They’d only managed to pull apart at the sound of Remelle’s overly chipper, “Good morning, Rowan!” Her forced smile had fallen for a second but rebounded as if unaffected by the way Rowan had taken the lemon bars she’d made and handed them immediately to Aelin.

“I thought Aelin liked chocolate?” Remelle said, her crystal eyes wide underneath a thick layer of mascara.

“She likes anything made up predominantly of sugar,” Rowan laughed, his nose crinkling as Aelin took a large bite of the lemon bar. Though it wasn’t close to her favorite, Aelin relished in Remelle’s small blink of frustration as she mumbled through a crumb-filled mouth.

“These are delicious.”

Rowan had held in his laughter as Remelle had been forced to accept Aelin’s compliment, stomping away as Rowan wrapped his arms around his girlfriend’s waist again and kissing the crumbs from her lips.

“She’s going to make you a salad next week,” Aelin had grumbled against his mouth, frowning as he smiled widely.

“You think?” he asked. “I’d actually be into that.”

She flicked his shoulder and turned back to her locker, attempting to ignore him as he peppered small kisses down the side of her neck. She thought she’d melt right there in the hallway.

“Kiss me, please?” he whispered, his mouth barely leaving her skin, but Aelin was having way too much fun to give in quite yet.

“Nah,” she said. It had taken all her effort to focus on grabbing her books for her first classes of the day and ignore the feeling of Rowan’s lips brushing behind her ear. She was grateful he couldn’t see the stupid smile on her face or hear her pulse thumping wildly.

“Fine,” he said, straightening up and letting her waist go. She whipped around, confused at the sudden space between them. “I’ll find someone else to kiss.”

She was so distraught by the suggestion of him kissing someone else, that she’d completely missed the playful gleam in his eye. “Wait, what?” she stuttered. “No, don’t do that.”

Her worries were assuaged by his mouth swooping down to hers again, and she could feel the rumble of laughter in his chest. They’d stood like that, content to just be wrapped in each other’s arms until the first bell rang, sending her off into her long day without him.

So when the final bell rang, Aelin sighed in relief. The anticipation of tonight was slowly killing her. She had barely been able to focus at all today, constantly distracted with the promise of the night ahead.

She couldn’t help the wide smile that reappeared on her face at the sight of a familiar blonde head waiting outside her classroom.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” she asked as Rowan linked his hand with hers and lifted it over her shoulders, pulling her into his side.

Rowan groaned, tilting his head up to the ceiling as he sighed. “I wanted to hang out before the game, but Coach wants to run plays with us.” His eyes gazed down sadly as he admitted, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to see you until after the game.”

Aelin frowned. They’d planned on getting an early dinner at Maeve’s before Rowan went back to school.

“That’s okay,” she reassured him, though inside she was definitely disappointed. “I have to go home and grab clothes for the party anyway.” She pushed down her blush at the thought of the scraps of red lace hiding in the back corner of her closet, waiting to be put on tonight.

Rowan frowned slightly, the edges of his lips curling down as his eyes flicked to hers.

“You’re not going to wear your sweatshirt to the party?” he asked, and Aelin titled her head up at him and smirked.

“You really like it that much?”

His cheeks colored as he smiled back at her, his bright eyes dancing as he nodded. “Yes.” He dropped her hand and ran it across the letters running across her back, making her shiver. “I think you should wear it every game day forever.”

His eyes burned, and Aelin struggled to swallow, her mouth suddenly dry at the way he was looking at her. “Noted,” she squeaked out. Gods, she couldn’t wait to be alone with him tonight.

After a few more kisses, they said their goodbyes, and Aelin decided to take advantage of her unexpected free time and walk home. The cold afternoon wind bit at her cheeks, but it didn’t lessen her good mood. As she walked, she remembered the last time she made this trek, all those months ago. It felt like a different lifetime ago when Manon had driven her in the mornings and she’d traipsed home, hands in her pockets, ruing the day Rowan Whitethorn was ever born. Now, she proudly wore his name across her back, wanting everyone to know that she was his.

Her stomach flipped happily at the thought. That she was his.

For the first time in weeks, as Aelin got up to her room, she leaned over and pulled her journal out of her bedside table. She let her emotions flow out of her, bubbling over and up and all around, spilling onto the page.

_Dear journal,_

_I know it’s been a while, and for that I am sorry. I’ve been kind of busy… being with Rowan. I am so in love with him. Sometimes I don’t know how I ever lived this long without his kisses. Being kissed by him is like… breathing. Every time he looks at me, I feel more alive than I’ve ever been. I really think we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. Does that sound totally stupid? I know we’re in high school, but… I can’t imagine a day where I don’t love him. Unless, he stops loving me. Which… no. I can’t even think about that. That makes me feel nauseous. OKAY, STOP SPIRALING, AELIN. Rowan loves you. And you love him, and you’re going to be together forever. And that’s that._

_xo,_

_Aelin_

Aelin tucked her journal back into her table, her heart pounding and her nerves swirling. She’d gotten herself totally worked up merely by thinking about a theoretical possibility of things ending between her and Rowan. She knew that wasn’t going to happen, but still the tiny shred of doubt she’d instilled in her own brain flew around her head wildly.

She knew the perfect way to silence it.

The fancy department store bag was exactly where she’d hidden it in the back of her closet, and her eyes widened as she pulled the red fabric from its delicate paper wrapping. It was even more daring than she remembered. She pulled her clothes off, shimmying out of her practical underwear and swapped it for the sexy scraps of lace.

She lifted her boobs and adjusted them as the sales woman had directed her and took a deep breath. The band still pinched slightly around her ribs, but despite her lifted cleavage, everything seemed to be securely in place. She pulled her clothes back on top of them, adjusting the fabric as necessary. She felt a sudden surge of confidence, knowing what was underneath. It was going to be the perfect way to celebrate Rowan’s first win of the season.

…

A worried frown took over Aelin’s face as her eyes glanced to the clock. They were in the final quarter, and the score was still 0-0. Despite her boyfriend’s incredible prowess on the field, the Briarcliff goalie had stopped every single attempt at scoring. At least Lorcan was doing his best to match, not letting through a single goal either.

She could tell she was stressing out her friends with her groaning and worried glances, but they mostly tolerated her. With the exception of Manon, of course. Who had never been to a lacrosse game before, but had decided to come to spend more time with Elide.

“Calm down, Aelin,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “What’s the worse that happens? They lose?”

Aelin whipped her head in the blonde’s direction. “Don’t put that into the universe!” she snapped, before refocusing on the sprinting boy on the field. He’d just received the ball in a perfect pass from one of the Moonbeam twins and was hurtling down the field as fast as he could. “Go Rowan!” she cheered loudly, but it quickly drowned out by disappointed grumbles as the goalie blocked him again.

Tonight had not exactly gone as anticipated. Rowan was supposed to crush his first game of the season, and they’d they celebrate all night at Lorcan’s. But by the look of the players’ faces, tonight was going to be anything but a celebration, even if they managed to score a goal in the last… She looked at the clock again… six minutes.

She tried to discreetly tug at the bra under her sweatshirt, adjusting it to be more comfortable. But it was fruitless. The band dug into her ribs and the unlined lace itched against her sensitive skin. Plus, she was absolutely freezing. As the sun had set, the temperature had dropped, leaving Aelin shivering in her sweatshirt. She’d forgotten to bring a jacket.

Things really couldn’t get worse.

At the errant thought, the crowd on the other side of the field erupted into cheers. Aelin cringed as she realized Briarcliff had scored their first goal of the game. She watched as Lorcan growled beneath his helmet, stalking back and forth in front of the goal like an angered animal. No. This was not going to be good.

As if the gods were laughing at them, a small sprinkle of rain began to fall from the sky. It was no more than a soft drizzle, a sheet of mist drifting across the field, but it immediately turned the grass into a danger zone. She watched as the players started to lose their footing, tripping and skidding into each other and onto the damp ground, rising covered in clumps of wet dirt. If the boys had been unhappy before, it was nothing compared to now. They struggled to make their way across the field, much less score. Things weren’t looking good as the clock continued to dwindle down, and they knew it.

“If you guys had told me that sports was about watching dudes get humiliated in front of large crowds, I would have come much sooner,” Manon quipped. Aelin flashed her eyes angrily in her direction, but Manon didn’t so much as flinch. Aelin should have known better; Manon couldn’t be intimidated by anyone or anything.

Even the cheerleaders seemed more muted than usual, their dances a little less peppy as they saw the writing on the wall.

As Rowan managed to scoop up the ball again, Aelin held her breath, watching him run, his thighs hard at work with his fast sprint. Her heart pounded, and for a second she forgot about the rain and the cold and the uncomfortable lace as she watched him make his way across the field. Everyone seemed to be doing the same thing, a pregnant pause falling over the hushed crowd as he approached the goal. But as he angled to score on the goalie, his feet slipped on the slick grass, and the ball rolled out of his stick, falling in front of the goalie, who scooped it up easily and tossed it back out to a teammate.

Rowan’s shoulders fell as the timer went off, announcing the end of the game. Their first game. A loss.

He looked to the stands immediately, finding Aelin’s gaze already on him, welcoming him with a sad smile. It didn’t matter to her that he’d lost, but she knew it mattered to him. A lot. He returned her smile with a weak one of his own and pulled his helmet off, shaking out his sweaty hair.

Crowds left the stands, a slow disappointed funeral dirge following them as they dissipated. Aelin carefully made her way down the bleachers, holding onto Manon’s outstretched arm tightly as they descended. She didn’t particularly feel like wiping out on the wet metal. That was not in her plans. Though, at this point, it felt like something else going wrong was inevitable. The tone of the celebratory night she’d planned had just shifted drastically.

She tugged at the too tight band again.

No. Her plans definitely still remained. Only, it’d be more of a consoling offering than a celebratory one. That was still fine, she assured herself.

Rowan found her quickly, his arms wrapping around her waist heavily. She could feel the exhaustion and sadness in his limbs, and she reached up to kiss his sweaty cheek.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and he grunted in response, making no move to release her from his grasp. “Do you want me to wait while you shower and change?” she asked into his padded shoulder, and she felt him nod against the top of her head.

“I’m ready to get drunk,” he said, laughing sadly, and Aelin smiled as she kissed the edge of his jaw, making him break into goosebumps. She liked to think it was her touch, and not the cold rain that still came down in light sheets around them that caused the reaction.

“I’ll DD,” a voice came from behind them, and Aelin eye’s widened in shock at Manon standing beside them.

“Really?” Elide asked, looking nervously at the girl beside her. “You’re going to come to the party?”

“You kept saying I should, so…” A charged look was exchanged between the two girls, and Aelin wondered if she’d need to get updates from Elide tomorrow. But for now, she had one sad boy to attend to.

“Thanks, Manon,” he said with rare sincerity. “You can take my car, so we can all go together, if you want.”

Manon shrugged. “Works for me.”

“Great,” Rowan sighed, finally stepping away from Aelin. He squeezed her hand as Coach barked out his name. He groaned loudly. “I’ll be out as soon as I can. Wish me luck.”

As Rowan jogged into the locker room, Aelin, Manon and Elide made their way under the cover of the gym, seeking shelter from the rain which had started to increase.

“With a loss like that, you know the boys will be in need of extra cheering up,” Aelin overheard one of the passing cheerleaders as they slowly made their way toward the girls’ locker rooms.

“Good thing we’re extra good at cheering,” her friend replied to her, snickering at her own terrible joke.

“Annie, who are you setting your sights on for the season?” the first girl asked.

“Not Rowan,” Annie replied, snorting loudly, much to Aelin’s relief. But her relief was short-lived as the girl continued. “Remy claimed him, and I’m not looking to start shit with her.”

Aelin stiffened. Remelle had _claimed_ him? Not on her watch. No one claimed Rowan but her. She practically growled, startling the approaching cheerleader, whose eyes widened suddenly as she realized who was standing in front of her. Annie blanched, giving Aelin an apologetic smile, before scurrying past her, dragging her friend with her.

“Wow, they never give up, do they?” Manon scoffed, shaking her head.

“And they keep multiplying,” Aelin grumbled, annoyed. “They’re like cockroaches.”

“Don’t worry about them,” Elide said, squeezing her hand. “Rowan isn’t the cockroach type.”

Aelin smiled at the sweet gesture, but the small seed of doubt that had been swimming around her brain since the afternoon decided to take root, planting itself firmly in her gut as she looked at the cheerleaders. Could Rowan possibly fall prey to Remelle’s advances? She trusted him, didn’t she?

By the time Rowan emerged from the locker room, Aelin had spun herself out. Her stomach twisted with trepidation. But one smile from him completely melted her nerves away. He kissed her lips soundly as Manon groaned, “Get a room…”

“That’s the plan,” Lys’s laugh trilled as she nudged Aelin’s side. “Right?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Aelin pulled away from Rowan and glared at her friend, who’d finally reappeared from when she’d followed her boyfriend behind the bleachers in the third quarter, her bright green eyes now red and glazed over. Aelin blushed as those eyes fell to her chest knowingly; after all, she’d seen exactly what was under there already. Aelin resisted the urge to tug at the too-tight band again.

Rowan looked at Aelin inquisitively at Lys’s words, but Aelin shook her head, shrugging him off.

“Let’s go get drunk.”

“Happily,” he said, slinging his arm around her shoulders again.

…

Though Aelin anticipated a somber mood, by the time they arrived at Lorcan’s, the party was already in full swing. Though Lorcan seemed nowhere to be found.

Aelin threaded her fingers through Rowan’s as he led her through the party, a strange deja vu falling over her as he gripped her hand stronger. Lorcan’s same party playlist blared overhead, and their fellow students swayed to the beat as they knocked back whatever foul concoction Lorcan had whipped up for tonight. She let go of Rowan’s hand as teammates approached, sharing condolences with comforting pats on each others’ shoulders.

The familiarity of the situation was a strange rush. Had it been less than a year ago that she’d gripped Rowan’s hand, entering their first party at Lorcan’s? That party had changed _everything_. Yet somehow, they’d found each other again.

She flashed him a smile, which he couldn’t help but return, despite his confusion. “What are you smiling at?” he asked, and she shrugged.

“Just thinking about what a great boyfriend I have,” she said, cheeks flushing as his eyes lit up and somehow darkened simultaneously.

“Oh yeah?”

He took a step closer to her and wrapped his arm around her waist, but emboldened by whatever he saw on her face, he let his hand slide beneath the hem of her sweatshirt, pushing up the thin t-shirt beneath it and resting on the bare skin of her waist.

Her heart pounded, realizing that he was going to see what was inches away from where his hand resided in no time at all.

“Ace?” he asked, his voice lilting with humor. He must have said her name more than once.

“Huh?” she asked, completely distracted with thoughts of her plans for them and the feel of his hand on her back.

His smile widened as he moved his thumb back and forth against her skin. Her eyes struggled to stay open, fluttering as she wracked her brain, trying to remember what they were talking about.

“You were just saying what a great boyfriend I am?” he reminded her.

“Right,” she said, shaking over her wave of desire.

“If he were actually a great boyfriend, your hands wouldn’t be empty right now,” Lorcan laughed, nudging Rowan’s hip and handing them both beers.

“Hey, we just got here,” Rowan protested.

“Whatever, babes,” Lorcan shrugged, pulling his long dark hair into a ponytail.

“Hey, I’m sorry about—” Aelin tried to apologize for the team’s loss, but Lorcan wasn’t having any of it.

“None of that,” he said, slinging his arms around them both. “Let’s go play beer pong.”

Aelin hadn’t even noticed he’d walked them in the direction of the long tables at the far end of the room. Or who was playing, until Lorcan shouted out at them. “Moonbeams, we get next round. Who wants to play with us?”

“Well, well, well,” Fenrys drawled, ignoring his twin’s nervous glare. “Doesn’t this feel familiar?”

Aelin hadn’t spoken to the boy since they’d mashed faces together all those months ago. She’d actually forgotten he existed, to be honest. And seeing him was a strange shock she hadn’t prepared herself for. His golden hair had been plaited into a giant ponytail of braids, pulled up and away from his shoulders. It was such a different look that she had taken an extra beat to even recognize him.

“Don’t worry, Whitethorn,” Fenrys laughed. “You don’t need to punch me again.”

Aelin whirled on her feet to her guilty-looking boyfriend. “Again?!”

“He didn’t tell you?” Lorcan laughed, brow raised as he nudged Rowan’s side.

Rowan shook his head. “It was nothing.”

But Aelin wasn’t happy with that description. She needed more. Tapping her foot impatiently, she crossed her arms, squishing her boobs uncomfortably together as she waited for more of an explanation.

Lorcan was the one continue, though, of course. “They’re teammates,” he said, as if that explained anything. “I told Fen to make the crudest comment he could about kissing you, and that Rowan could get one swing in, and then we were done with that shit.”

Aelin blinked. “That sounds like some toxic male bullshit if I ever heard it,” she finally said.

Fenrys barked out a loud laugh and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Your girl’s not wrong,” he said, winking at her.

“Done with that shit,” Lorcan reiterated, the consonants cutting hard, each word a singular warning. “Connall, you’re playing with us.”

Fenry’s waved him off, returning to his final throw of the game, winning against two teammates Aelin recognized but couldn’t remember their names. It ended up not mattering, because they walked away quickly as Lorcan re-racked the cups, pouring fresh beer into each of them and opening a new package of ping pong balls.

“Babe against the babes,” Lorcan cheered as he took his first shot, sinking the ball into the corner cup.

Rowan was reaching for it when Aelin decided that if it was fresh cups and a clean ball, the beer was drinkable. She chugged it down, tilting her head back as the amber liquid ran down her throat, until it was quickly gone. She wiped the foam from the corners of her mouth, looking at the three boys staring at her.

“What?” she asked, but they all shook their heads.

“They’re impressed,” Manon interjected, walking to her other side, bottle of water in her hand.

“Manon…” Lorcan said nervously. His eyes flashed to Elide’s with curiosity, as if he were wondering what the girl could have possibly said to warrant Manon entering his home.

“Lorcan,” she replied, clipped but cordial. Clearly whatever tentative truce they’d had in place before the holidays was back in place.

“Are you enjoying the party?” he asked, a strange air of formality in his words suddenly. Manon nodded, shoving her hands into her pockets as she nodded toward Elide. “Leelee wanted to play.”

Elide shook her head, self-conscious. “No, no. I don’t need to play. You already have a partner,” she said.

Connall spoke up, tossing the ball to her, which she caught with elegant ease. “It’s fine. I haven’t even taken my first shot yet. It’s all you.”

Elide glanced at Aelin, who simply gave her a shrug in return. If she wanted to play, she should play.

“I’ve never played before,” she admitted, looking up at Lorcan. “So, sorry if we lose.”

“It’s all in the elbow,” he said, showing Elide how to hold her hand up at a right angle. “If you need help…” He went to reach for her arm, but Elide was too quick for him. Without so much as looking, the ball arced from Elide’s hand and sank into the center cup.

Lorcan’s jaw dropped, and Aelin recognized the look in his eyes as they darkened impossibly.

“She’s a hustler, babyyy,” Manon sang out, pulling Lorcan’s gaze away from the petite girl beside him as they all burst into laughter. Elide’s cheeks flamed, but her dark eyes danced with pleasure.

“Beginner’s luck,” Rowan countered, gulping the glass down himself.

But it absolutely wasn’t. Elide and Lorcan _killed_ them. They sank the ball into each cup with practiced ease, so much so that Lorcan started helping the pair drink their beer. By the time they had been thoroughly demolished, Aelin was much drunker than she anticipated being this early in the evening, Maybe it was a good thing, though. She definitely needed a bit of a buzz to feel confident enough to pull Rowan into a bedroom, much less take her clothes off.

At the memory of her plans for the evening, Aelin decided she needed to switch from beer to water for a little bit.

“Ro?” she asked, her hand leaning against his chest for support.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to be the best boyfriend ever and grab me some water?” She attempted to bat her lashes at him, but she had a feeling she looked ridiculous. It didn’t seem to matter to him, though. He smiled widely and assured her he’d be right back.

Lorcan wanted to play again, complaining that he hadn’t had nearly enough beer yet. “I need to play against Elide,” he laughed, shooing her to the other side of the table. His eyes flicked to the blonde, who’d stood and watched them play the whole time and he nodded at her. “Want to play with me?”

Aelin could hear her friend inhale sharply, waiting for Manon’s reply to the peace offering.

After a small pause, Manon finally replied. “You have to drink all the beer.”

“Works for me,” he said, grinning widely.

Aelin didn’t know what their deal was, but she knew Manon accepting was a big deal. Elide’s grin was practically blinding as she held her hand up and, predictably, sank the first shot.

With Lorcan and Elide playing against each other, the game was way more evenly matched, but Manon was surprisingly good as well. Aelin, unfortunately, still completely sucked. Every cup she missed made Lorcan laugh harder and harder.

“Maybe just wait for your boyfriend to get back and let Elide play solo,” Lorcan suggested.

At the mention of Rowan, Aelin realized that he’d been in the kitchen for way too long. That same seed of fear bloomed slightly, but she pushed it away.

“Have you shown him yet?” Elide whispered, but she must have been drunk too, because it was practically a whisper-yell, her voice echoing far too loudly in the corner of the room.

“Shown him what?” Lorcan asked.

“Nothing,” Aelin said, shooting him down quickly.

But Lorcan was way too intuitive, seeing the blush on Aelin’s cheeks, which she wished she could attribute to the beers she’d consumed too quickly. But he knew better.

“Did you buy yourself something special for game day to show Rowan?” he asked, brows raised in curiosity. “Something underneath your clothes, perhaps?”

“Shut up,” Aelin said, her skin heating further at being called out.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Ae,” Elide said, squeezing her arm. “She looks _amazing_ ,” she relayed to the other side of the table.

Manon whistled lowly and laughed. “I bet she does.”

While Lorcan pulled something from his pocket. “Do you need my room key?”

She didn’t have time to think about her response, because Lorcan walked to her and pressed the small gold key into her hand, closing her fist around it.

“My room is in the basement,” he paused. “Don’t worry. It’s furnished.”

With the key in her hand, Aelin started to question everything. Was she really going to do this? Her stomach was full of beer, and she was going to take off her clothes?

“Oh no,” Manon said, noticing the way Aelin had frozen in place. “Did she psych herself out?”

“Babe,” Lorcan said, bringing her back to reality. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he said, reassuring her in a way that she hadn’t known she needed to hear. Because Lorcan was right. She didn’t have to take off her clothes if she didn’t want to. But she did. She really did.

“How do I get to the basement?” she asked, a wide smile appearing on her friend’s face as he explained where the door leading downstairs was.

“Go get your man!” he cheered, causing Aelin to smile goofily, a sudden rush of confidence overtaking her doubts again.

“Have funnn,” Elide called out, but Aelin barely heard her as she made her way through the throngs of people to the kitchen, blinders on, boosting herself up in preparation for what she was about to do.

Only her feet stopped short when she saw Rowan in the kitchen. It was as if someone had punched her straight in the stomach. Her focus blurred as she blinked and imagined Rowan between the legs of another cheerleader, his hands on Lyria’s knees as they laughed about something together. She blinked again and the brunette was swapped out for a pale blonde, her arms on either side of his hips as he lifted his arms above his head, water bottles still in his hand, smiling down at the girl in front of him. He didn’t seem to be trying to get away, just standing there and chatting with her, as if he had no other place to be in the world. No other girl waiting for him to return.

It was different, but it was exactly the same.

And Aelin felt like a complete and utter idiot.

The seed of doubt, which had sprouted, became a full bloom, twisting her stomach in a vice grip with its thorny vines. She couldn’t breathe.

Her nausea morphed into a blind rage, fury mixing with her doubt until she saw red. She knew she couldn’t cause another scene, like she had last year. She didn’t want to be thrown out, and she didn’t even want to yell at Rowan. But she did want her water.

Stalking across the kitchen, she saw the exact moment Rowan spotted her because his smile widened and then fell immediately. His hand reached out, as if to extract himself from the precarious position she’d caught him in, but she simply snatched the water bottle from his loose fingers.

“Is that my water?” she said, her smile wide and forced. “Thanks.”

She was sure he could see the steam pouring out from her ears, but she didn’t want anyone to see her cry. So she turned quickly, ignoring her name being called after her, following Lorcan’s instructions to head down the hall and behind the bathroom. The key trembled in her hand with the effort it took to stay calm and collected. She jumped as Rowan caught up with her, his familiar hand resting on her shoulder as he said her name over and over again.

But she didn’t want to listen. Not when she felt like her deepest wound had been stabbed again, and she was bleeding all over.

The door finally swung open, and she headed down the flight of carpeted stairs to what she assumed was Lorcan’s bedroom. It was a small basement, with darkly painted walls and a giant tv mounted in front of an even bigger bed. She wanted to bury herself in the bed and lie there for the rest of the party. Without Rowan.

Tears stung the corners of her eyes as she willed them to go back into her face as she turned around to ask him to leave, but he spoke up first.

“Whoa, Ace, what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to approach her, but she held up a furious hand. He smartly stopped walking, hanging a few feet away from her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice shaking. “What’s wrong?!” The rage was back, uncontrollable and wily and making her the worst version of herself. “I was waiting for you. Again. And then I find you with Remelle?”

“You’re mad that I was talking to Remelle?”

“You weren’t just talking,” Aelin scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest. The fabric of her bra tugged at her skin, reminding her of what an idiot she was.

Rowan’s frustration bubbled up as he replied. “I don’t exactly enjoy being pawed at by her, but what am I supposed to do, throw her off of me? I was trying to be polite, and get back to you without being rude.”

“No, you weren’t,” Aelin fought back, her face flushing with the heat of her anger. “You left me waiting there like an idiot. You left me!” she shouted, and she watched as Rowan’s frustration morphed into confusion.

“What? Why are you saying I left you like that? I’d never leave you,” he said, his eyes wide with insistence, but it only sparked a rage inside Aelin that had been lying in wait for a year.

“Because you did!” Aelin exploded, tears finally leaking from her eyes in gentle rivulets down her hot cheeks. “You left me for Lyria,” she spat.

Rowan opened his mouth, clearly surprised by her words. “I never left you for Lyria. I thought we talked about this. She and I barely even dated, and she didn’t even mean anything to me,” he sighed, as if exasperated with Aelin’s anger, which only spurred her on further.

“You did, Ro,” she cried in earnest now. “I waited for you to come back, but you never did. You left me there. I was so in love with you, and you had to know. There’s no way you didn’t know. But you chose her. You left me.”

Rowan opened his mouth to contest her words, but she was on a roll.

“You went to her prom, you kissed her, you wrote her letters all summer. You kept her a secret. You pulled away. You. Left. Me. And I kept waiting like a fucking idiot,” she cried. “Even though I stood there, watching you kiss her, I still waited for you. And it doesn’t matter that she didn’t mean anything to you, because it meant something to _me._ You were supposed to be my best friend, and you just… you left me.”

She expected Rowan to understand, or at least apologize. But she didn’t expect him to take a step closer to her, his fury shaking his own shoulders as he held up his hand. “That’s not what happened,” he seethed. “It’s just not.”

“It is!” Aelin screamed. “And I don’t know why I ever thought things were going to change. You’re just going to leave me again,” she said, finally verbalizing that doubt that had sprung to life inside her. “I’m such a fucking idiot. And I got this stupid bra to show you, and it’s so uncomfortable, and I hate it and—”

“Stop!” Rowan shouted, finally silencing her rambling. “Stop jumping to conclusions. Every time I try and explain this, you go screaming at me. Just hear me out for once, Ace.”

Her throat was raw from crying and screaming, and she was so so tired. She just nodded.

“I didn’t leave you,” he insisted. “I heard you tell Nox you weren’t my girl.” He paused. “I felt so pathetic, thinking that maybe you did feel the same way that I did. But you didn’t. You clearly didn’t. You said so to Nox.” His voice trembled as he continued. “So I went back to the kitchen to drink where no one would bother me. And Lyria saw me, okay? So, she hopped up on the counter next to me, and pulled me over and asked what would cheer me up. I knew all that would cheer me up was if you loved me too, but it’s not like I could say that. So she asked if taking her to prom would make me happy.” He took in another breath. “I laughed, thinking it was a joke. But she told me she was serious and that I should think about it.”

He dragged his hand through his hair. “When you screamed at me about ruining your kissing plans with Nox, I told Lyria I’d go to prom with her. Because I thought you left me first. And I needed to move on, but I couldn’t. I didn’t tell you about the kiss because, well, I didn’t qualify it as a kiss. She barely pecked my lips in the hallway on the last day of school. And I was still stupidly holding out hope that you’d be my first kiss.”

Aelin gulped at his admission.

“Those letters that I kept a secret? I was so fucking embarrassed by them.” He shook his head. “Aunt Maeve used to make fun of me, every time I’d get one. They were pages long, detailing her days at cheer camp. And they just kept coming. But I had nothing to say back to her. Nothing, because every day of last summer was spent staring at you from my lifeguard perch, wondering how I could convince you to leave Lorcan for me.”

He sighed deeply. “And I’m sorry I didn’t think about how seeing me with Lyria might hurt you. But I didn’t think that was possible. I really didn’t, Ace. You’d already left me so far behind. You had these new friends, this whole new life without me. But still, I waited. I waited for you to come back. And the day you did was the best day of my life. And I made a promise to myself that I would be happy with whatever you gave me, and I will hold onto that promise until the end of time. Even if you decide you don’t’ want to be with me, I will still be here. Because I didn’t leave you before, and I’m never going to. Okay?”

Her face crumpled into tears again, and this time she let Rowan come to her, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist as she burrowed her face into his chest.

“I promise I will get better at talking to you,” Rowan assured her, “But Ace, you need to get better at listening to what I have to say, too. You can’t just shut me out like that.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled against the fabric of his sweater. She sniffed loudly as she looked up at Rowan’s worried face. “Remelle said she claimed you for the season, and I just…”

“No one has claimed me but you,” he promised.

“Same,” she said quietly, and she felt his lips press against the top of her head gently.

“Yeah? I can claim you, too?” he asked, and she laughed through her thick tears.

“Yes,” she finally replied. “But you need to be better about pushing those girls off of you,” she added. “You don’t need to worry about being polite all the time.”

“I don’t?” he asked, his hand pushing under her sweatshirt again, and Aelin shook her head as his splayed across her skin. “So, what was that about a bra…?”

She snorted loudly. “You remembered that part, huh?” she asked, and she was stunned silent by the look in Rowan’s eyes as he leaned down and whispered.

“I remember everything you say.”

Her heart beat faster as he pressed his lips against hers, reviving her with kisses. Each one was a carefully constructed apology, stitching her wound back together. She could feel the love pouring out from him, wrapping around her in a comforting blanket, silently sealing each one of his promises. As her fury and sadness ebbed away, all she was left with was love. Love and a raging desire.

“Smooth, Whitethorn,” she mumbled against his mouth as she walked them backwards toward the bed.

“I thought so,” he mumbled back, kissing her harder.

Her knees buckled, and she fell onto the comforter, pulling Rowan with her. They inched up to the pillows, mouths still moving against each other as he settled over her. She watched as his eyes roamed over her torso, his hand hovering at the edge of her sweatshirt tentatively.

“We don’t have to—”

“Rowan,” she snapped. “I didn’t wear this uncomfortable thing all night long for you not to see it okay?”

He nodded, leaning back onto his heels, so she could sit up and pull her sweatshirt off. She pulled the t-shirt with it, not giving her a chance to second guess herself. The fabric was flung onto the floor, and she laid back onto the pillow, unable to awkwardly hold herself up in her seated position. Rowan was silent from his perch, and a wave of discomfort crashed over her.

“I look like an idiot,” she huffed, “I knew it.” She started to reach for her clothes on the floor, but Rowan shot out a hand and pulled her arm back, grasping it and pushing it into the pillow next to her head.

“You do not,” he said, as he finally leaned back over her. “You’re the most beautiful person in the entire world,” he breathed, his eyes flicking over her lace-covered skin. “Can I…?”

She didn’t know what he was asking, but she nodded anyway. She couldn’t have anticipated his face falling to her cleavage, his lips ghosting over the bare skin of her chest, kissing her pale flesh over and over, telling her how beautiful she was between each kiss. His hand came up to press against the lace, and Aelin could feel herself straining against the tight fabric. She felt like she might explode just having him there, but suddenly it wasn’t enough. As she tried to move, the band tugged against her ribs again. Fuck, this thing was not comfortable.

“Rowan?” she asked, causing him to lift his head from where it was still against her chest. “I, um…”

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, and her heart swelled for this patient boy who dealt with her flaring temper on a night when he was already in a bad mood. She reminded herself – she was the one supposed to be taking care of him.

“No, definitely not,” she laughed, watching a goofy grin appear on his face. “But, um, it’s super itchy and uncomfortable.”

“It’s so pretty,” he said, almost mesmerized by the fabric, causing her to laugh and forget what she was about to say.

“It’s just…” She took a deep breath. “Can I take it off?”

Rowan’s eyes widened as they flicked down to her chest and then back to her face. “Off?” he said.

“Uh, is that okay?” she asked, and watched as he nodded stupidly. “You can take it off, if you want?”

“Really?” he asked, and she could feel his excitement twitch against her.

“Uh huh,” she said, shifting herself up onto her elbows.

“Okay,” he said, his arms swooping around her back with such speed that she couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her throat. His fingers fumbled with the clasp, trying to figure it out but failing. Her laughter increased as he leaned his head over her shoulder, trying to get a better look at what he was doing.

“Need some help?” she asked, laughing harder at his aggressive, “No!” in return.

“Ha!” he shouted as he finally unclasped the lace. Aelin felt immediately better without the tight band squeezing her ribs, and she inhaled deeply, relieved. But the relief was squashed as Rowan leaned back, pulling the straps of her bra with him, exposing her naked chest to him for the first time.

“Whoa,” he said, his eyes glued to her bare skin. She felt her skin prickling under his gaze and resisted the urge to cover herself.

“You too,” she said, nudging the hem of his shirt with her foot. Rowan barely waited a second before whipping his shirt off, tossing it to join her clothes on the floor.

The whoa he’d expressed at her chest was completely mutual. Aelin let her eyes roam over his chest and stomach, at the new definition that hadn’t been there last summer. She barely had time to process it, though, before his face dove back to its former spot in her cleavage, but this time, his mouth lowered itself over the tips of her curves, making her gasp out loud. The feel of his mouth on her was everything. But it was nothing compared to when his hips flexed against hers. He groaned against her skin, and Aelin was overwhelmed with sensations. She didn’t even know what she was feeling. She just knew it was good. She struggled to figure out what to do with her hands, ultimately resting them by her sides.

But as he flexed his hips again, she knew it was too much.

She didn’t know if it was the beer buzz that clouded her brain or the feel of him against her or the unfamiliar bed below them, but she suddenly felt out of control.

“Yellow,” she breathed.

Rowan pushed off of her instantly. “Are you okay?” he asked, and Aelin nodded, feeling like she might cry again for some reason. “Do you want to stop?” he asked, and he would have, despite the bulge in his pants. She knew that if she wanted to stop right then, he’d stop, no questions asked. But she wasn’t quite ready to stop yet.

“I just want to try something,” she said, rolling him to his back and straddling his lap. She leaned down, her curves pressing against the newly hard planes of his chest and kissed his mouth. She rocked her hips against him, feeling him press against through the thin fabric of her leggings, rubbing against the place where she ached for him.

“Fuck,” he groaned as he lowered his hands to her waist, helping her move against him. “That feels good?” he asked, but Aelin could do nothing more but whimper in return. Good was an understatement. It was perfect. With Aelin on top of him, she could press against him exactly how she wanted, her hips grinding against his in perfect time, until she was a writhing mess on top of him, their mouths not even kissing anymore, just breathing heavily toward each other.

“I’m gonna,” she announced, picking up her pace, chasing the high as Rowan’s fingers dug into her sides harder. Her mouth opened into a silent ‘o’ as she reached the precipice, her body shuddering gently as she continued to move. She was so caught up in her own orgasm that she barely noticed Rowan stiffening beneath her as she fell to his chest like a blissed out pile of goo.

They laid like that, bare toros pressed against each other, panting until she felt Rowan’s laughter rumbling against her chest. “So, uh… that seemed to work really well.”

Aelin snorted, propping her chin up on his chest, mirroring his pleased face.

“Better than my fingers?” he asked, and Aelin was sure she was blushing wildly.

“Rowan!” she said, burrowing her face back against his skin, but he waited silently, clearly wanting an answer.

“It wasn’t better or worse,” she finally said. “It was just different.” He hmmed thoughtfully, and she wondered what he was thinking. She knew what she was thinking, and she needed to say it. “Hey Rowan?” she asked, and he hmmed in response again. “I’m sorry I wasn’t your first kiss.”

She could hear his heart pound against her ear. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. “You’ll be my first everything else.”

“Same,” she replied, and she wasn’t sure she could smile much bigger than she was currently.

“What time is it?” Rowan asked, looking over at Lorcan’s bedside table for a clock but there was none. He opened the drawer, as if there’d be a clock in there, but all he found was a long strip of condoms. He shoved the drawer closed quickly as Aelin cringed.

“How many people do we think have had sex in this bed?” she asked, and Rowan groaned in disgust.

“Too many,” he shuddered, and Aelin agreed. She’d need to shower well tonight. As Rowan went in search of a bathroom to clean up, Aelin put her shirt and sweatshirt back on. There was no way she was shoving herself back into that bra. She wrapped it tightly and put it in her hoodie pocket and waited for Rowan to come back, her tendrils of doubt nowhere to be found.

Because he would. Rowan would always come back. She knew he meant his promise. He’d never leave her again. And she needed to trust that.


End file.
